help:-(

i can't seem to do anything right. i try so so so hard at keeping my grades up and attempting to please my parents but it's so hard for me. i keep thinking that i have anxiety & some sort of depression because i feel tired all the time, i don't want to do anything, and i just want my problems to disappear.
i'm so sick of everything. i want to be a better person but i know i lack the initiative. i want my parents to be proud of me but all i do is bring them stress. i used to get all a's but ever since the bullying & neglecting from kids my age at my high school got worse i've been getting b's and even a d. i can't seem to catch up, and my mother always sighing and whispering things underneath her breath about how i don't even try doesn't help either.
i feel like everyone hates me. i try to be Marafiki with everyone - i swear to god i'm not mean in anyway, and i'm always attempting to smile and say hi to kids i know - but NO ONE wants to be my friend. nobody. i'm so sick and tired of being lonely all the time and i'm sick of getting bad grades & i'm so so SICK about hating myself. even my parents don't seem to like me anymore.
is this depression au anxiety? i've scored really high on psychological chemsha bongo - almost every single one i took has alisema i have either severe depression au high social anxiety. how do i get rid of it? i want so hard to be the perfect child my parents want since they do so much for me and i can't seem to do anything for them in return. i want to have that happy, typical high school life with friends, good grades, happy parents and a happy life but instead i just come nyumbani and cry because everyone ignores me au scoffs at me every time they see me.
a kid at my school recently committed suicide and everyone has been uigizaji so nice about it, saying how badly they miss him and regret it. we even wore a colour in honor of his name. he was a good kid and respected kwa everyone, but i just know that no one would do the same for me if i disappeared.