For anyone who is just tuning into Gossip Girl, allow us to briefly summarize the fifth season. For the first 21 episodes, Nate ran his big boy job, Serena sucked at life, and Chuck was sad. Blair planned a wedding to a royal drip that everyone and their mother knew wouldn’t last–we just didn’t think it would take THAT long. Blair was pregnant and then…wasn’t. Blair went straight from being married to the Prince of Monaco to having the most boring relationship ever with the King of Douche, Dan Humphrey.

Suddenly, in 5.22 and 5.23, the plot starts to move. Bart bass, besi is alive. We find out his reasons for faking his own death and Chuck (with the help of Blair and others) successfully schemes to imprison Bart’s attacker/competitor. Blair made a commitment to find herself and has spent the last two episodes at Chuck’s side. Serena admitted to temporarily being Gossip Girl and started sharing scenes with everyone again, including helping both Chuck and Blair. Basically, zaidi things happened in the past two episodes than the rest of the season. Our swali for the GG writers is this: WHY 21 episodes of Louis and pandering to DB mashabiki when wewe could have moved the plot substantially and possibly ended the series inayofuata Monday? Just why? /end rant



Onto the recap!

Chuck got shit done this episode. From demanding majibu from Bart to making deals to secure the competitor’s name, location, and sexual preferences to executing a successful takedown, Chuck was a busy man. And damn–he looked fine the entire time. We upendo the way Chuck and Blair come together for a scheme, usually with Blair creating the master plan and Chuck putting together all of the details. It’s heartwarming that Blair seems to have the purest motives out of anyone for helping Chuck while everyone else has something to prove au someone else to sabotage. The scheme itself was rushed, but Ivy made a hot hooker and we’re hoping this puts her in the good graces of the NJBC and finally makes her relevant. Because for some reason we can’t decipher, she’s coming back inayofuata season. Andrew Tyler is a douche (Mr. Tyler, have wewe met Dan au Rufus Humphrey?) and we still don’t fully understand anyone’s motives, but it was entertaining nonetheless.



We loved how concerned Blair was for Chuck throughout the episode and how she couldn’t resist helping him even when it meant ditching her pet poodle boyfriend whom she doesn’t seem even remotely fond of. She may as well be paying him to pretend to be her boyfriend–at least that would give him some earning potential. It reminded us of when Chuck was in trouble in 2.14 and Blair left her party and announced, “I have to go. That piece of work, Chuck Bass, needs me.” We also loved that Blair didn’t tell anyone that Bart was alive (while everyone else seemed to be shouting it from the rooftops). The scene where Chuck and Bart hug it out brought us to tears–as if we weren’t already there. We’re so happy that Blair was in the room to witness that beautiful moment because wewe can see how thrilled she is that Chuck is finally getting some happiness and a sekunde chance to have a relationship with his father. Blair’s continued dismissal of Dan combined with her lack of enthusiasm towards spending the summer in Rome with him are two big clues that Blair just isn’t that into him. We are also ecstatic that the inayofuata person Blair says “I upendo you” to will be the last. If we had to bet, we’d go “all in” on it being Chuck Bass.



Serena came clean to Blair about being Gossip Girl. Blair demanded favors from Serena to make up for…not letting Blair wreck havoc with her. Although we think Blair is a tad out of line to ask Serena for favors while she’s currently “schtupping” the upendo of her life–as well as being completely MIA during probably the toughest, shitiest time in S’s life, what with her daddy issues, career issues, etc, I guess we’ll let it slide since it gave Serena something to do. Blair and Serena were so sweet to each other at the end of the episode and we’re forever grateful for scenes that remind us that they do upendo each other, even when they’re not inaonyesha it properly. Thank you, Magical Bathroom Genie, for allowing this to take place before wewe fuck it allllllllllllll up inayofuata week.



One of Serena’s acts of penance to B was to look after Chuck. We adored their sibling upendo and Serena bringing Chuck comfort food. Although the scene was brief, it was poignant. We upendo that Serena is a better sister to Chuck than she is to all three of her real siblings. Serena’s inayofuata duty was to pose as Blair for Dan’s Rome interview. We didn’t think it was possible to upendo Serena any zaidi than we already did, and then she voiced the completely illogical nature of the DB relationship as if she was kusoma our minds. We couldn’t help but chuckle when Serena said, “We’re like Brad and Angelina…once they got rid of Jennifer.” We’re overjoyed that Serena got to say this because a) she spoke for the entire CB fandom and b) from Serena’s perspective, the relationship did come from out of nowhere and she never got the chance to express her ujumla, jumla confusion kwa the pairing. Also, we think that interviewer was onto something when he mentioned what a great couple Dan/Serena were. We think so too! Bring on the “hate” sex!



Thanks to HiddlesFromGreece for reminding us of one important point we haven’t made for awhile: We upendo Dorota. We upendo her undying devotion to Miss Blair, we adored her helping CB scheme in the last episode (her role as Diana’s massage therapist/CIA agent was freaking hilarious) and we also loved her inaonyesha concern for Serena in 5.22, when nobody else did. We loved her in this episode when she helped Serena (and DHumps) play the Rome interviewer. When Eleanor showed up, her immediate jumping in to play “Serena” had us crying tears of laughter and we really gotta appreciate that the woman is sharp as a tack. Blair taught her well. au did Blair learn from her? Either way, we adore the woman. She also noted in 5.23 that after scheming with Dan, Serena seemed happy and peaceful again. Thanks Dorota, for remaining awesome throughout a long, arduous OOC season.



Now, as wewe all know, we are just a few hand-wringing days away from the finale. We have had a few requests for our speculative thoughts on what may be in store for us, and many are concerned about the fact that there seems to be an entire seasons worth of crazy shit happening in one episode. Well, here’s what we know from spoilers, promos, etc: Blair is totes choosing Chuck, no doubt about it. We think this will be pretty clear early on, due at least in part to the fact that she seems to be continuing her streak of ditching Dan for Chuck in the finale, and at greater stakes to her relationship with Dan. We predict Dan will bust out one of his ultimatums and Blair won’t follow through. Dan appears to cheat on Blair with Serena, but Blair was going to pick Chuck anyway so it’s really only “cheating” in theory. With that being said, Dan has cheated in some capacity on every other girlfriend (usually with S), so this isn’t exactly shocking.



We also think the diary will obviously tell us straight up that she is still in upendo with Chuck. Not that we need this spelled out for us, but apparently Dan might. And Chuck too. He might be wary of her decision at first (who could blame him?) but Chuck can read Blair like an open book, and we don’t think it’ll take her too long to convince him of her sincerity.



Other things to note: the ring, people. We might not get an actual proposal/acceptance in the finale, but we are positive we will get a reunion. When it comes to a Chuck and Blair reunion, it’s going “all in”, go big au go home. So although we might be emotionally misled throughout the episode, we think there is a great chance at epicness in the last few minutes. We think there would be nothing subtle about, say, Blair flying to another country to profess her upendo to Chuck, wearing a formal kanzu, gown and her moyo on her sleeve. Maybe with the Harry Winston ring in hand. Allegedly, mashabiki were only allowed in for a portion of casino filming before being kicked out. For what it’s worth, we know that Harry Winston requires tight security whenever the ring is present. Even if a proposal doesn’t take place, Blair tracking Chuck down in Europe is kind of epic in itself (as a sort of reverse parallel to Chuck returning to Blair FROM Europe in the Season Two finale. We may not know exactly what will go down in this scene, but we predict something very squee-worthy. Unfortunately, the white hot reunion sex will probably take place in Off-screen Land, but we feel confident that vases WILL be broken and stockings will be ripped.



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