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A guy told me once, “I could never be with someone who wanted to be with me.” I told it to my coworkers recently when we were trading dating horror stories and we all laughed because, that’s so clearly a harmful way of thinking. How will wewe ever be happy? wewe will always be chasing and never finding. It’s setting yourself up to fail.

And then I realized, my own dating ethos is just as faulty.

Maybe part of it is studying philosophy, where wewe don’t look for the easy kill. It’s a better exercise of your mental muscles to consider why the dominant opinion is wrong. So I do this, constantly....

I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried waiting patiently, but patience isn’t my strong suit. I’ve tried getting out there and being aggressive. None of it has worked, so I’m finally giving up on pushing something unnaturally. Here’s why I’m relenting to fate and chance and all the like:

I’ve let go of worry. I’ve spent far too much of my life worrying over things I can’t control, especially men and romance. I’m finally accepting that if a guy doesn’t want to be with me, I can’t change his mind … no matter how dumb I think he’s being. Sure, maybe I can convince him to...

I have to tell you, I’m difficult to love.

The fact that it is taking me quite some time to learn how to upendo myself means that it’s not going to be a walk in the park for wewe to upendo me.

I have mustered every ounce of courage to teach myself the essence of self-love and to finally give myself the chance to be loved kwa someone. And that is never easy. I know, I have gone far, and throughout my mission of attaining self-love, I have garnered strength along the way too. I am not as fragile as I used to be, however I want wewe to remember that I can still be soft on occasions.

You may give me...

I want wewe to know you’re not alone.

Sometimes it feels like you’re the only one—the only woman in the world who flits along the line of self-reliant and dependent, tender and tough, capable and yet still longing to be loved.

There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with being the type of woman who is comfortable in her own skin, able to live her life her own way, perfectly fine making her own decisions, and yet, totally and completely interested in finding a man to stand kwa her side.

There’s nothing wrong with being the type of woman who’s just fine when she’s single,...

wewe deserve someone treating wewe well all the time.

You deserve someone texting wewe back immediately.

You deserve actual phone calls and someone just checking in to see how wewe are.

You deserve someone making plans for once.

Someone who is willing to treat wewe the way wewe treat everyone else.

You deserve someone who would drive four hours just to see wewe for one.

You deserve someone who wants to meet everyone in your life.

Someone who cares about building the relationships with your friends.

You deserve someone with manners.

From opening your door.

To taking your jacket.

To pulling out your chair.

To paying...