See now wewe thought I would just pick Peyton, Yes it is true I do relate to her zaidi on a personal level. I have been asked over my course here, why do wewe related to Peyton so much?
Is it her strength, her determination, her will to survive? Perhaps. But it has zaidi to do with a very personal story I felt compelled to share last night with a few friends.
I have never openly talked about this to anyone, even my mother. But I feel I should explain, in case the situation comes up again.
When I was five years old I Lost my Dad to an overdose of cocaine. I don't remember much about him, nor do I say the term "dad" ever. However, I always felt this need to get to know him, but at the same time hated him for leaving me. It is a powerful mixture of emotions. On one hand wewe feel wewe will never know that part of yourself, and the other wewe want to scream at people for telling wewe things about the person because it only reminds wewe of what wewe Lost and never knew.
Not long after my Dad died, his brother (who had filled the void of my father) took his own life to drugs as well. I think I took that death harder because I was older, and had wished I could have saved him in some way.
I know it sounds silly, what was a little girl to do? But I saw how his depression had eaten away at him. It was a very hurtful thing to see, and have no control over. My Uncle used muziki to drown out the noise, and it stay his mind. Partly why I crave it so, because some how it brings me closer to him, in some small way.
I was never close with my half brother, my dad had a child before he had me with another woman. My dad was never there for my brother, and in some small way I felt it was my fault. Since then we have never been able to get past the hurt we feel towards our father. But slowly finding ways to make it better, for both of us.
So, what does this all have to do with Peyton? I have never been able to fully relate to a character before. It always seemed too far of a stretch. But when Peyton premiered something inside of me instantly set off a spark.
I was first attracted to her sarcasm, and wit. Something I too used as a weapon to keep people at arms length. But then I came to realize the strong vulnerability she had, and Hilarie helped her possess. That strong, yet innocence that made me realize how much I could see parts of myself in her.
The willingness to be a part of a group, yet not ever feel like wewe belong. The barricade against your heart, not letting people entirely in...being afraid of losing someone, au being hurt again.
The strength to over come some pretty difficult situations, and be better for it. Trying to look on the brighter side, even though your body is screaming for wewe to give in to a dark version of yourself. Trying to fight against the pain, and not fall into darkness.
All those things had a powerful effect on me. I could say, yes she is a very diverse character with many facets that relate to many people, on some level au another.
I could say she has a killer wit, and charm that draws viewers in. I could say her pain breaks your heart, in a thousand different ways. I could say all of that and more.
When Peyton's mother Ellie came into the picture, it really had an effect on me personally. It was as if she had that sekunde chance we all hope for when we lose a loved one.
Like is some way it was all a twisted joke, and they came back to you. I can't say I never felt that way, au wished for that siku to come.
So when Ellie came into her life it was like she got to live her sekunde chance, even for a short time. To have that mother she so desperately craved, to get to know, to fill the void that was aching in her heart. If only we could all be so blessed to have that time.
I mostly relate to Brooke zaidi now, in s5-s6 than ever. Because of her hivi karibuni survival story line. But on some level I have always been envious, like Peyton, of Brooke's cheerful demeanor, and strength she has in the face of extraordinary life altering experiences.
I always hoped to have a friend like that, that even in her own personal crisis, would be there for you, and be your touch stone no matter what. A true friend, that could guide wewe through life when wewe felt the most lost.
So, if wewe see me out there in the wilderness, defending Peyton au Hilarie with both guns blazing, just know it isn't something I feel I can do.
It is something I am fighting for on a personal level, because we all have a little Peyton inside of us, some part of her that can really grab a hold of your heart. It doesn't matter what, au how much, au if it is history au present, it's just there.
So, my swali is...how au whom do wewe relate to on a personal level? It can be a short story, au something wewe don't want to share.
Whom do wewe see parts of yourself in? I know there are some amazing stories out there.
Is it her strength, her determination, her will to survive? Perhaps. But it has zaidi to do with a very personal story I felt compelled to share last night with a few friends.
I have never openly talked about this to anyone, even my mother. But I feel I should explain, in case the situation comes up again.
When I was five years old I Lost my Dad to an overdose of cocaine. I don't remember much about him, nor do I say the term "dad" ever. However, I always felt this need to get to know him, but at the same time hated him for leaving me. It is a powerful mixture of emotions. On one hand wewe feel wewe will never know that part of yourself, and the other wewe want to scream at people for telling wewe things about the person because it only reminds wewe of what wewe Lost and never knew.
Not long after my Dad died, his brother (who had filled the void of my father) took his own life to drugs as well. I think I took that death harder because I was older, and had wished I could have saved him in some way.
I know it sounds silly, what was a little girl to do? But I saw how his depression had eaten away at him. It was a very hurtful thing to see, and have no control over. My Uncle used muziki to drown out the noise, and it stay his mind. Partly why I crave it so, because some how it brings me closer to him, in some small way.
I was never close with my half brother, my dad had a child before he had me with another woman. My dad was never there for my brother, and in some small way I felt it was my fault. Since then we have never been able to get past the hurt we feel towards our father. But slowly finding ways to make it better, for both of us.
So, what does this all have to do with Peyton? I have never been able to fully relate to a character before. It always seemed too far of a stretch. But when Peyton premiered something inside of me instantly set off a spark.
I was first attracted to her sarcasm, and wit. Something I too used as a weapon to keep people at arms length. But then I came to realize the strong vulnerability she had, and Hilarie helped her possess. That strong, yet innocence that made me realize how much I could see parts of myself in her.
The willingness to be a part of a group, yet not ever feel like wewe belong. The barricade against your heart, not letting people entirely in...being afraid of losing someone, au being hurt again.
The strength to over come some pretty difficult situations, and be better for it. Trying to look on the brighter side, even though your body is screaming for wewe to give in to a dark version of yourself. Trying to fight against the pain, and not fall into darkness.
All those things had a powerful effect on me. I could say, yes she is a very diverse character with many facets that relate to many people, on some level au another.
I could say she has a killer wit, and charm that draws viewers in. I could say her pain breaks your heart, in a thousand different ways. I could say all of that and more.
When Peyton's mother Ellie came into the picture, it really had an effect on me personally. It was as if she had that sekunde chance we all hope for when we lose a loved one.
Like is some way it was all a twisted joke, and they came back to you. I can't say I never felt that way, au wished for that siku to come.
So when Ellie came into her life it was like she got to live her sekunde chance, even for a short time. To have that mother she so desperately craved, to get to know, to fill the void that was aching in her heart. If only we could all be so blessed to have that time.
I mostly relate to Brooke zaidi now, in s5-s6 than ever. Because of her hivi karibuni survival story line. But on some level I have always been envious, like Peyton, of Brooke's cheerful demeanor, and strength she has in the face of extraordinary life altering experiences.
I always hoped to have a friend like that, that even in her own personal crisis, would be there for you, and be your touch stone no matter what. A true friend, that could guide wewe through life when wewe felt the most lost.
So, if wewe see me out there in the wilderness, defending Peyton au Hilarie with both guns blazing, just know it isn't something I feel I can do.
It is something I am fighting for on a personal level, because we all have a little Peyton inside of us, some part of her that can really grab a hold of your heart. It doesn't matter what, au how much, au if it is history au present, it's just there.
So, my swali is...how au whom do wewe relate to on a personal level? It can be a short story, au something wewe don't want to share.
Whom do wewe see parts of yourself in? I know there are some amazing stories out there.