To be honest I've never really liked Stefan as a character ...and there were moments where I just wanted to dip him in vervain... one of those moments when he told Damon that it's ok for him to be in upendo with Elena as much as he wants , because he will always have the the thing Damon will never have " her respect" ... this statement was so ugly on so many levels , he's not just insulting his brother and hurting him where it really hurts , he's also insulting Elena .. kwa saying that Damon can have anything - including Elena's upendo , friendship - but her respect , he's saying that Elena may fall for someone au be Marafiki with someone she doesn't respect ...for him to think really low of her... and the thing that irritates me the most about this statement -and stefan in general - is that it doesn't bother him at all that he's brother is in upendo with his girlfriend!!! Once season four started and Stefan approached Elena about the break up , that he can't do this anymore because he knows that she has feelings for Damon -I rejoiced , and thought that Stefan may finally earn my respect , because he finally admitted that he can't be with a woman who's in upendo with his brother , that it's not right to keep pretending like nothing is wrong , that this is the only right thing for Elena , for his brother , and mostly for himself ..that they all deserve better than this .... then episodes later my dreams of respecting Stefan were crushed , not only he tried to " fix" Elena and her"diseased" Damon-loving mind , not only he terrorized her brother and turned him into a vamp-killing machine , not only he abused his brother ( mentally , emotionally ) , Stefan had to make the ultimate " ugly " songesha " in 4x12 final scene when he told his brother to calm down his woman ... And accusing Damon of taking advantage of Elena ... This statement is so ugly on so many levels , and the moment he uttered those words I wanted to ngumi, punch him too .... when Stefan alisema this one of these things is true : 1)- Stefan deep down knows that Elena sleeping with Damon had nothing to do with the sire bond , and she did it fully and willingly , and this is why he's so pissed at her and treats her this way .. and when he alisema those words he was simply being mean and low ... if this is the case all I have to say to him is ( making jokes about rape is neither funny nor acceptable , accusing your brother of being a rapeist is neither funny nor acceptable , suggesting that the woman you" supposedly "love may have been raped while your standing there making a joke about it is neither funny nor acceptable ) . 2)- Stefan actually believes that it's all the sire bond , that Damon is really taking advantage of Elena ... if this is the case why is he being an punda to her too , why is he treating her like crap when he believes that she is a victim , that she was taken against her will , that she was raped and manipulated kwa his evil brother ... If so why hes not trying to save her , why hes not on her side , protecting her from his evil rapeist brother ... is this the kind of man he is , he's the kind of man that doesn't care if your a victim au not , if wewe were raped you're damaged and defiled to him " he's done with wewe " - like he alisema to Rebekah , he told Rebekah that he wants this cure to find out the truth about the sire bond , so at this point he's not absolutely sure whither Elena is a victim to this bond au not , yet he tells Rebekah that he's " done with her "..... and this is really sad .... wither it's option 1 au 2 , they're both ugly ... so whatever happens on the onyesha Stefan will never have my respect , no matter what... Maybe I'm over reacting , maybe Stefan isn't this bad , I don't know .. all I know is that he is this bad to me ....