"That which makes wewe different is what makes wewe strong. Whether you're gay, straight, purple, orange, dinosaur; I don't care."

Interviewer: "If wewe could see the world in only shade of one color, what color would wewe choose?"
Darren: "Pink. Cause it would be really funny. Cause really mean people wouldn't seem so mean anymore."

(At Deathly Hallows Premiere) Interviewer: "Here is Darren Criss! wewe may have seen him recently."
Darren: "You have? *Looks around at posters* Oh my god! There's zaidi of me!?"

(At Deathly Hallows Premiere) "There's been a terrible mistake. Someone really screwed up and let my nutty punda in here."

"So here's what happening to Blaine on Glee, he's recently been bitten kwa a radioactive.. uh... turtle. And I hang out with Rambo, and I songesha to Mars and I start of colony of... crazy misfits. And I start a Glee Club, the first intergalactic Glee Club."

"There's not a damn thing that I do on my own that's not for my mashabiki au for people that have supported me. So I don't really care about my agenda, I wanna be on yours."

(About Teenage Dream) "So Katy Perry tweeted about the song, alisema it made her cry. I hope it was like a good cry instead of a bad cry 'cause it was really bad au something."

Fan: "First of all, Darren, I think you're supermegafoxyawesomehot."
Darren: *laughs* "I wrote that line, so I know what you're referring to."

(About kissing Kurt as Blaine at the Dublin onyesha on the Glee tour) "I was consumed kwa my upendo for Chris Colfer and I just couldn't help it any longer."

Interviewer: "Does Joey Richter have a girlfriend?"
Darren: "I would say yes, and her name's... Tarantulus. And she's nine feet tall, has a hundred arms and her eyes are made of lasers, and if any girl tried to destroy her they would perish."

Interviewer: "What does your song uandishi process look like?"
Darren: "It looks like a mess! It's like someone went into a room, took a dump, then grabbed a blowtorch and sprayed it all over the wall."

"Buy my album because... it's the kind of muziki wewe can be Marafiki with. And it's the only way that *pause* aliens won't come to Earth and destroy us. I am sure of this."

Interviewer: "What can we except from wewe in the inayofuata five years?"
Darren: "Um, I will... get older. I will have, um..."

"Be nice people, cause nobody likes an asshole."

"I'm like a bum. I'm a bum. Oh my god, wewe guys are interviewing a bum."

(Showing a picture of his old hair) "This is what I really look like. I really have big bushy hair, this *points to himself* THIS IS A LIE!"

"I had huge hair, I'm pretty sure there was certain species in there that could cure cancer."

"Guys, if wewe hear any screaming girls... it's probably my dad."

"Nifty little buckaroo."

"I am Darren. I like beaches, sushi, and small animals."

(After having apple come out of his mouth) "If that's any indication that I like Aladdin... apple FREAKED out of my mouth."

"I like machungwa, chungwa and blue together, but I would never wear them."

(Talking about Zac Efron) "You were a Horcrux in a play I wrote!"

"People always ask me, is it creepy that I'm messaging you? And I'm like, no man! I'm the weird one. I played a fake Harry Potter in a musical we took time to make, that's weird man. We have a musical called Me And My Dick! We're weird."

"Did someone say Darren Criss?"

"What's this...? A guitar!?"

Interviewer: "I've listened to Teenage Dream at least 500,000 times."
Darren: "That's like a million something minutes!"

Interviewer: "Did wewe ever think your life would change this quickly?"
Darren: "Nope! Simple as that. Nope!"

"Well with that attitude let's do it! Huzzah!"

"I would be the worst president in the history of the United States. Unless wewe want the apocalypse to happen really soon then yes, I'll run for president."

"I have a degree in acting!"

"They can give me anything and I'll be like, "YAY A song!!!"

"That is a bad dryer! I don't want to see any of wewe hanging out with that dryer!"

"Wars will stop if we just all sit down, have a sleepover and popcorn and watch the entire thing of that show. (Avatar the Last Airbender) We would all get along and it would be beautiful."

"My name's Darren. I'm a musician, part time idiot. That's a full time job actually."

*posing with two girls for a photoshoot* "This would never happen."

"What was the question? Sorry, I was being an asshole."

"Am I a vegetable?"

"I'm Darren Criss, and I'm an acorn... actor."

"Man my boobies itch, I wish somebody would just hold my boobies."

Darren: "I actually almost parked in your parking spot once, then I realized it was yours and moved out of there. Sorry bout that."
Ellen: "Oh, well I didn't know and wouldn't mind."
Darren: "Oh, well I'll just write that down. Park in Ellen's spot."
Ellen: "Well, someone will tow it. But I don't mind."

Fan: "Hey Darren, would wewe ever tarehe a Very Potter Musical fan? And I was wondering if I could get a kiss..."
Darren: "Woah! At least take me out to chajio, chakula cha jioni first, we only just met. And all the cameras are here, the pressure's on. I never say never to anything, so wewe never know. We'll see..."

(Talking about kuoga songs) "I'm using the soap! Now I'm using the shampooooo! Hand in the drain, really gross!"

Interviewer: "Ever have a recurring dream?"
Darren: "Yes, I'm always at a tamasha where the band sounds exactly like my alarm clock."

(Talking about Glee Project auditions) Robert Ulrich: We're looking for people with potential. So even if wewe just sing in your shower.
Darren: That's actually the best place to sing. So bring that, into here! Just wear clothes!"

"My biggest fear... is turning *pause* into an inanimate object*

"The sunglasses are the secret to my power."

Interviewer: "Have wewe tried going into a Gap since Silly upendo Songs?"
Darren: "No... but I'd either be really excited au really terrified. Just don't sing Darren, you'll get everybody fired!"

"Chris Colfer... he's like a... playful wood-nymph."

Interviewer: "A lot of changes in your life lately."
Darren: "Yeah, I bought a new sweater."

"No one's tried to stab me. That's cool. I enjoy not being stabbed."

"Please don't kill me, I'm nice."

"They're just peachy, I think they're fabulous."

(About Teenage Dream) "She alisema it made her moyo go whee, well, guess what Katy? wewe make my moyo go whee."

"The Kardashians have a book? What the fuck?"

(After Chord Overstreet pretend-strangles him) "Oh I know this guy, he's the good-looking one."

"I think if I met Dan my head would explode, so I think I'll avoid him cause I like my head not exploding."

"I think ears would bleed. So if wewe see me bleeding out of my ears wewe know I met Dan."

"Hah- ha- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! But that translates to hujambo what's up man, Dan? Cool, whatever."

"I'm just a fanboy that got lucky."

If I wear dhahabu shorts, can I look like you, Chord Overstreet? (pointless talking* And on that note, let's see your body.

"I'm not even supposed to be here, wewe didn't see me... I am but a hologram."

"I'm kinda on wingu nine, actually I'd say wingu ten. wingu nine was old news."

"I'm picturing all my albums lined up and being like, "What about me, Darren? wewe always say wewe upendo me the most!" I add personality to all my inanimate objects."

"NO, no man!"

"Acting can be hard work... but wewe just have to pull through it and sometimes wewe have to kiss Lea Michele."

Darren: "There's cool songs coming."
Interviewer: "Anything wewe can tell me?"
Darren: "Absolutely not."

"We finally did the episode that everyone was waiting for. A song kwa hujambo Monday!"

Interviewer: "I asked Chris what kissing wewe was like and he suggested I just go in and kiss you. But I'm going to spare wewe that."
Darren: "Oh thank you. I appreciate your nobility. I'm not sure whether I'm offended au complimented."

"If the Warblers have to fight New Directions then SO BE IT! BRING IT ON!"

Interviewer: "Will wewe chew a lot of gum before the kissing scene?"
Darren: "No! Just cause wewe asked. In fact I'm going to chew on... 20 cloves of garlic, then I won't brush my teeth for ten days. Just to make it special. Cause everybody chews gum."

Chris Colfer: "After the first kiss I was like "damn Darren!" I need a cigarette now, cause that was intense."
Darren (Upon hearing this): Th-Thanks Chris.

"He (Chris) never called me after the kiss. It was very embarrassing."

"Like many relationships... I think I'm just gonna... runaway."

"I went down to this girl's (that he was in upendo with) house and I serenaded her. She came down, and we hugged! In 8th grade terms that's like, all kinds of upendo explosions!"

"IT'S A DARREN SHOW! LET'S FUCKING ROCK! *screws up* oh no wait I got too confident. FUCK MUSIC!"

Interviewer: "Are wewe dating anyone right now?"
Darren: "Oh I wouldn't tell wewe even if I was..."

"I like to think they were all romantic. I'm not just some floozy! PLEASE!"

"Anti-gravity Glee numbers! That's like everything I could ever want!"

"Glee... IN SPACE!"

"Glee is zaidi then just a onyesha now. It's become a wonderful culture celebrating the underdog and glorifying individuality."

(Combining three of his Glee songs. hujambo Soul Sister, Teenage Dream and Raise Your Glass) "Hey... Teenage... Glass?"

"Where are my perverts!?"

"I wish I had a pet monkey."

"I ain't telling wewe shit son!"

(Singing to Ellen): "When are we gonna see... Finding Nemo 2? They did it with Toy Story and Cars. So why not something new? A new story about Dory. I hope your buying what I'm selling, I know it ain't my choice... I just wanna hear the voice of my girl, Ellen!"

"I want people to know that there is nothing zaidi badass than being yourself."