Phoebe: [wide eyed] Why are wewe letting him talk to your crotch that way?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"
Carol: Oh, what do wewe know? No-one's going up to wewe and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this
[shouts]
Carol: pot roast through it?"
Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, wewe know what wewe should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
Chandler: I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, wewe know what, I just did!
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
Ross: Okay, there wewe go.
Rachel: Sure. Sure, I'll just sit inayofuata to the... transsexual from purchasing.
Ross: What are wewe doing tonight?
Chandler: Why, do wewe have a lecture?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Free as a bird, what's up?
Kate Miller: [they are doing a scene] I have a swali about this scene.
The Director: Yes?
Kate Miller: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
[Joey plays Victor, she plays Adrienne]
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking.
Joey: Yeah.
Kate Miller: I think my character's gonna need a little bit zaidi of a reason than that.
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script! Y'know, I don't know why my character likes wewe either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate Miller: It does not say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if wewe want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her! With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good."
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?
Chandler: I'm talking about you. wewe big, big freak.
Monica: What wewe guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything wewe need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian wewe have to sit through before pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the onyesha was, wewe girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise inayofuata time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: [pause] ... Are we still talking about sex?
Ross: Wow, wewe guys sure have a lot of vitabu about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, wewe know, wewe have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let wewe do it.
Jack Geller: I remember when we first got engaged.
Chandler: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.
Monica: Oh dad, really wewe don't need to...
Jack Geller: [ignoring her] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.
Judy Geller: [incredulous] wewe don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
Joey Tribbiani: [after smelling potpourri] Well, this is like summer in a bowl!
Phoebe: [Monica stares dreamily as Richard leaves the room] Oooh, I think my boyfriend's ever so dreamy. I wonder what our wedding's gonna be like.
[in Barbados, Rachel runs into Monica and Chandler's room in the morning and opens the curtains, it has been raining a lot]
Monica: The sun is out!
Chandler: [squinting in pain] Hey, remember when I had corneas?
Joey Tribbiani: [upon hearing Ross doesn't want to go to the sinema with him] Come on, man! Tom Hanks! Meg Ryan! They get mail!
Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: [on the phone] Could wewe please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica: That is the unusual activity.
Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.
Reporter: I like that. what's your name?
[pointing tape recorder at Pheobe]
Phoebe: Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in... Ello there mate.
[after observing a short fight between Rachel and Ross]
Phoebe: That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to wewe two?
[repeated line]
Ross: We were on a break!
Rachel: wewe know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore. Because wewe were on a break.
Ross: [holding a bottle of champagne] Gunther, six glasses!
Gunther: [hopeful] Six? wewe want me to jiunge you?
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five will be fine.
[Gunther walks away disappointed]
Ross: Boy I'm gonna get spit in my coffee, now.
Monica: Chandler, it's okay. wewe don't have to be so macho all the time.
Chandler: I'm not macho.
Monica: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages. They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games.
Ross: Chandler, have wewe ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: No.
Ross: Then wewe are neither of your parents.
Ross: My dad wanted to know if wewe wanted to play racquetball with us.
Monica: Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play.
Ross: Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Chandler: Well, did-did wewe correct him?
Ross: No, I-I thought it would be zaidi fun this way.
Monica: wewe can't moto me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha.
Monica: My kauli mbiu is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.
Julie: [Monica has told everyone about Chandler's third nipple] wewe know, Chandler, in some cultures a third nipple is considered a mark of virility. The most desirable women dance naked around wewe so wewe can make your pick.
Chandler: Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?
Julie: Sorry.
Joey: [during Ross's speech, Joey laughs every time he hears 'homo erectus'] Ha, Ha, he alisema 'erectus'.
[notices Rachel is also laughing]
Joey: Erectus?
Rachel: [stifling laugh] No, 'homo'.
Mike Hanigan: You're not gonna try and make me jiunge a cult are you?
Ross: No...
Mike Hanigan: Oh okay. wewe just have that look.
Ross: [to himself] Damn SuperCuts!
[Re: "If wewe had to give up sex au food, which would wewe pick?"]
Monica: Sex!
Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she alisema "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler: It's like a big hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex au food?
Ross: Sex!
Phoebe: What about sex au dinosaurs?
Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe: Joey, if wewe had to give up sex au food, which would wewe pick?
Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel: Come on, wewe have to answer.
Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
[Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross]
Mona: Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if wewe don't mind, would wewe please just go back home?
[Ross enters with his gift for Mona]
Rachel: What are wewe talking about? I live here.
Ross: [nervously gives Mona her present] Happy Valentine's Day.
[Mona stares angrily at Ross]
Ross: Or, something to remember me by...
[Monica knocks]
Chandler: wewe can't come in.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her *I* was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?
[Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]
Joey: Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special upendo that Monica and Chandler share.
[Monica and Chandler look impressed]
Joey: It is a upendo based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the upendo that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and upendo and have... and receive.
[later]
Joey: Okay, wewe guys, I've got a little zaidi written... are wewe ready?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey: When I think of the upendo that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How bout receiving?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, wewe wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Now, listen, it's just the first draft so... ”We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special upendo that Monica and Chandler share. It is a upendo based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the upendo that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and upendo and have and receive."
Chandler: [to Monica] Shouldn't we call the spitter?
[after catching Ross kissing Chandler's mother in front of the male bathroom]
Joey: I'll just go pee in the street.
Eddie: [Chandler just asked him to songesha out] This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?
Chandler: No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Joey: And wewe call yourself an accountant?
Chandler: ...No.
[Joey and Chandler apartment has been robbed]
Joey: Aw, man. He took the five of spades.
[looks through deck]
Joey: No, here it is.
Rachel: Hey, wewe guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No, thanks, I've already seen one.
[Chandler's key broke in Monica's door]
Chandler: I upendo you.
Monica: I upendo wewe too.
Chandler: Are wewe hugging the door right now?
Monica: Um... no?
Chandler: Uh... yeah, yeah, me neither.
Monica: Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel: So cute I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.
[Ross is wearing a white suit]
Monica: I like it even better on wewe than on Colonel Sanders.
Ross: Look, I just came here to tell wewe guys something.
Rachel: Oh. Was it how wewe invented the cotton gin?
Joey: And look. A phone in the bathroom.
Monica: Joey, don't ever call me from that phone.
Joey: Want some jam?
Chandler: No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard.
