A/N: Can I just say…I am INCREDIBLY proud of myself for being SO close to what actually happened with my part 1? *proud* I mean, granted my Blair speech was REALLY LAME compared to what she actually said, but…I was not very hopeful when I wrote it…I think I even came across zaidi positive than what I thought. Heheh. ANYWAYS!!! I am sooooo excited for this Part 2, wewe have no idea. ;p And wewe know, the promo for (THREE WEEKS AWAY!!!!!!!! *CRIES!!!!!!!!* ARE wewe KIDDING ME?!?!?! UGH!) the inayofuata episode 2x14….really scares me….I mean, Chuck falling back into his old ways…but like OVERDOSED….too many women…too many drugs….too much alchohol…and attempted suicide off a building?!?! *gasp* Plus, it really looks like Blair just might be sliding back into her bulimia again, because of it all. *sigh* Oh! *gasp* Maybe I’m previewing my story too much. Lol. XD
As always—I own nothing. =) all the characters belong to their respective owners.
*Oh! And this story is essentially ALL flashbacks. The first and last two scenes are present time. ;p In case wewe get confused. Heh. (Also, everything that happened after the ily scene in 2x13…STILL happens in this fic, but following what I had in part 1….if that makes sense. XD)
Peace. Tranquility. Calm. It washed over her.
And over him.
She sat, legs straightened down the length of her bed, his head pressed heavy against her torso, his left hand falling to the other side of her waist, clinging to her. She pulled the dancing strands out of his face, and stroked his cheek gently.
She smiled contently at him as he slept. It had been so long since they had been this way. The sounds, sights and smells that had crossed their paths, whether together au separate had been enough for her to lose her mind, and he actually had!
She sighed, leaning her head back against the wall, closing her eyes, and remembering…
It had been three weeks. Three weeks since she’d last scene him, last felt him in her arms, and it was tearing her apart. He had been her everything. He still was.
She didn’t know what to do with herself. She still went to school, but she had fallen so completely numb to everything around her, even the girls had found themselves bored kwa her presence. Not that she noticed.There was no point to it anymore. No point to school. No point to trying to be perfect. No point to living.
She had walked in front of her mirror every night. Every morning before school. Whenever she found a spare moment. She studied herself. She despised herself. And the only reason she didn’t completely fall back into her old, diseased habits, was because she still had a shred of hope.
He would come back to her.
And if she killed herself, there would be no way to find out if he had, and that would be worse than what she was going through now.
Through much begging and the lingering ever continuous tears of what was now known as Blair Waldorf, Lily (now) van der Woodsen was persuaded to track down Chuck’s only remaining relative, his uncle, Jack Bass.
Lily had spent most of her days in mourning over everything gone wrong. Rufus had discovered her biggest secret, and for the first time in her life, he had rejected her. Bart was gone, and Chuck’s angry words blaming her for the whole occurrence could not be forgotten. They haunted her. But Blair was persistant.
It could be seen in her eyes. She NEEDED Chuck. Like she needed air, like she needed popularity, like she needed Serena, like she needed Yale…..no. SO much zaidi than that. She texted him, called him constantly. Well, for the first week she hadn’t…to respect him….respect his wishes. He didn’t WANT her to follow him. Had she been awake when he had tried to leave, there would’ve been NO WAY he could’ve gotten away. She would’ve confessed her upendo to him over and over again, COUNTLESS TIMES, until he had accepted it as fact. But of course that hadn’t happened. He had left. She had tried to tunga herself, be brave, for him, for everyone…in hopes that he would return. But he never did. And after those first seven days, the lonely brunette came to the old van der bass, besi suite…and not just once, but constantly. Every day. Several times a siku sometimes. Just to be sure. Be sure she hadn’t missed him on her last journey over.
She didn’t want to talk to Serena. She wouldn’t. She pitied Lily and Serena, and probably Eric most of all, for the cruel things he had to hear sputtering out of a Chuck no one had seen before. But most of them weren’t really mourning Chuck to the extent she was…if mourning him at all.
It was like he had died, and she was waiting for him to rise from the dead. Sometimes it actually seemed like she believed in that very possibility. The ghostly look in her once deep brown eyes both scared and pitied anyone who was allowed close enough to see. Lily couldn’t ignore it anymore. She had Lost Rufus. She had Lost Bart. She had Lost Charles. She was not going to lose Blair too. Because then her children would be the inayofuata to go. And she’d be truly alone.
The phone call had been a difficult one, his pervy cocky tone coating everything he spoke to the widowed Bass. But after some desperate tears, apologies for the distant relations and an offer of money, he agreed to come. Though the latter was really the only reason he had been even partially interested.
He researched. Got his men on the job instantly. Packed up a few of his things. And less than three days later, he arrived-limo and all, to the front of the mourning household.
Lily had informed Blair the dakika after the phone call had been made, had made sure of it. She couldn’t bare to see the crestfallen seventeen mwaka old any longer, without some real evidence of hope in the works. But regardless of her efforts, it could have never prepared her for Chuck’s re-entrance into New York City, au Blair’s depression diving into a depth she had not thought possible.
Jack bass, besi had stepped out of the limo, greeting the small gathering, who were wide eyed and curious as ever. Worried as ever, too. He was cocky though, too cocky. And when he pulled the loaded Chuck out of the back seat, practically throwing him to the awaiting family, those looks of horror could not be erased.
Blair ran to him, throwing her arms around the decrepit version of the man she loved. He remained nearly motionless though. He sunk into her. But not like before. She couldn’t hold him up. And he was in no way possible trying to hold on. Lily and relucantly, Jack Bass, came and took him from her, guiding him towards the elevator and up to his old, waiting bedroom.
She followed him. Lay inayofuata to him. She couldn’t sleep. It was too much to believe that he was actually back. But she still held no peace. The ghost was still seeping in and out of her eyes. She was tense being inayofuata to him. Afraid of what he’d do. Of what he was capable of. He had never been this far gone.
He had not been happy when he found her there, his hangover still wearing off. He shouted things at her, things he did not mean, things she would try hard to forget, forcing herself to believe that it was all in this far gone state of mind that he was speaking these things.
Another week passed. He returned to school. Got caught doing drugs, illegal drugs. Had almost gotten expelled, but Blair HAD been in that meeting, and had granted him only suspension with her pleading. The headmistress had seemed relentless, but somehow she won her over.
His eyes were glazed. Almost all the time. He spent the majority of his time in Victrola, bringing in zaidi provocative dancers kwa the day. He never looked at Blair directly, and she was scared to be near him, but that didn’t prevent her from trying.
Jack bass, besi was hardly an uncle, and Blair could see right through him. He wanted to take hold of the bass, besi empire. An intoxicated, wasted, whoring nephew was all he needed as proof to his intentional take over. She tried to stop him, but Chuck would have none of it, happily sexing off the room service girls right in front of her. Not that he was really aware of his uncle’s intentions. He wasn’t really aware of anything anymore, even if he was told straight to his face.
He drugged himself heavily. And one night that following week, he nearly killed himself.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Blair’s eyes fluttered open as the steady beat of his moyo continued to resound on the moyo moniter across the room. A hospital. They all hated them. But it was hardly a sekunde thought to bring him here. He needed this place. A place where he couldn’t hurt himself, where he couldn’t get wasted and where he most DEFINITELY couldn’t get laid. Blair had made sure, herself, that they had been supplies with an ALL-MALE staff, and the nurses had been zaidi than happy to oblige. Not that he would really have any energy for any of that nonsense in his condition.
Her moyo had literally ripped out of her when she saw him stumbling on the rooftop. She had dragged Nate along with her, so very concerned for Chuck’s safety, and not knowing where else to turn. It wasn’t like her and Nate were close, they weren’t really anything at this point. Hadn’t been since their breakup a mwaka ago. But they still came together, just like they had for Serena just a mwezi before summer break.
Nate had watched Blair in awe at the funeral, in what seemed like eons ago. Blair was hardly ever anything other than bitchy. But with Chuck…she was sweet, and down right maternal, though the instant those words slipped from his mouth, her bitch, kahaba of a guard rose right back up. He chuckled, thinking of it….or he tried to laugh about it. There was NOTHING funny about this situation. His moyo had saddened for Chuck, but it absolutely broke for Blair. He had always been informed when Blair had cried over him kwa Chuck au Serena, when they were dating. But he was positive that she had never cried like this. Not over him. Not for this long. She had been eager to help him when his dad went into rehab, but the way she hung over Chuck, catered to his every need, never letting go regardless of what the drunken fool seemed to want…it was breathtaking. And if the situation hadn’t been so…hopeless, he would’ve told her himself what he really saw. She was in upendo with Chuck. And not a puppy upendo that one develops in high school, perhaps what they had had once. But a REAL love. A upendo that never gives up. A upendo that never wears thin.
He paced the hallway out of Chuck’s hospital room now. He hadn’t been inside since they had first arrived. He knew Blair needed to be with Chuck, and he would occasionally glance in through the small window to see her holding his hand close to her face, caressing it. Kissing it gently. She never left his side. She was just waiting for him to wake up. To say something, even if it was cruel. She needed to hear his voice. To know that he was okay, even if he was entirely pissed that she had saved his life.
The sound of water running filled his ears.
His eyes opened slowly to find tubes hanging in and through him. But he realized they were all attached to one machine. A machine that moved. Hope. Because for some reason, the only desire in his mind was to discover the cause of these gags and no doubt, filling sink.
There was a bathroom inside his hospital room,and he sensed that’s where the noise was coming from. He hesitated for a moment, pulling the machine closer to him, so as to not catch himself in any way, on any odd cord.
He tried to open the door. LOCKED.
“Damn it,” he muttered.
He looked to the ground and found a stray red ribbon dribbling out from under the door. He bent down slowly and picked it up. Just then, the door opened and a frazzled Blair was standing there, wiping away the remains of her lunch from her paled, chapping lips. She swallowed, her throat sore, and she cringed as the following food-filled spit crawled down her inner tubes.
Chuck was already standing now, looking at her in utter shock. It seemed his hang over had warn off, and she was his only concern. Like everything had been normal until now.
He held the ribbon up for her to see.
“What’s going on, Blair?”
She looked to him, took the ribbon back and retied it around her head, flattening her curls in their frayed, frizzied dimension. Then, she looked back at him, having to gotten over his shock with her own serious tone.
“You tried to kill yourself.”
Blair’s now slumped figure snoozed pleasantly against the ukuta behind her. She had fallen asleep. Somewhere in the midst of watching him breathe, and praising God (something she rarely did unless there was something particularly manipulative to rejoice over) for how things had come around.
Chuck hadn’t fullly recovered. But he was growing. He had stopped going to school for awhile, and once again Ms. Waldorf had taken it upon herself to convince the Headmistress he had every right to depart from the learning system again. He would only see her. He would text her in school. He would wait for her in her room when she got home, and they would just lie together for hours. He hardly spoke, and she never asked him to. Sometimes she would remind him of memories. Memories of the two of them. Memories that wouldn’t lead to his father, no matter how hard someone could try and make them.
Through this, he was recovering. She thought that maybe the thing that had gotten him to really try was stumbling across her emptying out her stomach in the bathroom inside his hospital room the night after he tried to kill himself. After all, he had done and the threats he had directed only her way, she hadn’t let go…and she had tortured herself to the brink.
Some part of him had thought that without him she’d be better off. Be happier. Healthier. zaidi alive. But he had been gravely mistaken. He was destroying her kwa staying away, and maybe he didn’t realize it yet, but soon he would discover…that half, if not all, of his downward spiral could have been prevented if he hadn’t left her that night. If he hadn’t written that note. If he had swallowed his pride, his self-pity, and simply stayed.
“Mmm,” she moaned in her sleep, feeling butterfly, kipepeo kisses cover the arms still snugly held down the side of Chuck’s face.
She smiled, eyes still closed.
But he could feel her warmth, her joy.
She waited a little longer, and then opened her eyes, taking in the scene in front of her. There was Chuck, silly grin on his face, kissing her arms, her fingertips, and…hesitantly even, lifting up the edge of her shati to peck at her belly button lightly.
She inhaled sharply, feeling a slight tickling sensation. He stopped then, putting down her shati and looking up at her.
“You’re awake,” he said.
She nodded. “I usually am around you.” A small smile lit up her face, as he rose to kiss the tip of her nose and then decorate her forehead, cheeks, and chin with the same delicate kisses.
She exhaled happily.
Then, he pulled away. Instantly, she frowned.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, troubled. Concern so very evident in her voice.
“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “I just wanted to say…that I’m sorry,” he whispered, piercing her now beautifully shining eyes with his intense gaze.
“For what?” she asked, taking his hand in her own.
He chuckled, bringing up their hands together, and kissing her delicate hand folded in his own. There was SO much he had done that needed to be forgiven. But because of her upendo for him, she was happy just to have him sober and kwa her side, kissing her like she was a precious gem.
Only one regret came directly to his mind. He tore his gaze away from their embrace of hands, and looked into her face, lovingly.
“I shouldn’t have pushed wewe away.”
She sighed, eyes downcast. Of course she wanted him to apologize to make it up to her….or maybe she would have if she wasn’t so overjoyed of how positively his actions had become. She didn’t NEED him to make it up to her. She didn’t NEED him to do anything, but upendo her. And she knew he did.
“Your dad had just died,” she reasoned, “I don’t blame wewe for how wewe acted.”
He shook his head though. “You alisema something to me, though,” he said, emphasizing his middle word.
She looked at him adoringly, innocently pretending to be unaware of what his words meant.
“And I didn’t say it back.”
She exhaled again, looking down for a moment and then grasping tighter to him with her hands. “You didn’t need to,” she said.
“No, Shh,” she said, putting a finger to his lips.
His mouth gaped open when she dropped her hands to sit in her lap. He looked at her, puzzled. She cleared her throat.
“You didn’t say it then, and I…didn’t expect wewe to,” she said, gazing at him.
He looked disappointed in himself as his face fell again. But she lifted it to greet her eyes again.
“And I DON’T expect wewe to say it now. I KNOW how wewe feel,” she leaned mbele and kissed him gently, “regardless.”
He sunk into her lips for a moment, and reveled at the feel of her on him. All those weeks of no-name women hadn’t brought him pleasure in the least, but only aliyopewa him something to distract his mind with, to give his body something to do. This simple kiss though, this was Heaven.
He pulled away, not a dakika later, with a happy grin on his face that matched the sparkle in her eyes.
“I upendo you,” he whispered, resting his forehead on her own and bringing his hands around to utoto her head inside them.
She gasped. “Oh god, Chuck,” she moaned, kissing him again, “I upendo wewe too.”
They sat slightly lower than before, against the wall, still on her bed. Her head laying on his shoulder. Their hands intertwined. His lips pressed to the juu of her head.
“I think…” he broke the silence, and her eyes opened a little wider, focusing on what he was about to say. “I think I’m going to go back to school tomorrow.”
She turned to face him. “Really? I mean, are—are wewe sure? Do wewe think you’re ready?”
He nodded and smiled victoriously. She was so adorable when she was worried about him. “Yeah, I’ve spent enough time away,” he said, letting his gaze fall to their fiddling fingers. “And besides,” he looked back up at her, “I really want to onyesha off my new girlfriend,” he nearly groaned, leaning down into her and pressing a heated kiss on her ever eager lips. The kiss took her kwa surprise and she fell into it at first, so appreciative of what she had desired for so long.
“Wait,” she said, pulling back after a moment, much to his dislike.
“What is it, Waldorf?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.
She giggled. THIS was the Chuck she knew. “You mean…I mean…we’re really going to do this?” she asked, searching his eyes for an answer.
He smiled genuinely and nodded. “I think we’ve waited long enough,” he spoke quietly.
His lips invaded her then. First her neck and then they traveled back up to her parting lips. She wound herself around him and melted into his embrace.
If this was what came of waiting, she would never be impatient again.
He pulled back to look into her eyes. Those eyes. Those beautiful doe brown eyes that loved him. She smiled at him, thinking the exact same thing.
Yes, this was well worth the wait.
He leaned in, and kissed her.
A/N: Hope wewe loved it!!! Yes, a bit depressing, but ujumla, jumla happy ending, yes? ;p OF COURSE!!! Hehe. I told wewe it would be. ;p Oh, and hey! If wewe liked this 2nd part…I am considering turning this part 2 in a multi-chaptered fic…to expand on the flashback. If you’d like that idea, let me know….and perhaps I shall explore that option. ;p
*So, thank-you for reading. And this concludes “OVERWHELMING CONFESSIONS” =) PLEASE REVIEW!