301. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
302. The house elves are not there to do my homework.
303. Neither are the ghosts.
304. I am not a magical creature.
305. I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.
306. I am not Voldemort's illegitimate upendo child.
307. Professor Snape did not kill my father and does not deserve to die.
308. Seamus Finnegan does not have a pot of dhahabu under his bed.
309. -Or under his robe.
310. I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'.
311. Grindewald is not my role model.
312. -Neither is Voldemort.
313. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.
314. I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.
315. -Including my own
.316. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle historyin my Muggle Studies class.
317. I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley.
318. "All's fair in upendo and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts.
319. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle kwa calling them kwa each other's names.
320. I will not attempt to make Professor's Trelawney's predictions come true.
321. Professor Snape's problem is not that "he needs to get laid".
322. Draco Malfoy is not a ferret, chororo-kaya animagus.
323. Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not improved kwa the introduction of muggle firearms.
324. -Though they are doubtless zaidi athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
325. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time.
326. Providing Peeves with a case of dungbombs was a socially irresponsible action, and I will not do it again.
327. Shouting bila mpangilio Latin phrases while waving my wand is not acceptable charms research.
328. Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is inappropriate to sneak into his room at nightand shave it off.
329. -Likewise, it is unkind to make the aforementioned hair into a wig and wear it to potions class.
330. -Nobody cares that it makes me feel "pretty".
331. Robes are appropriate school wear. Bathrobes are not.
332. Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine.
333. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
334. I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
335. "OMGWTF" is not a spell.
336. Cornelius fudge does not appreciate being called "Fudgie the Whale.
337. Shouting "Accio Dobby!" is not the proper way to get house-elf assistance.
338. I will not go into Dumbledore's pensieve looking for graphic faculty smut.
339. It is not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
340. "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.
341. The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable"
.342. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
343. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
344. I am not allowed to scare the first-years kwa screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeeeeeltiiing!" while they are inthe showers.
345. I am not allowed to forget my Omnioculars in either the boys' au the girl's bathroom. Especially not while theyare in recording mode.
346. I am not allowed to leave the catnip out in Professor McGonagall's class.
347. I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent.
348. I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
349. I will not give Professor McGonagall catnip, hairball medicine au string for Christmas, no matter how much I thinkshe will like them.
350. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore. Even if it would be amusing.
351. -Not even if I want to try to convince others he's going senile
352. I will not ask if Professor Lupin has had all his shots, such as rabies. Nor will I ask it of Professor McGonagall
.353. I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. au for that matter doing any other activity.
354. Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, au any other Klingon house isforbidden.
355. Telling people that Professor Snape is an animagus and turns into a snake is not recommended.
356. Please do not tell 1st years that the fried chicken is really Kentucky Fried Owl
.357. I will not get a muggle tattoo artist to tattoo the Dark Mark on any part of my body
.358. I will not tell 1st mwaka Hufflepuffs that the Dark Lord eats Hufflepuffs for breakfast. au any other meal. And then tell them that if they inform anyone of the warning the Dark Lord will choose them next
.359. imba "Wild Thing, wewe make my moyo sing" whenever wewe see Professor Lupin is not allowed, even though he likes it
.360. Please stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts krisimasi mti ate a student.
361. I am not to "walk on water" in front of muggles.
362. I will not compel Seamus Finnegan to pursue people asking them for their Lucky Charms.
363. I am not to tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights of Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have my friends/otherpeople to call Ni from various directions.
364. Draco Malfoy is not a vampire.
365. -Especially not a vampire named 'Spike'.
366. Watching "The chakula Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes.
367. Pinning Confederate flags to the backs of Death Eater masks is not wise
.368. Voldemort does not wish to appear in a Visine commercial.
369. -Or as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics.
370. Hogwarts is in the UK, thus the United States Constitution does not apply to any of its students. Therefore,'Avada Kedavra' does not fall under First Amendment freedom of speech rights.
371. The ceiling of the Great Hall would not look better as an Omni IMAX dome.
372. Calling Voldemort "Baldemort" is inappropriate.
373. When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is '42'.
374. I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
375. Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.
376. -So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them.
377. Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
378. I cannot be a Heffalump animagus.
379. Cannot lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive.
380. Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece kwa piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom.
381. Cannot charm all dictionaries to have: "Gryffindor" as the definition of "gullible.
382. Professor Snape's proper aliyopewa name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing Glimmer McSparkles.
383. Robes are not optional.
384. Announcing "Remember: Save a broomstick! Ride a wizard!" is not an appropriate way to conclude a Quidditch match.
385. There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff marshmallow Man"
.386. -Even if I do conjure him up.
387. Leaving mash notes signed "Your secret admirer, Harry" in Neville Longbottom's vitabu is both unfunny and cruel.
388. I will not sing the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song when the Weasley family passes by.
389. -Or the "Hee-Haw" theme song.
390. -Or "Eight is Enough".
391. Asking the Weasley twins, "So do wewe do everything together?" is ill advised.
392. Telling Lucius what he could do with his staff... is not advisable.
393. I will not ask the school to sponsor a break dancing crew.
394. Voldemort, after being defeated, did not get served.
395. Getting Colin Creevey drunk and steering him toward a sleeping Harry Potter is just a bad idea all around
.396. -Then using his camera to take incriminating picha is not nice.
397. Coming up behind Harry while he and Draco are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!"is not funny.
398. -Even if Luna Lovegood does say, "Yes, I thought so too."
399. I am not a Balrog animagus.
400. The house never did fall on Professor Umbridge's sister, nor is she suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result.