Yes, it's back.. I promise not to take up so much space.. As I'm one shoting them for now one...

MATURE CONTENT WARNING:



Saten Twist and Master Sword are at a mall, only to get a rude brush-off from the Santa who works there when he leaves for the night. As a result, Sword vows to kill Santa for blowing him off. And knowing Sword, he wasn't joking.

Saten: Man, wewe may want to calm down there

Sword: f that beslubbering, onion-eyed maggot-pie thinks he can just blow me off like that, he's got another thing coming..(pulls out Pistol) And it's full of led (points it)

Saten: (slaps it away) Geez louise man!

Sword: wewe know what. I'm killing him. You're driving me. Let's go.

Saten: Dri... Driving wewe where?

Sword; To the North Pole to see Santa Claus.

Saten: Really? Up to the North Pole? How do wewe expect me to get there?

Sword: We drive

Saten: I'm not driving wewe to north pole.

Voice: Bar closing

Saten: ... Okay I'll drve you.

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FAKE NORTH POLE:

Sword: This is it huh?

Saten: Yep. This is it.

Teen: Yo, yo, what's up, y'alls? Y'alls ready to kick it in some fine North Pole gear?!

Sword: ... Saten. Does the North Pole usually having teenagers.

Saten: Yeah, sure.

Sword: Hmm... Let me ask something else.. (pins him on ukuta pointing the gun) wewe THINK I'M AN IDIOT!?

Saten: I..

Sword: wewe can't jerk me around when it comes to Santa Claus, dude! There is a Ferris wheel here, and a guy hosing vomit! Nobody vomits at the North Pole! Except for Santa's wife because she has an eating disorder!

Saten: What?

Sword: Yeah, 'cause he can have anyone he wants, and she knows that!

Saten: Okay Sword, there's something I should probably tell you.

Sword: Fine (lowers gun)

Saten: I hate to tell wewe this Sword, but there really is no Santa.

Sword: ... (chuckles) That's funny.. I thought wewe alisema Santa wasn't real.. What's next, hmm? . Um, who else isn't real? Hmm? Y...You gonna tell me SpongeBob? Is he not real? Huh? Is SpongeBob not there at the bottom of the ocean giving Squidward the business? Hmm? au what about Curious George? Huh? Does he not really exist? Hmm? Is Curious George not out there makin' little boats out of newspapers that he should be delivering? Huh? Educate yourself, wewe fool!

Saten: Guess we'll have to do this the hard way then.

Sword: wewe know, wewe know why nothing works out for you, Twist!? Because you've got a negative attitude. Like Eeyore.

Saten: Oh, that's not fair Master. I don't think I have a negative attitude. I just don't think it's a good idea for us to embark on a potentially dangerous journey whe...

Sword: I still have a loaded gun.. Now drive me to the real North Pole.

Saten: What do I get out of this?

Sword: Help me and ... I'll take wewe and Trixie with me to Los Pegasus.

Sword: I'll even pay for the greatest buffets.

Saten: Fine..

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(They drive to Canada but the car breaks down).

Saten: Well that's just great.

Canadian: hujambo there fokes.

Sword: Well this is convienent

Canadian: Oh, hujambo there. You're having some car troubles, eh?

Saten: Yeah, we're trying to get to the North Pole. I don't suppose you're from Triple A, are you?

Canadian: Who?

Saten: Triple A, wewe know? A-A-A.

Canadian: Oh, AA, eh? Oh, I just came from AA.

Saten: No, not AA! AAA!

Canadian: Yeah, that's what I said. AA, eh?

Saten:: Oh, so wewe are with Triple A.

Canadian: Oh, no, that's AAA. I just came from AA, eh?

Sword: Saten I think he's just a drunk.

Saten: Hold on Master, I'm handling this.

Canadian: Well, I can probably take wewe to a gas station, eh? wewe have cash, eh?

Saten: Well, I dunno, my name carries a little weight, but I don't see how that matters here.

Sword: Look, we don't have enough cash to fix the car and we're kind of on our way to the North Pole.

Canadian: Oh, a car won't take ya there anyway. But if ya like, wewe can take my snowmobile.

Saten: ... Really?

Canadian: Oh, sure. That's what Canadian hospitality's all aboot. If ya like, wewe can have all my money and my leg.

Sword: ... Okay.

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(skip to the two on the snowmoblie, Sword holding the leg)

Saten: Why'd we take his leg?

Sword: We're in their country, Saten, we have to observe their customs. (drops leg on bump)

Sword: ... Well, at least we're done with the first leg of our journey.

Saten: That pun was bad and wewe should feel bad.

Sword (annoyed): Fuck off

Saten: I would, but then you'd be all alone.

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(They arrive)

Sword: There it is, Santa's factory

Saten: ...

Saten: I don't believe it.

They knock and sure enough Santa appears. However Santa is a sick and elderly looking, dying man.

Saten: Santa!?

Santa: Who are you?

Sword: I'm Master Sword (pulls out the handgun) AND I'M HERE TO KILL YOU!

Santa: ... Oh thank god. *kneels in front of them* Please do it.

Sword: What?

Santa: (puts gun in mouth) Do it!

Sword: You.. Want me two?

Santa: Put me out of my misery!

Sword: Whoa man, there's no sport in that.

Santa: *starts coughing, Saten helps him up*

Saten: I... I don't understand. I thought wewe were supposed to be jolly and happy.

Santa (shows the factory to be dark gloomy place, and the elfs ll deformed and grey skinned, and the Raindeers all rabid wild animals): I used to be, a long time ago. I made toys for little boys and girls. I loved my work, and they loved me. But it just got out of hand. The world's population kept growing and growing. Kids wanted zaidi toys, fancier toys! We used to make wooden choo-choos and rag dolls. wewe ever try to make an iPod?! I've got orders for millions of 'em!

Saten: ... (crosses iPod off his list).

Santa: Look at those poor elves.. they're just a sickly race of mutated genetic disasters. At least 60% of them are born blind. The workload destroys them, but they don't know anything else. It's gotten so their instincts take over, and near the end, they just walk out into the snow and die. Then the reindeer eat them, which has turned the reindeer into wild, feral creatures with a blood-lust for elf flesh. I don't even pray for them anymore. Seems pointless. What God would allow this?

Sword (actually frightened, which for him is saying a lot): This is none of the songs au specials!

Saten: How could wewe let this happen?!

Santa: Me!? I didn't do this! krisimasi DID THIS!!

(All the elves stand up angrily).

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SONG:

Santa: Each kengele would peal with a silvery zeal, as the holiday feeling was filling us. But now instead all we're feeling is dread, because krisimasi time is killing us!

Elves (all together): Each krisimasi orodha gets us zaidi and zaidi pissed, till the thought of existence is chilling us!

Santa: I'll tell wewe what, shove your orodha up your butt! Because krisimasi time is killing us!

Saten (singing): But can't wewe see, that what wewe do is a dream come true? Can't wewe see that, every smile makes it all worthwhile?

Santa: No, screw, you! It's all but through, there's too much to do! All those dreams are nightmares, (zoom in Elf) AND BLANK ICY STARES!

Santa: Each little elf used to fill up a shelf, making playthings and selflessly thrilling us! Now they're on crack, and it feels like lraq, because Christmastime is killing us!

Elves (together): Each model train only heightens the pain of a workload that's draining and drilling us!

Santa: Fingers all bleed, and look that guy just peed, because krisimasi time is killing us!

Sword (singing): But can't wewe see, our point of view? We rely on you. Can't wewe see that krisimasi cheer, gets us through the year?

Santa: My whole crew is black and blue, can't wewe take a clue? wewe may think I look great, (zoom in to onyesha his elderly wrinkered skin) BUT I'M TWENTY-EIGHT!

Santa: Each jingle kengele is a requiem knell. And while wewe think it's swell we are toiling in Hell. Take a look, wewe can tell as a man I'm a sheeeeeeeeeell! because Christmastime is killing us! KILLING US! krisimasi time is killing us!

(Song ends with the elves all hanging themselves).

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Santa: (coughs and passes out)

Saten: (jaw dropped)

Sword: ... Is weird that that was a great song?

Saten: (eyes turn to him, having no reply)

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Skips to Santa in hospital.

Saten: Is he going to be okay?! It's Christmas!

Elf Doctor: krisimasi is the problem! He can't keep this pace up anymore. If he goes out tonight, he'll die.

20h agoSword: Which means no zaidi Christmas!?

Elf Doctor: Afraid so.

Saten: ... We're do it

Sword and Doctor (together): What!?

Saten: wewe were right Sword, he IS real. And he needs our help.

Sword: Alright. So how do we start?

Saten': Don't worry, Santa. We'll make sure there's a krisimasi this year.

Santa: Thank wewe red pony. That brings me peace in this hour. I'll be with Allah soon.

Saten: What!?

Dr Elf: H-he's just delerious.

Saten: *clearly uncomfortable* Okay then. So we should probably get started

Sword: Anyone else freaked out kwa that Allah thing?

Saten: Forget that, lets get going.

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(Later as they prepare to leave).

Saten: alright.. (whips) Mush!

*Reindeer don't move*

Sword: It's not working. I think they need to be coaxed. Santa alisema they eat elf flesh.

Sword (sees a misshapen elf standing in the snow, staring blankly at nothing): Hey! hujambo you! Come over here!

Elf doesn't move.

Saten: I don't think he even knows where he is.

Sword: I guess we should just do it then.

Saten: (sighs, goes over with swissblade)

Saten cuts through the elf's arm, the elf is unfazed and unresponsive.

Saten (takes the arm): So... bye! *runs back to sleigh*

They take off, using the arm as a lure.

Sword: hujambo dude, that one reindeer just kind of pooped in the other reindeer's face, and the other reindeer just kind of ate it. Isn't krisimasi magical?

Saten: It sure is.

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Sword: Alright. First house of the night

Saten: (tosses gifts carelessly)

Sword: Whoa whoa man! wewe can't just toss those all about.

Saten: Why not?

Sword: wewe kidding? Those aren't socks and underwear donated kwa the moto department to some battered women's shelter. Those are Santa gifts, onyesha some care asshole.

Saten: Whatever, I delievered them. *grabs cookie and eats it*

Sword: Did wewe just eat that whole cookie off the mantel?!

Saten: What? They left it out for Santa. We're Santa.

Sword: Yeah, but you're not supposed to eat all of it. wewe take a bite and a sip of milk..

Saten: Oh wewe know what. *pours maziwa on ground* There. Now they'll know Santa was here

Sword: zaidi like Grinch was here.

Saten: Look I'm here giving out presents, I'll eat the damn cookie if I want. In fact, I might make myself a sandwich.

Sword: Don't wewe fucking dare!

Saten: *goes into the kitchen*

Man: Who's there!? (turns on light)

Saten: Uhh.. I'm Santa.

Man: Yeah, sure, your Santa. That why wewe broke in through the window? I'm calling the cops.

Saten: Wait, we are. We just couldn't fit though the chimey, and forgot the presents.. It's actually a funny stor-

Sword: AHH! (assualts him with bat, spraying blood everywherw)

Saten: WHAT THE HELL!?

Sword: HE WAS GONNA CALL THE COPS! NOBODY CALLS THE FUCKING COPS ON SANTA!

Sword: Now help me drag him to the closet!

Girl: Santa!?

Sword: ... Fuck

Wife: Who are you!?.. (sees body) DAN!?

Saten: Look, we can explain.

Wife flees.

Sword panicks and fires the handgun from earlier.

Girl: MOMMY!

Saten: DUDE!

Sword: I panicked okay! Now find some tape!

The little girl is taped up.

Sword: Alright, now to clean the bat and give to (reads) Johnny... Go check for her brother

Saten: (Goes upstairs) There's only one bedroom!

Sword: Then who's... oh dear god we're in the wrong house!

(sirens blaring)

Sword: Damn it, we tripped the alarm. The cops are coming. Let's go!

Saten: What?! We're just leaving like this? What about not wanting to ruin Christmas?!

Sword: It's already ruined! This was one house. We've been here for an saa and a half! An saa and... First of all, we're not even Santa anymore. This has been a nyumbani invasion. But an saa and a half Saten!

Saten: No wonder Santa Lost his mind, we can't do this in one night!

Sword: NOBODY CAN, IT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!!

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ON SLED:

Sword: I can't believe it! We were supposed to save Christmas, and we completely blew it! We failed Santa!

Saten: No. No, we didn't fail Santa. The world failed Santa. The poor man just gives and gives and gives, and everyone just takes him for granted. Hell, I didn't even think he existed until last night.

Sword: I agree. But what are we supposed to do now? krisimasi is doomed.

Saten: Maybe, but there is one thing we can do.

Saten: But we can make things right

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PONYVILLE/THE inayofuata DAY:

Reporter: This just in, reports from all over the world says that no presents have delivered. We can only assume that everyone has been naugh-

Saten (runs infront of camera): Wait! I know what happened to Santa!

Reporter: Wha?

Twi (from her house): Saten?

(Saten wheels out Santa).

Reporter: Santa?!

Saten: That's right! It's Santa Claus! And the reason there was no krisimasi this mwaka is that this man is sick. Very sick. He's been bludgeoned kwa years of greed and avarice. The workload of filling our krisimasi lists has overwhelmed him. And at the rate he's going, he may not make it another year. But there's a way for us to help him. If all of us everywhere can just cut back our demands and ask for only one krisimasi present every year, there may still be hope. I know it's in our nature to resist sacrifice, even in hard times, but if we don't, we may have to give up krisimasi altogether.

Reporter: wewe heard him folks. Will we take just one gift a year, can we live with that?

Various people: One is enough... One's enough... I can live with that.

Canada24: Okay, just one.. But if it's a gym membership, someone's getting punched in the fucking face!



END OF EPISODE: