sitting there looking out my barred window
looking at the 2 upendo birds
fluttering their wings
they look so sweet and so in upendo
I frown....
will I ever have that?
I wonder most my life
in and out of ppls worlds
fake ppl that say they upendo me
when they only truly want to use me
to hurt me then lose me
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
a stubborn mother who wasn't suppose to bare me
a fathers hate bc of the lose of his wife
a mean hearted brother that hated the air I breathed
lies
abuse
hate
is what I grew to know as a world at which I couldn't win at
a world that shunned me and hated me
I hated it right back and laughed at ppl who alisema that...
one siku someone will want me
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
a foster family I was ripped out of
a family that hated me used me and abused me
unthinkable things that u would only see in sinema
I survived
I drank
I cut
I swore
I didn't care
the meaner ppl got the zaidi hateful I got
laughing at ppl
making fun of ppl who really seemed happy
for their tears made me smile
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
at the end
finished
done
hell with the world
a razor in one hand
a bottle of vodka in the other
.....
one post the only post that saved my pathetic little life...
a new beginning
a world of upendo
hope
family
understanding
smiling happy for the first time in my life
loved kwa someone who saw me for me
a mom
kids
a life I could call my own...
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
im still not good enough
called selfish
told I only thought of myself
I share the work I help when I can...
yet selfish and told I should never have been brought there...
crying huddled in a corner
being called a bitch, kahaba in hateful worlds
no one to talk to without starting a fight
....
he stands there when I know later he will say he didn't mean those nasty things he alisema
when I know in his deepest hearts of hearts
he did mean it
a pain I will carry with me forever
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
I will stand kwa u
I will upendo u
I upendo mom
I upendo the kids
all of u
unconditionally
but I never forget the cold night that took me back
to looking at those upendo birds kwa my window
when I was called
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
looking at the 2 upendo birds
fluttering their wings
they look so sweet and so in upendo
I frown....
will I ever have that?
I wonder most my life
in and out of ppls worlds
fake ppl that say they upendo me
when they only truly want to use me
to hurt me then lose me
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
a stubborn mother who wasn't suppose to bare me
a fathers hate bc of the lose of his wife
a mean hearted brother that hated the air I breathed
lies
abuse
hate
is what I grew to know as a world at which I couldn't win at
a world that shunned me and hated me
I hated it right back and laughed at ppl who alisema that...
one siku someone will want me
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
a foster family I was ripped out of
a family that hated me used me and abused me
unthinkable things that u would only see in sinema
I survived
I drank
I cut
I swore
I didn't care
the meaner ppl got the zaidi hateful I got
laughing at ppl
making fun of ppl who really seemed happy
for their tears made me smile
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
at the end
finished
done
hell with the world
a razor in one hand
a bottle of vodka in the other
.....
one post the only post that saved my pathetic little life...
a new beginning
a world of upendo
hope
family
understanding
smiling happy for the first time in my life
loved kwa someone who saw me for me
a mom
kids
a life I could call my own...
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
im still not good enough
called selfish
told I only thought of myself
I share the work I help when I can...
yet selfish and told I should never have been brought there...
crying huddled in a corner
being called a bitch, kahaba in hateful worlds
no one to talk to without starting a fight
....
he stands there when I know later he will say he didn't mean those nasty things he alisema
when I know in his deepest hearts of hearts
he did mean it
a pain I will carry with me forever
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
I will stand kwa u
I will upendo u
I upendo mom
I upendo the kids
all of u
unconditionally
but I never forget the cold night that took me back
to looking at those upendo birds kwa my window
when I was called
I am selfish
all I have dreamed of was
upendo
family
understanding
laughter
friendship
I am selfish
