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hujambo I was wondering if you'd read the preface to my new story and tell me what wewe think. Please and Thank you.

Hey guys, I'm just trying to write a story people are into so please just be honest. And if wewe hate it don't be afride to maoni that.


Preface
Darkness was already begining to take over. It had only been two months after we had found the book of lies. And already it had taken over two of us. We only had three left. Jessykia,Mari and me, Lauri. We where the three the book talked about. The last three living. They called us. We where the last chance of light. Our world was overcome with blackness. As the book alisema it would. Sometimes I wished Mari, Jessykia and I had never went with Beth and Gina. Jessykia had always senced they were evil. We were not normal. wewe could say. We were powerful. And the book didn't like that. Mari and Jessykia could read people. But I Had much deaper power. I could controll people. And us the 'last three living' each had a power over a natural wonder. Jessyka was fire. Mari, was air. And I was water. And We The 'last three living'. Had to save our world, from the Book of lies.
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When are wewe going to write zaidi and where?
TDIFan960 posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
 midnight-stars posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
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Emo-me said:
Nice story, it was really good...;)

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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
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thanks :)
midnight-stars posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
EYBanuelos said:
It's pretty good. I got hooked since I started kusoma it!
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
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awesome thanks
midnight-stars posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
zutaradragon said:
so...Jessyka is a firebender, like Zuko, Azula, and Ozai...Mari is an airbender, like Aang...and Lauri is a waterbender, like Katara. LOL, i watch 2 much avatar...but thats kinda' the vive i get. and a darkness? u know how meny vitabu i've read with a darkness? the book of lies is something i don't know...and i would read more. u could b a little zaidi differrant, though. this is one of the vitabu with a darkness.
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 so...Jessyka is a firebender, like Zuko, Azula, and Ozai...Mari is an airbender, like Aang...and Lauri is a waterbender, like Katara. LOL, i watch 2 much avatar...but thats kinda' the vive i get. and a darkness? u know how meny vitabu i've read with a darkness? the book of lies is something i don't know...and i would read more. u could b a little zaidi differrant, though. this is one of the vitabu with a darkness.
posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
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sorry 2 burst ur bubble slightly, but i thought i should point it out.
zutaradragon posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
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oh its cool thanks for being honest
midnight-stars posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
selgomez5613 said:
Great job! And cool describing
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
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thanks
midnight-stars posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
Irina92 said:
nice preface but, from experience, preface is one of the easiest parts.. keep going and if wewe have the ideas it'll turn out great!=)
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
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thanks :)
midnight-stars posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
lolibarbie said:
Amazing!
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
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Thanks :P
midnight-stars posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
brandonsbabyboo said:
thata really good actually. i like it, i'm writting a story too but i don't think mine is good enough yet to even put a little bit of it on the web yet. thanks for letting me read it.

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LunaShay said:
This is pretty good!But i think i would switch the powers a little.You don't have to,but most powers used in vitabu are water earth au fire.It kinda reminds me of Avatar XD.
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FearlessSinger said:
Ooh! Cool! I'm so gonna buy it when it's published!!! lol. But I will only buy it if wewe buy my upendo story. Deal?
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
shyboy77 said:
it's awesome yet it's kind of creepy in a way and it seem's to be a suspense full story I upendo it.
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
DracoLuver said:
It's good, but some of the sentences can be combined.

It had only been two months after we had found the book of lies. And already it had taken over two of us.

"It had only been two months after we had found the Book of Lies and already it had taken over two of us."

I hope wewe understand what I'm trying to say.

Same with:

We were not normal. wewe could say. We were powerful. And the book didn't like that.

"We were not normal, as wewe could say. We were powerful and the book didn't like that."

Mari and Jessykia could read people. But I Had much deaper power. I could controll people.

"Mari and Jessyikia could read people, but I had a much deeper power: controlling people."

We only had three left. Jessykia,Mari and me, Lauri.
We where the three the book talked about. The last three living. They called us. We where the last chance of light. Our world was overcome with blackness.

"Jessykia, Mari, and I were the last three left to overcome the darkness threating our world. The last three living, the only hope."

Sometimes I wished Mari, Jessykia and I had never went with Beth and Gina. Jessykia had always senced they were evil.

"Sometimes I wished we had never gone alongside with Beth and Gina; for Jessykia had sensed their evil."

And us the 'last three living' each had a power over a natural wonder. Jessyka was fire. Mari, was air. And I was water. And We The 'last three living'. Had to save our world, from the Book of lies.

"The last three living had power of a natural wonder; Jessyikia - fire, Mari - air, and I being able to control water."

wewe already used 'had to save the world' before, so maybe ...

"We had to destroy this book, before it destroyed us."

I just wanted to give some constructive criticism. Anyway, the story seems very facinating. Good job and good luck! :)






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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
TDIFan960 said:
Wow It's to Good For Words
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
goodman8 said:
Thaht is very good
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