1) I can't reach my license unless wewe hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3) Aren't wewe the guy from the Village People?
4) Hey, wewe must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5) Are wewe Andy au Barney?
6) I thought wewe had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer
7) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8) I pay your salary!
9) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10) Do wewe know why wewe pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11) I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12) When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have wewe been drinking?" wewe probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have wewe been eating doughnuts?"
13) What? wewe need a license to drive?
14) Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!
15) Is your power a penis substitute?
16) Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but wewe have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk
17) Can wewe come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
18) Oops...I thought wewe were a prostitute.
19) Do I have any fruits au vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a matunda au vegetable?
20) A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind
21) Did wewe pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, au the burned out tail-light?
22) Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.
23) Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence
24) Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?
25) Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too
26) My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal
27) Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
28) Do wewe have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
29) You're lucky this car needs a tune-up au you'd have never caught me
30) In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?
31) If you'd try the stuff I just had, wewe wouldn't be so damn uptight
32) Aren't there real crooks somewhere wewe should be catching?
33) Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either
34) Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought wewe going to get a doughnut
35) Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
36) Do wewe have any idea who you're talking to?
37) There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
38) What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol
39) That uniform makes your punda look really big.
40) wewe don't happen to have any bia in your car?
41) I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
42) So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?
43) I'm not as think as wewe stoned I am.
44) Officer: "Do wewe know how fast wewe were going"
Driver "No I'm too stoned to remember"
Thanks to Simon for the two points above!
45) Its tobacco, honest
46) Hey, i bet i can grab that gun before wewe finish uandishi my ticket!
47) Officer: Sir, have wewe been drinking?
>Driver: No, I haven't had any cunts tonight drinkstable.