1.Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others that wewe "like it that way."

2.Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

3.Drum on every available surface.

4.Staple papers in the middle of the page.

5.Ask 800 operators for dates.

6.Specify that your drive-through order is "to-go."

7.Set alarms for bila mpangilio times.

8.Learn Morse code and have conversations with your Marafiki in public consisting entirely of "Beeeeep Beep, Beep Beeeeep Beep...."

9.Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Uncle Bob's stereo with the volume properly adjusted.

10.Honk and wave to strangers.

11.Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

12.Change channels five dakika before the end of every show.

13.Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

14.Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints kwa the cash register.

15.Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

16.But a large quantity of machungwa, chungwa traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

17.Pay for your chajio, chakula cha jioni on a tarehe with pennies.

18.Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

19.Repeat everything someone says as a question.

20.Write "X-Buried Treasure" in bila mpangilio spots on all of someone's road maps.

21.Inform everyone wewe meet of your personal opinion of the Kennedy assassination, UFO's, and the O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.

22.Repeat the following a dozen times: "Did wewe hear that? What? Never mind, it's gone now."

23.Demand that everyone address wewe as "Conquistador."

24.Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

25.Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

26.As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

27.Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, kondoo, mwana-kondoo Chop?)

28.Leave your turn signal on for 50 miles.

29.Pretend that your panya, kipanya is a CB radio and talk into it. (This works great in a computer center.)

30.Name your dog, "Dog."

31.Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

32.Ask people what gender they are.

33.Reply to everything someone says, "That's what wewe think."

34.Lick the filling out of all the Oreos and put the cookie parts back in the tray.

35.Forget the ngumi, punch line of a long joke but assure the listener that it was a "real hoot."

36.Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture.

37.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

38.Lie obviously about trival things, such as the time of the day.

39.Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

40.Sit in your front yard and point your hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

41.Chew on pens you've borrowed... then return them.

42.Listen to 33 rpm records at 45 rpm speed and claim that the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

43.Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

44.Ask the waitress for an extra kiti, kiti cha for your "imaginary friend."

45.Ask your co-workers mysterious maswali and scribble down their majibu in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

46.Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

47.Never make eye contact.

48.Never break eye contact.

49.Signal that a conversation is over kwa clamping your hands over your ears.

50.Construct elaborate "Crop Circles" on your front lawn.