Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate tarehe to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to onyesha wewe the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana au hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
14) I will not give wewe my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for zaidi than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the krisimasi Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy muziki while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
25) I will not make, "OMG" a spell
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
30) I will not go to class sky clad
31) I will not use Umbridge's chemsha bongo to write, "Told wewe I was Hard Core"
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
34) I will not start every potion's class kwa asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"
37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an machungwa, chungwa anorak
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronous
43) I will not lick Trevor
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey"
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the voice of God.
Funny quotes!!!!
I will only stop being your friend when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water.
Learn the rules so wewe know how to properly break them
wewe have enemies? Good. That means wewe stood up for something sometime in your life.
Those are my principals, and if wewe don't like them...
... well i have others.
I upendo irony. wewe know what's ironic? How the people who know the least about wewe have the most to say.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Dear McDonald's Cashier,
Stop looking at me like that. Last time i checked, there were no age limits for Happy Meals.
Sincerely, Don't Forget The Toy
I'm sorry wewe don't like me. I'm sorry wewe think I suck. But most of all, I'm sorry I don't give a crap.
Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground... and miss.
It's a beautiful day! Now watch some idiot screw it up -_-
If you're gonna embarrass, yourself, do it right!
Get the facts first, wewe can distort them later.
Is it just me au does everything seem funnier when you’re suppose to be quiet?
Emotional without all the emo... it's called being human.
Dear Humans,
Remember when your parents told wewe we were zaidi afraid of you, then wewe were of us? We're not.
Sincerely, Spiders
10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden... in his house.
Yes, I do smile stupidly at the computer when someone says something cute.
Did wewe fall from heaven? Cuz it looks like wewe landed on your face -_-
wewe get nyumbani from school. There is a giant box in the front living room with the word 'FRAGILE' on it. This can only mean one thing...
BUBBLE WRAP!
Me: Can I use the bathroom?
Teacher: I don't know, can you?
Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since wewe were a teacher, wewe would know that. Oh well, i guess I'll do it your way. May I go to the bathroom?
Teacher:...
Everyone thinks a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy... pfffttttt! Yeah right! Our dream is to eat without getting fat.
UGH! It’s not that I hate you... um... lemme put it this way, if wewe were on fire, and I had some water, I’d drink the water.
Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well I think guns help because if wewe just stood around saying "BANG" it wouldn't do much.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
When.I.Read.Stuff.Like.This.The.Voice.In.My.Head.Takes.Pauses.
Keep saying those words. My head is held high. wewe wanna bring me down? I dare wewe to try.
If wewe ask me a swali I don’t know, I’m not gonna answer.
It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s automatically cool if it glows in the dark!
When I say I won’t tell anybody… my best friend doesn’t count.
Some people were dropped as a baby…. wewe were clearly thrown at a wall.
Every time I see the word “Explain” on a test, I die a little inside.
Laughing so hard, no noise comes out; so wewe just sit there clapping like a retarded seal.
Dear Teacher,
I understand wewe have to talk to the person in front of me but could please remove your fat butt from my face? Thanks.
Teenagers: the most misunderstood people who are treated like children but are expected to act like adults
Okay, now I'm going to ask a swali millions of girls all over the world want to know... boys, when did it become a high fashion to onyesha us your stupid ugly boxers?!
According to parents, we're too young for love, too old for fun, too smart to play dumb and too immature for certain movies. It's no wonder teens are so rebellious! There's nothing else to do!
I wish life was like a musical.
and in the middle of math,
i could just jump out of my seat, throw up my papers and start singing.
And then the whole math class would pull this dance routine out of their ass, and we would all know the song we were spontaneously making up...
then sit down like nothing happened.
No matter how old wewe are, no matter how much of a baddass wewe think wewe are, if a toddler hands wewe their ringing toy phone, wewe answer it.
Get the facts first, wewe can distort them later.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first wewe don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.
Marafiki come, and Marafiki go, but enemies accumulate.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
If wewe can't beat them, jiunge them. Then take over.
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Enjoy every dakika of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter
1. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every dakika of it.
2. When life gives wewe lemons... MAKE YAOI!
3. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
4. If wewe always stop to smell the roses sooner au later you'll inhale a bee.
5. I am worse than evil... I am the author!
6. Sorry about being late...I got Lost on the path of life.
7. No wewe don't get it wewe think wewe get it which is different than actually getting it get it?
8. There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.
9. People are boring, they are only amusing if wewe push them down a flight of stairs.
10. When life gives wewe lemons make zabibu juisi and let the world wonder how wewe did it.
11. I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.
12. When life gives wewe lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
13. Uh...define 'normal' for me again.
14. There are three rings in marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
15. It's not incest! It's brotherly love! They're different!
16. "Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"
17. "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only wewe get the warm feeling that it brings."
18. "Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is kwa yelling together." The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together.""
19. Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
21. I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
20. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
22. There are plenty zaidi samaki in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
23. Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but wewe can't help smile, when wewe see one fall down the stairs.
24. Due to hivi karibuni cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
25. I lay at my kitanda last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!
26. Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?
27. When someone annoys wewe it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and ngumi, punch the crap out of them.
28. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the pwani like an idiot.
29. I believe in luck: how else can wewe explain the success of those wewe don't like?
30. Don't wewe wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.
31. Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
32. That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
33. Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules
34. …didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…
35. True upendo has no happy ending, because True upendo has no ending.
36. Don't treat others as wewe want to be treated, treat others as they treat you.
37. Therapist= The Rapist
38. Unfortunatly, Stupid people are everywhere.
39. wewe know how to find out your stupid?
40. When wewe don't know that the numbers 20 and 21 are switched
42. And that there is no 41
43. And wewe don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
44. Angry woman = dead man
wewe say BABY PINK
I say BLOOD RED
wewe say HANNAH MONTANA
I say BOWLING FOR SOUP
wewe say ZAC EFRON
I say ROBIN
wewe say RAP
I say ROCK
wewe say I’m WEIRD
I say YES I AM
10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks
9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies
8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly
7. Our magazines have horoscopes
6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around
5. Our Marafiki don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm
4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lie around eating chokoleti once a month
3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have
2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket
1. Girl Talk... wewe know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing
Man: Where have wewe been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen wewe someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this kiti, kiti cha empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if wewe sit down.
Man: Your place au mine?
Woman: Both. wewe go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do wewe do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: hujambo baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do wewe like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would wewe stay there?
Man: If I could see wewe naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw wewe naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: It’s a good thing I have my maktaba card, because I’m checking wewe out.
Woman: Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else
The only reason people get Lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Last night I lay in kitanda looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I am not a vegetarian because I upendo animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If wewe die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
There are worse things in life than death. Have wewe ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Girls are like phones. We upendo to be held, talked too but if wewe press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after wewe kuvuka, msalaba the river.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
If Barbie is so popular, why do wewe have to buy her friends?
The only way to keep your health is to eat what wewe don't want, drink what wewe don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The road to success is always under construction.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the pwani like an idiot.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
wewe know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark ?
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other siku the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take zaidi than one night
A man in upendo is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell wewe no lies.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
It's funny when people discuss upendo Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better au being murdered.
If your boss is getting wewe down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
For people that hate stereotypes. (BOLD the ones wewe are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm an ATHEIEST, so I WILL go to hell
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST have no values au morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I take (or used to take) ANIT-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be CRAZY.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'M NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire, screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth au emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN upendo WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. au crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST upendo fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly
I'm a SKATER, so I MUST do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and tarehe only other punks
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black Marafiki so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I got a CAR for my birthday, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST upendo watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the sun, so I MUST be albino
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST upendo to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm a TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw anime so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST upendo sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST upendo hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney au a posh accent, upendo chai and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI au YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most maarufu person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a mti hugging hippy
I have a shabiki CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT so I MUST be having cyber sex
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG au MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I upendo YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE (much), so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, anime and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I am STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT a CHRISTAIN so I MUST be converted.
I upendo marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason wewe have no food.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Bail wewe out of jail and tell wewe what wewe did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit inayofuata to wewe saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Never seen wewe cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct nukuu from you.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Will leave wewe behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds punda that left you.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at wewe stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, wewe know we don’t waste.”
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect wewe to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make wewe feel a whole lot better!
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Say sorry when wewe want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, au even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until wewe either fall asleep, au kick them out.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
~30 things to do in an elevator!~
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, admit, all of wewe just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase, mkoba au purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there."
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open kwa themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call wewe Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until wewe hear the penny wewe dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a baridi that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and songesha to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a zaidi suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Make farm animal noises
26. Start talking to the wall
27. Carry a stuffed animal with wewe and talk to it
28. Carry a small object and start petting it while saying "My precious." in a demonic voice then laugh like a maniac
29. When one person is on ask them if they want to pet your cat and then purr at them.
30. Rip your clothes and stumble on to the elevator and tell them that wewe just escaped from the mental ward and then laugh like a maniac.
1. wewe accidentally enter your nenosiri on your microwave.
2. wewe haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your Marafiki is they don't have a screen name au my space.
4. wewe would rather look all over the house for the remote rather than just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6. Your boss doesn’t even have the ability to do your job.
7. As wewe read this orodha keep nodding and smiling.
8. As wewe read this orodha wewe think of sending it to all your friends.
9. And wewe were to busy to notice # 5
10. And wewe scrolled back up to see if their was a # 5
11. Now you’re laughing at yourself stupidly.
12. wewe fell for that, and wewe know wewe did.
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate tarehe to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to onyesha wewe the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana au hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
14) I will not give wewe my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for zaidi than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the krisimasi Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy muziki while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
25) I will not make, "OMG" a spell
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
30) I will not go to class sky clad
31) I will not use Umbridge's chemsha bongo to write, "Told wewe I was Hard Core"
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
34) I will not start every potion's class kwa asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"
37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an machungwa, chungwa anorak
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronous
43) I will not lick Trevor
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey"
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the voice of God.
Funny quotes!!!!
I will only stop being your friend when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water.
Learn the rules so wewe know how to properly break them
wewe have enemies? Good. That means wewe stood up for something sometime in your life.
Those are my principals, and if wewe don't like them...
... well i have others.
I upendo irony. wewe know what's ironic? How the people who know the least about wewe have the most to say.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Dear McDonald's Cashier,
Stop looking at me like that. Last time i checked, there were no age limits for Happy Meals.
Sincerely, Don't Forget The Toy
I'm sorry wewe don't like me. I'm sorry wewe think I suck. But most of all, I'm sorry I don't give a crap.
Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground... and miss.
It's a beautiful day! Now watch some idiot screw it up -_-
If you're gonna embarrass, yourself, do it right!
Get the facts first, wewe can distort them later.
Is it just me au does everything seem funnier when you’re suppose to be quiet?
Emotional without all the emo... it's called being human.
Dear Humans,
Remember when your parents told wewe we were zaidi afraid of you, then wewe were of us? We're not.
Sincerely, Spiders
10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden... in his house.
Yes, I do smile stupidly at the computer when someone says something cute.
Did wewe fall from heaven? Cuz it looks like wewe landed on your face -_-
wewe get nyumbani from school. There is a giant box in the front living room with the word 'FRAGILE' on it. This can only mean one thing...
BUBBLE WRAP!
Me: Can I use the bathroom?
Teacher: I don't know, can you?
Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since wewe were a teacher, wewe would know that. Oh well, i guess I'll do it your way. May I go to the bathroom?
Teacher:...
Everyone thinks a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy... pfffttttt! Yeah right! Our dream is to eat without getting fat.
UGH! It’s not that I hate you... um... lemme put it this way, if wewe were on fire, and I had some water, I’d drink the water.
Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well I think guns help because if wewe just stood around saying "BANG" it wouldn't do much.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
When.I.Read.Stuff.Like.This.The.Voice.In.My.Head.Takes.Pauses.
Keep saying those words. My head is held high. wewe wanna bring me down? I dare wewe to try.
If wewe ask me a swali I don’t know, I’m not gonna answer.
It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s automatically cool if it glows in the dark!
When I say I won’t tell anybody… my best friend doesn’t count.
Some people were dropped as a baby…. wewe were clearly thrown at a wall.
Every time I see the word “Explain” on a test, I die a little inside.
Laughing so hard, no noise comes out; so wewe just sit there clapping like a retarded seal.
Dear Teacher,
I understand wewe have to talk to the person in front of me but could please remove your fat butt from my face? Thanks.
Teenagers: the most misunderstood people who are treated like children but are expected to act like adults
Okay, now I'm going to ask a swali millions of girls all over the world want to know... boys, when did it become a high fashion to onyesha us your stupid ugly boxers?!
According to parents, we're too young for love, too old for fun, too smart to play dumb and too immature for certain movies. It's no wonder teens are so rebellious! There's nothing else to do!
I wish life was like a musical.
and in the middle of math,
i could just jump out of my seat, throw up my papers and start singing.
And then the whole math class would pull this dance routine out of their ass, and we would all know the song we were spontaneously making up...
then sit down like nothing happened.
No matter how old wewe are, no matter how much of a baddass wewe think wewe are, if a toddler hands wewe their ringing toy phone, wewe answer it.
Get the facts first, wewe can distort them later.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first wewe don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.
Marafiki come, and Marafiki go, but enemies accumulate.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
If wewe can't beat them, jiunge them. Then take over.
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Enjoy every dakika of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter
1. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every dakika of it.
2. When life gives wewe lemons... MAKE YAOI!
3. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
4. If wewe always stop to smell the roses sooner au later you'll inhale a bee.
5. I am worse than evil... I am the author!
6. Sorry about being late...I got Lost on the path of life.
7. No wewe don't get it wewe think wewe get it which is different than actually getting it get it?
8. There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.
9. People are boring, they are only amusing if wewe push them down a flight of stairs.
10. When life gives wewe lemons make zabibu juisi and let the world wonder how wewe did it.
11. I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.
12. When life gives wewe lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
13. Uh...define 'normal' for me again.
14. There are three rings in marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
15. It's not incest! It's brotherly love! They're different!
16. "Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"
17. "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only wewe get the warm feeling that it brings."
18. "Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is kwa yelling together." The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together.""
19. Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
21. I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
20. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
22. There are plenty zaidi samaki in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
23. Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but wewe can't help smile, when wewe see one fall down the stairs.
24. Due to hivi karibuni cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
25. I lay at my kitanda last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!
26. Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?
27. When someone annoys wewe it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and ngumi, punch the crap out of them.
28. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the pwani like an idiot.
29. I believe in luck: how else can wewe explain the success of those wewe don't like?
30. Don't wewe wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.
31. Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
32. That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
33. Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules
34. …didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…
35. True upendo has no happy ending, because True upendo has no ending.
36. Don't treat others as wewe want to be treated, treat others as they treat you.
37. Therapist= The Rapist
38. Unfortunatly, Stupid people are everywhere.
39. wewe know how to find out your stupid?
40. When wewe don't know that the numbers 20 and 21 are switched
42. And that there is no 41
43. And wewe don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
44. Angry woman = dead man
wewe say BABY PINK
I say BLOOD RED
wewe say HANNAH MONTANA
I say BOWLING FOR SOUP
wewe say ZAC EFRON
I say ROBIN
wewe say RAP
I say ROCK
wewe say I’m WEIRD
I say YES I AM
10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks
9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies
8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly
7. Our magazines have horoscopes
6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around
5. Our Marafiki don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm
4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lie around eating chokoleti once a month
3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have
2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket
1. Girl Talk... wewe know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing
Man: Where have wewe been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen wewe someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this kiti, kiti cha empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if wewe sit down.
Man: Your place au mine?
Woman: Both. wewe go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do wewe do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: hujambo baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do wewe like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would wewe stay there?
Man: If I could see wewe naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw wewe naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: It’s a good thing I have my maktaba card, because I’m checking wewe out.
Woman: Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else
The only reason people get Lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Last night I lay in kitanda looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I am not a vegetarian because I upendo animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If wewe die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
There are worse things in life than death. Have wewe ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Girls are like phones. We upendo to be held, talked too but if wewe press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after wewe kuvuka, msalaba the river.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
If Barbie is so popular, why do wewe have to buy her friends?
The only way to keep your health is to eat what wewe don't want, drink what wewe don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The road to success is always under construction.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the pwani like an idiot.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
wewe know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark ?
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other siku the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take zaidi than one night
A man in upendo is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell wewe no lies.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
It's funny when people discuss upendo Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better au being murdered.
If your boss is getting wewe down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
For people that hate stereotypes. (BOLD the ones wewe are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm an ATHEIEST, so I WILL go to hell
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST have no values au morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I take (or used to take) ANIT-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be CRAZY.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'M NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire, screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth au emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN upendo WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. au crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST upendo fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly
I'm a SKATER, so I MUST do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and tarehe only other punks
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black Marafiki so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I got a CAR for my birthday, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST upendo watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the sun, so I MUST be albino
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST upendo to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm a TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw anime so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST upendo sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST upendo hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney au a posh accent, upendo chai and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI au YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most maarufu person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a mti hugging hippy
I have a shabiki CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT so I MUST be having cyber sex
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG au MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I upendo YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE (much), so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, anime and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I am STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT a CHRISTAIN so I MUST be converted.
I upendo marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason wewe have no food.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Bail wewe out of jail and tell wewe what wewe did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit inayofuata to wewe saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Never seen wewe cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct nukuu from you.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Will leave wewe behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds punda that left you.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at wewe stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, wewe know we don’t waste.”
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect wewe to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make wewe feel a whole lot better!
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Say sorry when wewe want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, au even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until wewe either fall asleep, au kick them out.
FAKE punda FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
~30 things to do in an elevator!~
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, admit, all of wewe just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase, mkoba au purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there."
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open kwa themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call wewe Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until wewe hear the penny wewe dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a baridi that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and songesha to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a zaidi suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Make farm animal noises
26. Start talking to the wall
27. Carry a stuffed animal with wewe and talk to it
28. Carry a small object and start petting it while saying "My precious." in a demonic voice then laugh like a maniac
29. When one person is on ask them if they want to pet your cat and then purr at them.
30. Rip your clothes and stumble on to the elevator and tell them that wewe just escaped from the mental ward and then laugh like a maniac.
1. wewe accidentally enter your nenosiri on your microwave.
2. wewe haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your Marafiki is they don't have a screen name au my space.
4. wewe would rather look all over the house for the remote rather than just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6. Your boss doesn’t even have the ability to do your job.
7. As wewe read this orodha keep nodding and smiling.
8. As wewe read this orodha wewe think of sending it to all your friends.
9. And wewe were to busy to notice # 5
10. And wewe scrolled back up to see if their was a # 5
11. Now you’re laughing at yourself stupidly.
12. wewe fell for that, and wewe know wewe did.
