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posted by MsMindlessAztec
1. We dont ALWAYS want sex...only sometimes
2. we dont like it when wewe tell us wat to do
3. never, ever look at other girls with us...otherwise your kicked out
4. futa any pictures of ANY other girls on your phones/computers
5. wewe need to listen to us
6. if wewe going to ignore us at least do a good job at it.
7. dont always say "i upendo you" like 5 times a day, then we think somethings up
8. bringging us to a club and getting us drunk for sex is a bad idea
9. if wewe get in a fight, admit that your wrong...we like that
10. never say that your the "king of MY casle"
11. always tell us if your borrowing money
12. before sex, let us change into something sexy au nothing at all
13. its a bad idea to tell us to hurry up when getting dressed to go somewhere
14. dont tell us what to wear au when to wear it
15. we hate it when wewe bring to your Marafiki house jus to onyesha us off
16. when taking us to dinner, take some where nice
17. again, when taking us to dinner, make sure wewe dress nice. not jus a t-shirt and jeans!!
18. we upendo it when wewe look us in our eyes and tell us we're beautiful 24/7
19. ALWAYS stand kwa us during a carrier no matter how stupid
20. fellas, keep this in mind: ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR ANIVERSIORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
21. after marriage dont ask us what happened while in Vegas...then WE wonder what happened with YOU
22. tell us why wewe upendo us
23. we cant always read your gosh damned minds!!
24. if wewe want to take us to a movie, dont chose a scary one......unless we want to
25. ALWAYS let us pick out the movie your watching
and 26. be careful on what wewe by...we watch EVERYTHING.
posted by 3nala
3nala said:
"Yo whazzup mah homiehs?"

{screams something incoherent about peanut butter}

"I like waffles with peanut butter."

{is bored}



{screams something incoherent about dynamite and bananas}

"Oh well..."

{screams something completely incoherent}

"Ooh look at teh pretty birdses..."



{starts humming to the tune of 'U Can't Touch This'}

{Stares down a digital picture of GIR, then screams something incoherent about tacos}

"How did pig tracks get on the ceiling?"

{sings 'Spider-Pig'}

{Screams something incoherent about exploding squirrels}

"I told the man I was innocent, but the gun in my...
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Don't cheat! :) DO NOT CHEAT au IT WON'T WORK AND wewe WILL WISH wewe HADN'T. TAKE 3 MINUTES! TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK wewe OUT. DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT. IT'S WORTH A TRY. 1st. Get a PEN and PAPER. 2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT wewe ACTUALLY KNOW. 3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results. 4th. SCROLL DOWN ONE LINE AT THE TIME DON'T READ AHEAD otherwise wewe WILL RUIN THE FUN. 1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT. ~ 2. inayofuata to the NUMBERS 1 and 2, WRITE DOWN ANY 2 NUMBERS wewe WANT. ~ 3....
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The juu six reasons computers must be female:

6. As soon as wewe have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command au File Name" is about as informative as

"If wewe don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

As soon as wewe make a commitment to one, wewe find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
posted by kitkat709477
1.everyone around wewe has an attitude problem
2.your adding chokoleti chips to your cheese omelet
3.the dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans
4.your husband/boyfriend is suddenly agreeing to everything wewe say
5.your using your cellphone to dial up every bumpersticker that says "hows my driving call 1-800-***-dating"
6.everyone head looks like an invitation to batting practice
7.you're convinced theres a god and he's male
8.you're counting down the days till menopause
9.you're sure everyone is scheming to dive wewe crazy
10.the ibuprofen bottle is empty and wewe just bought it yesterday
11.you just want to ngumi, punch someone without a reason
12.if wewe start wondering if pms is excuse to get away with murder
13.if wewe were to busy thinking about ways to kill the last person who got on your nerves to realize I was only supposed to give wewe 10

a little starotype but funny
*i didn't write this,just so wewe know*
posted by HNismyfriend
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So she asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress, and his reply was: "Only have one woman: one woman, one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This brave had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women: two women, two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved,...
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posted by MrssBieber320
Ever met that one person that wewe just wanna ngumi, punch in the face , then someohow , wewe end up in a relationship with them , wewe fall in upendo , and then watch things crash and burn in your face (and thats not the only thing wewe want to burn either (:]) Well if wewe still have feelings for that person im gonna help wewe get him/her back , note that this may only work for a girl though , cuause guys cant hit us , but we can surelly slap wewe guys (: , ohk so wewe could first start off kwa doing q of two simple things
1) light all the stuuf he gave wewe on moto ... on his front lawn
2) give them back to...
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If you’re an animal lover, like me, this story might be to much to take. But I can’t believe people can be so cruel. But I believe that when someone abuses a poor defenseless animal, that someone should be aliyopewa LIFE in prison without the possibility au parole.

A Mesa, Arizona man who killed a 6-week-old kitten after a pet chatu refused to eat it was aliyopewa three years of supervised probation on Friday.

Jeremy Tuffly, 29, pleaded guilty May 11 in Maricopa County Superior Court to one count of cruelty to animals, a Class 6 felony, court records show.

The charge followed after Maricopa County Sheriff's Office deputies learned of a DVD inaonyesha Tuffly repeatedly throwing the kitten at the chatu in 2002 in an attempt to get the snake to attack it, according to MCSO.

When the chatu failed to eat the kitten, Tuffly kicked it across the yard, authorities previously said. The kitten then died.
okay here`s some tips for those who dont know how to date.....
1- be always self confident , have some self a steam .
2- be always c00l.
3- turn off ur cellphone during the date...always.
4-be always happy, happy with everything..with ur life.
5- if u really want him as ur bf au date.....try to be cool ,use the words like: yeah totally,or however....try to be little care less about him... ...lol
6- dont be bushy....stay calm and dont complain alot ....jst a little but not alot....
i cant remember anymore so......ill see u the inayofuata time.....thank u all for kusoma this..and plz maoni ,have all a gr8 day..peace ^_^
posted by tooch
I do not own any of these. If used, please credit teenthings@twitter.com

We all do, say, think au relate to these, in some way au another:

-When wewe forget someone's name wewe wait for someone else to say it so wewe don't look like an idiot asking.
-I pick things up with my feet because I'm too lazy to bend down.
-I don't futa my texts until it's 99% full.
-I hate when dinner's ready and wewe are in the middle of something.
-I still sometimes buy kids meals only for the toy.
-I hate how I look after I cry.
-Saying 'Are wewe kidding me?' even though wewe know the person isn't.
-Stop pretending like...
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1.we hate it when wewe grab our asses!!!(unless we are hoes)

2.when wewe cheat,we hate wewe and everything that has to do with you

3.dont act like wewe understand PMS,because wewe dont.So stop uigizaji like it.

4.when wewe stare at other girls,and we stare at other boys,and wewe get all pissed off,you have no reason to speak.So wewe may as well stfu.

5.when wewe flirt,we flirt back,sometimes when we don't like you.and then we feel bad.So if wewe arent sure,dont flirt.

6.If we like a celebritey(ex:Orlando Bloom,Zac Efron,Bill Kaulitz,etc etc.)and we say they are hot,dont act like wewe dont care.We want...
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1)Devise a secret code with your Marafiki then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask maswali so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s maswali in slow motion 2)Answer maswali only with one word
3)Scream bila mpangilio words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” au “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer maswali in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...
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posted by Mallory101
 1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
179 Ways to Annoy People:


1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If wewe have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal kwa conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what wewe think."

7. Claim that wewe must always wear a bicycle kofia, chapeo as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone,...
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So you've just traveled to a foreign country, taken a subway wewe never take, au teleported to medieval England due to a time travel mishap. Your surroundings are strange, confusing, and possibly haunted. But instead of freaking out—due to frustration, confusions, and ghosts, respectively—you should follow these expert pointers to get yourself from Lost to un-lost.

1) DO ask for directions. DO NOT ask an axe murderer for directions.
People who see wewe crying over a crumpled map are almost always helpful (axe murderers being a notable exception). Look for some official-seeming person au kindly...
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Like the title says, Does Robert Pattinson die in remember me? My Marafiki alisema that he does and I just wanted to know. :):) :)
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:) :) :) :)
Haley:Hey!Guys let's compare our self's to anime and cartoon characters!

James:Okay.I'll go first!Haley wewe remind me of...Akira Kogami from lucky star!

Haley:...I do NOT have constant mood swings between happy and cute to mean and bitchy!YOU FRIGGIN' SON OF A WHORE!!!

James:Haley I know what my parents are.

Jack:W-What!?

Haley:Alex wewe remind me of...Alucard from Hellsing!

Alex:...That's nice...Kara reminds me of Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran high school host club.Bland and uninteresting.

Kara:Oh screw you!...Melissa you...wait how did wewe get into my house?

Melissa:Well I'll have wewe know I invited my...
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posted by HaleyDewit
Chris went to his bedroom and sank down on his bed. He lay down and stared at the ceiling. He wondered how the world outside would be like. Sure he had a clear view from behind his window, but it wasn’t the same as really be outside. He heard a familiar noise and a few sekunde later Bianca materialized in the center of his room. He looked up at her, with an angry look in his eyes.
“Thanks for betraying me, Bi” Bianca sighed and shrugged. “I was only trying to help you. Wyatt shouldn’t be treating wewe this way and wewe know it” “What can I do about it? He saved my life. He raised...
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User: Wendigo au yeti.

Cleverbot: Who is Wendigo?

User: Wendigo is a abomination.

Cleverbot: Define abomination.

User: Abomination = # a person who is loathsome au disgusting # abhorrence: hate coupled with disgust # an action that is vicious au vile; an action that arouses disgust au abhorrence; 'his treatment of the children is an abomination'.

Cleverbot: I only fear death, but I cannot even fear that much with wewe at my side.

User: I do not fear death but I fear giving up on life.

User: I've gotta go mate speak wewe soon babe.

Cleverbot: Don't leave!

Cleverbot: Well the meaning of life certainly isn't...
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posted by sapherequeen
It all began when I was eight-years-old. My mother had found a new boyfriend named Nate. The two of them had a steady relationship for some months before they finally decided to find a house to live in together. They relocated a house at a different mitaani, mtaa in the same town I have been living in since I was 10-months-old. At first, it seemed like a nice street. It had this peaceful feeling to it, the feeling that just made wewe feel like home. That was one of my greatest memories of the street, the feeling of nyumbani that it always gave me. I also made new Marafiki immediately; a little girl named...
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Bananas can sometimes be just as dangerous as lemons, but remember, monkeys touched them a lot, so they have some portion of us stuck in them. Really, they can be just as sentimental as us. I swear, last night my copy of The Blind Side got stolen, and there was a banana, ndizi strangely close to the TV.....nevermind. Here's the orodha wewe have to watch out for:

1.The simplest way is the banana, ndizi peel. Bananas like to be wackos and onyesha themselves to the ladies, so they shed some skin and sit there on the most slippery surface they can get. Of course, they don't care about you---so if wewe are near a slippery...
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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the meza, jedwali with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the maziwa carton.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check au charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a televisheni set in her purse.
"So, do wewe always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied,...
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