I found this hilarious makala on pcworld.com
Don't know who the mwandishi is, but he's funny.
1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
2. It's nyara Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but Lost them in the process?? also the drive is making noises"
Oh, that's normal. Your system is just waiting for wewe to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
4. Mousin' Around
"My panya, kipanya stop working every time i lift it up from the meza, jedwali why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers"
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer--slowly and distinctly--that wewe need the Air panya, kipanya 3000 upgrade. You'll be good in no time.
5. Technical Difficulties
"I've been asked to write an application in my own handwriting....? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do wewe know any?"
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: "Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?" The response: "Not that we know of."
6. It's All in the Details
"I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?"
Wait a minute--does this assignment also require original ideas?
7. Unknown Nuptials
"Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?"
I'll take "questions asked after a night in Vegas" for $500, Alex.
8. A Sticky Subject
"Where can i buy a really big jar of karanga butter?"
If this is from the same guy who asked the awali question, I'm getting concerned.
9. Fruit Frets
"I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?"
That all depends on whether wewe swallowed any seeds. If wewe did, be very careful not to eat any dirt au drink any water for the inayofuata two weeks.
10. Fat Chance
"How do i become obese fast? I want to look good kwa the end of the year."
You can start kwa eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until wewe figure out what "obese" means.
11. Cantaloupe Hunting
"I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i'll try it, but what i saw, wasn't a cantaloupe. it was some white and green matunda thing! whats up with this?"
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is "jackalope"--which is a kuvuka, msalaba between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
12. Hey, Babby
"How is babby formed????? how girl get pragnent?"
On the one hand, I kind of hope wewe never figure it out. On the other, maybe your parents don't know either--and it obviously didn't stop them.
13. An Academic Inquiry
"Why are there school? is a point to it?"
There are school so wewe can learn how is babby formed, silly.
14. Canine Law
"Is it illegal to name a dog after a movie?"
Only if that movie is Air Bud 2. As a practical matter, though, wewe might want to avoid calling out to your pooch on a crowded bus if wewe decide to name it "Bang Bang You're Dead" au "I'm Going to Explode."
15. Lost in Space
"What is the best place to ask maswali online? i mean, au there any QA foramu like on yahoo au anything?"
Hmm...a forum-like place to ask maswali on Yahoo. Nope, haven't heard of anything like that. But if wewe find something, be sure to let us know.
16. Mathematical Matters
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
The easiest way is to flip the positions of 4 and 5 on the number line. Another method is to use LSD (Least Sequential Denominators).
17. Sandwich Sensations
"Is it possible to feel like a sandwich?"
Sure. It's called LSD (Lettuce, Succotash, and Dill-pickle). It feels, like, weird...
18. About Those Drugs...
"How do wewe ask a swali on yahoo answers?"
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out if there's a forum-like place to pose maswali there. Anyone? Anyone?
19. Spelling 101
"How do wewe spell government?"
Most of the time.
20. Turtle Trouble
"I was bitten kwa a kobe, kasa when i was a young lad, can i still drink machungwa, chungwa juice?"
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously--where do they come up with this stuff?
Don't know who the mwandishi is, but he's funny.
1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
2. It's nyara Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but Lost them in the process?? also the drive is making noises"
Oh, that's normal. Your system is just waiting for wewe to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
4. Mousin' Around
"My panya, kipanya stop working every time i lift it up from the meza, jedwali why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers"
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer--slowly and distinctly--that wewe need the Air panya, kipanya 3000 upgrade. You'll be good in no time.
5. Technical Difficulties
"I've been asked to write an application in my own handwriting....? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do wewe know any?"
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: "Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?" The response: "Not that we know of."
6. It's All in the Details
"I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?"
Wait a minute--does this assignment also require original ideas?
7. Unknown Nuptials
"Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?"
I'll take "questions asked after a night in Vegas" for $500, Alex.
8. A Sticky Subject
"Where can i buy a really big jar of karanga butter?"
If this is from the same guy who asked the awali question, I'm getting concerned.
9. Fruit Frets
"I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?"
That all depends on whether wewe swallowed any seeds. If wewe did, be very careful not to eat any dirt au drink any water for the inayofuata two weeks.
10. Fat Chance
"How do i become obese fast? I want to look good kwa the end of the year."
You can start kwa eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until wewe figure out what "obese" means.
11. Cantaloupe Hunting
"I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i'll try it, but what i saw, wasn't a cantaloupe. it was some white and green matunda thing! whats up with this?"
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is "jackalope"--which is a kuvuka, msalaba between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
12. Hey, Babby
"How is babby formed????? how girl get pragnent?"
On the one hand, I kind of hope wewe never figure it out. On the other, maybe your parents don't know either--and it obviously didn't stop them.
13. An Academic Inquiry
"Why are there school? is a point to it?"
There are school so wewe can learn how is babby formed, silly.
14. Canine Law
"Is it illegal to name a dog after a movie?"
Only if that movie is Air Bud 2. As a practical matter, though, wewe might want to avoid calling out to your pooch on a crowded bus if wewe decide to name it "Bang Bang You're Dead" au "I'm Going to Explode."
15. Lost in Space
"What is the best place to ask maswali online? i mean, au there any QA foramu like on yahoo au anything?"
Hmm...a forum-like place to ask maswali on Yahoo. Nope, haven't heard of anything like that. But if wewe find something, be sure to let us know.
16. Mathematical Matters
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
The easiest way is to flip the positions of 4 and 5 on the number line. Another method is to use LSD (Least Sequential Denominators).
17. Sandwich Sensations
"Is it possible to feel like a sandwich?"
Sure. It's called LSD (Lettuce, Succotash, and Dill-pickle). It feels, like, weird...
18. About Those Drugs...
"How do wewe ask a swali on yahoo answers?"
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out if there's a forum-like place to pose maswali there. Anyone? Anyone?
19. Spelling 101
"How do wewe spell government?"
Most of the time.
20. Turtle Trouble
"I was bitten kwa a kobe, kasa when i was a young lad, can i still drink machungwa, chungwa juice?"
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously--where do they come up with this stuff?
Alpha kenny body
1.)Write down on a piece of paper "Alpha kenny body" and get someone to read it. (it sounds like they're saying I'll fuck anybody xD)
I won a math debate
2.)Write down "I won a math debate" and once again get someone to read it. (It should sound like they're saying I want to masterbate xD)
Eye map ness
3.) Say: Eye
Spell: Map
Say: ness
Write this down on paper and wewe have to do as instructed on the left. (It sounds like they're saying I'm a penis xD)
Eye Emma rate hard
4.) write down "Eye emma rate hard" down on a piece of paper (it sounds like they're saying I'm a retard)
Eye M egg ay
5.) Say: Eye
Say: M
Say: egg
Say: ay
(It should sound like they're saying I am a gay xD)
1.)Write down on a piece of paper "Alpha kenny body" and get someone to read it. (it sounds like they're saying I'll fuck anybody xD)
I won a math debate
2.)Write down "I won a math debate" and once again get someone to read it. (It should sound like they're saying I want to masterbate xD)
Eye map ness
3.) Say: Eye
Spell: Map
Say: ness
Write this down on paper and wewe have to do as instructed on the left. (It sounds like they're saying I'm a penis xD)
Eye Emma rate hard
4.) write down "Eye emma rate hard" down on a piece of paper (it sounds like they're saying I'm a retard)
Eye M egg ay
5.) Say: Eye
Say: M
Say: egg
Say: ay
(It should sound like they're saying I am a gay xD)
