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I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated kwa you.
I was so Enchanted kwa your beauty that I ran into that ukuta over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime wewe passed by, just so I could stare at wewe a bit longer.
Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
Sorry, but wewe owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.
wewe look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.
Do wewe have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Do wewe have a map? I'm getting Lost in your eyes.
Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to wewe cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.
You're so beautiful that wewe made me forget my pickup line.
wewe shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!
If I had a nyota for every time wewe brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.
wewe know you're in upendo when wewe can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
I was wondering if wewe had an extra moyo mine seems to have been stolen
Smoking is hazardous to your health... and baby, you're killing me!
There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good wewe look.
Me without wewe is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces
Is there an airport nearby au is that just my moyo taking off?
When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the siku my children were born, the siku I got married, and the siku that I met you.
Are wewe from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.
Are wewe an interior decorator? When i saw wewe the room became beautiful.
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
Baby, if wewe were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
wewe must be a hell of a thief because wewe aliiba my moyo from across the room.
Do wewe have a twin sister? Then wewe must be the most beautiful girl in the world!
wewe look beautiful today, just like every other day.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!
If wewe were a booger I'd pick wewe first.
Do wewe know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I upendo you.
Excuse me, I think wewe have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.
If I were to ask wewe out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
If this bar is a meat market, wewe must be the prime rib.
Are wewe Lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.
I'm fighting the urge to make wewe the happiest woman on earth tonight.
My upendo for wewe is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
hujambo baby you're so fine wewe make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?
I bet wewe $20 you're gonna turn me down.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
Do wewe have the time? [Tells wewe the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Would wewe grab my arm so I can tell my Marafiki I've been touched kwa an angel?
Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Shazaam!"?
Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!
I seem to have Lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

Hello are wewe married? [Yes] Well I didn't hear wewe say "happily".
wewe are like a Candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

Hello how are you? [Fine] Hey, I didn't ask wewe how wewe looked!
Did wewe clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
How was heaven when wewe left it?
Did wewe fart, cause wewe blew me away.
I don't have a maktaba card, but do wewe mind if I check wewe out?
Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
wewe are so fine, I wish I could plant wewe and grow a whole field of you!
Is your last name Gillette? Because wewe are the best a man can get.
Is your name "swiffer"? 'Cause wewe just swept me off my feet.
Excuse me, but wewe dropped something back there" (What?) "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.
Are wewe going to kiss me au do I have to lie to my diary?
Are wewe cold? wewe look like wewe could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
wewe know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
Baby, you're so sweet, wewe put Hershey's outta business.
Can I buy wewe a drink au do wewe just want the money?
Did the sun come out au did wewe just smile at me?
So there wewe are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!
Do wewe believe in upendo at first sight, au should I walk kwa again?
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when wewe have a weak heart.
wewe see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if wewe think I'M cute.
The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
Excuse me, I just noticed wewe noticing me and I just wanted to give wewe notice that I noticed wewe too.
(As she is leaving) hujambo aren't wewe forgetting something? (What?) Me!
Somebody better call God, cuz heaven's missing an angel!
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams.
Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When wewe fell out of heaven?
I'm sorry, were wewe talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.
I know maziwa does a body good, but baby, how much have wewe been drinking?
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a nyumbani run with you.
I'm new in town. Could wewe give me directions to your apartment?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together.
If wewe were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
Was wewe father an alien? Because there's nothing else like wewe on Earth!
What time do wewe have to be back in heaven?
Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.
Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
[Point at her ass] Pardon me, is this kiti, kiti cha taken?
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone aliiba the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
[Look at her shati label.] When they say, "What are wewe doing?" wewe respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"
Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm Lost at sea.
wewe know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.
My name isn't Elmo, but wewe can tickle me any time wewe want to.
wewe be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: wewe treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
(Ask a person for the time) 9:15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.
Pinch me. [Why?] You're so fine I must be dreaming.
if I had to choose between breathing au loving you, I would say "I upendo you" with my last breath!
Ouch! My tooth hurts! [Why?] Because wewe are soooo sweet!
I'm not trying to impress wewe au anything, but... I'm Batman!
wewe must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you're the bomb.
wewe must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
Do wewe know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.
When God made you, he was inaonyesha off.
wewe must be a Snickers, because wewe satisfy me.
Are wewe a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.
Is your dad a terrorist? Because wewe are the bomb.
Are wewe religious? Cause wewe are the majibu to all my prayers.
You're like a dictionary, wewe add meaning to my life!
Baby, wewe are so fine I could put wewe on a plate and sop wewe up with a biscuit.
Is there a upinde wa mvua today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!
wewe remind me of a magnet, because wewe sure are attracting me over here!
Hey, is it just me, au are we destined to be married?
Hello. Are wewe taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?
I have an "owie" on my lip. Will wewe kiss it and make it better?
Let's make like a fabric softener and 'Snuggle
I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right inayofuata to me.
Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of wewe wrapped up in it.
If I could reach out and hold a nyota for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
(Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at wewe with the weather. Can I be your warm front?
How much does a polar kubeba weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice... Hi, I'm (insert name here).
Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that wewe upendo me. Right? [NO!] Darn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.
Should I smile because we are friends, au cry because I know that is what we will ever be?
When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.
hujambo baby. wewe got a jersey? [A jersey?...Why?] Because I need your name and number.
Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do wewe pick 'Do wewe come here often?', 'What's your sign?', au 'Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.'?
(hold out hand) Would wewe hold this for me while I go for a walk?
This time inayofuata mwaka let’s be laughing together.
Didn't I see wewe on the cover of Vogue?
Excuse me, I don't want wewe to think I'm ridiculous au anything, but wewe are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.
Have wewe always been this cute, au did wewe have to work at it?
hujambo baby, wewe must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, wewe turn me on!
Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did wewe get such a finely tuned body?
I have had a really bad siku and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would wewe smile for me?
I hope wewe know CPR, cuz wewe take my breath away!
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
Apart from being sexy, what do wewe do for a living?
If I told wewe that wewe had a great body, would wewe hold it against me?
I sneezed because God blessed me with you.
Is it hot in here au is it just you?
Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and wewe are...gorgeous!
So, what do wewe do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.
Were wewe arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
Wow! Are those real?
Ya know, wewe look really hot! wewe must be real reason for global warming.
wewe are the reason men fall in love.
wewe know the zaidi I drink, the prettier wewe get!
wewe know, I would die happy if I saw wewe naked just once!
wewe know, wewe might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
wewe look like my third wife. [how many time have wewe been married?] Twice.
wewe make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
wewe should be someone's wife.
Were wewe in Boy Scouts? Because wewe sure have tied my moyo in a knot.
Are wewe as beautiful on the inside as wewe are on the outside?
I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
Babe! wewe look so fine I could drink your bath water!
You're so hot wewe would make the devil sweat.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
Excuse me.....Hi, i'm uandishi a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you...
If god made any thing better than wewe he keep it for him self.
Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, wewe turn me on!
Hey, how did wewe do that? (What?) Look so good?
Damn girl, wewe have zaidi curves than a race track.
If wewe stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, wewe would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
If God made anything zaidi pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
wewe are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.
wewe look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
Are wewe a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
wewe are so beautiful that wewe give the sun a reason to shine.
Do wewe want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
Do wewe bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.
Your punda is so nice that it is a shame that wewe have to sit on it.
Someone should call the police, because wewe just aliiba my heart!
Stop, drop, and roll, baby. wewe are on fire.
Baby, you're so hot, wewe make the equator look like the north pole.
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.
How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... wewe just look hot to me.
I just got dumped, and I think that wewe could make me feel better.
(Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. [WHAT?] Well it has to be illegal to look that good!
wewe are a 9 - you'd be a perfect 10 if wewe were with me.
Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.
You're so hot, I bet wewe could light a candle at 10 paces.
My buddies over there alisema that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?
I can't believe I've been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One', all I have time to say is "good bye".
hujambo baby, you've got somthing on your butt: my eyes.
This isn't a bia belly, It'a a fuel tank for a upendo machine.
I don't know you, but I think I upendo wewe already.
wewe know I'd like to invite wewe over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.
Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart.
if we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together. (tulips = two lips)
Is your name Summer? 'Cause wewe are as hot as hell.
If I had to choose between one night with wewe au winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...
Do wewe have any sunscreen? 'Cause wewe are burning me up!
See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.
Stare at girl . ("What're wewe staring at?")
You, Before I Wake Up From this Dream.
You're hotter than donut grease.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause wewe sure are special.
If wewe could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth zaidi than Fort Knox.
I must be dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.
I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.
If wewe were a steak, mnofu wewe would be well done.
It's dark in here. Wait! It's because all of the light is shining on you.
Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] 'Cuz baby, wewe rock me like a hurricane!
Can wewe pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.
On The Phone
She/He says: "Hold on"
wewe Say: "Sorry, I can't hold on... I've already fallen for you."
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell wewe that he needs my moyo back.
added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
added by MrOrange16
Source: seriouspleasures.tumblr.com
added by KateKicksAss
posted by Mallory101
Just some of my favorite quotes.
------------------------------------------------


•Dance like your vagina's on fire.

•Don't be a dick just grow one.

•He haunts me like a nightmare, his image is everywhere, he doesn't leave me alone, i can't escape him au erase him, when i know he's not coming
home.

•If wewe want something you've never had, then you've got to do something you've done.

•How can I go mbele when I don't know which way I'm facing.

•No one is free, Even the birds are chained to the sky.

•And the feeling when I'm with you,right there, is the exact reason why I never gave up...
continue reading...
kwa a Harry Potter fan.

1) Ask them if being a Potterhead means they smoke pot.
2) Point out how much zaidi successful Robert Patz was in Twilight.
3) Steal their Hogwarts robes.
4) Pretend to know what a Hufflepuff is.
5) Ask them why there is no yellow brick road in Hogwarts.
6) Get confused between Voldemort and Dumbledore.
8) Never use the number 7.
9) Call Bellatrix 'Big Head'
10) Ask loudly why Fred and George never noticed their brother was sleeping with a strange man.
11) Laugh at Dobby's death.
12) Refer to Hedwig as 'the strange birdie'
13) Buy them an Umbridge inspired dress for Christmas.
14)...
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added by Hanii-shi
added by 8theGreat
added by shaneoohmac13
(Hello there! If you're new to this series, here's the basics. I take maoni asking maswali from the last episode and answer them in the inayofuata article, but with Robotnik! As a result you'll see some pretty funny stuff. XD Hope wewe enjoy our third episode of Ask Dr. Robotnik!)

(By now it's pretty much a rule that every episode will come out 10 days after the last one. Seriously, the first one was made 20 days ago, the sekunde was made 10 days ago, and here I am making it right now. Coincidence? Ah, whatever. XD)

And now, it's shout-out time! Here is a special thank wewe to all the people who...
continue reading...
added by 3xZ
added by xwolf19
I want everyone who is having a bad siku to feel better and everyone who is having a good siku to feel better. The cure is mtoto wa mbwa and dogs, who are cute. Just click the picture if wewe want a closer look at the awesomeness of mbwa ( au if wewe just want to make the picture larger)

That poor girl, but hujambo a dog gotta go when they gotta go. Hopefully your siku is going better than hers.




wewe will never see the Pixar lamp the same way again.




The poor dog is in a cage, but hujambo at least he is trying to get out. 10 dog treats for him.




That is just wrong, wewe do not steal another dogs...
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added by Panda-Hero
I find this funny. PEDOBEAR APPROVED.
video
creepypasta
added by fillassunshine
Source: deviantart
added by youknowit101
Source: trollposts@tumblr
added by r-pattz
Source: tumblr/SitR
added by Rodz