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posted by Lady_Rebel
People die everyday. There are people dying as I write this, as wewe read it, in the future, and in the past. It’s the same across the globe. But what isn’t the same is how people bury the deceased. We in the U.S. generally bury our dead in the ground. People in Europe used to bury their dead in cairns. Every culture has a different means of putting the dead in their final resting place, but the culture whose method I am going to tell wewe about is Ancient Egypt. zaidi specifically, he process of mummification. Mummification was a long and complicated process involving spells, knives, and a lot of linen. Anubis was the god of death, and watched over the embalming process.
When a person died, a crier went through the streets, calling out the death to the people. Meanwhile, the body was taken to the “ibu” au “place of purification”. The body was washed with palm wine and rinsed in water from the Nile.
The priests then made a small slit in the left side of the body near the stomach. Through this, they removed the liver, lungs, stomach, and intestines. They left the moyo in the body; because they thought that the moyo controlled the body and contained the soul. The inayofuata step was quite…disturbing. They stuck a long hook up the nose of the body and pulled out the brains. This, they disposed of, thinking it useless.
They then stuffed the now partially empty body with natron and left it to dry for forty days. This was also done to the organs. After forty, the body and organs were taken out of the natron and the body was washed with water from the Nile before being rubbed with oil.
    Each of the organs was wrapped in linen and placed within its own canopic jar. Each canopic jar juu had the head of one of the sons of Horus on it. The liver was protected kwa the human-headed Imsety, while Hapi, whose head was a baboon, guarded the lungs. The jackal-headed Duametef safeguarded the stomach and Qebehenuef the falcon, kozi watched over the intestines.
The body was wrapped in long strips of linen, starting with the head neck, hen moving on to the fingers and toes. Then the arms, legs, and torso were wrapped in that order. In-between the layers of linen, the priests placed amulets that were believed to help in the afterlife. Two examples of such are the “Isis Knot” and “Plummet”. Both are pictured. While the body was being wrapped, a priest read spells from the Book of the Dead, a book filled with “spells” for the deceased’s journey through the Underworld. A copy of the Book of the Dead was placed between the hands of the mummy which, along with the legs, were tied together. A cloth was wrapped around the entire body. A portrait of Osiris, the god of the Underworld, was painted on the front of the mummy. Yet another yet cloth was wrapped around the body and this time it was bound in place. The body was placed within a wooden coffin which was placed within another coffin. The coffin was taken to the tomb. But before it was placed within, the priest performed a ceremony called the opening of the mouth. This, they believed, enabled the deceased to eat, drink, and talk in the inayofuata life. They then placed the coffin in a sarcophagus and placed it within the tomb.
I repeat, mummification was a long and complicated process. There were priests who devoted their entire lives to embalming. Aren’t wewe glad that wewe aren’t an Ancient Egyptian?
(This is a new series where I negatively review classic stories. And yes, I do like this story and I will like all the others I will do in the future, but I just thought this was a fun idea so... There wewe go.)

So I'm pretty sure kwa now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a mbwa mwitu and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)

BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing...
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posted by yamishadow2001
(Note: I will swear i might rage a bit but B-E-A-R with me get it? No okay...)

Story: wewe are playing as a security guard to work the night shift from 12 AM-6 AM your goal try to survive the night with a certain amount of power without getting killed for 5 nights... au 7 we will get to that in a dakika and who is trying kill apparently "Kid Friendly" animtronics that we will also get to in a dakika as well so that is the story pretty much.

Characters: The characters are wewe of course. Troll: We all know that dumbass hur hur hur! Oh shut up!*clears throat* as I was saying there is the phone guy...
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posted by lexidude92
Everyone is sitting on a kitanda (being bored)

Libra: What's on on tv?
Virgo: Nothing right now, just keep on daydreaming...
Cancer: THERE'S NOTHING TO DREAM ABOUT!!
Leo: I agree with Cancer, I'm bored, let's watch some tv au go outside to get some fresh air.
Sagittarius: I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Leo.
Aries: usually, there is no fresh air outside.
Leo: No, actually, wewe can't see how fresh the air is out there.
Sagittarius: What?
Leo: *sighs*, your deaf, arn't you?
Sagittarius: No.
Aquarius: I'd listen to some songs...
Leo: nah, I'm fine.
Virgo: at 4:30 we can watch tv.
Leo: why?
Virgo: because....
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posted by BlondLionEzel
Out in the darkness, someone is rending the silence
Awakening this planet from its sleep
Who is it?

Look, evil spirits are right before you
There's nowhere to run, so take 'em straight on!
Someone tells me to erase my "worries" and "fear"
We reconstruct our minds
Clench your fists strongly
Believe in the bonds between us
And fight!

So all I can do
And all wewe can do
Is spread your wings and transform
Take the anger piercing your moyo and turn it into strength
Now all I can do
And all wewe can do
Is shine and transform
To the stage of evolution
Touch and go!

Listen closely! It's a new "beginning"
Why do wewe think...
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Dating Version 2.0: Modern Dating

Some of the old ways of dating could be use an upgrade. Welcome 2014 with these new and improved rules!

For most of us, the best--and usually our first--source of our dating advice is our family. We rely on the experiences and wise words of Mom, Sister, and in some cases even Grandmother, for the do's and don'ts of boys and relationships. But as years pass by, it might be time to rule out some of Mom's and Grandma's old (and old-fashioned) rules on dating and come up with reasonable guidelines that appeal to zaidi modern minds.

The Old Way:
~Date only boys who...
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posted by uploaded900
For a while, I've been thinking of making an makala on my influential celebs and here they are. This orodha is just on entertainers. I'm not the biggest celebrity person, but these have inspired me in some sort of way and I upendo them! Instead of putting trashy people and basic bitches (whose names I won't name) on a pedestal, here are some people I'd like to talk about who should get some credit for the great individuals that they are. I'd also like to add that it's just my opinion and I'd upendo to hear what you've got to say.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

 The Realist
The Realist


Emma Watson
Emma Watson is one...
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posted by cuteasprincie
Survey reveals juu 50 funniest jokes ever told

[HK]

A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been voted the funniest gag ever told. Researchers examined zaidi than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 and getting 36,000 people to vote for their favourites. Source: Onepoll.com

Comedy genius Tommy Cooper had kwa far the most jokes in the list, which also includes gags kwa Peter Kay and Lee Evans.

Jokes ranged from the legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu' - to ones about wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.

The study was...
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