bila mpangilio Article: Car Stereotypes Double Feature

posted by Seanthehedgehog

Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!

Car Stereotypes

There are many different types of cars for many different types of people. Observe.

Audi

Man: *Driving a black A6 at 80 miles an saa down the highway* Get out of the fucking way!!! *Pushes a Cadillac off the road*
Woman: *Crashes into a tree* Maniac!
Man: *Tailgating a Jaguar that is actually going the speed of 55* Come on, don't wewe know what the speed is?! *Honks the horn* Let's go!! *Honks again* I don't have time for this!! *Bumps into the Jaguar, and makes it crash into a guardrail*

Jeep

Buff Man: *Leaning on a trailer with a speed boat* Yep, just getting my Jeep filled up with gas here at the Gulf station, and then I'm going to New York to go fishing, and test out my new boat. God I upendo my Jeep. Off roading is the way of life.

Ford

Man: *Driving a Taurus. He slows down as he gets behind a Corvette* Why is he slowing down?
Teenager: *Looking at the Ford behind him* Please don't be undercover, please don't be undercover!
Man: *Passes him*
Teenager: *Lets out a sigh of relief as he watches the Ford speed away from him*

Toyota

Old Man: *Turns left, passing a red light. He pushes a truck off the road* Learn how to drive!!
Man 53: *Looks at the dent on his truck* Jackass.

Honda

Lady: *Points at her Accord* This is the best car ever, because it's very fuel efficient.
Man: *Looks at his Volt* Yeah, sure.
Lady: (Dammit! He knows the truth! His car is better!!)

Hummer, yes people still drive these

Man: Alright!! I finished lifting the 600 pound weights. Now it's time to go to Wal-Mart and buy stuff!!
People: *Shopping at Wal-Mart*
Man: *Crashes into the front of the store* I WANT 60,000 CASES OF WATER!!! PRONTO!!!
Worker: They're in Aisle 12!
Man: DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!!!!! And while you're at it, FILL UP MY HUMMER WITH DIESEL!!!!!!!!!!! I also need some Blu-Ray discs, a Blu-Ray player, and a large variety of food!
Worker: That probably explains why wewe crashed through the front of our store.

Not all Hummers run on diesel FYI.

Fiat

A hot chick with big breasts was walking towards a pink Fiat 500.

Girl: *Grabs a dildo out of the glove, glovu compartment, then puts the key in the ignition. She turns it, and as she hears the engine having trouble starting, she begins to masturbate with the dildo* Ah! Ah! *Turns the key again as she continues masturbating* Oh yes~!

Citroen

Girl: It's the same thing as Fiat, only in France.
Man 96: Does anyone even drive those?
Girl: I have a 2CV.
Man 96: ...of course wewe do.

Volkswagen

Girl: *In a '55 Beetle, masturbating as her car won't start* Ja, Ja! Jawohl! Das ist wunderbar!
Man 89: Das ist das gleiche Problem wie Fiat, aber in Deutschland.

Aston Martin

Man: *Steps out of his car, wearing a tuxedo*
Woman: *Sitting behind a computer* Have wewe found anything yet?
Man: I spotted our target's vehicle. It's parked in front of the casino. It may take a while for me to-
Man 43: *Steps out of his car*
Man: Never mind, I got a clear shot. *Shoots the man*
Woman: wewe were supposed to bring him in alive!
Man: I'm Daniel Craig, I don't care about bringing people in for questioning. I only care about murder.
Woman: *Facepalm*

And finally, Nissan

A doorbell rang, and the door was soon opened kwa none other than.........ThaSlimJim.

ThaSlimJim: Oh cool, wewe brought my pizza.
pizza Delivery Guy: Yes, I brought it in my new Altima.
ThaSlimJim: Holy shit dude, I have that car!
pizza Delivery Guy: Sick bro!
ThaSlimJim: Do wewe also like pizza too?
pizza Delivery Guy: Hell yeah dude, that's why I deliver it!
ThaSlimJim: Sick! Come on in, I got some marijuana!
pizza Delivery Guy: Rock on bro!!

6 hours later

pizza Delivery Guy: *Stoned as he walks back to his car*
ThaSlimJim: Yo, come back tomorrow with zaidi pizza!
pizza Delivery Guy: Sure thing bro. *Stumbles into his car, and drives away. He swerves down the road at 60 miles an hour*

---

zaidi Car Stereotypes

We have zaidi stereotypes for zaidi cars, coming your way.

Rolls-Royce

Butler: *Parks a Silver Wraith in front of a giant mansion*
Rich Man: *Steps out with an unbrella* Well, pish posh and perfection, welcome to my British nyumbani dear chap. Come this way and I'll onyesha wewe what's inside. *Inside his house* First off, we have every picture inside a dhahabu frame. Each frame is 24 karat gold. I have 65 million pounds worth of diamonds, and 65 million pounds in general. I make ten thousand pounds a day, and share half of it with everyone in town.
Butler: He wouldn't do that if he had an Audi. He'd have to save up to keep it from falling apart.

GMC

Teenager: *Looking at a man*
Man: wewe scratched my truck.
Teenager: I did not.
Man: Yes wewe did.
Teenager: *Follows the man towards his truck. No scratch is seen*
Man: My door is messed up thanks to you.
Teenager: I didn't even touch your truck.
Man: wewe need to be zaidi careful on your bicycle. Get some training wheels.
Teenager: Hey, worry about yourself. *Rides away*
Man: *Shaking in fury*

Dodge

Girl: *Looking at a black charger following her* Please don't be undercover.
Man: *Driving the Charger* What is the meaning of this person going slow? *Runs the girl off the road*
Girl: *Stuck in a ditch* Well, he's definitely not a cop.

Chevrolet

Teenager: *Going 75 on the highway* I don't care if the speed is 55. I'm late for college.
Man 77: *Parked on the side of the road in a Suburban*
Teenager: *Turns off the highway, and drifts onto a road, turning right. He sees the Suburban* That's not a cop, because cops only use Ford's.
Man 77: *Spots the teenager speeding past him. He follows him, turning on his police lights* Dispatch, I got me a speeder.
Teenager: *Looks back at the cop* Fuck.

Mercedes-Benz. There's two of these.

The first one.

Busty Blonde: *Stops at a gas station in a shiny convertible* I need premium.
Attendant: You're not gonna masturbate if wewe have engine trouble, are you?
Busty Blonde: Does my car look like a Fiat? Besides, why should I masturbate, when I got you?
Attendant: *Blushing*

2nd

Indian: Hello, I from India, and this is my 1978 Mercedes. It is diesel powered, and should break down, but it does not, because it is Mercedes. All Indians, and Muslims in America drive diesel powered sedans from the 70's and 80's.
Muslim: Not me, I drive Volvo.
Indian: Get a diesel wewe bitch.

Mitsubishi

Man: *Drifting in snow* Woo-hoo!!
Man 79: *In a Ford Focus* Why am I losing?
Man: Because you're not driving a Mitsubishi. The king of rally cross, in dirt, au snow!! Yeah!! *Goes over a 50 foot jump, and continues driving in the snow* Forget Jeep, Subaru, and everything else. Mitsubishi is what wewe need for off road adventures.

Subaru

Asian: *Drifting in an outback station wagon. He smiles as he tries hard not to lean into the passenger's kiti, kiti cha as he continues drifting*

And finally, BMW

I wish this wasn't true, because BMW's are very nice cars. Alas, some BMW drivers do behave like morons. As a matter of fact, what wewe will see actually happened to me recently.

Man: *At a red light, getting ready to turn left. He looks at a BMW X5 on the other side of the intersection, also getting ready to turn left* That's a nice car, I'd like to have one of those.
Woman: *In the X5*
Man: *Sees the light turn green. He begins to go forward*
Woman: *Driving forward, but gets in front of the other car, and goes on the wrong side of the road*
Man: What are wewe doing?
Woman: wewe nearly hit me!!
Man: I'm not the one who got on the left side of the road. *Gets rammed kwa a Toyota*

Okay, I didn't actually get rammed, but a Toyota was coming towards me at 80 miles an hour. If wewe want to kill yourself, that's your problem, but don't get others involved kwa driving like a jackass.

Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see.

2

Best Marafiki mabey zaidi PT 1

posted by envyelric

The start and the only chapter: "Oh my god there's a sale on MINISKIRTS Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" "Envy just SHUT UP!!!! wewe are a GUY NOT A GIRL!!!!" Lust yells at Envy as he stares at the miniskirt sale sign. "Hey wewe bums want simethin au are wewe goin to keep starin in my store like a couple of freaks?" "Uh I guess that we can look around." "Come on Lust there is a sale on MINISKIRTS here lets go in and buy some MINISKIRTS!!!!!!!!!" Lust just groans as Envy dragged her in the store. "Um Lust?" "Yeah?" "Why is the Fullmetal Pipsqueak here?" "WHAT?!" "That voice, is that Envy and Lust? Al do wewe hear...

4

Fun ways to annoy Harry Potter

posted by lupichkata

Sorry, if it's too short, but that's all i could think of.
1. Go to him and say "I know what wewe did last summer and i'll tell Ron." and see what his reaction is.
2. Poke him with a wand au a stick and when he turns around, pretend it wasn't you.
3. Tell him he has his mother's eyes and his father's package.
4. Laugh hysterically every time he walks in front of wewe and when he asks why whisper "I've read your diary." then run away. Still laughing hysterically.
5. Ask him how his parents are.
6. Ask him if Dumbledore has proposed yet.
7. Write an erotic story about Snape and Harry's mom and read it...

1

IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE

posted by karpach_14

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor kwa floor, and once wewe find what wewe are looking for, wewe can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling wewe what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The Marafiki laugh and without hesitation songesha on to...

1

cabin, kibanda for the Summer-Chapter Nine:James

posted by moolah

James

cabin, kibanda for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Nine: James

I’m James Ricky Reese. I live with my little sister, Cassie, and my older brother (he’s a bum), Greg. I have a hot girlfriend named Chelsea and annoying parents named Kristi and Bobby.
Anyways, I am imba my inayopendelewa song, 21 guns kwa Green siku whenever I hear the all American, annoying Beth scream. It’s not this scared, “It’s a spider” scream. It’s this really excited scream. “OH MY GOD HE’S COMING HERE TONIGHT!” I look over at her and expect her to be jumping up and down...

1

cabin, kibanda for the Summer-Chapter Seven-Laken

posted by moolah

cabin, kibanda for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Seven: Laken

Hi! I’m Laken Reese Barenshsky. I’m 19 and I live with my parents and my 15 mwaka old brother, Jason. I have the most wonderful, beautiful girlfriend, Tori. She’s pretty, she has long brown hair, that’s naturally curly, brown eyes and her smile is gorgeous, like I’ve just been snapped with the sun! God, she’s sexy.
“GOALLLLLLLL!” I scream whenever I kick the pear into the side of this dumpster in the back of the store. Zack grumbles (because he’s a loser!) and we keep kicking this...

1

My thoughts (part 2) Rap

posted by smileypop9

These makala are gonna be the thoughts on life and stuff, and this is part two.
I did this because I was bored, and because I wanna get my thoughts out.
---------

Rap in one word? Crap.
That's my opinion, so don't bash me.
.
Anyway, I hate that stupid drivel. Yeah ok, sorry kids, that I sound like your mother. But I really think that people who listen to rap could seriously use an update to their tunes.
Why would wewe wanna listen to muziki from people who wear their pants down to their knees, objectify women, and swear 24/7?
There's much better muziki available.
...
People who listen to rap are kinda...

2

The Dr. Z! (true, FUNNY story!)

posted by moolah

The Dr. Z!!
By: moolah
(Note: I’ve changed both me and my friend’s name for privacy. I have also changed the name of the school, and my [math] teacher )
[P.S: For Ellen’s part, I am just guessing what happened when I was in the bathroom!]
True Story.

Scene: Applebee’s
Time: 7:50
Why: My birthday dinner
Who: Tabby(me) and Ellen(my friend)
Tabby’s P.O.V
I had to go to the bathroom, so my friend Ellen and I went to the Applebee’s bathroom, and I knocked on the one door to a stall. “YES HONEY!” A woman *I think* who sounded strangely like a man laughed as she spoke...

4

A Step-by-Step Guide to Completing Homework (at the hostel)

posted by smileypop9

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain wewe understand it.

3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help wewe concentrate.

4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, wewe can both walk to the nearby cafe and buy a hamburger to help wewe concentrate. If your friend shows wewe his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders,...

6

Bumble Bee Lyrics

posted by invadercalliope

Oh-o-o-oa
Oh-o-o-o

Oh-o-o-oa
Oh-o-o-o

Sweet little bumble bee I know what wewe want from me
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Sweet little bumble bee zaidi than just a fantasy
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

My moyo skips a beat
When wewe walk in the room
I go boom boom boom
You go zoom zoom zoom
You're my playboy, playtoy
Love and my friend
I wanna be with wewe until the end

I give my moyo and my soul to you
To make wewe see its true
Im so confused, baby, cant wewe see
Please come rescue me

Sweet little bumble bee I know what wewe want from me
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Sweet little bumble...

4

To Whom it may Concern♥Andrea's last letter

posted by moolah

The following is a very fake letter! Trust me!

To the people of the future,
My name is Andrea Reese. I live in Burke Clouds. I live with my mom (Kayla), my dad (George), my cousin (Annie), my two sisters (Ally and Aria). I have a brother (Chance) who is 18 and in collage. He’s nice to me, unlike my friend, Alexis, brother. I upendo my family. I go to Franco Bud Rose Middle School. I am happy. But, I have a serious cancer. It has no none cure, no chemo can cure it. I’ve had it for a mwaka and a half and have been alive. My time is limited here, and I wanted to put this...

2

Japanese mchele Ball Recipe

posted by invadercalliope

Ingredients:
•4 cups steamed Japanese rice
•strips of dried nori (seaweed)
•salt to taste
•black sesame seeds
•*for fillings:
•ume (pickled plum) / grilled salted salmon, salmoni (small chunks) / kombu no tsukudani
Preparation:
Cook steamed rice. Put about a half cup of steamed mchele in a mchele bowl. Wet your hands in water so that the mchele won't stick. Rub some salt on your hands. Place the steamed mchele on your hand and put your inayopendelewa filling, such as kombu-no-tsukudani, umeboshi, and grilled salmon, salmoni on the rice. Push the filling into the mchele lightly. Hold the mchele between your palms. Form the mchele into a round, a triangle, au a cylinder kwa pressing lightly with your both palms. Roll the mchele ball on your hands a few times, pressing lightly. wrap, upangaji pamoja the mchele ball with a strip of nori au sprinkle some sesame seeds on them.

2

Info-merchel (my comidey skit idea)

posted by fly210

voice: NEW FROM WHAT EVA THIS IS IT IS....... THE WHAT EVER IT IS!!!!!!!! This is made in the USA (china) made totaly kwa americans (aliens) and it total IS NOT toxic!!!!!

Woman: I got my son the what ever it is for his berthday and he...

voice: LOVED IT!

Girl's friend: wewe got the what ever it is?

Girl: ya. And I could not LIVE without my what ever it is.

Girl's friend: what does it do?

Girl: I don't know. But I upendo it!

Voice: the what ever it is is only $20 plus $100 shiping and handleing! but if wewe call right now we will also send wewe a what ever wewe call it for double the price even though it is the same thing! we will also double it! Just pay $10000000 zaidi dollers shiping and handleing! wewe GET IT ALL!!!!! the what ever it is , the what ever wewe call it! CALL NOW!!!

other voice: To get the what ever it it and what ever wewe call it have wewe credit cards ready and get ready for bankruptsey! CALL NOW!!!

1

Calliope Channel episode 3

posted by invadercalliope

CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOO
OOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!!
HI EVERYONE I'M YOUR HOST INVADER CALLIOPE!
ITS THE THIRD EPISODE!
HURRAY!
TODAYS A VERY SPECAIL siku BECAUSE I AFISHALY!
WELL TODAY OUR GUEST nyota IS......GIR!
BUM BUM B BUM!
Invader Calliope: HIIIIIII GIR!
Gir: HI!
Invader Calliope: Thats all wewe have to say! HI!
AT LEAST ZIM STAYED IN CHARACTER WHEN HE WAS ON THE SHOW!
Gir: Sorry but it's hard to stay in character and
Invader Calliope: AND!?! GIR EVERYONE LOVES wewe THE MOST wewe HAVE THE MOST shabiki GIRLS AND ZIM STAYED IN CHARACTER!
Oh no we are out of time good bye now and in joy the suprise picture!
The End!

1

Some stuff that InvaderCalliope is interested in!

posted by invadercalliope

Ok,Here are thingz that a am interested in!
Enjoy
Ok here are the biggest things i enjoy: Invader Zim,Video Games,Anime,softcore music,yaoi!
Here are some sinema i am interested in:Invader Dib,9,The nightmare before x-mas,corpse bride,the ring,paranormal activity,some anime movies,titanic
Here is some muziki i'm interestes in:Gir,Invader Zim sound track,anime music,theme songs in tv shows,marilyn manson,my chemical romance,tokyo hotel,bella morte,drowning pool,evanescence
Here are some vitabu i'm interested in:Anything Jhonen Vasquez,Manga,Invader Zim comics,batman comic books,animal books

3

Things I Hate:

posted by EmzLovesCheryl

Well, I'm bored, and depressed, so I've decided to orodha all the things I hate. Well, all the things I hate that I can think of!

1. Fire.
2. Small spaces.
3. The sound wewe get when wewe scratch a balloon.
4. Balloons in general. But just the rubbery ones, wewe know, not the foily ones? Well I know what I mean anyway. :/
5. Nose bleeds.
6. Clowns.
7. Bullies and bullying.
8. School.
9. Spoilt bitches who think that everything is about them, and don't even think about others' feelings.
10. Seeing a loved one cry.
11. The awkward moments that seem to stalk my life.
12. Witnessing a situation that is nothing to do with you, and knowing that it's not going to end happily.
13. Having to exercise in in the boiling hot sun.
14. Those days when wewe just feel like total crap.
15. PE.
16. Sharp knives.
17. samaki fingers.
18. The majority of green vegetables.
19. Being alone outside in the dark.
20. Watching someone suffer.

2

Diana Wynne Jones' Quotes:

posted by moodystuff449

Thing are going round and round my head, au maybe my head is going round and round in things. -(Diana Wynne Jones)Howl's Moving Castle

Sophie, I'm dying of boredom in here, au maybe just dying. -(Diana Wynne Jones)Howl's Moving Castle

"You must admit I have a right to live in a pigsty if I want." — Diana Wynne Jones (Howl's Moving Castle)

"’I think we ought to live happily ever after,’ and she thought he meant it. Sophie knew that living happily ever after with Howl would be a good deal zaidi hair-raising than any storybook made it sound, though she was determined to try.

‘It should be hair-raising,’...

7

I Were A Boy (Beyonce) PARODY!

posted by Blackteardrops

*** No offense to any one... Just randomness xD

If I Were a Boy PARODY

If I were a boy I would be gay
My guy liner would serve as a warning
I would tarehe Adam Lambert
And he’d call me babe

And we would make out on stage
I'd kiss who I wanted
But I’d probably get confronted
No one would stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I would be gay
I would never tarehe a girl
I swear I'd still upendo men

I'd watch Glee
'Cause I know it’s really awesome
When wewe watch a brand new one
I’d invite my Marafiki over
And I wouldn’t let much change but

If I were a boy
I would be gay
I’d come out of the closet
And I’d push...

2

the funnest makala of my makala

posted by Puncky_Girl

brick:butch i'm going to sleep and don't broke something
butch:wait now?
brick:yea so what?
butch:oh come on brick! we can have a party!
brick:party? butch i want a pease!
butch:ok wewe go...
(brick goes to his room)
butch:you leave your phone here brick? (took bricks phone) now let's send SMSes
(door kengele rings)
butch:(looks in the hole) it's open
(mitch comes)
mitch:hey butch
butch:wow mitch wats up?
mitch:i just wanted my ball back (tooks his ball)
butch:hey what is in your pocket?
mitch:marker
butch:will wewe give it to me?
mitch:what you'll give?
butch:umm brick's hat?
mitch:i don't want...

1

The girl Who could cry mbwa mwitu

posted by greenstergirl

Chapter one
Okay this is a really bila mpangilio stroy but I was bored and I couldn't get this idea out of my head. In my opinion it is really badly written so sorry.

“Okay Class, wewe have the rest of the period to finish this quiz. This is the last grade before your midterm so work well, and remembers what we studied,” alisema my Mr. Grazing, my math teacher. He was the kind of teacher kids pick on and make fun of behind his back. I hate math, so I don’t care for him as a teacher much. He usually wears a sweater vest and weird 1950 glasses that squeeze his nose at the tip.

I stared at the Chapter...

5

Why wewe dont get brits drunk

posted by Annacrombie

This is a true story that happened to me moments ago
____________________________________________________

I sat in my room, twenty past 11 trying to find zaidi crap on the internet
I herd a loud noise downstairs, then a crash, a slam of door and some slurred words
My parents were outta town and my lil sis was at a sleep over, what the hell was going on?
I put my laptop down and grabbed the nearest item, which was a lamp,
My brother Luca, aged 21, walked into my room, i could smell the acahol in his breath
"Who da sexiest lil sod in the world? wewe are!" He pointed at me before colapsing on the floor,...