#1: Narrator (Doug Walker): (laughing) And so, hundreds of thousands of people DIED and the outer ukuta was taken over kwa Titans. And the survivors were forced into refugee camps where they didn't have enough food, so even zaidi people died, YEAAAAA! But, how are Eren and the gang getting by?
Garrison: wewe want food?
Garrison: Then wewe should fuckin' jiunge the military! wewe can get all the chakula wewe want!
Garrison: Yeah! And wewe can also do stuff like this! punches and kicks Eren to the ground
Eren: After getting punched and kicked to the ground) That sounds AWESOME!!
Eren: We'll jiunge the military! We'll get all the food, authority, and VENGEANCE that we've ever wanted!
Shardis: Alright, wewe POOP NOBBLERS! Now I don't want no screwing around with wewe batch of MEAT TOSSERS! Last group thought it would be funny to shove a mahindi, nafaka COB up a trainee's BUNGHOLE! And wewe know what happened? They were asked to leave politely, and it was AWKWARD FOR EVERYONE! Alright, Aryan coconut, what's your name?
Armin: Ar- Ar- Ar-
Shardis: WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE kofia OF A MERCEDEZ BENZ, wewe SOUND LIKE A MAJESTIC FUCKING EAGLE!! DO wewe SING?!
Shardis: HARMONIZE WITH ME MAGGOT!!
Armin: I don't know if I can-
Shardis: *sings a very high note*
Armin: *struggles to harmonize with the note, then gets his head turned around kwa Shardis*
Shardis: What about you, muffin, mkate ule ulikuwa mtamu top? What's your story?
Jean: Oh, well, my name is Jean Kirstein from Trost, and after I ace this academy, I'll be joining the Military Police.
Shardis: Wow. wewe seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
Jean: Oh, well thank wewe so m- *gets headbutted kwa Shardis*
Shardis: (After Eren failed at using the 3D gear) What's the matter, Jaeger? Is it too difficult for you? Well if wewe want to quit that's fine. We've got plenty of job openings at the custodial department so wewe can clean up your SHIT PERFORMANCE!!!! Why can't wewe be, zaidi like that majestic stallion, Jean, over there?!
Jean: *laughs smugly*
Connie: OHMYGAWD JEAN YOU'RE SO FUCKING COOL HOLY SHIIET!
Shardis: (After Eren has mastered the 3D gear) Well sweet Pacific Rim-job, look at you, Jaeger! You're all loose and tight at the same time! JEAN! WHY CAN'T wewe BE zaidi LIKE JAEGER-BOMBASTIC OVER HERE?!
Jean: *starts crying*
Connie: OHMYGAWD JEAN wewe SUCK!!
Thomas (no indoor voice): OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE GRADUATING TOMORROW. THIS IS CRAZY. IT SEEMS LIKE WE STARTED YESTERDAY!!
Connie: I KNOW RIGHT! (cough)
Thomas (right inayofuata to Erin): WOW ERIN, THAT IS AMAZING, TELL US zaidi ABOUT THAT GIANT TITAN wewe COULD "TOTALLY" BEAT UP!
Erin: I'm not saying that I could take him with one arm... but I could totally take him with one arm.
Jean: I have never seen a creature quite so love—
Mikasa: I'm not into guys with vaginas.
Jean: *shocked* OHHH!!
Thomas: COME ON GUYS, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!
Eren: What bright side?!
Thomas: I DON'T KNOW. BUT WHEN WE FIND IT, WE SHOULD LOOK ON IT!
Eren: I fucking hate you, Thomas.
Connie: THOMAS wewe SUCK!
Verman (no indoor voice): ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, LISTEN UP! IT IS CONFIRMED, THAT YES, TITANS ARE IN THE CITY, AND YES, wewe ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT THEM! EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ALL FRESH OUT OF TRAINING! THIS MAY SEEM STRANGE TO YOU, HOWEVER, WE BELIEVE, THAT YOUTH WILL OUTWEIGH EXPERIENCE IN THIS SITUATION! WHICH IS WHY I WILL BE COMMANDING FROM THIS WELL FORTIFIED CASTLE!! *Beat* (normal) wewe deploy in 15 minutes.
Thomas: I THINK ONE GOT ME! *gulp* (from inside the Titan's stomach) YEP, IT DEFINITELY GOT ME!!
Reiner: wewe know who gives the best advice on gears? Bertoldt right here.
Bertoldt: Oh, well, I'll just Bertell wewe what I Bertoldt him: wewe just gotta go out there and do it. Just loosen up and be tight at the same time.
Eren: That's it?
Armin: wewe know what, he makes a good, (unintelligable), he makes a good point! (You know it's gotta be the power)
Reiner: Heh ha ha, this guy's great.
Jean: I'm not gonna fight you! You're dirty! *gets punched* Ow!