1. We aren’t mind readers!
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When wewe sleep over never boss me around in kitanda unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If wewe don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” au “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If wewe want sex, just ask. (In case wewe didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
10. Only models are able to wear most of the stuff wewe see in fashion magazines.
11. No guy will complain if he comes nyumbani and sees wewe in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, au just plain naked.
12. wewe don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank juu are fine kwa us.
13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that wewe may enjoy, just let us know.
16. Every so often no matter whether it is true au not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
17. If were not getting upendo we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
22. wewe shouldn’t be flattered au grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
23. Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
24. We masturbate, usually zaidi when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.
25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach wewe not to quit.
26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so kuoga with us.
28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) wewe on juu of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
29. We don’t mind going to gay sinema with wewe but don’t tell our friends.
30. wewe can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports sinema au “Old yeller.”
31. “The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
33. You’re probably not as funny as wewe think.
34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one zaidi girl say “he’s so hot” he may have to die.
35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced kwa a Maxim article)
36. Cooking makes a girl that much zaidi attractive especially if she can use a grill.
37. wewe can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.
38. For every fart that slips out when wewe are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
39. If we want to take naked pictures of wewe it is because we are proud and want to onyesha wewe off to our friends.
40. The red light means the video camera is off.
41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether wewe want to do it with the lights on au off.
42. Whip cream and chokoleti syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.
43. Nothing wewe will ever do will entitle wewe to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
44. The only thing left to be alisema after sex is “goodnight.”
45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play zaidi often.
46. Critiquing our driving is only sekunde to critiquing our upendo making.
47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer maswali we could be castrated.
48. If wewe ask us to go shopping wewe have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
49. The jeans don’t make your punda look fat. Your fat punda makes your punda look fat.
50. 99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.