bila mpangilio Club
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posted by ilovepenguins
1) If upendo is blind, then why is there lingerie?
2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
3) Should wewe believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
5) Why is it that mbwa upendo to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at wewe if wewe blow in their face?
6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
7) If a mti falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
9) If the pembetano, pandetano were run kwa women, would missiles be shaped differently?
10) How do wewe plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
11) If your kiti, kiti cha can become a floatation device, why can't the airplane become a boat?
12) Isn't a "free gift" redundant?
13) Why do people say it's a nice siku in summer but complain it's way too hot?
13) If a Smurf is choking what color does he turn?
14) Many builders refuse to have a 13th floor. Why aren't book publishers afraid to have a Chapter 11?
15) Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
16) Why is a completed building still called a "building" since it's already built?
17) Why sterilize the equipment used to administer a lethal injection?
18) How can there be self-help groups?
19) What was the best thing before they invented sliced bread?
20) Why is that kondoo don't shrink when it rains?
21) If a 24 saa convenience store is open 24 hours per day, 365 days per year, why are there locks on the doors?
22) Why does the term "wind up" mean both start and end?
23) If the word for zaidi than one goose, bata bukini is geese, then why aren't groups of moose called meese?
24) Did wewe know that Evian spelled backwards is naïve?
25) If mizeituni, mzeituni oil comes from smashed olives, how do they make baby oil?
26) If it is true that practice makes perfect, and also true that nobody is perfect, why bother practicing?
27) Are vegetarians allowed to eat animal crackers?
28) How do wewe know if sour, wamekula cream has expired?
29) Why are there no Preparations A-G?
30) Do caskets come with a lifetime warranty?
31) Why are they called marbles if they are made from glass?
32) Ever notice that people who talk to God are saying prayers, but those that God talks to are crazy?
33) Why do people insist on stating things that "go without saying"?
34) Does the military have any misguided missiles?
35) Are all shifts at the cemetery considered graveyard shifts?
36) Do modern siku witches run spell check before they cast their spells?
37) Do mermaids wear algebras?
38) How can there be civil war?
39) Do astronauts with sweaty feet get "missile toe"?
40) If people have nightmares, what do farasi call their scary dreams?
41) Do wewe get to keep the time wewe save?
42) If time heals all wounds, then explain belly buttons.
43) Why do bars have parking lots if it is illegal to drink and drive?
44) How do they treat people who become addicted to therapy?
45) Why do they call it "rush hour" when the traffic is so slow?
46) If it is illegal to shoot them, why do they call it "tourist season"?
47) Why aren't moustaches called "mouthbrows"?
48) Why does the sun make our hair light and our skin dark?
49) Why does dakika mchele have to cook for 15 minutes?
50) Why aren't wiseguy and wiseman the same thing?
51) How do wewe slam revolving doors?
52) If wewe put chakula colouring in a potato seed will the potato grow purple?
53) If an machungwa, chungwa is machungwa, chungwa and called an orange, why is a bannana yellow and not called a yellow?
posted by adaug
Ashley:Okay,lets see there's,a four mwaka old Amber,
A 12 mwaka old Kennedy,A 5 mwaka old Harper,And then there's 9 mwaka old Zack.Some job*Hears screaming*
Amber:HARPER!GET OUT!!!NOW!!!
Harper:Fine!*Takes Dolls*Hope ya don't need your Dollies!*Runs*
Amber:HARPER STOP IT!!!!I WILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU!
Ashley:STOP IT!!*Stops Harper*Harper!Give Amber her dolls back.
Harper:FINE!!*Throws Dolls*I HATE EVERYTHING!!!
Ashley:Okay.Amber,Do wewe want something to eat?
Amber:Yes!Can I have a waffle?
Ashley:Sure!*Goes In kitchen*Waffles...waffles,Oh!
here we go,Okay Egos!Put in kibaniko, mashine ya kubanika mkate for half a minute.
*Ten dakika later*
Kennedy:Hey Ashley!Do wewe know who you're working for?
Ashley:Uh Darrel And Amy?
Kennedy:Well yes but,They're also BILLIONAIRES!They picked wewe as the Babysitter cause wewe have 7 siblings and wewe all ways babysat them.
Ashley:So your telling me that...I'M WORKING FOR BILLIONAIRES!!??
Kennedy:*Rolls eyes*Yes...Yes that is what I meant!
1. bila mpangilio ninjas will NOT jmup down from the sky and pull the fir alarm during math class. we aplogozie for this inconvenience.
2. ^Scratch that, not many epic things fall from the sky, except dead hawks.
3. Just kusoma about Hetalia: Axiz Powers on Wikipedia and you've seen the iParty with Victorious Episode, and as soon as wewe read about Russia stalking China as a panda kubeba wewe recognized the reference, shoutin "All has become clear", you're insane.
4. If wewe see Foamy the squirrel flying around your science class, wewe deserve an invisible cupcake.
5. If you've ever been at SCHOOL and locked...
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1.When i want something now and they alisema they alisema not now i yell like a 5 mwaka old sometime and they will do it

2.If i want to go somewhere and they alisema no i will ingore them kwa saying pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee pretty preetty please and they alisema FINE

3.if i want to play a game au go on the computer and they alisema no i will be cying au just make them get scare from grabing a creppy thing =D

4.if i want to play with my sister with her friend and they alisema no i will alisema creepy thing to them like what if someone take wewe away they will alisema ok scare >:D

5.if i dont want to go to school i will said...
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posted by TruBerries
Yes, it is I, TruBerries. The one that always keeps it real whether wewe want to hear it au not. The one that can be too much real for anyone to handle and therefore, if wewe can't handle au stand the heat, get out the kitchen!

Now, it seems to me, that there's repeated maswali that are getting a lot of people irritated, but wewe know, I've came to terms to decide NOT to answer the question(s) no matter how overrated they are. I must admit that I don't mind the 'What do wewe think of me?' questions( well as long as wewe don't put a personal picha up 'cause everyone could careless on what wewe look...
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posted by yukikiyruu
i just read in this another club iwant u guys to see



From an barua pepe I got.

"The Rules" from the male side

We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. I’m not saying I like them, but it’s only fair to present both sides.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up. wewe need it down. wewe don’t hear us complaining about wewe leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports: It’s like the full moon au the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Breasts...
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1. wewe grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
2. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
3. wewe take picha of yourself from ten feet away without using your camera’s auto-timer.
4. Your eyes stay open when wewe sneeze.
5. wewe don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
6. You’re elected "Employee of the Month" at Starbucks and wewe don’t even work there.
7. wewe spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
8. Your Cats are named "Cream" and "Sugar."
9. wewe can’t even remember your sekunde cup.
10. wewe can jump-start your car without cables.


*** I didn't write this. i got it from link
i thought it was funny and wanted to share it***
cabin, kibanda for the Summer
Chapter Ten: Chelsea & Others
(I know this isn’t supposed to be Chelsea’s chapter, but since Chelsea and James broke up something is going to happen!)
By: moolah

    “I can’t do this anymore!” I screamed in his face, tears running down my face. “Stop yelling at me!” He yelled, a fist at his side. “It’s not helping anything!” Tori walked downstairs in her PJ’s and her eyes looking heavy. All the lights downstairs were on and Beth and David were trying to sleep, but I didn’t care. James had come back to the cabin, kibanda drunk again with...
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posted by smileypop9
Something I did for fun cos I was bored...just getting my thoughts out lol! This is part 3. :DDDDDDDDD
----------------------

Reading. So that's what I'm going to write about now. I upendo reading. It's fun, and it takes wewe to a whole new world.
Don't wewe hate it when someone on fanpop writes: 'Me, reading? pffttt -_-' au something along those lines on their profaili page when they are asked for their inayopendelewa books? I know I do.
..
I mean, how can wewe hate reading? wewe read every day. You're kusoma now. So don't put 'I don't read' on your profaili page, cos wewe obviously do.
..

To those who don't...
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cabin, kibanda for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Six: Beth

    I’m Bethany “Beth” Janice Renee Curtis Spotskey. I live with my parents, Jane and Bob Spotskey, my two brothers, Drew and Josh, my little sister, Samantha and my newborn baby sister, Caitlin.
    I have no boyfriend anymore thanks to Martin who I’d fallen in upendo with. But, he’d broken my moyo zaidi than once. I was trying really hard to let him go, but it wasn’t working exactly.
    Anyways, we were at the market near “Key’s Bathing Wear”. The market was really big,...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
Rebecca doesn't only want to be known for her unforgettable song “Friday” so she is going to do everything in her power to create a cool new album.

Yes indeed, Rebecca has become famous thanks to her annoying song Friday and has got a record deal for a Cd with five zaidi songs, can wewe believe it? :/

Rebecca, is known-for and hated for “Friday”, she has even alisema that she doesn't like the song....we're not sure we believe that.

So on her inayofuata CD Rebecca promises to have a zaidi natural sound than in Friday, and that she, at least, will like her songs....it's amazing how much power the Internet has! It makes and breaks stars.

source: europapress
posted by smileypop9
Ok, so I have come to notice that 99% of people either HATE Justin Bieber, au upendo the crap outta him. Those 2 groups of people are at war with each other. It's kinda annoying.
Why do all the hate maoni have to be about Justin Bieber, don't haters have anything else to do in their lives?

Anyway, I don't hate Justin. I don't upendo him either. I'm kinda in the middle. To me he is like a bila mpangilio boy I just met on the streets.
I don't go around bashing him and his fans, I don't post hate maoni etc, but I don't post 'OMG I upendo JB SOOOOOOOO MUCH' maoni either.
I'm just happy the guy got his...
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posted by smileypop9
I found this on www.funny.com, and it's kinda hilarious!! Can wewe guess whose and what job it is?


You think your job sucks? Let me tell wewe about the people I work with.
First, there's this supermodel wanna-be chick. Ok, I'll admit, she's pretty hot, but damn she is completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair au putting on her makeup. She is extremely self centered and never considers the needs of anyone other than herself. She is dumber than a box of rocks and I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to breathe.
The inayofuata chick is exactly the opposite- she might even...
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cabin, kibanda for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Two: Ella
    I’m totally convinced I have the best boyfriend in the entire world. He’s so sweet he bought me and all my Marafiki a cabin, kibanda for the summer. “Zack, wewe really didn’t need to do this!” I kept saying over and over again. It was no use, he was being all too sweet about it. “I know babe, but they ARE my Marafiki too.” He kissed my forehead then picked my bag up. He grinned and then threw the bag into the car we were taking. “Thanks, baby.” I said, and hopped into the passenger seat.
    When...
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cabin, kibanda for the summer
By: moolah
Chapter One: Tori
Hi, I’m Tori Evans. I live with my parents-even though I just graduated from my High School-Saint Peters. I have a boyfriend named Laken whom I upendo loads.
    I was at home, after graduation whenever my machungwa, chungwa blackberry started to chirp, “You’re the reason why” a song that I put for my boyfriend. I answered, “Hey.” “Hi, Tori, guess what?” He asked. He sounded really excited. “What?” I asked giggling at his excitement. “Zack booked the cabin, for the 11 of us-ALL SUMMER!” He screamed into the phone....
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posted by yoj123
I was walking nyumbani from walmart when a carrot fell from the sky and started talking to me then an air raid siren went off and flying pigs were dropping sausage rolls that blew up into smiley faces when they hit the ground then a nyangumi drove kwa in his sedan and alisema happy Halloween to me then micheal Jackson did the moonwalk on the moon with a cow.


I was like wow I went nyumbani and played wit my xbox, PIE!

And a cat grew a samaki tail and swam away from a basketball

Watch out CHAINSAW MONKEY!


Gggggvgggghfgjsfkfxhjcbkfzhjvxhjxgjcftafhvcihgfxbvzgcdgfgvff
Always & Forever
By: moolah
Chapter One: Tuesdays
    
    Hi! My name is Naomi Locket. I am 15 years old and I have no parents. None! They died in a horrible car accident, but that’s all right kwa me, it gives me zaidi time to spend with the hottest guy alive-Thomas Richards. He’s my boyfriend of 2 years. He has auburn hair and green eyes. But, the disadvantage of having a boyfriend, and being so close, is the often result-babies. Our daughter and son (twins), Jordyn(girl) and Emmett(boy) are about 6 months old. Jordyn is the most adorable little baby,...
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posted by darkkhorn19
If wewe have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, wewe have $1.19. wewe also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the lincoln Memorial.

President Kennedy was the fastest bila mpangilio speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company...
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posted by invadercalliope
Hi everyone this is the Invader Calliope show!
Time to talk about stuff!
Ok here are two perfect things that i love! Invader Zim and Anime!!
Ok i'm on team and L then Mellow then Near!
I do upendo Misa though!
I upendo mchele balls!
Oh my fave number is 37!
I'm using my laptop!
I upendo my cat!
I am feeling happy today!
I enjoy sweets!
I don't eat to much sweets i do eat my vegetables!
I upendo the colors: chokaa Green,Dark Purple,Cyber Blue,and Black!
I upendo the Invader Zim sound track and the amazing singer gir!
Miss Carey: Here are your costumes for the play children. Come and see!
Ed: Is it my costume?
Miss Carey: Yes, it is.
Mady: Is this my dress? It's pretty.
Nicki: Here's my own swan costume. Look at my machungwa, chungwa beak.
Miss Carey: You're the ugly duckling, Allex. Here wewe are.
Allex: Thank you, Miss Carey.
Nicki: Let's put on our costumes!
Mady: Oh no! Look at my dress! It's much too lond.
Ed: My hat is too small. I look tidiculous.
Allex: I look zaidi ridiculous than you. Look at my feet!
Miss Carey: Oh dear! Theey're much too big!
Nicki: And I haven't got any wings!
Ed: This play is a disaster!
Mady: First we've got thousands of scripts.
Allex: And now our costumes don't fit.
Nicki: What's next?
posted by ShiningsTar542
It can be hard at times, but for some girls it is no problem to be Marafiki with an ex.

The key is in how the relationship has ended. It's important that there is no anger and no one has cheated. If this is true for wewe then it is zaidi than possible that with a little time wewe two can go back to being friends.

Marafiki and just friends. wewe must be clear about what wewe want. Sometimes when we pretend to want to be Marafiki with our ex, we are really looking to get back together. Sometimes this is what wewe want and it works, but if it goes wrong then things will be even worse.

Give him space. If after some time apart wewe still want to continue to spend time together without wanting to be a couple, then wewe are ready to be Marafiki again!

-source: justjared T.V show<>