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posted by jessicamc26
6
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well I was trying to commit suicide" the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide kwa shooting your finger off???"

"No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
1.I like pie

2.Blue isn't blue until blue turns blue and when blue turns blue it's possibly blue and when blue turns blue, blue is orange.

3.My cat can fly. I taught him to the other day.

4.Dog chakula is a beautiful thing to watch when wewe are eating!

5.BLACK HEAD!!!!!!!!

6.Butterfly fly away, because I'm your biggest fan, and I got a feeling that you'll shine on like the Moonstone high at the end of time.

7.Heeeeeeeloo!

8. My name is Cow. I like purple. My name is purple. I like cows. In the end, the odds come together and we get out alive.

9. I'M IN HELL WHENEVER I'M AROUND POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

10. Fartblossom!

11.Pip-pip cheerio! (In and English accent.)

12. Your face is disorted when wewe sleeeeeep.

13. Bye alisema Santa while eating Blitzen.
posted by IsabellaMCullen
6
I didn't make this, I just found it...


1.Stick your open palm under the stall ukuta and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2.Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3.Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4.Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5.Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"

6.Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7.Grunt and strain real loud for 30 sekunde and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8.Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9.Say, "Humus....
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added by madforstuff
2
added by teddybear64
Source: found on Google
7
added by OuroborosSnyder
added by coolguy111606
1
posted by ilovepenguins
5
50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time wewe turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him au her that you’ve Lost your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he au she has anything...
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posted by Saturnluv39
13
It is easy to speak and write in Pig Latin, so we all should know how to do it! I'm gonna teach wewe all how to do it!
1. Put the first letter of the word in the back of the word. If the first letter is a vowel, leave it in the front.

2. Add 'ay' to the end of the word.

example:
1. latin
2. atinl
3. atinlay

example:
1. after
2. after
3. afteray

Now wewe know how to do it!
Now, if wewe want to try it out, please translate this sentence into pig latin, and onyesha your results in a comment:
because the web should revolve around you

enter your translation results, and if wewe win, wewe get the prize. I will tell the winner on Dec. 2nd, 2009. If wewe are a winner check everything on your profile.
posted by bubble_babe
7
1) when meeting them for the frist time walk up to him/her and say "thanks wewe for having me, i will try not to bit wewe au the....others" like a evil sad little girl/boy

2) if ur teachers yell at you, au u get into a fight in front of him.her say "fine, i'll just go back to my bunny friends" then stand tall and look proud an say "i'm a bad bunny."

3) be frist in line all the time, and if someone is infront of wewe start a debat on who should be frist

4)ask the teacher to hold your hand while going down the stairs. re-peat this untill they say no then start crying and say "did ur father/mother do...
continue reading...
added by aholic
Source: http://www.stmargarets.org.nz
4
added by Rodz
1
added by aholic
Source: http://i54.photobucket.com
10
it was on the net, don't blame me if it's crap.

1. Walk up to 2 girls with a cup in your hand, give it to one of them and say "WHOA TWO GIRLS ONE CUP!" then look seriously at them, say "Disgusting." and briskly walk away.

2. When wewe see a group of people, follow them around and act as if wewe belong with them, when they laugh, wewe laugh, and after a while, when they're talking about something speak up and say "YEAH I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT wewe MEAN!" then, when they look at you, just nod at them and say "Afternoon." and walk away.

3. Walk into McDonalds and say at the counter "Hey, have wewe got anything...
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posted by TDAPlayer158
3
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If wewe can't drink and drive, why do wewe need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do wewe need a silencer if wewe are going to shoot a mime?

Have wewe ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11...
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1.Stand at the counter and ask for everything that they give out free (including smiles)
2.Keep walking back and forth suspiciously and taking straws, 10 at a time
3.Put “out of order” signs on all their cashes
4.Change your mind whenever your total is aliyopewa to you
5.Take a chair and sit at the counter to eat
6.Only ask for ketchup. Do this at least 10 times.
7.Make an “important” phone call while you’re ordering. If they ask wewe any maswali tell them to be quiet.
8.Demand to get the smallest super-size meal they have
9.Throw ketchup packets at them from a distance. If they kick wewe out...
continue reading...
added by Fitch
added by TheFunnyChick95
9
added by TizzFan4evr
3
added by energizerbunny
1
added by xoheartinohioxo
Source: Google image tafuta