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posted by BlackSunshine
Something I got in an e-mail. Still pretty funny. Especially since I've done a few...

1. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open kwa themselves.

2. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call wewe Admiral.

3. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until wewe hear the penny wewe dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

4. Do Tai Chi exercises.

5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

6. Meow occasionally....
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"We need" means "I want"

"It's your decision" means "The correct decision should be obvious kwa now"

"Do what wewe want "means" You'll pay for this later

"We need to talk" means "I need to complain


"Sure...go ahead" means"I don't want wewe to.

"I'm not upset"means "Of course I'm upset, wewe moron."

"You're...so manly "means" wewe need a shave and wewe sweat a lot."

"You're certainly attentive tonight." means     "Is sex all wewe ever think about?"

"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" means     "I'm on my period."

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" means     "I...
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added by blackrose294
added by Ranty-cat
Source: Twitter
added by Riku114
added by iamjune
added by SilentForce
added by DeiJambastion
Source: Dei
added by tanyya
posted by Nick16
Why did I get divorced????

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do wewe mind if I goin to the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 dakika later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling,"SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
added by Mollymolata
added by shaneoohmac13
I upendo skirts and dresses. They are so pretty. Every woman walks down looking good in them no matter who they are. I could wear any of those dresses and skirts that anyone from kim Kardashian wears to the skirt, upindo that older women wear across the street. I would wear one on a daily basis but there is a problem I'm a man.

Men can only wear trousers and shorts, if anyone sees a man in a skirt, upindo au a dress it is considered wierd au stupid. But is it? A kura ya maoni i took on this club of 20 people, 75% alisema yes to say that men should wear womens clothes and still be men and I am one of them.

Most people would...
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posted by shomill
Is it possible to upendo someone that doesn’t really exist? Think about it. We do it all the time. A boy in high school sees a pretty girl on the other side of the classroom and imagines taking her to a rock concert. A girl dreams of a romantic picnic with the cute guy that just moved in across the street. These people might exist, but the way we visualize them is almost certainly wrong. I’m as guilty of this as anyone. Then, if we finally get to know these people that we’ve fantasized about, we’re crushed to learn that they are not who we thought they were. Why? Because, quite frankly,...
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added by 3xZ
added by tanyya