bila mpangilio Club
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posted by CullenProperty
1.    Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.
2. Guys upendo flirts.
3. A guy can like wewe for a minute, and then forget wewe afterwards.
4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
5. "Are wewe doing something?" au "Have wewe eaten already?" are the first usual maswali a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.
6. Guys may be flirting around all siku but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
7. When a guy really likes you,...
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1. I upendo the way we finish each other’s sentences.

2. I upendo the way I know you’ll never give up on me.

3. I upendo the fact that I wouldn’t ever give up on you.

4. I upendo the way wewe look at me.

5. I upendo how beautiful your eyes are.

6. I upendo the way I can’t imagine a siku without wewe in my life.

7. I upendo the way if we were ever separated I wouldn’t know how to go on.

8. I upendo the way we cuddle and watch sunsets together.

9. I upendo the way we sometimes stay up all night and just talk, then watch the sunrise together.

10. I upendo how I know you’ll always be there when I need wewe to be.

11....
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1. Angus is for a beefy yet cute boyfriend, au to bolster up the woefully sagging self-esteem of a weak, pasty face limb noodle who does your homework for you.

2. Babe - is a classic cute boyfriend nickname that will only get wewe in a slight amount of trouble in front of his friends. ( i call mine this)

3. Baby Boo Boo - is for a boyfriend that you'd like to castrate slowly kwa giving him effeminate names.

4. Bunny-kins - means you're cousins and will be humping like bunnies at the inayofuata family wedding.

5. Bunny Wabbit - wewe may as well stroke his belly with a coonskin cap, herufi kubwa and feed him grapes when...
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DEMENTED POEMS

Roses are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit

Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cuz here comes my willy

Roses are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your shirt
And onyesha me your tits

Roses make me laugh
Violets make me titter
You're a dirty bitch
And wewe upendo it up the shitter

Roses are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You're about to get fisted

Roses are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I've just cum
Pass me a hanky

Roses are red
It's elementary
Let's ring your best friend
And try double entry

Roses are shit
Violets are crap
onyesha me your clit
And I'll cum in your lap

Roses are red
Skidmarks are brown
Give me a blow job
And kumeza it down

Roses are groovy
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
And spanking my monkey
1.Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.
2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3.Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4.Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5.Do not go out in public.
6.Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4.
7.Note expressions.
8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9.Floor is slippery when wet.
10.Lake is slippery when dry.
11.Only talk to strangers wewe know.
12.Strangers wewe don't know are spies... Kill them all.
13.For legal purposes be sure to futa above note.
14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15.Kill...
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posted by Bubblekat
1. Go around stores, pick up items and yell out really loudly "Who buys this CRAP anyway?!"

2. Get a cart, get on the bar below the bar wewe grip, and push it down the isle, extra points for running into something au someone

3. Go up to a bila mpangilio person and say "you have pretty eyes, may I have your eyes?!" and hear to see what they say

4. Laugh randomly

5. If someones talking on a cellphone Go closer to them and start maki bila mpangilio noises to disturb them, extra points if they hang up

6. If your near a kisima, chemchemi run to it and start splashing in it

7. If your mom starts nagging to wewe in public about the...
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1. At the movies: When wewe meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are wewe doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia.. …why don’t wewe try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When wewe ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala”...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
my friend sent me this text message a while zamani and i thought it was hilarious!!!




i need to ask wewe somethingand i want wewe to be totally honest with me. it may be awkward between us after this but i have to kow how wewe feel... I've kept it in for a while now but now it's time to be straight up and just confront you. i hope this doesn't ruin anything we have, i just need to know and i dont see any other way i could get over this. it just doesn't seem fair if i dont gett an answer. i want wewe to tell me truthfully, please no matter how harsh it is. i just want your hoest opinion...

Pepsi au Coke?



Ha ha ha ha !!!
Funny.
added by adultswimperson
Source: Google
I found this hilarious makala on pcworld.com
Don't know who the mwandishi is, but he's funny.

1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.

2. It's nyara Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.

3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my...
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added by XxKeithHarkinxX
Source: Google
posted by Sheetal1256
Here are some funny New Year's resolutions for 2012...
I will think of a nenosiri other than "password" au "hello".

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits inayofuata to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

I will be zaidi imaginative.

I will not bore my boss kwa with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some zaidi excuses.

I will do less laundry and use zaidi deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever...
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Give my regards to broadway. o-O

*Insert epic theme song here*

Alright, I'm pretty sure we all know who Spongebob is. The onyesha was a funny, crazy, and inventive kids onyesha that pretty much EVERYBODY ALIVE has at least heard of.

The onyesha had memorable characters, funny comedy that everyone can enjoy, and.......

CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAATEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! ^____^

But one of my inayopendelewa parts of the onyesha was the songs, and today we're counting down the best of them!

BECAUSE NOBODY CAN SING BETTER THAN A TALKING SPONGE. ;D

#10. Striped Sweater!

link

Shots fired.

Seriously, this is EASILY the stupidest song on this...
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added by Juilet1234
posted by flippy_fan210
Some of wewe might have heard of the game Facade. those of wewe who have, wewe probably wonder why they hate Melons so much. well, this is my theory.
_____________________-_____________________
Trip and Grace used to live in a normal home, no fancy apartment. they had a child, Phoebe. she...really liked melons.

she bought one when she was 5 and never let anyone eat it. they let her keep it. one day, she alisema "i want a cat". it was totally out of the blue, but they alisema yes, she got a little black cat and named him Ivan. she really loved him. one day, she took Ivan up to her room. she came down,...
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posted by Bluekait
French Fries are deep fried in horse oil in France.

Kittens are born with blue eyes, but change when they get older.

People born in November are zaidi likely to become serial killers.

Everything wewe see is actually upside down and your brain just flips it around.

You can't actually multi-task.

Easily distracted people are the ones who are the most creative.

When a person appears in your dreams, that person misses you.

Music can lead teens to depression.

You are zaidi likely to dream when wewe are depressed.

Your odor is as unique as your fingerprint.

If wewe tear off paper from bottles, wewe are sexually...
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posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did wewe get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A penguin, auk rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Welcome to The Weakest Link.

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four maswali to determine the level of your intellect. Your majibu must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating au wasting time.

And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set....GO!!!

1: wewe are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in sekunde place.
In which position are wewe now?

Answer:

If wewe answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. wewe overtook the sekunde runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the inayofuata swali try not to be so dumb.

2 : If wewe overtake the last...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
a boy was asked kwa his teacher to pick some spelling words for his homework. the boy goes nyumbani and asks his mum "what's a good spelling word?" and the mother majibu " Shutup, i'm busy", so he writes it down.
he goes to his dad and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and the dad majibu "da na na na Batman!" so he writes it down.
next he goes to his older sister and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and she majibu "yeah yeah" so the boy writes it down.
he goes to his younger sister and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and she majibu "lollipop, lollipop" so he writes it down.
Finally he goes...
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posted by invadercalliope
•Everyone in this place is unhappy. And since they're unhappy, they're probably looking for someone worse off than they are.
•You know who isn't human? wewe know who isn't human?! PEOPLE LIKE YOU!
•Up to this day, I've never killed a single human.
•You will never see me again.
•I was going to let wewe go; after all, there aren't many of us out there, but you're just such a pain in the ass.
•Please forget about everything.
•Are wewe enjoying this?
Kouta: "I thought we were friends."

Lucy: "We are friends, that's why you're still alive."

Kouta: "You killed my father, Kanae.. and my sister Kanae... For that I will never forgive you."
Lucy: "All this time, I've lived in hope of telling wewe how sorry I am, I've fought armies, just to have this chance, but now, there's nothing I can say that's good enough."

Kurama: "Regret is the domain of those who have earned the right to look back on the past. All I have is shame."
The End