The slam of the door echoed in my mind, even though it had been a few minutes, while I just lay there, on the floor. I could feel a piece of jagged glass digging slightly into my back and rolled slightly to release the pressure. My head was banging harder than it had done in a long time; I had driven for hours and then been beaten up kwa mo own brother. Well worth the journey, alisema the sarcastic, uchungu, chungu voice in my head. I knew I should get up, should get out of the room before room service called and I had to think of an excuse of why not to pay, au find a phony credit card...but I couldn’t. So I just lay there, for about ten dakika with my head pounding, my muscles aching and a whole lot of unwanted hurt pouring into my mind. The words that Sam had alisema to me before he walked out...I had never heard him so angry au defiant before in my life. When he was standing over me, hopped up on demon blood, completely falling for Ruby and so distant from me, it was like I had just fought with a person I hardly knew.
I lifted a hand gingerly and felt my neck where my own brother had grabbed me; not because it still hurt, but because I was checking it had actually happened...if he’d actually tried to do that to me. Along with the action came memories of what we had alisema to each other in the last half an hour, and, looking back, not only did I wince at the things I remembered Sam saying, but also at what I had said.
It’s got to be about getting him back, not pushing him away, Bobby had said. Great job I’d done at that. My emotions were so conflicted that I didn’t know how to feel; I was disappointed in myself for uigizaji that way, treating him like that, saying that sentence that I never thought Sam would hear again... If wewe walk out that door, don’t wewe ever come back.
But at the same time, I was far too furious to be feeling anger au disappointment at myself – all my anger and resentment was so much zaidi for Sam at that moment. He’d chosen Ruby over me, and never had I felt so betrayed and abandoned than I did right now. That bitch, kahaba was manipulating him beyond belief, couldn’t he see that? I didn’t understand how something as petty as a demon had pushed so big a wedge between the two of us in the last few months. No one, not even Bobby, understood how much I counted on Sam, for pretty much our whole lives. He’d been there for me for almost as long as I could remember, and when I’d most needed him; he was the only person I could ever feel anywhere near comfortable talking about Hell with. And this is what I got in return.
wewe don’t know me. wewe never did, and wewe never will.
I felt the slight hint that a tear was on its way, and I compelled it back down. It wasn’t a tear of sadness, although I had never really felt so betrayed, but one of anger, and I knew that if I let it bubble out I wouldn’t be able to stop, and I would wreck the rest of the hotel room. I sat up slowly and looked around at the damage our fight had caused, both to the room and to myself as I caught a glimpse in the cracked mirror to my right. I looked down at my chest and fingered the pendant around my neck, and realised that I hadn’t the faintest idea what to do next, without Sam. I was alone.
Well, not entirely.
I got my phone out my pocket and dialled Bobby’s number to tell him I’d be back at his again kwa nightfall.
Without Sam.
I lifted a hand gingerly and felt my neck where my own brother had grabbed me; not because it still hurt, but because I was checking it had actually happened...if he’d actually tried to do that to me. Along with the action came memories of what we had alisema to each other in the last half an hour, and, looking back, not only did I wince at the things I remembered Sam saying, but also at what I had said.
It’s got to be about getting him back, not pushing him away, Bobby had said. Great job I’d done at that. My emotions were so conflicted that I didn’t know how to feel; I was disappointed in myself for uigizaji that way, treating him like that, saying that sentence that I never thought Sam would hear again... If wewe walk out that door, don’t wewe ever come back.
But at the same time, I was far too furious to be feeling anger au disappointment at myself – all my anger and resentment was so much zaidi for Sam at that moment. He’d chosen Ruby over me, and never had I felt so betrayed and abandoned than I did right now. That bitch, kahaba was manipulating him beyond belief, couldn’t he see that? I didn’t understand how something as petty as a demon had pushed so big a wedge between the two of us in the last few months. No one, not even Bobby, understood how much I counted on Sam, for pretty much our whole lives. He’d been there for me for almost as long as I could remember, and when I’d most needed him; he was the only person I could ever feel anywhere near comfortable talking about Hell with. And this is what I got in return.
wewe don’t know me. wewe never did, and wewe never will.
I felt the slight hint that a tear was on its way, and I compelled it back down. It wasn’t a tear of sadness, although I had never really felt so betrayed, but one of anger, and I knew that if I let it bubble out I wouldn’t be able to stop, and I would wreck the rest of the hotel room. I sat up slowly and looked around at the damage our fight had caused, both to the room and to myself as I caught a glimpse in the cracked mirror to my right. I looked down at my chest and fingered the pendant around my neck, and realised that I hadn’t the faintest idea what to do next, without Sam. I was alone.
Well, not entirely.
I got my phone out my pocket and dialled Bobby’s number to tell him I’d be back at his again kwa nightfall.
Without Sam.
