Look around you, I told myself, over and over and over again. Look around you, and cry. Cry freely, girl.
But I didn't. I couldn't find the strength to cry... to make the tears fall from my eyes. I didn't think I was ready to let the tears hit the ground with a soft patter; to wince at the sad and depressing sound that came from my mouth; to let Duncan see that I couldn't handle anything.
I looked up at him. His eyes were glazed and pained as he gazed into mine. I immediately felt a pang of guilt, and I sighed.
"Mina?" He brushed my cheek.
I didn't answer. I wanted to cry -- yet I didn't... I had no idea why. I wanted to let it all go, yet the other half of me, the zaidi determined half.. warned me not to let it go until it was the right time.
Whatever that was.
"Duncan..." I would do it. I would break up with Duncan. "I'm... sorry." Well, that's great, my sarcasm inside me sneered. You're sorry. How delightful. Want me to tell wewe I'm sorry, too?
No. That won't help, I pleaded with myself.
That's wonderful. So... go ahead and tell him you're sorry..
SHUT UP!! I screamed to myself.
I paused. Duncan didn't say anything, he regarded me, nervous, sad, and he knew what was happening. But could I do it? Maybe I was being dumb. Who was I to break up with him? Why did I do it? If I had no reason... then why?
"I understand you, Mina," he alisema quietly, his eyes becoming shinier kwa the moment.
"That's good," I whispered, looking down.
"I know what wewe want." He paused, looking at me one time over. "But before... please, Mina... tell me why."
"What?" I was startled kwa his question.
"What did I do?" He was still as upset as he ever was.
I closed my eyes, hoping they'd stay that way forever, so that I'd never have to see anything ever again. Blackness was better. I could see clearly. Everything else as blurred with tears.
"Nothing." My voice was almost inaudible.
"Then why--" Duncan broke off, then tried to pull back. "Let me guess. You've moved on."
I could have alisema yes then, to make everything so mcuh easier... but I didn't. Something in me was protesting... and I couldn't help but notice. My longing for Duncan burned in me, and I hated myself for doing this as much as I hated myself for everything else in the world that I did wrong. But that something burned strong in the depth of my heart... and whatever it was, that something made me disagree.
"No," I murmured, my voice muffled. "It's not that."
"You don't like me anymore..." he guessed, clearly not realizing the double-meaning in his sentence.
That hit me with so much regret that I suddenly sprang back to life again. "No!" I protested. "I like wewe too much, Duncan. That's the problem."
He didn't get it. To be honest, I didn't, either.
Duncan was confused. "Then what.." he didn't finish.
"I'll go," I alisema softly. "You don't want me to be here."
I stood up, and I ran, as fast as I could in my coffee-brown and white flats, ignoring with all my will when Duncan called back to me.
I refused to turn my head back even once, because I knew my desire for him would take over. So I ran.
I threw open my penthouse door, and I ran, sobbing, into my bedroom. It wasn't fair. Duncan loved... me? He was too perfect. He could find someone like him; every inch as perfect as he is.
I flung myself face-first onto my pillow.
And I cried, letting my cry muffle against the pillow.
I loved, with the strong longing for Duncan somewhere in my heart.
I saw the world as it was... dark and horrible and loveless.
Speak, Mina, speak.
Love, Mina, love.
Cry, Mina, cry... <3
But I didn't. I couldn't find the strength to cry... to make the tears fall from my eyes. I didn't think I was ready to let the tears hit the ground with a soft patter; to wince at the sad and depressing sound that came from my mouth; to let Duncan see that I couldn't handle anything.
I looked up at him. His eyes were glazed and pained as he gazed into mine. I immediately felt a pang of guilt, and I sighed.
"Mina?" He brushed my cheek.
I didn't answer. I wanted to cry -- yet I didn't... I had no idea why. I wanted to let it all go, yet the other half of me, the zaidi determined half.. warned me not to let it go until it was the right time.
Whatever that was.
"Duncan..." I would do it. I would break up with Duncan. "I'm... sorry." Well, that's great, my sarcasm inside me sneered. You're sorry. How delightful. Want me to tell wewe I'm sorry, too?
No. That won't help, I pleaded with myself.
That's wonderful. So... go ahead and tell him you're sorry..
SHUT UP!! I screamed to myself.
I paused. Duncan didn't say anything, he regarded me, nervous, sad, and he knew what was happening. But could I do it? Maybe I was being dumb. Who was I to break up with him? Why did I do it? If I had no reason... then why?
"I understand you, Mina," he alisema quietly, his eyes becoming shinier kwa the moment.
"That's good," I whispered, looking down.
"I know what wewe want." He paused, looking at me one time over. "But before... please, Mina... tell me why."
"What?" I was startled kwa his question.
"What did I do?" He was still as upset as he ever was.
I closed my eyes, hoping they'd stay that way forever, so that I'd never have to see anything ever again. Blackness was better. I could see clearly. Everything else as blurred with tears.
"Nothing." My voice was almost inaudible.
"Then why--" Duncan broke off, then tried to pull back. "Let me guess. You've moved on."
I could have alisema yes then, to make everything so mcuh easier... but I didn't. Something in me was protesting... and I couldn't help but notice. My longing for Duncan burned in me, and I hated myself for doing this as much as I hated myself for everything else in the world that I did wrong. But that something burned strong in the depth of my heart... and whatever it was, that something made me disagree.
"No," I murmured, my voice muffled. "It's not that."
"You don't like me anymore..." he guessed, clearly not realizing the double-meaning in his sentence.
That hit me with so much regret that I suddenly sprang back to life again. "No!" I protested. "I like wewe too much, Duncan. That's the problem."
He didn't get it. To be honest, I didn't, either.
Duncan was confused. "Then what.." he didn't finish.
"I'll go," I alisema softly. "You don't want me to be here."
I stood up, and I ran, as fast as I could in my coffee-brown and white flats, ignoring with all my will when Duncan called back to me.
I refused to turn my head back even once, because I knew my desire for him would take over. So I ran.
I threw open my penthouse door, and I ran, sobbing, into my bedroom. It wasn't fair. Duncan loved... me? He was too perfect. He could find someone like him; every inch as perfect as he is.
I flung myself face-first onto my pillow.
And I cried, letting my cry muffle against the pillow.
I loved, with the strong longing for Duncan somewhere in my heart.
I saw the world as it was... dark and horrible and loveless.
Speak, Mina, speak.
Love, Mina, love.
Cry, Mina, cry... <3
Last time on TOTAL DRAMA FREAKS
Everyone started going crazy,and got trapped in the 'candy cane cave' wich was just a house.
*Purple air floats in**everyone faints*
7 hours later
*Everyone wakes up*
"Huh?Who are wewe people?Who am I?"asked Alex."Aleeeexxxxx?!You-hoooo?!It's me Bridgette?!"said Bridgette,flicking her forehead.*Ronnie turns head*"Whoa!What's that?!""I think it's aaaaaaaaa"Tyler yawned.*Every looks*"UNICORNIES!!!Swimming in pee!!"yelled Vanessa,staring at trees."Let's go look at the unicorns and cookies."said Yoko and DJ.
*Everyone walks over*
"Look,unicorns and Steel!!!I upendo STEEL!!"yelled Noah and Brooke together.*They both lick it*
"Where are we?What are unicorns and what is steel?sfjdjhfsh" alisema Alex.">.- owww i jabed my eye with a horn!"yelled Bridgette."
PART 2 COMING SOON
Everyone started going crazy,and got trapped in the 'candy cane cave' wich was just a house.
*Purple air floats in**everyone faints*
7 hours later
*Everyone wakes up*
"Huh?Who are wewe people?Who am I?"asked Alex."Aleeeexxxxx?!You-hoooo?!It's me Bridgette?!"said Bridgette,flicking her forehead.*Ronnie turns head*"Whoa!What's that?!""I think it's aaaaaaaaa"Tyler yawned.*Every looks*"UNICORNIES!!!Swimming in pee!!"yelled Vanessa,staring at trees."Let's go look at the unicorns and cookies."said Yoko and DJ.
*Everyone walks over*
"Look,unicorns and Steel!!!I upendo STEEL!!"yelled Noah and Brooke together.*They both lick it*
"Where are we?What are unicorns and what is steel?sfjdjhfsh" alisema Alex.">.- owww i jabed my eye with a horn!"yelled Bridgette."
PART 2 COMING SOON
*All contestants sitting around a campfire at night*"I'm scared of bats..."Said Juno."I'm scared of you."Said Sumer."SHUT THE HECK UP!""I'm really scared of hieghts."She confessed."I'm scared of bats."Said Izzy."I'm terrfied kwa Justin's face and earwigs"said Brooke.
"This week one TDF,Leshawna will be co-hosting.Yes,i know she is one of your faves,and she's also my freind.Here's her special entrance."
*Leshawna walks in all cool with awesome muziki playing in the "BG"*"What's sup,Andrea?Besides having to hang at this aweful camp again?""Nothing much,ok so we'll meet with the campers in 10,ok?""Ok."
*Dining Hall*
"Sumer,do wewe honestly think i'd nearly kill wewe without a good reason?"Juno."Yes,that's just like you.""We've spent 7 weeks here are wewe think wewe know me?You don't.SO if i was you,i'd shut up."
"Ok groovy cats!This week we're having one of my fave chaellenge!PHOBIA FACTOR!We got everyone to say thier fears,so this will be no problem."
TO BE CONTINUED
"This week one TDF,Leshawna will be co-hosting.Yes,i know she is one of your faves,and she's also my freind.Here's her special entrance."
*Leshawna walks in all cool with awesome muziki playing in the "BG"*"What's sup,Andrea?Besides having to hang at this aweful camp again?""Nothing much,ok so we'll meet with the campers in 10,ok?""Ok."
*Dining Hall*
"Sumer,do wewe honestly think i'd nearly kill wewe without a good reason?"Juno."Yes,that's just like you.""We've spent 7 weeks here are wewe think wewe know me?You don't.SO if i was you,i'd shut up."
"Ok groovy cats!This week we're having one of my fave chaellenge!PHOBIA FACTOR!We got everyone to say thier fears,so this will be no problem."
TO BE CONTINUED