new moon, bellas depresstion. the 1st few months
it hurts to live. life to me is a sekunde death, only like being left to bleed on a pavement instead of a quick stab, then to be left in peace. death and life are much the same thing now. only death seems zaidi peaceful, i already know, as i watch other people living there lives, there is nothing left for me. fun was like a greek word to me now. i didnt know what i ment. i thought about making the most of life before the pain killed me for sure. i couldnt remember HOW to have fun. what was the point of going to the beach? it wasn't going to bring my future back. it wouldnt make me feel any better. what was the point of going to the movies? it wasnt going to fill my sad eyes with excitment. i wasn't going to get better. not ever. i was going to be a girl that lived with no reason to live that had a life only of pain, her moyo Lost and her body cut into half. the pain was too much to bear. it took over, the pain never left, it flowed in my blood untill the poisen punched holes in my moyo over and over untill all the feelings of upendo and happiness are washed out with my blood. the funny thing was; well, there wasnt anything that was funny about it; i hated to think of him. i hated to think of the happiness he suddenly brought into my life. because, i thought, because, deep deep in my moyo where my thoughts were salama from causing me any zaidi unbearable pain, i knew that he was somewhere in the world, oblivious to the damage that he had left behind. i knew that he was carrying on with his life, and that he was proably with someone much zaidi beautiful then me kwa now, holding them in his stone arms. someone that he wasn't wasting his life kwa being with. someone that wouldnt turn into a wrinkled old lady in 60 years. but it wasn't his fault. he didnt know how deep i really was and how he was like a drug to me. he didnt know. au maybe he did. maybe he felt uncomfortable with me loving him so, when he didnt upendo me back. only he never had told me this because he was afraid of hurting me. he was the most selfless person ever. the ache for him made me feel sick, my eyes burned and prickled. i stared ahead waiting for my tears to dry, but kwa one flicker of movment, the hot beads of salt water rolled down my cold cheeks. i didnt blush anymore. my chokoleti brown eyes grew dark and empty. my limp hair hung, dead in a ponytail. i walked past my mirror, catching a glimpse of my reflection. i blinked and zaidi tears fell to the carpet. i turned away, not able to watch and to look at the face of a sad little heartbroken girl. i stared at the floor, my pain burning a hole in the ground with the emptyness of my eyes. i stumbled on my way to the door, even though i was still staring at my feet. i fell to the ground, and broke into desperate, heartbroken sobs that would probably scare charlie. i crossed my legs as i sat up weakly, staring into space, wishing i didnt have stupid human eyes, that i had vampire eyes that could see every dust mote in the air. every pattern in the wood of my bedleg. every brush line on the ukuta and every leaf on the trees outside, through the forest and across the mountins, the beach, pwani in la push, wishing i could see the world through my window, being able to pick out him out like a needle on a haystack, and bringing him nyumbani to me so i could hold him and never let him go. i knew i wouldnt be able to fight him as he would loosen my grip, as he strode off into the world once zaidi and broke my moyo again.
it hurts to live. life to me is a sekunde death, only like being left to bleed on a pavement instead of a quick stab, then to be left in peace. death and life are much the same thing now. only death seems zaidi peaceful, i already know, as i watch other people living there lives, there is nothing left for me. fun was like a greek word to me now. i didnt know what i ment. i thought about making the most of life before the pain killed me for sure. i couldnt remember HOW to have fun. what was the point of going to the beach? it wasn't going to bring my future back. it wouldnt make me feel any better. what was the point of going to the movies? it wasnt going to fill my sad eyes with excitment. i wasn't going to get better. not ever. i was going to be a girl that lived with no reason to live that had a life only of pain, her moyo Lost and her body cut into half. the pain was too much to bear. it took over, the pain never left, it flowed in my blood untill the poisen punched holes in my moyo over and over untill all the feelings of upendo and happiness are washed out with my blood. the funny thing was; well, there wasnt anything that was funny about it; i hated to think of him. i hated to think of the happiness he suddenly brought into my life. because, i thought, because, deep deep in my moyo where my thoughts were salama from causing me any zaidi unbearable pain, i knew that he was somewhere in the world, oblivious to the damage that he had left behind. i knew that he was carrying on with his life, and that he was proably with someone much zaidi beautiful then me kwa now, holding them in his stone arms. someone that he wasn't wasting his life kwa being with. someone that wouldnt turn into a wrinkled old lady in 60 years. but it wasn't his fault. he didnt know how deep i really was and how he was like a drug to me. he didnt know. au maybe he did. maybe he felt uncomfortable with me loving him so, when he didnt upendo me back. only he never had told me this because he was afraid of hurting me. he was the most selfless person ever. the ache for him made me feel sick, my eyes burned and prickled. i stared ahead waiting for my tears to dry, but kwa one flicker of movment, the hot beads of salt water rolled down my cold cheeks. i didnt blush anymore. my chokoleti brown eyes grew dark and empty. my limp hair hung, dead in a ponytail. i walked past my mirror, catching a glimpse of my reflection. i blinked and zaidi tears fell to the carpet. i turned away, not able to watch and to look at the face of a sad little heartbroken girl. i stared at the floor, my pain burning a hole in the ground with the emptyness of my eyes. i stumbled on my way to the door, even though i was still staring at my feet. i fell to the ground, and broke into desperate, heartbroken sobs that would probably scare charlie. i crossed my legs as i sat up weakly, staring into space, wishing i didnt have stupid human eyes, that i had vampire eyes that could see every dust mote in the air. every pattern in the wood of my bedleg. every brush line on the ukuta and every leaf on the trees outside, through the forest and across the mountins, the beach, pwani in la push, wishing i could see the world through my window, being able to pick out him out like a needle on a haystack, and bringing him nyumbani to me so i could hold him and never let him go. i knew i wouldnt be able to fight him as he would loosen my grip, as he strode off into the world once zaidi and broke my moyo again.
Max's POV
When we rushed in Sergeant ray office and I saw Addi lying there on
the floor anger just rushed over me. Sergeant ray quickly tried to
fight us but between the both of us we had him pinned down on the
floor within seconds. As Jordan was holding Sergeant ray on floor I
rushed over to Addi. I checked to see if she was breathing and that
made me a little calmer but not enough. So I grabbed the phone on the
dawati and called 911. When the police and ambulance, magari ya wagonjwa arrived I was happy
cause I knew that she was going to be okay and Sergeant ray was going
to jail. Jordan and I had to stay on campus we weren't allowed to
leave.
When we rushed in Sergeant ray office and I saw Addi lying there on
the floor anger just rushed over me. Sergeant ray quickly tried to
fight us but between the both of us we had him pinned down on the
floor within seconds. As Jordan was holding Sergeant ray on floor I
rushed over to Addi. I checked to see if she was breathing and that
made me a little calmer but not enough. So I grabbed the phone on the
dawati and called 911. When the police and ambulance, magari ya wagonjwa arrived I was happy
cause I knew that she was going to be okay and Sergeant ray was going
to jail. Jordan and I had to stay on campus we weren't allowed to
leave.
Personally I read Twilight because kids kept bugging me because I haven't read it yet.
But after kusoma all four vitabu I feel in upendo with them. I wasn't a shabiki of the uandishi style au the romance. I prefer girl-on-girl. But I fell in upendo with Edward and Jacob.
The characters are lovable. Now I hated Bella she was annoying but that's the only thing I dislike. I upendo the ending to Breaking Dawn. And upendo New Moon.
Edward left in that book I almost skipped it.
As of right now; Meyers is my inayopendelewa author.
She is way better then JK Rowling and Stephen King.
I used to upendo HP until I read Twilight.
Now I used to write before kusoma Twilight...and just suddenly realized my uandishi was nothing compared to Twilight. That's why I'm uandishi a vampire novel that I hope to publish in the near future.
But after kusoma all four vitabu I feel in upendo with them. I wasn't a shabiki of the uandishi style au the romance. I prefer girl-on-girl. But I fell in upendo with Edward and Jacob.
The characters are lovable. Now I hated Bella she was annoying but that's the only thing I dislike. I upendo the ending to Breaking Dawn. And upendo New Moon.
Edward left in that book I almost skipped it.
As of right now; Meyers is my inayopendelewa author.
She is way better then JK Rowling and Stephen King.
I used to upendo HP until I read Twilight.
Now I used to write before kusoma Twilight...and just suddenly realized my uandishi was nothing compared to Twilight. That's why I'm uandishi a vampire novel that I hope to publish in the near future.
im in the devils playground
dont know anyone round here
i will try to stand my ground
and not let anyone sense my fear
cant confisgate a reality that is based on lies
i will not negociate with my pride
foolish as i was i am no longer that person
yes try to hold my gaze
my will wont lesson
and i am in the devils playground
i have my own toys
i try to not look around
to the erie noise
scrapping nails apon the pavement
and dried blood up on the walls
a smell that so nauseating
i feel i might fall
light headed i cant be
not in this place anyways
i walk further trying to find a way out of this place.
how did i get here where did i go wrong my morbid curisoty
of a unrealistic song.driven to a brink thats almost sickning
i cant find myself.a way out of the devils playground. my own personal hell
dont know anyone round here
i will try to stand my ground
and not let anyone sense my fear
cant confisgate a reality that is based on lies
i will not negociate with my pride
foolish as i was i am no longer that person
yes try to hold my gaze
my will wont lesson
and i am in the devils playground
i have my own toys
i try to not look around
to the erie noise
scrapping nails apon the pavement
and dried blood up on the walls
a smell that so nauseating
i feel i might fall
light headed i cant be
not in this place anyways
i walk further trying to find a way out of this place.
how did i get here where did i go wrong my morbid curisoty
of a unrealistic song.driven to a brink thats almost sickning
i cant find myself.a way out of the devils playground. my own personal hell