Wind: After all the shit I went through in Skyrim
(Flashback)
Wind: (Gets eaten kwa a dragon and is swung around)
(End of flashback) I just want to leave Skyrim and never look back. Maybe there’s something good in Morrowind
Wind: Okay. There’s giant mushrooms… and brown grass… Nothing much
Cultist: wewe there, are wewe Dragonborn
Wind: I’m Wind, but I did yell at a dragon one time
(Flashback)
Dragon: (Resting on a mountain)
Wind: (From the bottom of the mountain) Fucking asshole
(End of Flashback)
Cultist: Well, we are from the Temple of Miraak. We would like it if wewe would come with us
Wind: I’m going to take a guess and say that wewe are the Jehovah's Witnesses of this world, so I will kindly tell wewe both to fuck off and leave me alone.
Cultist: Then wewe leave us with no choice (They both take out their sword) Now, prepare yourself for a merciless de- (Wind stabs them both and kills them easily) Now, let’s see what this place is like
Villagers: (Working on pillar)
Wind: Well, this isn’t unusual at all
Frea: You. wewe are not like them
Wind: No… I’m not
Frea: Perhaps wewe can help
Wind: Oh god, here we go
Frea: My people are enslaved kwa this stone. I do not know what I can do. But, perhaps if we work together-
Wind: Okay, I am going to stop wewe right there. Now listen, I am glad wewe wish to help your people. Not really, but wewe get the point. Now, listen here… I fucking hate people who tag along and try to help me, only to result in a bigger hassle than they already are. So, here is what will happen. wewe will stay here, and NOT follow me, while I go in this dungeon, and loot it for treasure
Frea: Good. We will find out what’s going on quicker if we work together
Wind: Did wewe not hear a fucking word I said?
Frea: Let us both go on inside
Wind: I fucking hate you.
Frea: We made it through, and not a scratch
Wind: (Covered in stab wounds and arrows) Are wewe serious? I had to watch your stupid punda as the Gatekeeper nearly killed you. The bastard took my only sword and I had to fight him off with my fucking fists while his buddies tried to give me a greatsword prostate exam. What the fuck are wewe talking about
Frea: Indeed. We made it unscathed
Wind: Oh my fucking god, wewe goddamn cu-
Frea: Look, a book. I wonder what’s inside
Wind: Let me read it. I don’t want wewe throwing it with your noodle arms (Opens book and is immediately sucked in)
Miraak: (Stands with Wind in a world filled with tentacles)
Wind: (Looks at all the tentacles)
Miraak: Hello
Wind: ……… AAAAAAHHH!
Frea: Wind, where did wewe go
Wind: Nightmare. Pure and utter nightmare
Storn Crag-strider: Ah, so wewe were the one with my daughter. I bet you’ve taken a liking to her
Wind: Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha. Eat a dick
Storn Crag-strider: So, what may I help wewe with
Wind: I need to find out where this one guy, Miraak, lives, and kill him to help your annoying daughter
Storn Crag-strider: Well, I am afraid I do not know one is… But-
Wind: Oh god
Storn Crag-strider: There is a wizard kwa the name of Neloth who has a book like it. Perhaps wewe should talk to him
Wind: Alright. Fine. I’ll do it
Wind: So, some old guy told me wewe have a black book
Neloth: Ah, indeed I do. Why do wewe need it
Wind: Some guy called Miraak sent some Jehovah's Witnesses to kill me, so I want some payback
Neloth: Well, I don’t have it. But-
Wind: Again, really?
Neloth: There is one in the dungeon near here to the east. I believe wewe can get it kwa solving a series of water puzzles and collect a certain amount of cubes
Wind: ………… God…… fucking….. damnit
Wind: (Inside the book) Oh god, zaidi tentacles. What kind of place is this
Hermaeus Mora: (Appears in the sky) …. Hello
Wind: AAAAHHH
Storn Crag-strider: Ah, wewe have returned
Wind: Yeah. Uh, lovely
Storn Crag-strider: So, what did wewe learn
Wind: Well, this… tentacled abomination told me that he could teach me a spell to kill Miraak, but he won’t teach it to me unless he gets the secrets from you
Storn Crag-strider: Oh, no, no, no. I can not. After many things that have happened, I just cannot. I refuse to ever give that creature my secrets. EVER!
Wind: Uh-huh…. But…
Storn Crag-strider: But…
Wind: Yeah, I figured
Storn Crag-strider: If someone- you- were to go and destroy the four stones around Morrowind, then perhaps I can give him my secrets
Wind: Lovely. I’ll be back
Wind: (Covered in bruises) wewe know, wewe could have told me monsters would attack if I destroyed the stones
Storn Crag-strider: Well, at least we’re all safe. Isn’t that worth it
Wind: Eat me
Storn Crag-strider: Now, hand me the book so I may speak to Hermaeus Mora (Takes the book)
Fora: Father, what are wewe doing?
Storn Crag-strider: If it is for the good of my people, than I will do what I must
Fora: No, wewe can’t (To Wind) Please, do something
Wind: Do it, Storn. Fucking go for it
Storn Crag-strider: (Reads the book, and a large tentacle comes from the book and goes into Storn Crag-strider’s mouth)
Wind: Oh god. That’s so fucking wrong
(Storn Crag-strider dies)
Fora: No! Father!
Wind: Yep, that’s right Fora. Nobody loves you. And this is why. If anyone loves you, then they die. It’s a real shame, isn’t it. Good thing I fucking hate wewe then. Okay, bye now. Gotta kill a tentacle guy
Wind: Okay, Miraak. I have finally found you. After all the horrifying shit wewe put me through, it is time to end this
Miraak: Why yes. It is indeed time to put this little squabble to an end
Wind: But, before I kill you, answer me this. Why the tentacles? I mean seriously, I have seen so many tentacles here, it’s not even funny. There are those monsters that spread tentacles everywhere, those tentacles in the water, and don’t get me started on those Cthulhu's that look like a Jesus Restoration Painting. Why all the tentacles? Are wewe an H.P. Lovecraft shabiki au something. Does that explain the many books
Miraak: No. This place is the universe’s largest collection of hentai
Wind: …… (Sighs) (Stabs Miraak in the throat)
Fora: Wind, wewe did i-
Wind: Yeah that’s great, don’t talk to me. Now, listen. I badly wanted to come to Morrowind, and I mean badly, in order to get away from Skyrim. But after seeing this shithole, I actually miss Skyrim. So, wewe know what. Fuck Morrowind. I hope this place fucking rots.
Fora: Well, I am glad wewe helped the country wewe love
Wind: Okay, fuck this. I’ll describe this in a way a retard like wewe will understand. If I ever see wewe au any of your dipshit villagers ever again, wewe will all fucking die and I will set all of Morrowind on fire. Do wewe understand me
Fora: Perhaps one day, wewe can come back and we can be Marafiki again. Maybe zaidi than that
Wind: ……….. Well, what do wewe know. Didn’t expect to see wewe again, Fora (Takes out sword and stabs her)
Wind: (Sails on ship) God, I’m so fucking done with Morrowind. I’ll take a land where dragon attacks are frequent anyday over fucking Morrowind
(Sails down the river as Morrowind is on fire)
(Flashback)
Wind: (Gets eaten kwa a dragon and is swung around)
(End of flashback) I just want to leave Skyrim and never look back. Maybe there’s something good in Morrowind
Wind: Okay. There’s giant mushrooms… and brown grass… Nothing much
Cultist: wewe there, are wewe Dragonborn
Wind: I’m Wind, but I did yell at a dragon one time
(Flashback)
Dragon: (Resting on a mountain)
Wind: (From the bottom of the mountain) Fucking asshole
(End of Flashback)
Cultist: Well, we are from the Temple of Miraak. We would like it if wewe would come with us
Wind: I’m going to take a guess and say that wewe are the Jehovah's Witnesses of this world, so I will kindly tell wewe both to fuck off and leave me alone.
Cultist: Then wewe leave us with no choice (They both take out their sword) Now, prepare yourself for a merciless de- (Wind stabs them both and kills them easily) Now, let’s see what this place is like
Villagers: (Working on pillar)
Wind: Well, this isn’t unusual at all
Frea: You. wewe are not like them
Wind: No… I’m not
Frea: Perhaps wewe can help
Wind: Oh god, here we go
Frea: My people are enslaved kwa this stone. I do not know what I can do. But, perhaps if we work together-
Wind: Okay, I am going to stop wewe right there. Now listen, I am glad wewe wish to help your people. Not really, but wewe get the point. Now, listen here… I fucking hate people who tag along and try to help me, only to result in a bigger hassle than they already are. So, here is what will happen. wewe will stay here, and NOT follow me, while I go in this dungeon, and loot it for treasure
Frea: Good. We will find out what’s going on quicker if we work together
Wind: Did wewe not hear a fucking word I said?
Frea: Let us both go on inside
Wind: I fucking hate you.
Frea: We made it through, and not a scratch
Wind: (Covered in stab wounds and arrows) Are wewe serious? I had to watch your stupid punda as the Gatekeeper nearly killed you. The bastard took my only sword and I had to fight him off with my fucking fists while his buddies tried to give me a greatsword prostate exam. What the fuck are wewe talking about
Frea: Indeed. We made it unscathed
Wind: Oh my fucking god, wewe goddamn cu-
Frea: Look, a book. I wonder what’s inside
Wind: Let me read it. I don’t want wewe throwing it with your noodle arms (Opens book and is immediately sucked in)
Miraak: (Stands with Wind in a world filled with tentacles)
Wind: (Looks at all the tentacles)
Miraak: Hello
Wind: ……… AAAAAAHHH!
Frea: Wind, where did wewe go
Wind: Nightmare. Pure and utter nightmare
Storn Crag-strider: Ah, so wewe were the one with my daughter. I bet you’ve taken a liking to her
Wind: Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha. Eat a dick
Storn Crag-strider: So, what may I help wewe with
Wind: I need to find out where this one guy, Miraak, lives, and kill him to help your annoying daughter
Storn Crag-strider: Well, I am afraid I do not know one is… But-
Wind: Oh god
Storn Crag-strider: There is a wizard kwa the name of Neloth who has a book like it. Perhaps wewe should talk to him
Wind: Alright. Fine. I’ll do it
Wind: So, some old guy told me wewe have a black book
Neloth: Ah, indeed I do. Why do wewe need it
Wind: Some guy called Miraak sent some Jehovah's Witnesses to kill me, so I want some payback
Neloth: Well, I don’t have it. But-
Wind: Again, really?
Neloth: There is one in the dungeon near here to the east. I believe wewe can get it kwa solving a series of water puzzles and collect a certain amount of cubes
Wind: ………… God…… fucking….. damnit
Wind: (Inside the book) Oh god, zaidi tentacles. What kind of place is this
Hermaeus Mora: (Appears in the sky) …. Hello
Wind: AAAAHHH
Storn Crag-strider: Ah, wewe have returned
Wind: Yeah. Uh, lovely
Storn Crag-strider: So, what did wewe learn
Wind: Well, this… tentacled abomination told me that he could teach me a spell to kill Miraak, but he won’t teach it to me unless he gets the secrets from you
Storn Crag-strider: Oh, no, no, no. I can not. After many things that have happened, I just cannot. I refuse to ever give that creature my secrets. EVER!
Wind: Uh-huh…. But…
Storn Crag-strider: But…
Wind: Yeah, I figured
Storn Crag-strider: If someone- you- were to go and destroy the four stones around Morrowind, then perhaps I can give him my secrets
Wind: Lovely. I’ll be back
Wind: (Covered in bruises) wewe know, wewe could have told me monsters would attack if I destroyed the stones
Storn Crag-strider: Well, at least we’re all safe. Isn’t that worth it
Wind: Eat me
Storn Crag-strider: Now, hand me the book so I may speak to Hermaeus Mora (Takes the book)
Fora: Father, what are wewe doing?
Storn Crag-strider: If it is for the good of my people, than I will do what I must
Fora: No, wewe can’t (To Wind) Please, do something
Wind: Do it, Storn. Fucking go for it
Storn Crag-strider: (Reads the book, and a large tentacle comes from the book and goes into Storn Crag-strider’s mouth)
Wind: Oh god. That’s so fucking wrong
(Storn Crag-strider dies)
Fora: No! Father!
Wind: Yep, that’s right Fora. Nobody loves you. And this is why. If anyone loves you, then they die. It’s a real shame, isn’t it. Good thing I fucking hate wewe then. Okay, bye now. Gotta kill a tentacle guy
Wind: Okay, Miraak. I have finally found you. After all the horrifying shit wewe put me through, it is time to end this
Miraak: Why yes. It is indeed time to put this little squabble to an end
Wind: But, before I kill you, answer me this. Why the tentacles? I mean seriously, I have seen so many tentacles here, it’s not even funny. There are those monsters that spread tentacles everywhere, those tentacles in the water, and don’t get me started on those Cthulhu's that look like a Jesus Restoration Painting. Why all the tentacles? Are wewe an H.P. Lovecraft shabiki au something. Does that explain the many books
Miraak: No. This place is the universe’s largest collection of hentai
Wind: …… (Sighs) (Stabs Miraak in the throat)
Fora: Wind, wewe did i-
Wind: Yeah that’s great, don’t talk to me. Now, listen. I badly wanted to come to Morrowind, and I mean badly, in order to get away from Skyrim. But after seeing this shithole, I actually miss Skyrim. So, wewe know what. Fuck Morrowind. I hope this place fucking rots.
Fora: Well, I am glad wewe helped the country wewe love
Wind: Okay, fuck this. I’ll describe this in a way a retard like wewe will understand. If I ever see wewe au any of your dipshit villagers ever again, wewe will all fucking die and I will set all of Morrowind on fire. Do wewe understand me
Fora: Perhaps one day, wewe can come back and we can be Marafiki again. Maybe zaidi than that
Wind: ……….. Well, what do wewe know. Didn’t expect to see wewe again, Fora (Takes out sword and stabs her)
Wind: (Sails on ship) God, I’m so fucking done with Morrowind. I’ll take a land where dragon attacks are frequent anyday over fucking Morrowind
(Sails down the river as Morrowind is on fire)
Art by Alinah_09
Two of the most well known horror writers ever, H.P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allan Poe, have created some of the most twisted and most macabre horror stories that we all know and upendo like Call of Cthulhu, The Black Cat, Shadows Over Innsmouth, The Tell-Tale Heart, Mountains of Madness, and the Fall of the House of Usher. They both have made very influential work, yet what makes them so interesting is how different they are. So, what is it about these two that make them so different. Well, that’s what I wish to talk about with wewe today.
We’ll start with Edgar Allan Poe. Poe was a writer...
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We’ll start with Edgar Allan Poe. Poe was a writer...
Well, here comes a game even I wasn’t expecting to talk about till I played it. When I was surfing through the indie titles of the Nintendo Switch when I had little to no games for it, one game that caught my attention was The Marafiki of Ringo Ishikawa. I remember hearing there was a sort of River City Ransom esque game and I thought it was this. The trailers made it look that way. Little did I know that I was completely wrong. And despite that, I couldn’t be happier with what I had played.
The Marafiki of Ringo Ishikawa follows… Ringo Ishikawa, a young Japanese high...
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Photo from Steam
The Marafiki of Ringo Ishikawa follows… Ringo Ishikawa, a young Japanese high...
So yes, I have had the name for five years. I have always talked about Wind Waker and it being my inayopendelewa game ever. And I have talked about it endlessly and why I loved it so much. And even with all the games I have ever played, with all of the games I have experienced and loved, they still never compare. I am aware that they are all better games, technically. Dark Souls has better combat, Resident Evil 4 has zaidi polish, and Metal Gear Solid 3 has a better story. But Wind Waker is different, cause it was the game that came at the right time.
Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker follows Link...
When I was a kid, I never watched a whole lot of Nickelodeon. I was zaidi of a Cartoon Network kid, honestly. But from time to time, I would always switch the channel to watch Spongebob Squarepants, a classic from mine and a lot of kids childhoods (Up until season 4, but we try not to talk about that). The onyesha was maarufu enough to get a few video games based on it, and I heard they were pretty good. And being the child I was, I was able to get one of these games, and I was told it’s the best one. And it was. Introducing one of the few licensed games on this orodha is Spongebob Squarepants:...
