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Why can’t people ever fix their security in prisons? I mean, for goodness sake, you’d think that after years of people breaking out through the sewage system Shawshank Redemption style, prisons would increase security, au at the very least, use some stronger cell bars. But, no, they always leave one crack in their prisons to allow prisoners to escape… So, naturally, video games have quite a lot of those. In video games, it seems that getting out of those prisons are as easy as getting out of any. So, today, I want to share with wewe all the ten best prison breaks in video games. First, some rules. Only one game per franchise. Also, I am including games that I haven’t played, because if I didn’t, I would have no idea what I am doing here. Also, it doesn’t matter if the protagonist is trying to break out himself au if they are trying to break someone else out. If it involves a prisoner breaking out, than it goes on the list. So, with that said, let us start the list.

#10: Stilwater Penitentiary from Saints Row 2



Let’s start with one that’s pretty simple. After waking up from a coma, The Boss, along with the prisoner, Carlos, are forced to find a way out of prison in order to get back to the mainland. So, naturally, the first the the Boss does after waking up from a coma is running through the prison yard, shooting police officers as he and Carlos make their way to the boats. Granted, wewe could sneak up to the roof, but that only delays the inevitable shooting from the outside. After getting to the boats, Carlos will drive the mashua to the mainland as the Boss shoots at police boats and helicopters in order to lose them… That’s something I find funny in sandbox missions. wewe can slaughter officers and they will be gone in a few dakika during missions, but outside of missions, killing officers only increases their numbers. I never understood that. Still, this is a pretty interesting and attention grabbing way to start off a game like Saints Row 2. Good job, developers

#9: ngome Jail from Chrono Trigger



So, for a game that was rated E back in the day, wewe should expect that having a girl with wewe is punishable with death…. Oh, those old medieval times and their extremely unnecessary punishments. So, after being captured kwa the royal guards for the supposed kidnapping of Princess Nadia, wewe are put on trial for it. Of course, if you’re found innocent au guilty, wewe are still aliyopewa the death penalty no matter what. What I find neat about this one is that wewe have two options of escape. wewe can either wait for three days, and your friend Lucca will come and save you, au wewe can piss off the guards enough to where wewe can attack them and leave through the door. Eventually, wewe will regroup with your Marafiki in time to face the boss, a Dragon Tank, which can heal itself if wewe don’t destroy the head. It’s pretty simple, and it’s kinda dumb that the king just decides to let wewe go once wewe escape, but whatever. It’s a JRPG. When did those ever use logic

#8: Coldridge Prison from Dishonored



Just like Saints Row 2, Dishonored starts wewe off in a prison as the game's tutorial. However, this one is a bit zaidi interesting. After being told that wewe were used kwa the Spymaster as a fall guy (That’s old noir talk) for the Empress’s death, wewe are then aliyopewa a letter kwa a group of rebels who wish to have wewe jiunge them, and leave a key under the note to help wewe escape. So, from here, wewe are now on your way to the exit. However, there are guards here that wewe must be aware of. wewe could just walk over and kill them, but the true challenge comes when someone wants to avoid killing everyone in the game, in order to keep Chaos low. Here, wewe will need to do an assortment of sneaking through alternate routes and choking guards until they go unconscious. And it all ends with wewe jumping off a bridge into the water as guards shoot at wewe (Unless wewe are better at stealth than I am, which, let me tell you, I am not the best with). It’s simple, sure, but still a neat start to a stealth game.

#7: Bargate Prison from Fable



wewe know, I never understood some things about prisons, but tell me why the guards of Bargate prison feel the need to take your clothes when wewe are arrested? Seriously, they end up leaving wewe in your boxers. Oh well, the escape is pretty interesting. In order to get out of Bargate prison, wewe will need to spend a full mwaka there, being tortured, and when a whole mwaka comes around, wewe will be forced into a race, where guards bet on prisoners to see who will win. After winning, wewe will be sent to the Warden’s Office, where the prison warden will read to wewe a line of poetry… I’m not making this up. While he is reading, wewe need to look over the combination on a ukuta in order to open one of the three vitabu that holds the cell key to your cell. After this, wewe will be able to break out of prison, as well as your mother, and maybe even the other prisoners if you’re feeling like a good guy. And after that is done, wewe will make your way out, only to be faced with a fight against a giant Kraken… It’s not as dangerous as it sounds. As horrible as Peter Molyneux is, at least this was a time before he Lost what little of his mind he had left.

#6: Imperial Prison from Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion



Man, there are a lot of game tutorials that take place in prisons. Anyway, wewe know wewe have a good game when the first person wewe meet is a prisoner who insults wewe due to what race wewe chose. Boy, racism right off the bat. Quite a tutorial. But what makes this one interesting are the many different ways wewe can escape. wewe can go with the Imperial guards, who will be flanked kwa assassins and killed, leaving wewe to fight them, wewe can go through a crumbled wall, filled with rats, skeletons, and the body of a Goblin Shaman. After which, wewe will arrive to meet the Emperor, who will try to be attacked kwa Mythic Dawn members, which wewe will basically kill. And for the first time in forever, the member of royalty actually DOESN’T want the guards to kill you. What a shock. Instead, he gets killed kwa assassins, and wewe kill them as well, with the last of the Imperial guards giving wewe a key to leave and go out into the world of Oblivion. With all the story being told and all of the events occurring, it’s interesting to see how this all happens just within the tutorial. Easily the best of the prison tutorials.

#5: Forsaken Fortress from Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker



After having Link’s sister, Aryll, taken kwa a giant bird, what is the best thing for a twelve mwaka old boy to do? Go to a large prison alone filled with giant monsters with no weapons to find her. Either bravery au stupidity. I’ll let wewe decide on that one. Anyway, This is the only moment besides the opening where wewe are empty handed. The place is filled with Moblins and Bokoblins using large tafuta lights. The only way wewe can hide is kwa either staying out of the light au kwa hiding underneath the barrels. This is so much like Metal Gear Solid in a way (And don’t worry, we’ll get to a Metal Gear Solid entry soon). This is completely different from the other sneaking sections from other Zelda games before. Ocarina of Time had wewe going through some ngome hedges. Majora’s Mask had wewe go through a Deku garden. All of which had the punishment for getting caught being thrown out with no penalty. They both also had wewe go into the Gerudo thieves hideouts, but those were pretty simple. Here, wewe are a young boy sneaking past real dangerous monsters. And all this without a weapon. At least Link had weapons in Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask. Here, wewe got NOTHING! Toon Link is truly the Snake of Zelda.

#4: Island from Resident Evil 4



So, after Ashley gets sent to a prison island, the only thing for the badass Leon to do is to go to that island with a multitude of weapons to go and get her out… Resulting in a lot of things, like much zaidi intelligent Ganados that wield better weapons, a J.J, with a mini-gun, a psychotic ex-marine with incredible kisu skills and the dumbest boss fight ever (Krauser), a giant centipede-ish monster, and don’t even get me started on the nightmare inducing Regenerators. This is a lot different from the Spanish village and the large ngome just outside of it. I mean, this is a maximum security facility, complete with gatling guns, large trenches, and even a room with freaking lasers. All of that just screams what Spain is known for. But, of course, this is still a great place, as it is where the climax for the game is, and is a very fun idea. Also, if wewe ever wanted to see just how much of an action film this game is, look no further than the freaking helicopter that helps wewe blow up Ganados. Seriously, how come no one ever talked about that one?

#3: Groznyj Grad from Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater



Yes, I know, Metal Gear Solid probably had a better prison break than this. I’m sorry for not including it. But this one is just so good in my opinion. After being tortured kwa Volgin and having his freaking eye shot out, Snake is left inside of a jail cell, where there different places wewe would think to try, but fail. wewe can hide under the bed, but that never works. wewe could try to stab the guard with a fork, but that never works. No, instead, the only way to get out is to either use Frequency 144.75, get sick for the guard to see, au use a pill to fake your death. Pretty interesting stuff. And after that, you’re on your own from there. wewe have to make it through the prison, all the way ending with wewe jumping out of a large pipe into the river in an attempt to avoid capture. wewe may just bleed to death once there, but at least you’re out of your prison cell… Well, this is Metal Gear Solid, so it’s gotta be depressing for the protagonist in some way

#2: Undead Asylum from Dark Souls



Am I cheating… Does this count as cheating? I can’t really say, because this looks so much zaidi like a prison than an asylum. Asylums don’t have creatures trying to kill wewe every chance they get. wewe start off pretty weak… obviously for the start of a game. wewe are then forced to walk out of your cell and out into the asylum, where other Hollowed prisoners await you. Granted, they aren’t much of a challenge. However, the true challenge comes in the form of the Asylum Demon, who wewe can’t even fight the first time wewe meet him. wewe have to run off into an opening, then go and talk to a dying knight to get some equipment, and once wewe got your weapon, then wewe can go back and fight him. This prison shows wewe how the game works, and it shows wewe that this is as easy as the game gets. After wewe leave this prison filled with insane hollow undead wanting to kill you, it gets so much harder. Than again, this is Dark Souls, so that isn’t too surprising.

#1: Carnate Island from The Suffering



All of these prisons, while interesting, all just had wewe go through them for one au two levels, and never had to deal with them again after that. The Suffering is all about escaping prison. Only, it is a lot zaidi dangerous than wewe thought. As a death row inmate, Torque is sent to Carnate Island to the prison there. Here, many horrifying things happen. Monsters come from the ground and start killing everyone there, and all wewe can do is do your best to get out of the prison and off of the island. wewe are sent through many different parts of the prison, such as the cell blocks, the execution rooms, the boiler room, the courtyard, the old quarry, an abandoned asylum, the underground room, the front of the prison, and the town that surrounds it. It’s interesting how much effort went into just inaonyesha wewe the prison in a state where even the inmates and crazed officers are not the most dangerous thing there. Oh, and wewe gotta upendo the fact that monsters like ones with blades for limbs, creatures that have rifles on their backs, monsters with needles all over their body, and so much zaidi horrifying creatures. And in the end, all of this happened because Torque was suspected of killing his wife and kids. Is he innocent au is he really the one who did it? Well, that’s what the morality system is. Either help the survivors au kill them. Either way, it will tell wewe what happened. But, are we here to talk about prison breaks au how to be a morally good person. Carnate Island; a dark, terrifying, and insane place to be, but if it isn’t the perfect sign of a hidden horror gem, I don’t know what is.

Well, there wewe have it. Did wewe enjoy the list? Tell me what wewe thought of it. With that said, I will see wewe all inayofuata time.
posted by Windwakerguy430
~Story~

In 1898, Westward Expansion is at an all time high, with people travelling to the inhabited west of the American country to strike it rich. An archeologist kwa the name of Robert Grimley travelled to the west in tafuta of any ancient artifacts that he believed were undiscovered. As he was patrolling the landscape, he came across a band of slaughtered Native Americans, killed kwa a group of bandits. After taking what he could from the bandit camp, he found a strange artifact in the shape of a skull. The artifact was known as Mictlantecuhtli, an artifact from an ancient Aztec temple cursed...
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So this is a game I have only heard about in whispers. Everyone has told me that Rogue Warrior was a terrible game, but no one ever told me why. They just say “It’s boring” au “It’s not fun”, but I was always curious as to why it was so bad. And then I figured it out. Rogue Warrior was a game Rebellion Developments and published kwa Bethesda. Yep, the same Bethesda that tells us sweet little lies. wewe people thought Fallout 76 was the worst thing with Bethesda’s name slapped on it, just wewe wait. Based very, very, very loosely on the autobiography kwa actually named Richard “Dick”...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Standing, in the darkness.
Alone, with only your dreams.
Or rather.
Your nightmares.
Could they be fiction?
Or your own reality?

Chestnut Pines, Washington. A small town out from the lively cities and locations of the country. A town of dying business and abandoned homes. It gets by, but barely thriving. It’s a simple town, but that will change. A nightmare is coming into the town. Nobody will suspect it, and when they do, it may be too late. This is a mwaka of something dark. What will happen? What choices will be made? Will they be for the best, au will they go wrong. The choice is up to you,...
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Song (Start at 0:51): link

Sean: It's that time of the week again.
Hawkeye: Sean's Spectacular Saturday of Stories.
Karl: We have no host this time.
Kyle: But we do have something special for you.
Spike: We have featured all of the 12 Gran Turismo episodes this season, and now we will onyesha the four best episodes of the show.
Captain Jefferson: From best to worst. Enjoy.

What to expect in this episode.

Tim: Those two keep getting away from us Captain. We need to expand our jurisdiction to Canterlot.
Captain Jefferson: Do wewe know how difficult that is?
Tim: I understand, but when the suspects get out...
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Song: link

Kevin: This is it! The moment we've all been waiting for! Who's faster?! Johnny Lightning, au Sean, the Amtrak F40PH?!
Johnny: *Revving his car's engine*
S.B: *Holding a flashlight. He shines it*
Sean: *Takes off with seven Amfleets in tow*
Johnny: *Quickly accelerates to 35 miles an hour*
Sean: Give me zaidi power!! *Uncouples an Amfleet and goes up to 75 miles an hour*
Johnny: WHAT?!?!
Sean: *Crosses the finish line first*
Crowd: *Cheering*
Kevin: There wewe have it. A talking train can beat a car just kwa shouting while uncoupling one of his cars. Now let's watch The Legend Of Zelda: I Can't...
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September 9th

Hello. I’m David. My Marafiki call me Dave au Davey. But, since I do not have friends, wewe may call me David. And I regret to inform that, kwa inayofuata year, I will die. Perhaps it is best if I start back from the beginning, from this morning. I had woken up in a daze, my head feeling funny. I gave it a scratch. It felt very satisfying. I had made my usual cup of coffee, black, no sugar au cream, along with my usual breakfast: Prescribed medication to make my brain all better. I had been taking this medication for a while now. I believe it was to help with my extreme seizures and violent...
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Hey, look, the disturbing stuff is back…… Goodey. Now, the orodha is the same as the first two. These have to be things that disturb me, and they have to be something that wasn’t on my original list. Now, with that said, lets start the list

#10: Birdo from Super Mario Bros - Now, there have been a few disturbing things in the Mario universe. Mostly in Super Paper Mario. But, lets go back to the first disturbing thing ever in a Mario game. Back in 1988, there was an enemy called Birdo, who would shoot eggs at you. Doesn’t sound too bad, until, wewe read the games instruction booklet, where...
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So I talked about this game back in my Corner of Horror review (A series I need to get back to since I haven’t review anything since Halloween), and I think I was a little too harsh on this game. So I want to give it another review, another shot, if wewe will, and let wewe know that I really do upendo this horror classic. So let’s stop talking about it and start talking about Condemned: Criminal Origins.
You play as one Ethan Thomas, a not to bright young investigator for the SCU who is tracking down a serial killer when he has a run in with Serial Killer X, a man who goes around murdering...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
So yeah, I guess this is going to be a yearly thing. Boy, 2017 was a great year, wasn’t it. The great Weinstein scandal where many Hollywood watu mashuhuri were found out to be big pieces of shit, huge race riots in Charlottesville that resulted in the death of an innocent bystander, nuclear war between America and North Korea zaidi closer than ever before, everyone on Youtube that wasn’t a celebrity au Jake Paul getting utterly fucked kwa the company, large mass shootings resulting in the highest shootings in U.S. history took place in just one year, and the complete and utter nuterization...
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Song: link

Ian: *Listening to the music* What are we in a Western now?
Kevin: *Dressed as a cowboy, while riding a horse* This is my Halloween Costume.
Ian: Ah. Well at least I'm the host tonight. Here's tonight's lineup.

Con Mane: The Mare With The Golden Gun
Overwatch Parody: Nightmare Before Christmas

Liam: *Dressed as an Indian, running after Kevin* Wait for me Kevin!
Ian: Let's start the onyesha before zaidi cowboys, au Indians arrive.

Let's begin on a tropical island 8 miles from Hong Kong.

Hattan: *sunbathing* Sneak Peak, can wewe check the main entrance?
S.P: Right away Ms. Scaramanga.
business pony:...
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About a mwaka ago, when I was still new to living in Oxford, I had this bus driver. She was basically the female equivalent to the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket… au basically, my mother, except, instead of some of the time, she was all the time. However, other than the fact that she really liked to yell at kids, she was always absent a lot. Every time she wouldn’t come to work, she would send her substitute, who was this very friendly elderly man. Shame the kids on the bus didn’t respect him though. So, one day, while I was waiting at the bus stop, and this time, I was with my...
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Song: link

Johnny: *Yawning as he stretches his arms* We're starting already? It's not 8 PM.
S.B: I'm going on vacation! *Walking away with two suitcases*
Ian: *Stops inayofuata to Johnny*
Johnny: He's not the creator of the show, is he?
Ian: He does have the initials, S.B.
Johnny: Yes, and he also looks exactly like me.
Ian: ...right. Hello everyone, I'm Ian from Trainz, and I'm hosting Sean's Spectacular Saturday of Stories. Good morning, and let's get started. Here's our lineup.

8 AM

Goldhoof

8:30 AM

Gran Turismo - Bak2Bak

This is another story with Con Mane in it. Right now he is planting explosives in a...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


So it is no surprise to anyone that my inayopendelewa horror game of all time Silent kilima 2. It’s been that way and it’ll continue to be that way for a long time. But with it’s awkward gameplay and acting, can I really put such a game in my juu ten inayopendelewa games ever? The answer is yes, and I just did.
Silent kilima 2 follows James Sunderland, an awkward man who arrives to the town of Silent kilima after he receives a letter from his dead wife, Mary. He meets all sorts of other characters there, like Angela, Eddie, and Laura, and a mysterious woman named Maria, and has to get through the...
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Song: link

Two officers were standing inayofuata to a moto kwa the Tie Interceptor.

John: That could give us extra trouble. We'll have to take care of the pilot.
Morris: I'll take care of him. *Walks downstairs, and passes them, heading towards a radio room*

Skip the song to 1:08

When Morris walked in, the room looked empty, but he wasn't so sure.

Morris: *Pulls out his silenced blaster, and looks in front of him*

Out of Morris' view to his right behind a wall, the radio operator was making himself a cup of coffee.

Morris: Hello.
Radio Operator: *Walks in front of Morris*
Morris: *Fires his blaster*...
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Song (Start at 2:38): link

Johnny: *Fighting a guy in a green hoodie* And who are wewe supposed to be?!
Guy: I am WindWakerGuy430, and I'm jealous! Your success will be mine!
Johnny: Not if I have anything to say about it! *Grabs a remote, and hits the play button* Enjoy Six Shooters 5 everyone!
Guy: No! Now the screen will turn black and I'll fade away!

The screen turns black as the shabiki fiction begins.

Song: link

Johnny: Whoa. It actually worked. See wewe inayofuata Saturday.

Cape May, 1971

SeanTheHedgehog Presents

A WindWakerGuy430 shabiki Fiction

Six Shooters 5

Starring SeanTheHedgehog as Alan Martinez
WindWakerGuy430...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


Hey, did wewe guys know I like No zaidi Heroes!? Crazy fact, huh?! Anyway, let’s talk about it for the twentieth fucking time why I upendo No zaidi Heroes!
No zaidi Heroes follows the tale of a young man named Travis Touchdown, a huge nerd with an figure collection, masterbates to porn all day, and spent all his rent money on a Beam Katana in an online auction. So, in need of money and some sex, Travis takes part in the United Assassin’s Association’s ranked fights in the hopes of becoming number one and getting laid. So, off he goes on a killing spree to take out the ten highest ranked...
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Song: link

Sonic: *Enjoying the music*
Dave: Isn't this from one of your games?
Sonic: Yeah.
Dave: It's very catchy.
Mily: I'm just glad no one's fighting for once. Normally that happens when I'm the hostess.
Dave: wewe must be very popular. This is your 4th time now.
Mily: Yep. *Giggles* We got a Trainz trio on our way for wewe right now.

Theme Song: link

Welcome to a place called The Island Of Errol. A place that is run kwa five railroads. It has hundreds of engines, and lots of trains in the four towns, Mossberg, Hunterdon, Zorrin, and Eastwood.

This is the story of trainz.

Episode 31: Highball

Narrator:...
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Song: link

Johnny: Now that the race has been cancelled, we have to wait two weeks.
Mabel: Why so long?
Johnny: The first two Saturdays we're taking off, because of Labor Day.
Mabel: Oh, well in that case, let's wrap, upangaji pamoja up our onyesha so we can go on vacation sooner.

Girls: *Playing Rock & Roll music* Anata No Tenkei-Tekina Anime!! Anata No Tenkei-Tekina Anime!! Which is Japanese for, which is Japanese for... *Drum solo* Your Typical Anime. *Guitar solo* Your Typical Anime. *Guitar solo* Your Typical Anime!

Episode 6: wewe Smell Like Shit

Alinah was walking through town, eating a burrito.

Alinah: *Farts*...
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Set of hands, who here remembers Road Rash? It was a fun little arcade game where the goal was to race as a motorbike racer against other motorcycle racers to win races and get prize money. wewe also beat the shit out of your opponents with chains and bats while running over pedestrians and taking out cops. It was insane. Some games have tried to bring that style back, and one of those games was Road Rage. Developed kwa Team 6 Studios, this little indie game from 2017 was regarded as one of the worst games out there, as recently as 2017. We’re still getting broken trash games that can contend...
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