uandishi

jibu swali hili

uandishi Swali

Read this & give me feedback , I will give heshima

I will give heshima no matter if wewe say it sucks au whatever. I wrote this a few months zamani , just found it in my closet floor ?

I stared at Lucas through the window. He was screaming at the juu of his lungs for me to open the door. He still hadn't noticed me. Seeing him like this only made me cry harder. "Open the damn door!" He yells and kicks the door. I was actually half scared to open it. I'd never seen Luke this mad before, ever. I took a deep breath and opened the door. His eyes got big and his jaw dropped. "Scarlet- did he do that to you?" His voice changed from complete rage to softness. He touched the dark purple bruise on my cheek gently.

That's all I have right now. - thanks for kusoma (:
 Allieee posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
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uandishi Majibu

ScottishChic said:
I don't need any heshima but I think that it is pretty good actually. Of course, it'll make zaidi sense once wewe write zaidi of the story, such as to tell us who "he" is. And of course who the characters are etc. But it is quite good!
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
MissKnowItAll said:
I actually really like this! There's some tense confusion in places, but as wewe hariri that'll all be sorted.

I'd upendo to read more.
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
writer67 said:
as his fingers caresed the bruise the pain faded as well as the injury as if it never happened. the one that allowed the strike is now a toad, wanting a kiss to return for another chance, and to sign the sorry book! he gave his word to always be happy and peaceful au he would have to wear a fairy dress to the drive thru. yours is the great start, keep going, sad yes. hopefuly wewe have she lives happily ever after.;-] later
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
snusnu13 said:
Wow.....I like it, I think it's good. I want to read more, and I especially want to find out who "he" is. Keep writing, it's great!
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
*
yeah he sounds hot lol
bangelfan posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
nan0 said:
Nice it good but zaidi detail!
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
Aquamarina said:
It's quite short, but pretty good in my opinion. Just be careful not to skip between past and presence :)
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
fuzz1890 said:
It's cool, I've liked it :) I like your style. Do wewe have more?
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
txter32 said:
Oooh it makes me so curious!!! I luvvvvv it!


p.s. wewe should really write more!!!
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
bcthestrongest said:
its pretty good i upendo it
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
rantora13 said:
it was actully okay,the way u described wut had happend without actually telling wut happend was wut mad the story better,and the sense of hostility and rage helped,differ the guys true fellings twords the girl. but i say make zaidi to the story cant wait for zaidi i would like to see what had actually happend.
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
2dolphn97 said:
wow. ive gotta hand it to you, u make me want more. i wanna know who he is. i bet hes a hot jerk. how did u find it in r closet? can u give me a plot so i can see if its ndoto au romance au wat?

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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
Werewolves4Life said:
i upendo it!!!!!!!!!
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
rAsberrStrarS said:
Thats a really good piece of writing. I mean i'm not just saying that i actually mean it. That could progress into a fab book au whichever. I would read it personally.Good Luck with possibly finishing it if wewe plan to. U sound like a great writer. x
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
Ms_Mea said:
Not bad. I actually liked it :) wewe should continue it and then post it. It was actually quite good.
My only feedback is maybe a few zaidi details, and the words "half scared" kind of ruined the mood. Slightly frightened may have worked better probably, au something else. And wewe should probably replace "softness" with another word. That's my only feedback. Hope I helped :)
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
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