Chapter 1
Starting Point

    I find it funny where I can end up sometimes. In sekunde grade, I ended up face to face with the biggest bully, Hugo. He was in fifth grade and practically had a moustache. There was even a rumor that he had two kids already with some girl up at my city’s high school. Hugo beat the crap out of me and why? Because I decided to play The Hero and stand up for my friend.
    Once at the zoo, I tried to save a kid’s balloon and ended up in the monkey pit because I broke through the net. I got tons of poo thrown at my face and a broken wrist from the fall. Then there was that one time I found a deer that actually let me pet it and I got shot in the leg kwa an arrow from my father’s crossbow.
    I have always ended up in the most bizarre, painful situations, whether kwa pain it was emotional au physical. However, this story I am about to tell you, reader, puts me in a situation that I never thought I would be in.
    And it all starts out with a man with a big nose, a moustache, overalls, and a funny red hat…

    I was on this marble floor. Don’t ask me how I got there, but all I could remember was my name. It was Ashley, but I liked to be called Ash. Why? It was shorter, easier to write, and since every friggin’ girl in elementary school was named Ashley, I had to find an alternative to my name.
    I stood up slowly. I wasn’t hurt au anything, but I was entirely confused. I looked around for a sekunde and then saw this man with a clipboard. He was a short, chubby man. He had a big, bushy moustache and these huge blue eyes. This hat he had on his head was red and had a big M in the middle. I recognized him, but I was so disoriented that I couldn’t recall who he was.
    “Excuse me, sir,” I said.
    “Ah, yes, you’re Ashley, Ashley Brandt, right?” he asked. He had this thick accent. I knew I had heard it before, but where?
    “Um, yeah, actually I am,” I said. “My head hurts so much, though.”
    “That’s expected,” the man said. “Switching dimensions and all is quite a doozy.”
    “Switching dimensions?” I said, trailing off into thought.
    “Why yes. You’re from an entirely different place, ya know.”
    I suddenly remembered my nyumbani in Ohio and my family and, well, everything. However, my reader, I didn’t know quite yet, but that stuff would no longer matter where I was at.
    “Where am I now?”
    “Well, you’re technically in the uyoga kingdom, but wewe won’t be here for long.”
    “Wait, where!” I shouted.
    “The uyoga kingdom,” this guy repeated. “I thought wewe would’ve at least recognized me enough to guess where wewe were.”
    “Who are you,” I asked, backing up slowly, eventually finding myself against a stone walls.
    “I’m Mario, from the Super Mario Brothers video game wewe might’ve played,” he said.
    “Mario,” I alisema softly, but added assertively, “Why am I here?”
    “Well, we’re short of Heroes here in what is called the Ninten Dimension. You’re dimension, called the sekunde Dimension, had some great candidates and, due to your name being drawn out of my hat, wewe were the chosen hero. Congrats!”
    “Most Heroes that were the “Chosen ones” because they were born that way, but I’m chosen one just because my stupid name was in a hat with a bunch of other stupid people?” I said. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
    “Hey, don’t blame me, Ash,” Mario said, pointing at me with a pencil. “All the candidates from your dimension were chosen kwa a special board of individuals.”
    “But I’m only twelve, and I definitely didn’t sign up for something like this!” I thundered.
    “Trust me, there were others much younger than wewe whose names were in my hat. Some of those names were one mwaka old babies. wewe should be thankful.”
    “I should be thankful that I’ll get myself killed?”
    “Momma mia, child! wewe don’t even know what wewe were chosen to do. Maybe wewe were chosen to be the hero of pansies!”
    “I have a feeling I wasn’t chosen for that, wewe son of a-”
    “Please, I’ll have none of that nonsense fighting in my castle,” I gentle, but stern voice called out.
    At the juu of the staircase was a beautiful woman in a huge pink dress. Her blonde hair went a little below her shoulders and her blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight that seeped through an opening on the ceiling.
    “Now, will wewe give me the pleasure to tell wewe my name, Ms. Ashley, au would wewe like to keep arguing with Mario here.”
    I crossed my arms and said, “Go ahead, say what wewe want.”
    “My name is Princess Toadstool, but wewe can call me Peach,” she said. “I was on the committee that chose whose names would be placed in the hat from your dimension. I, personally, is the one who nominated you.”
    “But why?” I asked. “I’m young.”
    “Ashley, we need a young, ambitious person to save this dimension,” Princess peach, pichi said. “You were a perfect choice.”
    “What am I suppose to do, though? What about my family and my education and my friends?”
    “In your world, unfortunately, wewe are considered dead,” Mario alisema calmly. “I would advise wewe to forget about all of that.”
    I was extremely upset and wanted to cry, but at the same time, I was happy to be gone. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my past. I had trouble fitting in at school and talking to even my family. I began to feel like this would be a new beginning.
    “Are wewe okay, Ashley?” Princess peach, pichi asked.
    “Yes,” I said. “What needs to be done?”
    “Your first destination is not too far off,” Princess peach, pichi said. “It’s in a neighboring kingdom, the kingdom of Hyrule. wewe will be working with a boy of the same age as you. His name is Link.”
    “Interesting,” I said. “How will I get there?”
    “Even though it is neighboring, Hyrule is across an ocean,” Mario said. “Our very own James McCloud of the nyota fox, mbweha team is volunteering to give wewe a ride there in his spacecraft. They do a bunch of space fighting and what not, which is something wewe shouldn’t have to worry about.”
    “Okay, well, where is this Link kid?” I asked.
    “Unfortunately, all we know is that he is living in Kokiri Forest,” Princess peach, pichi said. “He is being mistaken for a child of the Kokiri race. The Kokiri children never grow up and are not allowed to ever leave the forest due to a fear that they will die. This is not true, but for their safety, don’t tell them that the myth is false.”
    “Understood,” I said.
    Then a small voice announced, “Princess Peach, Mr. James McCloud is here upon your special request.”
    “Oh yes, Toad, please let him in,” Princess peach, pichi said.
    I turned around to see two tiny men with uyoga nyara on their heads. They were rather cute. Oddly enough, I noticed that the doors in Peach’s ngome had two doorknobs: one for regular sized people and another one down to the little guy’s height.
    The doors opened to reveal James McCloud. Surprisingly, he was a fox, but he stood up like a human and his body was shaped like a human, too, besides his hair and his muzzle. He took off his kofia, chapeo and his ears flopped up. Even though he took off his kofia, chapeo as a sign of respect, he didn’t remove his sunglasses.
    “Good evening Princess,” James alisema and gave her a short bow, “long time no see.”
    “Hello James,” Princess peach, pichi said. “Thank wewe so much for helping us transport Ms. Ashley Brandt to Hyrule.”
    “No problem,” James said, bringing his sunglasses down a bit so he could look at me. “She seems very young.”
    “That was intended, James,” peach, pichi said. “She may seem young and innocent now, but I think she will do just fine once she gets the hang of things.”
    “Yes, well, I hope you’re right,” James alisema and he turned around. “C’mon, Ms. Brandt, we have a long flight under our tails.”
    I nodded and walked over to James.
    “Oh, Ashley,” Princess peach, pichi called out and I turned around. “Have wewe ever had any experience with a sword before?”
    “Uh, no,” I said.
    “Good. Neither has Link. wewe two will grow together, I do suppose.”
    Great, I thought and I followed James outside.
    “My Arwing is in the back,” James said. “It’s a bit weird to get into at first, but I’ll help you. Do wewe get motion sickness?”
    “Not that I know of,” I said.
    “That works then, kiddo,” James said.
    We reach the back of the ngome and I was amazed at his Arwing. It was a fighter pilot and reminded me of something from the movie nyota Wars, a huge hit back at home. The Arwing had a symbol on it that looked like a fox, mbweha with a wing.
    “Beautiful, isn’t she?” he said.
    “Yeah,” I said.
    “When I retire from the nyota fox, mbweha team, I am going to give it to my son, Fox,” James said. “You’d like him. He’s an ambitious, confident young pup, but I hope he chooses a different career path than mine. My life is terribly dangerous.”
    “I’m sorry,” I said. “Hopefully, wewe and I can make things better here.”
    James laughed a bit and then pulled out a small remote. He pressed a button and the Arwing’s wings spread and the cock pit was revealed underneath a moving windshield.
    James suddenly picked me up and sat me in the back saying, “Let’s hope so.”
    I got comfortable as James started up the Arwing. The windshield came down as James pressed multiple buttons.
    “I’ll make this an easy ride for you, Ashley,” James said.
    “You can call me Ash, if wewe want to, “ I alisema rather quickly.
    “Alright Ash. I like that.”
    We started to hover in the air a bit but took off towards the sky.
    “So Ash, are wewe nervous?” James asked.
    “Well, yes, a little,” I said.
    “It’s okay to be nervous. I know I was the first time I stepped into this thing. I thought I was going to die on my first day. I remember screaming my head of and just firing the lasers. There wasn’t much fighting back then, though. Everything was different. I was part of the Saturn Wings back then. It was me and my buddy mbwa mwitu O’Donnell. We were crazy pups.”
    “What happened to the Saturn Wings?” I asked.
    “Well, mbwa mwitu became the leader and I was his ace pilot,” James said. “But, mbwa mwitu became power hungry and killed the whole team, besides me, of course. I got into a huge fight with him in space, but it eventually became a hand to hand combat on a nearby planet. It was a scary time, I’ll tell you.”
    “Wow,” I said. “What happened next?”
    “Well, I barely made it back nyumbani to the planet Corneria. My wife, Vixy, wanted me to retire after that, but I was asked kwa the Cornerian army to take up my own group and thus I formed the nyota fox, mbweha group. With me is Peppy Hare, Pigma Dengar, and this new kid named Falco Lombardi. Falco’s quite the pilot for a new guy.”
    “Where’s Wolf?” I asked.
    “I don’t know. Last I heard, I killed him off. Either that, au I scared the crap out of him. But, I highly doubt that. Even when we were young, mbwa mwitu was a rather solid guy.”
    “So, do wewe know anything about this Hyrule place?” I asked. “I just wanted to get some information before I get there and all.”
    “Sorry Ash, but I’ve never been there,” James said. “I usually stay up in space, but Mario called me and asked if I would take wewe to Hyrule because if wewe went kwa boat, it would take wewe at least a week to get there. I heard it’s a real nice place, though. It’s ruled kwa this guy named Daphnes. I would never name my kid that. The king sounds like a chick, doesn’t he?”
    “Yeah,” I alisema and smiled a bit. I really liked this guy.
    I suddenly heard a beeping noise and James pressed a button.
    “James McCloud of the nyota fox, mbweha team here,” James said.
    “James, this is General Pepper,” alisema a voice from the speakers up front. “There’s been some trouble here in the Lylat System. Are wewe done there in the uyoga kingdom?”
    “Not yet, sir, I’m almost to Hyrule to transport Ms. Ashley Brandt, but I will be done right after that. Do wewe need something?”
    “Well, we’ve been told of some strange activity at the planet Venom,” General Pepper said. “We’re convinced that Andross is up to no good.”
    “Ah, Andross,” James said. “Well, I shall fly straight to headquarters and gather my team.”
    “By any chance, James, are wewe bringing that Falco guy with you?” General Pepper asked.
    “Yeah, why?”
    “He just seems rather shady to me is all,” Pepper said. “Promise me you’ll keep your eyes open and head up with this guy.”
    “Whatever wewe say, sir,” James said.
    “Alright, Pepper out,” General Pepper alisema and then the speakers beeped.
    “I feel awfully bad for Falco, but I don’t blame General Pepper,” James alisema to me. “He has a rather bad past, which might just be because of certain conditions, but I don’t know.”
    “I’d give him a shot,” I said.
    “I like you, kiddo,” James said. “I’ll tell wewe what, wewe save this whole Hyrule junk, taka and then I’ll let wewe fly with my team a bit. You’d be a very good part to the team, ya know?”
    I smiled as we began to land.
    “We’re there already?” I said.
    “Why yes we are,” James said.
    We landed safely on a hill. Luckily, no one noticed. I jumped out of the cockpit and turned to James.
    “Thanks,” I said.
    “No prob,” James said, shifting his glasses down. “Don’t forget to call once all this mess is done.”
    “I will,” I shouted as James prepared to leave. I watched as he soared in the sky and took off.
    I turned around to face the village. It smelled of forest and I could hear a small waterfall to my left. I decided to walk down the kilima and get a better look at things. I saw all of these kids dressed in ugly, green tunics.
    This was going to be a nasty adventure, I could already tell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2
Fairy Boy

    

    I felt awkward among the Kokiri kids as I walked around a bit and these stupid flying things kept making me sneeze. They were yellow and floated in the air whenever I stood still. It got real annoying rather quickly. I was starting to dread this mission and decided that I would definitely ngumi, punch Mario the inayofuata time I saw him.
    But it suddenly came to mind that I might never see him again.
    This feeling suddenly became heavy on my chest and I started to panic. It was probably my anxiety doing so, but I suddenly had no idea how this was going to work, how I was going to save a whole kingdom from whatever it was I needed to save it from.
    Oh God, I don’t even know who I’m suppose to be fighting with, I thought suddenly.
    I collapsed and began to cry in place. au rather, I was crying and sneezing because those damn yellow balls were going in my nose again. But that didn’t matter because I was pathetic enough. I was the chosen one who ended up failing. I’d never read a story about a kid that was a chosen hero and failed for what they were born to do.
    And guess what.
    When I looked up, all the Kokiris were standing in place, smiling and playing with the little flying yellow balls.
    Pathetic, I thought and I just kept crying.
    “My dear, why are wewe crying?” a deep voice asked.
    I felt a hand on my shoulder and dried my eyes. That hand belonged to a very big man who was kneeling behind me. He had dark green skin and bright red hair. His skin was so green that I thought he was a zombie au something, but I was too upset to freak out. After I have a breakdown, I would become numb and lethargic, so I felt nothing.
    “I’m lost,” I alisema like a baby.
    “Humph, we are all, my dear,” he said. “What is your name?”
    “Ash,” I said.
    “That’s a rather weird name for a child here in Hyrule,” the man said. He lifted me up and brushed off my clothes. He reach for my face and dried any remaining tears. “You’re also dressed weird too. Are wewe from around here?”
    “I’m from Ohio,” I said.
    “Where’s Ohio?” he asked. He had this confused look on his face.
    “In the U.S.A.”
    “Yousa? I have never heard of such a place.”
    “Forget…Yousa,” I said. “What’s your name?”
    The man stood up proudly and boasted, “My name is Ganondorf Dragmire, king of the Gerudo thieves.”
    “Sounds cool, I guess. Anyway, what are wewe doing here?”
    Ganondorf messed with his gloves and said, “I had some unfinished business to attend to is all. And speaking of unfinished business, I need to get out of here really quick. It’s been nice meeting you, my dear. If wewe ever need anything, I’m sure I’ll be at the Hyrule castle.” He smirked at me and started to walk away.
    I watched him walk, the green skinned freak. Something told me I would meet him again, but I wasn’t sure if it would be a nice meeting au a really bad one. It seemed like a nice guy, honestly, but he was very big and very hairy. My younger brother would always play video games that had big and hairy people in it and that was usually a big red flag for being some evil jerk.
    As I pondered this, I suddenly got smacked in the face kwa some big, glowing ball. This ball thing fell to the ground. I picked it up and held it in my hand. One of those Kokiri kids were going to get it.
    “Hey, let go of me,” some squeaking voice said.
    I dropped that little ball. I had no idea what it was, but I knew it had just talked to me. I thought I was going crazy, which would be a proper hypothesis, seeing as I suddenly lived in a world of video games, had conversations with a fox, mbweha in a fighter spaceship thing, and met Mario, with whom I almost fought with.
    The ball flew up and got right in my face, saying, “Look here, wewe jerk, I’m a fairy and I have just as many rights as wewe humans do. Maybe I’m a bit bad at flying, but-”
    I picked her up kwa one of her wings and she started to shout, “Hey, let go of me! I have a really big job to do and if I don’t find this kid, Hyrule’s fate will be at stake.”
    I stopped walking and asked, “What kid, because I’m looking for one, too.”
    “This Lost kid named Link. He’s never had a fairy and I’ve been asked to assist him.”
    “Where is he?” I asked.
    “I can’t tell you, I’ll get in trouble,” the fairy cried.
    “I’m suppose to assist him as well,” I said. “My name is Ash Brandt, and I’m suppose to help Link save Hyrule from, well…something.”
    “Well, let go of me and I’ll onyesha wewe were he is,” the fairy snapped.
    I let go of it and it flied in my face, sputtering out, “Now, let’s get him. And kwa the way, my name is Navi.”
    “Well, alright then, let’s get to Link, pronto,” I alisema rather harshly. I wasn’t going to play games with a flying ball of glowing fluff.
    We walked to this rather big mti house that had a little drawing on it. I found it cute and wanted to look a little longer, but Navi was one step ahead of me. It already flew up into the house.
    In front of me was a ladder. I never liked ladders, in fact I was extremely scared of them. I touched one of the steps and felt my palms sweating. It wasn’t climbing up the ladder that was my problem, it was getting of the ladder and onto the platform that was the huge problem. I wasn’t sure what went were au what foot to use first.
    I decided I would figure that out when I got to the juu of the thing. I was never good at climbing things back at home. I never climbed walls au trees solely because, once I would get to the top, I wouldn’t know how to get down. Like when I was in first grade, this girl in fourth grade in the bathroom stall beside me told me to stand on the toilet and then stand on the toilet paper dispenser. She was up there, guiding me, and I actually got up there, but I didn’t know how to get down, so I started crying until a teacher came to get me.
    I couldn’t do that here, though, because I knew no one would help me down. Or, well, maybe that Ganondorf man would’ve helped, seeing as he was quite possibly one of the most decent people I had seen; shady, but still decent.
    Suddenly I found myself there: the juu of the ladder. I lifted my left foot slowly, but decided that wasn’t the right foot. I then tried my right foot and realized that wasn’t right, either. I held on tightly to the two planks of wood at the top. I decided to go down, so I used my left foot, but I decided that was a bad move, so I used my right foot instead. Definitely, the right foot was no the way to go.
    I stared at the opening to the mti house. I had to get up there to help Link. I decided to use my left foot to get on the platform and didn’t stop, even though it didn’t feel right. The inayofuata thing I know is I tripped and my face landed on a soft, leathery surface.
    “Um, excuse me,” a voice above me said. “I’m rather glad that wewe like my boot, but I need to use it to walk and all.”
    I stood up quickly and right in front of me was this weird boy, wearing the weird green tunic and a floppy, green hat that resembled a nightcap. That fairy was floating comfortably around him. This kid had these piercing blue eyes and blonde hair under his floppy hat.
    Even though I was taught to use proper manners, the only thing I could find myself to say was this: “Jesus dude, what the heck are wewe wearing?”
    His face changed to looking angry and he snapped, “Well, wewe should be saying that to yourself.”
    This kid was right. I was wearing blue jeans and an machungwa, chungwa polo shirt. My black Converse shoes didn’t help, either.
    “That doesn’t matter right now,” I alisema quickly. “Your name’s Link, right?”
    “How do wewe know my name?” he asked, his face looking at me like he was trying to figure out if I was a good guy au a bad guy.
    “Well, I was sent here kwa Princess Toadstool of the uyoga kingdom to help wewe save this place,” I said.
    “The uyoga kingdom,” Link said. “That place all the way across the ocean?”
     “Yeah, actually. I’m glad wewe know your geography. Anyway, my name is Ashley, but wewe can call me Ash if wewe want to. I suppose to help wewe do stuff, I guess.”
    “Do what?” Link asked.
    “Might I interject here,” alisema Navi. “Link and Ash, wewe have been called upon kwa the Great Deku Tree. Once we get there, he will tell wewe two of your fates.”
    “Oh, good morning, Link,” a voice called from below.
    I turned around and Link stepped to the side of me to see who it was.
    “Oh, morning Saria,” Link called out.
    Saria was dressed in a better looking, but still rather ugly green tunic. She had chokaa green hair and, even from below, I could see her sparkling blue eyes. That made me realize that about everyone I had met, besides James and Ganondorf, had blue eyes. There was probably no connection whatsoever, but I just thought that to be rather bizarre.
    “Oh, Link, wewe finally got yourself a fairy!” Saria alisema gleefully. “You can now be a true Kokiri child. How about wewe and your friend come down here and we can chat more. Maybe we should celebrate, too!”
    This girl was too peppy for me, but I needed to get down the ladder.
    “Ladies first,” Link alisema politely.
    “How, uh, sweet,” I said.
    Hesitantly, I turned around and put my right foot down on the first plank below. I started to panic. I didn’t want to songesha my left foot, but I closed my eyes and did it anyway. I almost forgot to grab onto the wooden tip of the ladder and almost fell off of it. Fortunately, the ladder was tied to the platform, so I knew it wouldn’t fall.
    I got the hang of the whole ladder thing, though, and I was able to reach the ground safely.
    “Hi, my name is Saria,” Saria alisema to me as soon as I jumped off the ladder.
    “My name’s Ash,” I alisema and I held out my hand. Saria just looked at it for awhile, so I slowly put my hand back to my side.
    “Those clothes you’re wearing, I’ve never seen them before,” Saria said. “They must be extremely uncomfortable.”
    “Yeah, they are a little,” I lied. I just wanted to get clothes that matched everyone else. I started to get nervous looking entirely different from everyone.
    “Well, I’ll take wewe shopping for some clothes,” Saria alisema with a bright smile on her face. “If Link doesn’t mind, of course.”
    “Ah,, well, I have to buy stuff, anyway, to see the Great Deku Tree,” Link said. “Every time I tried to see him, Mido stops me and tells me only one with a sword and shield can see the Great Deku. Thing is, he goes in there all the time and he never has a sword au shield.”
    “Aw, Link, wewe know Mido. He’s just trying to protect our Great Deku Tree. After all, the Great Deku watches over us, so Mido just feels it’s proper to watch over the Great Deku.”
    “Yeah, if wewe say so,” Link alisema and then he sighed.
    I didn’t know who this Mido guy was, but it seemed to me that Link didn’t like him. I’m not one to judge and all, but I would keep on my toes if I saw Mido.
    “Whoa, watch out!” we heard a voice. It was a tiny voice, but still rather loud. “Navi, Navi, I am so sorry that I’m late!”
    All of a sudden, a fairy showed up. This fairy was glowing, just like Navi, but had an machungwa, chungwa tint to it. It came straight to Navi.
    “Maximus, you’re extremely late,” Navi scolded.
    “Yeah, I know, but I over slept,” Maximus said.
    Navi looked toward me, au at least I think she looked at me, and said, “Ash, this is your own guardian fairy, Maximus.”
    “Heya,” Maximus said. “You can call me Max.”
    “Nice to meet you,” I said. I had a weird feeling that Max was not going to be a good guardian fairy, but I couldn’t complain. At least I knew that this Deku mti thing was expecting me, seeing as I was sent my very own fairy.
    “Wow, wewe are a true Kokiri too, Ash,” Saria said. “To celebrate, I’ll pull my rupees together and buy wewe a new tunic myself.”
    “Rupees?” I said.
    “They’re the Hyrulian currency,” Link stated.
    “Great,” I said.
    The three of us didn’t have much zaidi to say, so Link and Saria started to walk down a path and I followed. There was a lot of water in this village and it all came from a small waterfall, the one I heard when I first got there. For some reason, none of the Kokiri kids played in the water. They must have been really mature for their age. A lot of them waved to Link and Saria and when they saw me, they still kept their huge smiles. They knew I was an outsider, but they didn’t judge me for that.
    We reach a big, round house and some girl was sitting on juu of it.
    “Hey Saria and Link,” she shouted.
    “Hi,” the two alisema in unison.
    “What kind of kid sits on juu of a roof,” I heard Max mumble.
    We walked into the house which was actually the Kokiri store. It smelled rather musty, but there was a polite girl to our left that greeted us.
    “Hey guys, and welcome to the Kokiri store,” the lady said. “If you’re here for items, please go to the front counter. If you’re here for apparel, let me know and I’ll onyesha wewe the various tunics we have in stock.”
    “We’re here for a girls’ tunic for Ashley here,” alisema Saria.
    Link went to the front counter as the duka girl pulled out a wooden rack that had tons of clothes hanging from it.
    “Ashley, would wewe prefer a skirt, upindo au shorts?” the duka girl asked.
    “A skirt,” I said.
     “Would wewe like that skirt, upindo in green, light green, lighter green, mizeituni, mzeituni green, light mizeituni, mzeituni green, dark green, forest green, dark light green, darker light green, dark lighter green, au mizeituni, mzeituni dark lighter green?”
    I stared at her for the longest time until I snapped back to reality and said, “Um, light mizeituni, mzeituni green.”
    “Good choice!” she said, enthused. “Now then, what kind of juu would wewe like. There’s a various choice for women.”
    The duka lady pulled out a bunch of tops that were on a nearby rack. There were v-neck tops and some kobe, kasa necks. But, there was one in particular that I really liked. It was a sleeveless v-neck with two straps that would go just above my elbows.
    “I like this one,” I alisema and I took it off the rack.
    “Well, if wewe would like, how about wewe go to one of our dressing rooms and try it on,” the duka girl alisema with a bright smile.
    I took my new clothes to a dressing room in the back. It smelled of trees when I walked in, but that was only because the whole duka was made of trees and leaves. The tunic, however, was made of a really comfortable fabric. It was actually a lot zaidi comfortable than my jeans and my polo, despite being really ugly.
    But, after I put the tunic on, I started to like it. I looked really nice in the mizeituni, mzeituni color. I looked in the mirror and realized it almost matched my hazel eyes and definitely went with my ashy, brown hair. But, my Converse shoes were still an issue and I was afraid I would have to get one of those floppy, green hats.
    I opened the dressing room and walked out. Link was waiting for me with the duka girl, but Saria wasn’t there anymore.
    “Wow,” Link said, “you look really, uh, nice.” He started blushing a bit.
    “Shut up,” I snapped. I wasn’t here for a date, I just really wanted to get back to the uyoga kingdom and call up James. Maybe, in his world, they had decent clothes even, seeing as it seemed James’ place was zaidi technologically advanced than that Hyrule dump.
    “Well, Saria left me some rupees to buy those clothes, a pair of boots, and a traditional Kokiri hat,” Link said. “I bought wewe a shield, just to be nice.”
    The duka girl already had boots ready for me in her right hand. In her left was that stupid floppy hat.
    “To be even extra nice,” Link started, “I went ahead and picked out your boots and your hat so we look similar.”
    The duka girl handed me the hat and I just stared at it, saying rather harshly, “Well, Link, if I have to wear this ridiculous hat, wewe have to wear the same tunic I have on.”
    The duka girl smiled and said, “You’re funny. But, to let wewe know, wewe bought the last style of tunic you’re wearing.”
    Link had a smile on his face and nodded, then adding, “Now, Ash, put on your boots so we can find a sword.”
    “Before we do that, I need to put my clothes in your house,” I said.
    “Whatever wewe say, Ashley,” Link alisema and he started to walk out of the store.
    Asshole, I thought.

    Once I put my clothes in Link’s home, we set out to a little spot for a little lunch. We had this thing called a deku nut, which we roasted over a moto in this house where these stupid ‘Know-it-All’ brothers lived. We had a nice salad, too. The vichimbakazi didn’t eat for some reason, but I wasn’t even sure if they could eat.
    We had lunch in this area called the training area. There was some kid punching air in the corner. I watched him, but after awhile, it just got depressing. I wasn’t sure if he just didn’t have Marafiki au what.
    I started to pick those dumb yellow balls out of my saladi and didn’t notice that Link was watching me.
    “Is your chakula bad?” he asked.
    I looked up and said, “Nah.” I looked back down and continued picking the balls out of my salad.
    “You look bothered,” Link alisema and I saw him set his deku nut on his wooden plate. “Is something wrong?”
    “Not really,” I said, “but it’s so different here, ya know?”
    “Sorry, but I don’t…know,” Link said. “I’ve lived here all my life and I’ll live here forever. Everyone here can’t leave this forest, au we’ll get sick and die.”
    No wewe won’t, I thought, but I wasn’t suppose to tell him that, so I alisema this instead: “That must suck.”
    “Nah, it’s quite enjoyable here. Everyone’s really nice.”
    I felt bad for this kid. He was going to be a kid forever. Link would never get married au have kids au go through puberty…not that missing out on puberty was a drag, but Link would miss out on a lot of stuff.
    “So, where are we suppose to get swords?” I asked.
    “Well, see that hole in the ukuta over there,” Link alisema and then he pointed at the hole, “There’s suppose to be a treasure chest in there and it’s magical, so only certain people can open it. Since the Great Deku mti sent out for us, we must be the ones who can open it. Now, finish your salad.”
    “There’s yellow stuff in it,” I whined.
    “Aw, those things are harmless.”
    “What are they?”
    “Well, no one really knows, but they’re little, glowing particles that like to get cuddly with people. Us Kokiris call them upendo Bugs.”
    I stood up and said, “Well, they make me sneeze. But anyway, let’s get those swords and get this adventure rolling.”
    Link stood up and shrugged, adding, “If wewe say so.” Link stood up, pulled up his shorts a little, and grabbed my plate. He threw the saladi into a corner and toss the plate like a disc.
    We climbed on some fences for fun and made our way to the hole that was in the wall. Fortunately, we could both fit in it rather well and were able to songesha forward. I went in last because I didn’t want Link looking at my butt and all.
    At the end of the hole, Link grabbed my wrists and pulled me up. Yeah, it hurt, but before I could hit him, he took off running…right in front a gigantic rock. I’m not usually good at thinking too quickly, but I rushed and grabbed his wrist. I was sprinting as we turned corners. Absent mindedly, I ran past the treasure chest, so we had to make the round, au rather square, trip again.
    This time, I didn’t miss the chest and I ran into the opening, throwing Link in front of me and turning around to watch the huge rock pass. I turned and shouted, “You could’ve gotten killed, wewe idiot!”
    Link put his hand on his hip and said, “C’mon, let’s just open this treasure chest. Get off my back, wewe jerk.”
    I ignored him when he alisema that last sentence. I decided to let him have the last word, but that would be the only time. This damn fairy boy was getting on my nerves. inayofuata time we were close to a cliff, I would definitely push him off it.
    We walked up to the treasure chest in front of us and looked at each other.
    “You ready?” Link asked.
    “Heck yes,” I alisema with a smile. I’d forgive him for the argument before, but I knew there would be another one soon.
    We both lifted the lid at the same time and an odd light came from inside the treasure chest. Inside, there was a blue cushion and two small swords. Link took the sword with a brown hilt and a ruby imbedded in the hilt. I took the last sword, which had an machungwa, chungwa hilt and a sapphire in the middle.
    As we set up our sheaths, I noticed that Link was left handed. On, on the other hand, was right handed. I don’t know why, but it just amused me. I thought it would be cool, us being a duo and use different hands for our swords.
    Anyway, we crawled out of this place through that hole in the ukuta and made our way towards the entrance that lead to the Great Deku Tree. I was nervous, but probably not as nervous as Link. This was his first time meeting the being that created him and kept him salama all the years he lived in the Kokiri Forest. We jumped on a couple patches of land that kept us from having to walk in the water and I saw him…
    “Mido,” Link whispered, stopping me in my own tracks. “Ash, I cannot stress this enough. wewe have a short fuse and you’re extremely opinionated. Mido is the same way, but he also is very, very full of himself. If wewe get into an argument with him, we will never get past him, even if we had a million swords and shields.”
    “Aw, Link, don’t be so dumb,” I said. “I can actually behave myself. Mido can be the biggest jerk on the planet, but I’m strong enough to just ignore the little bastard.”
    “Woah, and don’t cuss either,” Link said, “you’ll get in big trouble.”
    “Oh darn,” I stated and I continued on with Link following closely behind me.
    We reach the entrance and there stood Mido with his hands on his hips, tapping his foot like he was impatient with us.
    “Oh, well look who we have here,” Mido said. His voice was whiney sounding. He had that voice that made wewe want to ngumi, punch him in the face whenever he alisema something, whether he was whining au just making a statement.
    “I have been called to see the Great Deku mti and so has Ashley here,” Link said. “Could wewe let us through?”
    “We have a sword and shield,” I said. “Both of us do.”
    “Well, aren’t wewe two special then?” Mido alisema “How about I let everyone with a sword and shield go in and see the Great Deku Tree? I wonder how that would go? Before wewe know it, I’ll start letting people who wield almighty sticks see the Great Deku.”
    This guy started to make me extremely angry, but I promised Link that I wouldn’t say anything so I kept my mouth shut.
    “Mido, just let us through, please,” Link begged.
    “Why should I?” Mido teased.
    “Because I was sent to tell Link to see the Great Deku Tree,” Navi said. I hadn’t noticed, but she was hidden in Link’s hat. I touched mine and felt Max at the tip. He was probably sleeping, so I didn’t bother him.
    “Oh look, Link the Loser finally got himself a fairy,” Mido said. “Even so, don’t expect me to treat wewe like you’re a true blooded Kokiri, because I know wewe aren’t.”
    “And how?” I asked rather harshly. Link shot me a look, so I just gave him a look of distress. Link rolled his eyes and returned his sight to Mido.
    “How about wewe shut your mouth,” Mido said. “You cannot talk to the Great Mido like that. I am your superior. Anyway, Link here, is so different from all of us. If he was a true Kokiri, his fairy would’ve come much sooner.”
    “Alright Mido, you’ve alisema enough, just let us through please,” Link said. He was getting tired, I could hear it in his voice.
    “Hah, I won’t move, not in a million years!” Mido boasted and then he erupted into the best evil laugh I had ever heard.
    Even if it was the best evil laugh I had ever heard, my reader, I wouldn’t savor it. It got old real quick, so I took out my sword and put it up to Mido’s throat. He definitely shut up then. I backed him against the wall.
    “Oh please, please don’t kill me,” Mido pleaded.
    “Ashley, don’t,” Link snapped.
    I looked back for a sekunde at Link, smirked, and then pressed the blade of my sword against Mido’s throat a bit harder.
    Suddenly, Mido’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fainted.
    “Now we go, Link,” I said.
    “You’re a terrible person,” Link said, but I couldn’t tell if he was serious au if he was joking.
    I smirked.
    “Oh sir, wewe haven’t seen terrible from me yet.”
    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 3
Gettin inside the Deku Tree

    Link and I went down the entrance when he suddenly stopped me and said, “That was some crap that wewe pulled back there. Don’t wewe realize that wewe might get in huge trouble for threatening Mido?”
    “Well yeah, duh,” I snapped. “We needed to get passed him so we can see this damn tree.”
    “What did I say about cussing?”
    “Oh Link, bite my ass.”
    I walked passed him and he followed. I felt bad for him for a little while, but Link needed to have zaidi faith in me. I didn’t plan on killing Mido, just scaring him and then the kid had to go and pass out. What kind of leader does that?
    Anyway, at the end of this path was this huge tree. It looked like it had a moustache au something, but it was fairly obvious that he was a tree.
    “Link, Ashley, is that you?” the mti boomed.
    “Yes,” Link said.
    “Is Navi and Maximus still with you?” the Deku mti asked.
    “Yes sir,” alisema Navi.
    “Oh, yeah, I’m here!” shouted Max. He pulled off my hat trying to fly and speak to the Deku Tree. He started shouting, “But oh no, Deku Tree, it seems I have gone blind. What should I do!”
    Seriously, I thought. I grabbed the end of my floating hat and reach inside to pull out Max.
    “Oh, wait,” Max said. “I can see…again.”
    The Deku mti laughed at the situation, but stared to cough violent…or at least I think he did. I had never heard a mti cough before, so I guess I can’t say he coughed, but at least, for your sake my reader, I can guess.
    “Forgive me, my children,” the Deku mti said. “I have become fairly ill.”
    “Why, sir?” Link asked.
    “I have been befallen kwa a curse of mass proportions,” the Deku mti said. “Inside of me, there is a monster and it has caused me much harm.”
    “Well, what can we do?” I asked gently. “We can’t let wewe die.”
    “Dear child, my end is close, I will not lie to you,” the Deku mti stated sadly. “However, I need to test the courage of wewe two before I give wewe my most prized possession.”
    “What is it?” Link asked.
    “You’ll figure out in due time,” the Deku mti said, “but for now, I need wewe to face the evil inside of me.”
    The Great Deku mti opened up his mouth. It creaked as it went down. I could tell that this mti was extremely old. Link and I would have to work fast to save him from the curse inside of him. But, the two of us had never used a sword au shield before, so I knew that this was going to be an interesting mission.
    “Navi and Max, please guide these children,” the Deku mti said. “Link and Ash, listen to what Navi and Max have to say. They are full of much wisdom, even if they seem…childish.”
    Max sighed, embarrassed from his ‘blind’ situation.
    “Good luck, my children,” the Deku mti said. “The fate of Hyrule lies now in your hands.”
    Thanks for letting us know, I thought.
    Link and I looked at each other and nodded. We started to walk forward. I hadn’t seen any enemies, but I knew that there had to be some in the Deku mti otherwise, whomever laid that curse was pretty bad at doing it.
    I unsheathed my sword as we walked in, preparing for the worst.

    The Great Deku mti was huge, but the inside looked even bigger. It was extremely overwhelming for Link and I. Of course, there were enemies around. These jerk flowers called Deku Babas were popping out of there buds and trying to bite us. When I was little, I could never get kwa those dumb piranha plants in Super Mario and these things were definitely much uglier. So, I decided to get my bottled plant anger and used it to open a can of wup-ass on the things.
    Luckily for my inner child, after a couple of seconds, another Deku Baba would sprout from the same bud, so I would get to kill them over and over again.
    Link, however, didn’t see this as being too amusing, so he started to climb up some vines. I didn’t noticed until I felt a seed hit my head. I looked up and there was Link wielding a slingshot. He waited just until I noticed him to moto another one that hit me right one the forehead.
    “Hey, what the heck is wrong with you?” I shouted. He showered me with zaidi seeds. Instead of just packing the pouch in the middle with one seed, he started to pack four au five. I was swatting them like an idiot while that little bastard just kept laughing and shooting more.
    He stopped, falling to the ground laughing.
    “All right wewe inattentive little asshole,” I snapped, “go ahead and shoot one zaidi of those things. I dare you.”
    After a couple of seconds, I shouted, “Yeah, that’s what I thought, wewe coward.”
    Link stood up, still smiling and said, “It’s not that I’m a coward, it’s just that I ran out of seeds.”
    “Alright, well, I’m coming up there,” I said, “I’ll let this incident slide, but this is the only time. inayofuata time, I will totally kick your butt.”
    I didn’t want to climb up the vines, so I climbed up the ladder as carefully as possible. I realized that I started to get rather good at the whole ladder climbing business. I had no time to celebrate, however, for I had to jump over to a platform, which I had never done before. I started to feel my moyo race as I looked below me. A Deku Baba was looking right up to me. I bet he was waiting for me to fall and become his lunch.
    “C’mon Ash!” Link shouted across the dungeon. “We don’t have all siku here.”
    “Um, just give me a second,” I said.
    “Alright, well, I’m going to go ahead and go in this door back here,” Link said, pointing to a door as he walked backwards. “I emptied out a treasure chest on this floor and it had two slingshots in it, so meet me up in the inayofuata room and I’ll give it to you.”
    I nodded as he went in the door. I took a deep breath and looked back down at the Deku Baba. He was licking his lips now and drool was hanging from his mouth.
    “You know Ash, you’re going to have to face your fears,” alisema Max, flying out of my hat. He flew over to the platform and said, “Here, just try to jump over here. It’s not as hard as wewe think.”
    I looked at my feet. My legs were rather wobbly. I took a deep breath and jumped. I closed my eyes as I went in the air and felt my feet land firmly on the ground. I opened my eyes and saw Max right in my face.
    “Good job,” Max said. “Now, let’s go catch up with Link and Navi.”
    I ran passed some vines and went straight to the door. I wanted to be one step ahead of Link, not him be ahead of me. I just would rather have me be over confident and get hurt rather than he be over confident and get hurt. Link seemed like a nice kid.
    I reach the door which, oddly enough, didn’t have a doorknob. But, as I got close to it, the door automatically opened.
    Wow, this place is technologically advanced, I thought.
    I entered this empty room where a dead plant had was laying.
    “That’s a Deku Scrub,” Max alisema and he flew over to it. “By the looks of it, I’d say that Link killed it.”
    I nodded and went to the door on the other side of the room. It was also an automatic door. That room ended up being a rather medium sized room. There was a huge dip in it, however, so when I entered, I had to sit down and then jump off the ledge. But, I didn’t check for Link at all while I was up there.
    That was no biggy though, because there was a ladder in front of me that led up to another platform. Before I climbed it, I found two slingshots on the floor. I started to get scared and shouted hoarsely, “Link, where are you?”
    I heard a sharp, “Hey,” above my head and looked up at the ceiling. Intertwined in a huge buibui web was Link and Navi, but Link seemed to be unconscious.
    “Navi, what can I do?” I asked.
    “Get a slingshot and destroy the Skulltula over there,” she said.
    “What’s a Skulltula?” I asked, and before Navi could answer, Max yelled, “Ashley, hurry! Get the slingshot and kill that thing.”
    Crawling down the ukuta where that ladder was came a huge spider, but it’s opisthosoma had a shell on it that resembled a skull. Out of everything in the world, reader, my biggest fear are spiders especially big spiders. No where back in Ohio were there huge, mutant spiders and if there were, they definitely didn’t have the image of a skull on their opisthosoma.
    (But, pardon me, reader, for I suppose wewe might not know what an opisthosoma is…it’s the fancy word for a spider’s abdomen. Why didn’t I just use the word abdomen, wewe might ask. Well, that’s only because I’ve never used that word in my life before and this will probably be the last time I will use it, too. At least I could use a bit of my useless education for something…and also use it to be a total smart ass.)
    I froze. There was no way I could kill that thing, let alone look at it. It crept me out way too much, and maybe wewe might think I am a baby, reader, but spiders make me freeze up, no matter what kind they are au what size.
    Navi’s sharp voice brought me back to reality, though, and the inayofuata thing I know is that this Skulltula was on it’s back two legs and the other six were spread wide. I could see it’s fangs ready to dig into me. I had no time to grab one of the slingshots on the ground, so I quickly unsheathed my sword and shoved it into the Skulltula’s soft, underbelly. Blood went everywhere and the Skulltula let out a horrible noise. It went backwards and shriveled up.
    What did I do next? I screamed extremely loud and started to cry. I curled into a ball, too, hiding my face from the terrible, skull backed spider. I didn’t like it inside the Deku mti and as far as I knew, Link was either unconscious up in that web au stone cold dead.
    “Hey, Ashley,” Navi yelled.
    “What?” I alisema through my hunched up legs.
    “C’mon, wewe need to get Link and I out of this junk,” she said.
    “Is that thing dead?” I asked.
    “What thing?” Navi said.
    “That damn, son of a bitch, shitty spider!” I shouted at the juu of my lungs, through my legs, of course.
    “Yes, he’s dead,” Max said. “Calm down, he’s dead.”
    “He?” I said, looking right at Max. “You know his gender?”
    “Well, no, but wewe need to be courageous, for the fate of Hyrule,” Max alisema calmly. “It might be hard, even if it’s conquering a fear of spiders, but wewe were chosen to do this out of everyone in your dimension. You’re good at this.”
    “They drew my name out of a hat,” I mumbled, but I stood up.
    “What?” Navi and Max both said.
    I grabbed the slingshots and climbed up the ladder. The huge Skulltula was still shriveled beside it, but I ignored it the best I could. Then I said, “My name, and the names of other worthy nominees, were put in Mario’s hat and then someone just pulled a name. I wasn’t chosen because of my abilities, I was chosen because my name was just coincidently close to whomever pulled the name.”
    Max and Navi seemed disheartened when I told them this, so I added, “Just please, don’t tell anyone, especially Link. I feel like I’ve cheated the ‘fate of Hyrule’ as wewe call it, but I still have to try and fix it.”
    “I understand,” Navi said.
    I picked up a seed that was lying on the ground and stood behind a lit torch. I shot the seed, which caught on moto and hit the web. The web burned up because of the moto and Link fell. Navi flew down to him as soon as she was released.
    “Ash,” Max said, “you should shoot this down.”
    Max was flying kwa a ladder that was randomly hooked to the wall. I gathered some zaidi seeds and shot the two hooks at the juu and the ladder fell, staying perfectly vertical when it landed.
    “Nice,” I whispered aloud.
    I climbed down the ladder quickly to the bottom, which was where Link was. Navi and Max were there trying to wake Link up. Link had some dirt on him from the fall and some scratches on his arm.
    “Navi, what happened?” I asked.
    “Well, we walked in here and everything was fine, then that Skulltula fell on me and Link,” Navi said. “I guess the weight of the Skulltula made Link pass out when it fell on him. I just got caught in the web.”
    “I’m glad I decided to catch up,” I said. Link was lying on his side, so I turned him over so he was on his back. I brushed off some dirt that was on his face and stood up. I walked away a bit and then filled the pouch of my slingshot with five seeds and shot them at Link’s face.
    “Woah, get off me, get off me!” Link shouted, wiggling around like a samaki out of water.
    “Aw Link, you’re fine,” I said.
    Link stopped wiggling and shot a look at me and shouted, “You jerk!”
    “Hey, if it wasn’t for me, you’d be dead right now,” I said. “You would’ve been buibui food, my friend.”
    “Spider food,” Link said. He took off his floppy hat and scratched his head asking, “What happened to me?”
    “A Skulltula fell on wewe and it made wewe pass out,” Navi said. “It scared me half to death!”
    “Ashley, wewe saved…me?” Link said, emphasizing the me in his statement.
    I gave him a weird look and said, “Should that even be a question? Of course I saved you. What, did wewe think I was going to just leave wewe up there to die?”
    Link looked to the side and I rolled my eyes.
    “C’mon, let’s just wrap, upangaji pamoja up this whole thing,” I said. “I’m tired of the stupid spiders already. We better not run into anymore.”

    “Oh my God, I hate this place so much!” I shouted.
    Link and I had left the room and were climbing up vines to reach the third floor of the Great Deku Tree. I didn’t particularly like the dumb vines and I had Lost footing twice so I was sweating really bad. The thing was, the damn Skulltulas liked to climb on vines and just spin around there, making these dumb sounds. I had been thrown off twice already and there was one just right above my head.
    Link, of course, was already on the third floor. He was looking down at me as I struggled.
    “How’s it going?” he teased.
    “Aw, shut up,” I said. “You try being terribly afraid of spiders and climbing vines and have to be with them both at once.”
    “I swear something is wrong with you, Ash,” Link said.
    I waited for the right moment to take off because if that Skulltula saw me, I was dead. The dumb thing didn’t spin like the rest of them, so I assumed I was safe.
    “Well, Link, I have what wewe call severe anxiety,” I said.
    “Severe anxiety?”
    “Yeah, it’s when you’re scared of everything, au well, rather let me rephrase that…it’s when you’re nervous about everything.”
    “This must be terrible for wewe then,” Link said.
    I made it passed the stupid Skulltula and got my feet planted safely on the third floor. This was the last floor in the Deku mti and wewe could see the tip up on the ceiling. Unlike the sekunde floor, this floor went around in a mduara, duara and there was a huge opening in the middle of floor. If Link au I fell down the opening, we’d be dead, seeing as we’d land right on the first floor. Around the edges, however, were buibui webs, so we’d be salama even if we walked close to the edge.
    There was a room down that hallway, which I won’t even bother describing because it had really nothing in it, just a stupid compass. We explored all the floors and didn’t know what to do at that point.
    “So, what now?” I asked. I was rather bothered. I just wanted to get out of that hell hole.
    “I’m not sure,” Link said, “but we need to hurry. The Deku mti could die at anytime.”
    I turned to face him, “Well, maybe if someone didn’t get caught kwa a spider, this would’ve been wrapped up already.” I started to walk backwards a bit. I knew that there were little platforms along the side that overlooked the first floor, so I wanted to look all cool.
    But…there was something I didn’t notice…
    “Hey, it’s not my fault, you’re the one that’s afraid of everything,” Link snapped. “Maybe if wewe looked behind you, wewe would pee your pants, seeing how high up we are.”
    “I know how high up we are,” I said. “I just walked backwards to get away from you. You’re screwing this whole adventure up.”
    “Oh whatever, wewe were the one sent to help me,” Link said. “Therefore, wewe should do as I say and keep your mouth shut.”
    “Over my dead body,” I alisema and I held out my arms. C’mon, get some, I thought.
    Remember, my reader, that I alisema I forgot to look at one thing. Well, that one thing was right above me; waiting for the opportune moment to come falling on me. That thing was a Skulltula and the mgawanyiko, baidisha sekunde I was think: C’mon, get some, this thing ran into me, doing that annoying spinning stuff.
    Because the thing spun, I was propelled off the platform and I started to feel myself fall.
    “Ashley!” Link shouted. I don’t know what he did, but he killed the Skulltula and I saw him looking down the platform.
    Great, I thought, the last face I get to see is his ugly mug.
    Why was I thinking this at such an intense moment, I would have no idea. I’m scared of spiders, ladder, walking down stairs, and rubber bands, but death? Death never scared me. I closed my eyes and decided to take it all in. I felt myself go through a bunch of string like things and the inayofuata thing I knew was I had just fallen into water.
    The worst thing to fall into and not know it was water. I took in a lungful of that stuff and dreaded it. I floated back to the surface and swam to a thing of land. I laid there, coughing up my lungs. I even puked water, which was extremely disgusting.
    After I was done with the water, I stood up and, at that exact moment, I got covered in zaidi water because Link decided to jump from the third floor down to where I was at. He, of course, was ready for the water and njiwa like one of those swimmers in the Olympics back at home.
    I took off my hat and rung the water out of it as Link swam over to me.
    “That was close,” Link said. “I thought wewe were a goner.”
    “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said, rolling my eyes. “C’mon, get out of that kiddy pool and let’s go. As wewe alisema up there, we need to hurry.”
    I decided to turn my hat one zaidi time, this time really hard to get the water out of the fabric. Then I heard this squeal.
    “Oh, shoot,” I said, “sorry Max, I didn’t know wewe were in there.”
    Max flew out, soaking wet.
    “Yeah, whatever, let’s just go,” Max said. “I’m really tired.”
    “Me too, buddy, me too,” I said.

    That day, my reader, I realized that these ‘temples,’ as they were called, were the most boring things in the world. Every room we walked in had something to do with a puzzle and it left Link dumbfounded. There was one room we walked in that had these pink eggs hanging from the ceiling. Lucky me, they decided to hatch while I was standing right under them so I got slime all over my brand new tunic.
    The eggs had these annoying creatures in them that just jumped out at wewe just to knock wewe over. I used my shield to knock them back and then slice their butts and Link started to do the same.
    It wasn’t long before we got to the final basement in that place. There were three of those Deku Scrubs in front of us and they were pelting us with nuts. There was one anxious Deku Scrub in a awali room who spouted out this: “Twenty-three is number one.” And the thing just kept yelling that until we eventually left the room.
    Link, as usual, went in full force and just started to kill the suckers, but they kept coming back. I mulled the ‘Twenty-three is number one’ sentence over and over in my mind and finally got it.
    “Link, stop!” I shouted. He looked at me and got shot in the face kwa a Deku Nut. “Get back here so wewe don’t get hurt again.”
    Link walked backwards to me, repelling zaidi Deku Nuts with his shield. The Deku Scrubs quit shooting once he got back with me and stared at us.
    “Alright, remember that one, crazyass Deku Scrub?” I asked.
    “Um, don’t cuss place, but anyway, yes,” Link said.
    I shot him an are-you-serious look and continued, “Well he kept shouting twenty-three is number one.”
    “I thought it was twenty-one is number three,” Link said.
    “Well, that’s just ‘cause you’re dumb,” I said. “Here, I’ll try this.”
    I kept my slingshot in the back pocket of my tunic’s skirt. I pulled it out and reach in a little pouch around my waist and got some seeds. I packed some seeds in my slingshot and shot the sekunde Deku Scrub, then the third and finally, the first. The first guy started to run around like a little pansy.
    Link decided to grab him, so he ran mbele and grabbed the thing kwa the leaf on his head. The Deku Scrub was wiggling around, trying to escape Link’s grasp. He looked terrified.
    “Please, if wewe promise to let me go, I’ll tell wewe a secret,” the Deku Scrub said.
    I walked up to where Link was and looked at him. He was smiling so I said, “Alright, Mr. Scrub, shoot.”
    “Well, to administer the coupe de grace to the Queenie, paralyze her kwa shooting seeds at her, then slash her eye with your sword,” the Deku Scrub alisema quickly.
    I nodded at Link and he let the Deku Scrub go. It returned to it’s bud and burrowed inside it.
    “The ‘Queenie’? Navi said.
    The bars on the door in front of us disappeared so we could enter.
    “I bet that the Queenie is in that room,” I said, “and I have a feeling she won’t be as nice as she sounds.”
    “Well, I guess this is it,” Link alisema and he walked towards the door. “Let’s get this onyesha on the road.”
    We both walked in together, unsure about what would happen next.

    Reader, I wasn’t sure how all this happened, because it happened rather fast. The ‘Queenie’ was actually a big buibui like thing named Queen Gohma. It had armor and everything, though. Only her eye was left open for us cut. We figured out that if we shot a seed in her eye, she ended up paralyzed and that gave us an opening attack.
    Sounds easy, right?
    Well, after we hit her eye the first time, she collapsed on the ground. I turned to Link and smiled and, surprisingly, he hugged me. What we didn’t know was that ‘ol Queenie actually had a trick up her sleeve. She waited for the right moment and then grabbed me kwa the waist and pulled me away from Link. Then, the old bat decided to climb up a ukuta and hang on the ceiling right above Link.
    Link looked up at me like I was stupid, so I said, “I’m glad that you’re mesmerized kwa the warm embrace wewe just shared with me, but can wewe get my punda down from this bitch?”
    “Uh, yeah,” Link alisema and he took out his slingshot and started rapid-firing those damn seeds again. But the Queen was covered in armor, so the seeds were just bouncing off of the armor, either that au they were hitting me instead.
    “Hey genius, I don’t think it’s working,” I shouted.
    The Queen was getting angry I guess, because she started laying eggs all over Link. He was getting slimed kwa stuff coming out of the Queen while she was giving birth all over the place. Then the eggs started hatching and Link was screwed, the poor guy. I was trying to get out of the Queen’s claw, but it wasn’t working.
    “Ash, what should I do?” Link shouted.
    “I don’t know, hit her uterus!” I shouted.
    “What’s a uterus?” Link asked.
    “Nothing, just get me down from here, please!”
    After the Queen ran out of eggs au whatever, she stopped birthing her babies all over Link and decided to just go back on the ground. Thankfully, she left her eye open wide just for Link and he shot it.
    Laying there paralyzed, I broke free and Link decided to run toward me, so I yelled, “What are wewe doing stupid? Hit the Queen while she’s paralyzed.”
    It was too late though. The Queen had recovered and started to climb up the damn ukuta again.
    “Great, here we got with the eggs again,” I said. Being the genius that I am, though, an idea popped in my head. I took a rock kwa my feet and packed it in the pouch on my slingshot. It was a lot bigger than the little seeds we had been using.
    “When the Queen gives birth, her eye glows!” Link said. “Good job for coming up with the idea of hitting her eye while she’s up there.”
    “Oh sir, I am not aiming for her eye,” I said.
    I decided to aim for…well, her baby dispenser…I had a lot better aim than Link did at shooting stuff with slingshots, so I got the rock right up in…dat, I guess…and, well, I think I plugged up her ovaries because, after awhile, the Queen exploded into a thousand pieces. Of course, all of her guts and slime covered me and Link, but it was worth it.
    “That was disgusting,” Max said. “You would’ve saved my appetite if wewe would’ve just shot her eyeball and killed her the right way…”
    “Well, I’m just a bit zaidi creative than wewe are, is all,” I said.
    This glowing light appeared out of no where in the middle of the floor. It was a light blue tint and made a really pretty sound. The dungeon had been locked when we entered and it was still locked, so I assumed that that was our way out. Link and I approached the light, looked at one another, and entered it. It was really bright, but it lifted us up. There was a suddenly spark and I suddenly felt my feet touch a pad of grass.
    My sight returned and I saw the Great Deku Tree. Link landed safely beside me.
    “Welcome back, my children,” the Deku mti said. “I hope my curse wasn’t too much of a burden.”
    “It very much was,” I mumbled, but Link nudged me.
    “Dear children, please sit down, for I have a story to tell wewe before I go,” the Deku mti said.
    “Where are wewe going?” I asked.
    “Child, my end is near,” the Deku mti said. “I will soon be dead. Now, sit down so I can give wewe the last bit of my wisdom.”
    Link and I sat down. I was a bit pissed that I saved this Deku mti just so it could still die, but I knew I’d get over it. The Great Deku mti seemed extremely wise, so I was all ears for him.
    “What I tell wewe is very important,” the Deku mti said. “The land of Hyrule was created kwa three goddesses, Din, Farore, and Nayru. These three appear