Ps: i just finished this so it probably has some typing and pontuaction mistakes...I'll review and hariri later! :)
There he was once again, holding his knees in his arms, on the corner of that kitanda that he often tries to forget, and across from him, his terapist sat, cleaning her glasses with a tissue as she had his file on her lap, tried to, for the yet unknown, last time, understand and help him.
"So how are wewe today, Jason? I'm glad to see that you're looking for the help that wewe need." - she started, and she actually was happy to see him, little did she know that he didnt come out of his own will, but still, he was there, somewhat facing his fears.
"I dont need help" - he replied with a shaking and kind of sulky voice - "They made me come here, they-they did" - He still kept like an eight mwaka old, even though he was almost twenty. Almost like the words that he wanted to say wouldnt come out right.
"Your parents did?"
He nodded, still hiding his face between his knees - "Because, i visited her, i did it, this morning, i went to where she's at."
"Really? these are good news then. Any reason for wewe to have been able to overcome this today?"
"Today's july 5th, i needed to see her."
"So it's been one mwaka already, did wewe went alone?"
"Hm" - he agreed - "But my parents found out, and made me come here."
"How did they found out?"
"Because today's july 5th" - he paused - "And cause my eyes wouldn't stop" - he raised his head just enough for her to see his red eyes, full of tears."
"I understand. But wewe did a big step today, all kwa yourself, i'm proud of you."
"But i couldnt see her, she wasn't there, her beautiful face, i couldn't see it"
"I know." - she took a pause and analized his face - "Do wewe think wewe can tell me what happened on july 5th last year?"
"But wewe know what happened."
"Yes, but i would like wewe to tell me yourself what happened."
He hesitated.
"Just tell me about that day, how did it start? What siku of the week it was?"
He sighed - "It was a friday, so i woke up at the time i normally did, i dressed up and went to school, i was happy cause there was gonna be a tamasha and she would go with me, we were celebrating our 13 months together."
"13?"
"Yeah" he smiled like he was remembering a inside joke - "She always hated conventional things and because i liked them she alisema that we'd celebrate a 13th mwezi not a 12th like everyone."
"I see."
"When i got to school she looked pissed, and sad, i didn't see her like that very often. She told me that her dad had grounded her for some stupid things and that she wouldnt be able to go"
"And how did wewe respond to that?"
"I...I was disappointed. but the fact that i could see on face that she was also sad, made me somewhat happy. I told her it was fine, and we could do something another day. She wasnt very happy about it, but agreed with me and we both went to our classes"
"But wewe two went to that concert, isnt that correct?"
"Yes, later that day, at lunch, i asked her i she couldnt sneak out of her house, i would borrow my dad's car and pick her up."
"And she agreed with that?"
"Yes, i guess even zaidi than the whole celebration thing, she wanted to see that concert" he gave a humorless laugh
"Then at what time did wewe went to pick her up?"
"I guess it was around 10pm, cause the tamasha would start at 11pm. So i drove to her house, and stopped at the corner so the neighbours woldnt see, and i called her. She met me after 4 ou 5 minutes, and was laughing at the fact that she jumped out the window, she had a few scratches on her arms, but she just smiled and laughed like this was the best thing ever. We went to the concert, and it was amazing, i watched her as she sang all of their songs and we even bought matching t-shirts. Halfway through the tamasha rain started to pour, and a lot of girls arond us, started complaing but she only smiled like it couldnt get any better than this. after the tamasha as we made our way to the car, i noticed that she was shivering from the rain so i gave her my coat, i remember her surprise face as she asked me why i gave her my kanzu, koti and i told her that she was shivering. She laughed at the fact that she didnt notice that she was cold before i told her."
"Ok, now tell me what happened in the way back home."
He started shaking a little and holded his legs tighter"at the car, the rain had diminished a bit but it was still there, i had a cd that she liked, so i put it on so that i could keep on hearing her imba all the way back. I drove for a little while and straight ahead, i... i saw it."
"What did wewe see?"
"A car, there was a car, probably stalled...yes, the engine was dead, but it was in the middle of the road." - his breathing started to get heavy.
"And what did wewe do?"
"I, ...i couldnt stop...." - he closed his eyes - "so, i swerved to the right...the sounds, i still remember all of them, like it's happening over and over again, right beside me: the screaming tires, the bursting glass, and her voice in a painfull scream" - he seemed to be going into a state of shock so she asked him to breathe.
"Jason, deep breaths, you're are hyperventilating, wewe have to breath, i need wewe to tell me what happened next" - she sat kwa his side as she tried to push him where he wasnt able to go to until now.
He hadn't calmed down, but kept on talking, zaidi like his mouth was moving kwa itself -
"After that, i passed out, i dont know for how long, but when i woke up, the rain was heavy again, my face was on the asphalt and there were people standing all around, just staring. I realized what happened, so i tried to get up to look for her. My body hurt, and there was something warm coming from my eyes, so everything was blurry, but somehow i found my baby that night. She was lying ten feet away from where i initially was. i dragged my body until i was kwa her side, she was half conscious" - he once again took deep breaths and continued - "I lifted her head, she smiled as she looked at me and she told me to hold her just for a little while." - he paused and put his hands in his eyes - "Then i held her close and i kissed her," - he began to sob - "our last kiss... She told me that she'd always be with me if i held her close, but now she's gone even though i hold her tight." - his red eyes now faced his terapist - "i Lost my love, my life, that night... and it's all my fault." - his hands had moved from his eyes to his chest, and his breathing was uneven, he kept shaking his body, back and forth, back and forth, as to shake the feelings away from him.
"I told wewe this before, but it wont matter until wewe realize it for yourself: it was not your fault. Deep down, wewe know it as well. wewe told me that she really wanted to see that concert, so let me ask you: if wewe hadn't taken her, do wewe think she'd go kwa herself?"
"What does it matter?"
"Just answer me."
"Yes, she would, ok? Thats's just how she was." - he answered angrily
"So that could've happened with au without wewe being there, isnt that right?"
"Oh, if she'd been alone, she would've gone through that pain kwa herself, i cant even... no, i cant..." - he panicked
"Do wewe understand what i'm saying?" - she camly says but he doesnt answer, his mind was clearly somewhere else "jason!" she calls
"Yes! I do, but now it's too late..." he holds his stomach, she senses a dual meaning to that statement.
"What do wewe mean?" - she asks, but before she could say anything else he started convulsing right in front of her "Jason, Jason!" - she kept calling, as she did an emergency treatment, but he was already out "Jason, what did wewe do? What did wewe take?" - she called for help but it was already too late. What she didnt know right from the beginng of the session, is that after his parents found out that he visited his girlfriend grave he took a deadly medicine, something that took a while to take effect, longer than he expected... When he arrived for his therapy, he thought he wouldnt go back nyumbani alive, but he was unsuccessful. He only got himself in a induced coma for a couple of days.
When he woke up, however, he was somewhat a different person. His parents and doctors tried to understand, but couldnt, so they assumed that the near death experience had scared him. The truth, that only Jason knew, was that while he was in the coma he had a dream, a dream about her. In his dream he held her once again and asked her where she was, and why would the lord take her away from him? She just smiled and told him to be good so that she could see him when he leaves this world. He cried and asked to go with her, but all she did was kiss him one last time and repeat those words: be good! That's what changed him: the thought of meeting her again, someday. Maybe it was just a dream, au it was just wishfull thinking, but it was something for him to hold on to. And he did, he held on to that, and put his life back on the tracks. That dream gave him a ladder to climb up, out from the bottom of the well that he was stuck in.
Two years later,in a normal day, for his now, ordinary, life, he was crossing the street, after buying 13 flowers, he didnt see that approaching him, was bus, completely out of control.Before being able to fully turn his head to see it, he was hit. Jason died on that day, lying once again on the asphalt, before help could come, with the 13 flowers smashed kwa his body. The last thing he saw was a bright light, a familiar song at the background, a smiling face looking only at him and open arms asking him to come. That was just an afternoon, on a 5th of july.
This short story was written kwa me based on the song: Last Kiss kwa Pearl jam, jamu (originally kwa J. Frank Wilson And The Cavaliers)
Link on YouTube (with lyrics): link
