Young Justice Can Anyone Help Me With My Fancharacter?

Denelys posted on Mar 30, 2011 at 12:35AM
ok this is te story of my fancharacter ok Fireblaster:

in the begining there was an amazing race on that was smart,beautifull,and kind..until one day the planet was under atack they had no other choice but resort to violence breaking thyre rules,they were all slautered by a creatre that was unknown the only three left was the king,queen,and princess,it had mentioned that the princess was the cause of all of this they belived it and tried to kill the daughter but the child escaped to the planet of tammaran where she was taken care of for 16 years but her powers where to great that the people envied her and she was to beautifull to be true when the rumor about her had reached that planet they also tried to kill her.....They succeded and they burned her and her ashes were buried in another planet far away. the same story happened but to a vampire,and a human,but romanticly.they were murdered.the creature took theyre ashes and made a the echo of the body of the princess and made a sealing rosario that would seal them in her body but they went though terrifying changes the vampire stayed the same and the princess but the human turned into a demon with long nails and hunting fo blood she was reincarnated and she vowed vengence on the king and queen of tammaran she slaughtered half the population she stooped and stared at awoman with her baby and asked her if she knew where the king and queen where hidding the woman looked into her eyes and aproched seing that she was the princess that was acused without any proof,the woman covered her with a long sheet and told anyone who asked she was her older daughter when they reached the hideout she thanked the woman and gave her a locket that was passed down to her and put it around the womans neck she tured around and went to kill the guards that were protecting the king and queen she was covered with bood from the guards and told them that if they renembered her they said to spare them and forgive them she said:the time for apologizing has passed, and she grabed the neck of the king and cut the neck until he bleeded and died out of that cut, while she was doing that the queen slied away in the darkness and the guards entered they scremed:run my queen find shelter!..hmm i had almost forgot with a swoop of her hand she was killed and the guards also the crature entered and put the rosario around her neck and............
comment if i should keep writing or if i should not tell me if u like it u r opinion means everything!!!!!
last edited on Mar 30, 2011 at 09:46PM
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Young Justice 16 majibu

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zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Denelys said…
crying
plz someone comment!!
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Hinatafan said…
smile
cool
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Denelys said…
big smile
thank u!hope u loved it!
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Denelys said…
sad
i know its long and some r mispelled but plz dont judge for that
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita nymph_tonks said…
boooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr­rrr­rrr­rrr­rrr­rii­iii­iii­iii­iii­iii­iii­ing
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Denelys said…
crying
why critizize the one i made i loved urs! why do ya need to hate mine i passed a lot of work!
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita RavenclawQueen said…
Constructive criticism:It sounds interesting.... But I kinda want to stop halfway threw. Nothing really holds my interest to keep reading the story. It gets kinda confusing. Plus some some stuff isn't spelled right, formatted correctly, gramatically correct, etc.
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Denelys said…
sad
i know some stuff arent speeled right you guys know what im just gonna erase it nobody actually likes it and they critycize alot on the hatd work i passed so enjoy it while u can cause it aint gonna be there tomorow......arigato!.Au revoir
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita RavenclawQueen said…
smile
You don't have to erase the whole thing, just tweak it abit. The first time you write something it won't be perfect. You have to keep working at it until its good.
You ask for constructive criticism: this is what you should expect.
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita egyptprincess7 said…
Great! :D (Random photo)
last edited zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
 Great! :D (Random photo)
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Denelys said…
laugh
tehehehe thx!
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita RavenclawQueen said…
Nice photo.
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Munchstarz said…
cool
Ooh , its cool :D
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Denelys said…
laugh
thx starz!nya! tehehehe
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita wonderbat101 said…
big smile
THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME!i love it!
zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita Denelys said…
laugh
thx im writing part 2! it has got a lot of things.