December 8th, 2102.
If wewe are kusoma this message, I have probably been taken captive kwa the Zanhar Project for disclosing confidential information to the general public. But someone had to do it! Someone had to shed light on this evil organization of doomish, doomy, evil. If wewe read this--do not send help! If wewe must send something, please let it be a pack of crackers (preferably saltine) and one single shin guard.
I haven't much time. They are watching. zanhars20-28...the trackers (we'll get to that later). So let's get right into it.
Not much is known about the Zanhar Project nor it's underwater, sea-cave headquarters (that is so secretly wedged somewhere around the Bermuda Triangle...it's not like the Zanhar Project is the cause of all of these crashed planes au anything...).
What is known of this organization is that they produce android-clones varying vastly in personality. They then disperse the clones across the globe. Perhaps most mysterious and shady is why? Why create so many zanhar's, why spread them throughout the world? Is there even a point?
I don't know.
We don't know.
Does anyone know?
But we'll never know if zanhar knows because we don't know who the original zanhar is, au if there was ever an original zanhar born to begin with.
What I have found out in my tedious research is how the first zanhar clone came to be. It happened on July 12, 1982. She was created kwa her creator--pretty ambiguous here seeing as we know just as much about the creator as the original zanhar. *Read this in a whisper* I like to think that they were a dastardly mother-daughter duo...but I don't even know if they the creator is even female...or human at all really.
But that is besides the point!
Anyhoo, nights before the creation of zanhar1, her creator was reported sulking around town with a cheetah-print parasol. Each of those nights he...it would enter the coffee duka and return empty handed and without even purchasing a single morsel--maybe he the barista was an operative as well...
I took to following the man/woman/other-worldly-being all across the city. It plucked exactly 32 feathers from a goose, bottled a handful of sand from the beach, took a selfie (now there's a creature born in the wrong era), and then it went to an auto-body shop, aliiba a monkey wrench, and some oil.
Once back in the undersea laboratory these materials (selfie included) were loaded into some strange mechanism (that spurted out funky disco muziki as it did its work).
When I came back to spy upon the creator...well, it was not there. Instead I came upon the first zanhar clone.
It was then that I came to conclude that the ingredance to make a zanhar are:
-32 goose, bata bukini feathers
-A handful of sand, must be tinged with volcanic ash
-A very poorly developed, vintage Polaroid selfie
-A monkey wrench
-A teaspoon of oil
After her initial creation, zanhar1 was released into the world where she took to inhabiting the site of fanpop, spreading poorly spelled proclamations of upendo of 'Azula' and grammatically incorrect rebukes when this...'Azula' was insulted.
Such propaganda was followed up kwa her alarming and odd fixation with Bellatrix Lestrangeand various other mysterious entities.
I have yet to understand the point of this. Why would such an alarmingly evil organization send it's first successful android-clone to preach about 'Azulas' and stars with last names?
I will one siku find this piece of the Zanhar Project puzzle.
Following the creation of zanhar1 was a mass production of the clones. Stated quite menacingly kwa a Zanhar Project operative; And I think it should be known that there are 224 of us. And the Zanhar Project is working to develop another set.
This is rather alarming news.
Their numbers are growing fast.
Should we come together as a human spices and create an army of our own to combat this threat? I think it would be best. In fact! And do note my enthusiasm! I have already come up with a battle strategy! I call it...
I don't know what it means, but it sounds cool. I will discuss the HamZar agenda in future letters. Right now I must do my best to focus on the unknown Zanhar agenda.
But 224 zanhars! Indeed that is a lot. I haven't figured them all out yet but I will describe the ones I do know; zanhar1 - this one is kind of weird and kind of useless. After the invention of zanhar2 it was realized that zanhar1's upendo of Azulas and Bellatrixs was counter-productive and she was later shipped off and terminated.
However there are rumors that she somehow made it out with her artificial life and now has an even zaidi secret agenda of her own. (Perhaps she will be an ally.)
zanhar2 - pretty much the same as the first clone, only with Reginas instead of Azulas and Bellatrixs.
zanhar3 - the other zanhars know him as 'the asshole'. I must say, it's true. He's an evil, lying, manipulative bastard. Don't trust zanhar3.
Don't talk to zanhar3.
Don't do anything involving zanhar3!
zanhar4 - Pretty much ignored. Very quiet. I am slightly afraid of zanhar4, I feel as though she's hiding something...but then again all of the zanhars are.
zanhars5-10 - these guys are of superior inelegance.
zanhars11-19 - they hold the weapons. And the cereal bowls. Still trying to figure that one out.
zanhars20-28 - they are the spies. Don't let them see you. Don't give them reason to notice you. Hide this letter. NOW! They could be watching!
zanhars29-224 - ????
Another area of notice was the 2015 Hunger Games. The following message was uncovered; Zanhar3 wants to enter in place of zanhar1 because zanhar1 and zanhar2 have already died...the failures.
The aims of the organization remain muddy and unclear.
I am looking into the reasons behind sending their clones to a game for the food-deprived.
I speculate that this is when zanhar1 was terminated, as she and zanhar2 failed the organization twice before zanhar3 took the to the playing field and conquered it.
I have also extracted the following files from the Zanhar Project laboratory computer; - zanhar's 40-45 were deported back to pluto. zanhar's 60-67 were annihilated kwa the elite operatives the Zanhar Project. They were failed experiments, it was pretty tragic. I'm gonna miss zanhar62...she didn't mean to screw up, it kind of just happened.
- We are currently looking for zanhar's 50-59 and 68-80. If wewe see them, do let me au the Zanhar Project operatives know. zanhar81 is chillin' with 82. zanhar's 11-35 are still out and about., doing whatever they do, like wise with zanhar's 2-10. Well...zanhar2 died in the huger games...
- Oh crap...I think we Lost them too! No wait, 46-46 are in the containment and decontamination center. 36, 37, and 38 are receiving updates. 39 might have died too...we'll find her. It's all good, we're working to re-animate them with some...minor improvements.
- Some had special chips implanted so they couldn't be bought back. We suspect zanhar3 is behind it. What a douche.
We have not yet deciphered the meanings of them all yet. But if I could take a guess, there was some sort of crisis within the undersea cave laboratory.
These emails are thought to have come from the head of the Zanhar Project him...her...(whatever it is)self.
Perhaps the recipient is a trusted employee?
Rather alarmingly is that even the operatives and the other zanhars hate zanhar3...should we be worried? Can they not even tame him?
Most striking is the thought of reanimation. Can the zanhars not be killed?
Is the Zanhar Project unstoppable?
And wtf do they have against 'overrated' I'm excuse you! Zanhar1 is not overrated, wewe people have it all mixed up! It is zanhar3 who is overrated...that buttwad. Now zanhar4 is constantly neglected.
Until inayofuata time,
~ Your Anonymous Information Gatherer ~
A leaked image from the Zanhar Project headquarters. Very confidential. Much secret.