I look back on all those memories,
and wonder, what did this all mean to me?
i new there where feelings,
i loved you!
i loved you!
i cant deny that i didn't,
but now i think back and once again wonder,
what is it that i fell for,
your controlling,
your exhausting,
i cant trust you,
i cant be around my own friends,
guys au girls,
wewe just don't let,
Ive finally come to realize,
that none of this is my fault,
it wasn't me who tore the hearts,
it was you,
your ripped,
wewe tore,
wewe broke,
wewe yelled,
and wewe screamed,
wewe caused me all of this misery,
wewe brought these scars upon my wrists,
and wewe punched the hole in my heart,
i blamed myself,
out of my own stupidity,
i hate you!
i hate you!
this is what wewe did to me!
take a look at that picture!
and look at it closely!
fucking look at it!
i carved my upendo for you,
i carved it into my arm,
so that everyone can see,
that these are the things wewe did to me,
don't listen to his bullshit,
as its waste of time,
don't waste your life in love,
cause all it does is tear wewe apart,
upendo is just an excuse to die,
because once wewe play the cards of love,
your moyo breaks and turns stone cold,
then you'll end up walkin' the death road,
i dug my grave,
so i'll fucking die in it,
thankyou verry much,
cause this is what youve done,
so here i go,
never to be seen again,
fuck you,
i really hate you,
these are my last words,
I LOVED YOU
and wonder, what did this all mean to me?
i new there where feelings,
i loved you!
i loved you!
i cant deny that i didn't,
but now i think back and once again wonder,
what is it that i fell for,
your controlling,
your exhausting,
i cant trust you,
i cant be around my own friends,
guys au girls,
wewe just don't let,
Ive finally come to realize,
that none of this is my fault,
it wasn't me who tore the hearts,
it was you,
your ripped,
wewe tore,
wewe broke,
wewe yelled,
and wewe screamed,
wewe caused me all of this misery,
wewe brought these scars upon my wrists,
and wewe punched the hole in my heart,
i blamed myself,
out of my own stupidity,
i hate you!
i hate you!
this is what wewe did to me!
take a look at that picture!
and look at it closely!
fucking look at it!
i carved my upendo for you,
i carved it into my arm,
so that everyone can see,
that these are the things wewe did to me,
don't listen to his bullshit,
as its waste of time,
don't waste your life in love,
cause all it does is tear wewe apart,
upendo is just an excuse to die,
because once wewe play the cards of love,
your moyo breaks and turns stone cold,
then you'll end up walkin' the death road,
i dug my grave,
so i'll fucking die in it,
thankyou verry much,
cause this is what youve done,
so here i go,
never to be seen again,
fuck you,
i really hate you,
these are my last words,
I LOVED YOU
P1 - I swear i stil do
Is this the way we are going to end?
I still remember those days when we held each others hands.
And let out our feelings.
Those days when we never had a fight,
Those great nights we spent just looking at the stars.
How can we just leave like this?
How can we not believe one another?
Because everything I alisema was true.
And when I alisema I upendo you, I swear I still do.
P2 - Catch me
I thought wewe would be there through the times that I needed wewe the most.
I thought wewe would be there to help me
When your upendo was needed the most,
But I guess I was wrong.
I guess I was just so blind to see that I’ve never fallen so hard thinking wewe would be there catch me.
Is this the way we are going to end?
I still remember those days when we held each others hands.
And let out our feelings.
Those days when we never had a fight,
Those great nights we spent just looking at the stars.
How can we just leave like this?
How can we not believe one another?
Because everything I alisema was true.
And when I alisema I upendo you, I swear I still do.
P2 - Catch me
I thought wewe would be there through the times that I needed wewe the most.
I thought wewe would be there to help me
When your upendo was needed the most,
But I guess I was wrong.
I guess I was just so blind to see that I’ve never fallen so hard thinking wewe would be there catch me.
some amature suff
Dream Of My upendo So Far
Through my dreams,
I see you,
And me,
Kissing and holding hands forever.
On this roller coaster
i'm so scared
but your right there
holding my hand so safely
But they don't agree
This upendo is out of hand they say
I am taken away
And our connection is broken
But zaidi dreams to come
Say you're okay
But I wish always
To see wewe someday
Butterflies
The gracefull butterfly,
Flies so very high,
Her beautiful winds flapping in a rythmic beat.
Sometimes I wish,
That I could fly so gracefully,
And to leave my fears down on Earth.
To Forget all my troubles,
To let go of all grief,
To be as free as a butterfly.
My feet would list,
My head held up high,
Soon I would be in the sky.
To fly like the butterflies,
Is all I ask for.
Freedom at last.
Dream Of My upendo So Far
Through my dreams,
I see you,
And me,
Kissing and holding hands forever.
On this roller coaster
i'm so scared
but your right there
holding my hand so safely
But they don't agree
This upendo is out of hand they say
I am taken away
And our connection is broken
But zaidi dreams to come
Say you're okay
But I wish always
To see wewe someday
Butterflies
The gracefull butterfly,
Flies so very high,
Her beautiful winds flapping in a rythmic beat.
Sometimes I wish,
That I could fly so gracefully,
And to leave my fears down on Earth.
To Forget all my troubles,
To let go of all grief,
To be as free as a butterfly.
My feet would list,
My head held up high,
Soon I would be in the sky.
To fly like the butterflies,
Is all I ask for.
Freedom at last.
I wrote this listening to Gollum's Song, sung kwa Karliene Renolds. I don't know why, I just felt like doing this.
It's so dark. I can't see. I have no one.
No one cares enough to try.
I'm sobbing now, along with the storm overhead. They lied. they alisema they cared. I can't go back.
I can feel it coming. No Marafiki tried to find me.
Goodbye.
They didn't try for me.
Don't cry for me. you're too late. wewe hurt me. wewe blamed me everything. I can never go home.
I am lost. I will never go home.
It's so dark. I can't see. I have no one.
No one cares enough to try.
I'm sobbing now, along with the storm overhead. They lied. they alisema they cared. I can't go back.
I can feel it coming. No Marafiki tried to find me.
Goodbye.
They didn't try for me.
Don't cry for me. you're too late. wewe hurt me. wewe blamed me everything. I can never go home.
I am lost. I will never go home.
I don’t think I could ever upendo someone like I loved you
wewe are my first and last upendo
wewe go I go
wewe stay I stay
And wewe might think that’s weird but that’s the way it goes
That’s the way upendo is
And no matter how hard we try to let go
wewe will always find your self coming back.
_________________________________________________
Let’s go on a first date
Where it’s cold in the night
So wewe can hold me close in your arms really tight.
Let’s wait for the train.
And if it starts to rains wewe can be my shelter.
I will tell wewe my feelings and wewe will tell me yours.
We can laugh and kiss and imagine always being like this.
And when the train comes
wewe can take me home
I will let wewe hold my hand until we arrive to my doorstep.
Were we will say our goodbyes?
And with a touch wewe give me
I will be satisfied.
wewe are my first and last upendo
wewe go I go
wewe stay I stay
And wewe might think that’s weird but that’s the way it goes
That’s the way upendo is
And no matter how hard we try to let go
wewe will always find your self coming back.
_________________________________________________
Let’s go on a first date
Where it’s cold in the night
So wewe can hold me close in your arms really tight.
Let’s wait for the train.
And if it starts to rains wewe can be my shelter.
I will tell wewe my feelings and wewe will tell me yours.
We can laugh and kiss and imagine always being like this.
And when the train comes
wewe can take me home
I will let wewe hold my hand until we arrive to my doorstep.
Were we will say our goodbyes?
And with a touch wewe give me
I will be satisfied.
pain fills my moyo and brings me to the darkside where I reside for awhile. Until I'm grabbed kwa the hand and pulled out kwa a so-called friend who just pushes me back in and leaves me to cry in the darkest corner of my heart. I feel like I'm being ripped apart, limb kwa limb, every string of my moyo played kwa the devil's hand. I feel like I'm not whole, like I'm nothing without him. The one one who killed his best friend, the one who left me alone, I didn't know how to swim. All I want is him to come back and hurt me again. He was my only friend, au so I thought, but when he slapped me across my face, that's emotion wewe can't replace and I faced it everyday au so for a mwaka and a half. Don't try to sympathize because I know with my moyo and soul that wewe will leave and let me go with crappy bittersweet goodbyes...