All police leave was cancelled today in Dubai as UK band JLS jetted in for a brief holiday. Every cop has been put on 24 saa stand-by and compulsory overtime has been introduced for the first time ever. As aeroplane-loads of crazed female mashabiki converged on the holiday paradise it immediately appears that a major incident is inevitable.
Alcohol is banned in Dubai. So any thoughts of drinking wine in the open - either kwa the pool - au beside the glistening ocean will have to be forgotten. It is a land of strict Muslim rule.
But the real problem is SEX.
Public displays of sex are completely forbidden. Even a peck on the cheek is likely to see a couple dragged away in an armed van. Go a step further - close the eyes, swap tongues and enjoy a bit of mutual stroking - and anyone can forget about catching the flight home.
And girls. Be careful about them puppies. Keep them to yourselves. Know what I mean!!
Worst case scenario: being caught 'doing' it on the beach, pwani in the middle of the night. Expect to find yourself in court the inayofuata morning to hear a judge who only speaks Arabic wagging his finger and telling wewe that you've been sentenced to 10 years in prison.
JLS - be warned!
"I'm comin here for de birds. An I don't mean sparrows - if wewe know what I mean", announced Marvin this morning as he stepped off the plane.
"This is my chance to get myself a girlfriend", explained Aston. "I've made a text offer to Cheryl Cole but until she says she'll 'ave chajio, chakula cha jioni wiv me, I'm open to all offers like".
Meanwhile Oritse and JB were spotted dragging a huge suitcase which had a giant size X on it and the words 'Beware - Handle With Care'.
"Dese are our supply of condoms for the week", they explained.
Alcohol is banned in Dubai. So any thoughts of drinking wine in the open - either kwa the pool - au beside the glistening ocean will have to be forgotten. It is a land of strict Muslim rule.
But the real problem is SEX.
Public displays of sex are completely forbidden. Even a peck on the cheek is likely to see a couple dragged away in an armed van. Go a step further - close the eyes, swap tongues and enjoy a bit of mutual stroking - and anyone can forget about catching the flight home.
And girls. Be careful about them puppies. Keep them to yourselves. Know what I mean!!
Worst case scenario: being caught 'doing' it on the beach, pwani in the middle of the night. Expect to find yourself in court the inayofuata morning to hear a judge who only speaks Arabic wagging his finger and telling wewe that you've been sentenced to 10 years in prison.
JLS - be warned!
"I'm comin here for de birds. An I don't mean sparrows - if wewe know what I mean", announced Marvin this morning as he stepped off the plane.
"This is my chance to get myself a girlfriend", explained Aston. "I've made a text offer to Cheryl Cole but until she says she'll 'ave chajio, chakula cha jioni wiv me, I'm open to all offers like".
Meanwhile Oritse and JB were spotted dragging a huge suitcase which had a giant size X on it and the words 'Beware - Handle With Care'.
"Dese are our supply of condoms for the week", they explained.
He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say I upendo wewe one zaidi time
But when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye
A little voice came on the phone
alisema daddy when wewe coming home
He alisema the first thing that came to his mind
Im already there
Take a look around
Im the sunshine in your hair
Im the shadow on the ground
Im the whisper in the wind
Im your imaginary friend
And I know Im in your prayers
Oh Im already there
From a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say I upendo wewe one zaidi time
But when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye
A little voice came on the phone
alisema daddy when wewe coming home
He alisema the first thing that came to his mind
Im already there
Take a look around
Im the sunshine in your hair
Im the shadow on the ground
Im the whisper in the wind
Im your imaginary friend
And I know Im in your prayers
Oh Im already there
So many nights, I'd sit kwa my window,
Waiting for someone to sing me her song.
So many dreams, I kept deep inside me,
Alone in the dark, but now you've come along.
And wewe light up my life,
wewe give me hope, to carry on.
wewe light up my days
And fill my nights with song.
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally, I'm turning for home
Finally a chance to say, "Hey, I upendo You"
Never again to be all alone.
And wewe light up my life,
wewe give me hope, to carry on.
wewe light up my days
And fill my nights with song.
wewe light up my life
wewe give me hope to carry on
wewe light up my days
And fill my nights with song
It can't be wrong, when it feels so right
Cause you, wewe light up my life
Waiting for someone to sing me her song.
So many dreams, I kept deep inside me,
Alone in the dark, but now you've come along.
And wewe light up my life,
wewe give me hope, to carry on.
wewe light up my days
And fill my nights with song.
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally, I'm turning for home
Finally a chance to say, "Hey, I upendo You"
Never again to be all alone.
And wewe light up my life,
wewe give me hope, to carry on.
wewe light up my days
And fill my nights with song.
wewe light up my life
wewe give me hope to carry on
wewe light up my days
And fill my nights with song
It can't be wrong, when it feels so right
Cause you, wewe light up my life
hujambo Pretty Baby With The
High Heels On
wewe Give Me Fever
Like I've Never, Ever Known
You're Just A Product Of
Loveliness
I Like The Groove Of
Your Walk,
Your Talk, Your Dress
I Feel Your Fever
From Miles Around
I'll Pick wewe Up In My Car
And We'll Paint The Town
Just Kiss Me Baby
And Tell Me Twice
That You're The One For Me
The Way wewe Make Me Feel
(The Way wewe Make Me Feel)
wewe Really Turn Me On
(You Really Turn Me On)
wewe Knock Me Off Of My Feet
(You Knock Me Off Of
My Feet)
My Lonely Days Are Gone
(My Lonely Days Are Gone)
High Heels On
wewe Give Me Fever
Like I've Never, Ever Known
You're Just A Product Of
Loveliness
I Like The Groove Of
Your Walk,
Your Talk, Your Dress
I Feel Your Fever
From Miles Around
I'll Pick wewe Up In My Car
And We'll Paint The Town
Just Kiss Me Baby
And Tell Me Twice
That You're The One For Me
The Way wewe Make Me Feel
(The Way wewe Make Me Feel)
wewe Really Turn Me On
(You Really Turn Me On)
wewe Knock Me Off Of My Feet
(You Knock Me Off Of
My Feet)
My Lonely Days Are Gone
(My Lonely Days Are Gone)