Chapter 12,
January 30, 2005,
Tomorrow, the people versus Michael Jackson criminal trial begins and I am the only one out of us kids that knows what is going on. Dad had made me promise him that I wouldn't tell Prince, Paris, and Blanket what's going on because he doesn't want to scare them. It's really hard on me keeping such a big secret because underneath my fearless personality; I'm really scared! I do a pretty good job of hiding it though.
We are back in Los Angeles and are staying in a temporary rental house until the trial is over. I went down the hallway and into the living room. I sat down and turned on my Game Boy. Dad came into the room with Prince, Paris, and Blanket following him. I alisema "when he wewe guys doing?" He alisema "nothing much" and sat down inayofuata to me on the couch. Prince sat down on the other side of me and asked "what are wewe playing?" I alisema "Pokémon Ruby" and turned the power off. Dad asked "are wewe sure that wewe don't have anything on your mind AJ?" I alisema as I went up to my room "yes dad; for the millionth time I'm fine!" He alisema "okay; I just wanted to make sure that you're okay with everything that's going on."
I shut the door and lay down on my bed. I flipped through the TV channels and change the channel to Nickelodeon. I took a deep breath and alisema to myself "I can't believe everything that's gone on in this past mwaka and it's all because of stupidity!" I opened up my dresser drawer and pulled out a picha album of pictures. Most of them taken a few months before Prince was born. As I flipped through the pages; I smiled at pictures of dad and I when I was just a few months away from turning three years old. I could hear Prince talking with Grace on the other side of my door and then I heard dad say "bye children, I'll see wewe in about four hours!"
He knocked on my door and asked "can I come in and spend the time with wewe for a while?" I alisema "yeah sure." He walked in and sat down on the bed. He dropped a big box in front of me and alisema "look what I found!" I looked inside and it was filled to the very juu in old VHS tapes. I asked "what do wewe have all of these for?" He alisema "it's a whole bunch of nyumbani sinema from when wewe were little and I thought wewe and I could watch them together. It might help get your mind off of things!" I was reluctant and he alisema "just watch a few at first… I'm telling wewe that it will make wewe feel better. Don't try to tell me that wewe aren't stressed out because I know wewe are! I always know when wewe are!" I asked "how did wewe know?" He alisema "I just know when my baby isn't doing well. It's part of being a dad." I rolled my eyes and alisema "dad; I'm almost 11 years old, I'm not a baby anymore!" He alisema "you may be getting older but you'll always be my baby!"
He put a videotape in the VCR and pressed the play button.
Video one:
Dated at the bottom of the screen: January, 8, 1996
We were in the living room at Neverland ranch and I was sitting on dad's lap. He started imba "champion" kwa Queen. He would sing one lyric and I would sing the next. That went on for about five zaidi dakika before I got off his lap and started playing with the toy kinanda that was in the room. He zoomed the camera in on my face and alisema "you want to be just like just like me when wewe grow up, don't you?" I alisema "yes!"
(Dad paused the video and alisema "even back then wewe knew what wewe want it to be!" I alisema "I still don't see the point in watching this. If anything it's making me zaidi depressed! He alisema "just give me the benefit of the doubt please! That's all I ask." He switched videotapes and pressed play again as I rolled my eyes.)
Video two:
Dated at the bottom of the screen: February, 2, 1997
We were in a hotel and a woman behind the camera alisema "hi AJ!"
(I paused the video and asked dad "who's that holding the camera? I can tell kwa the voice that isn't Grace." He alisema "that Debbie. Do wewe remember her? It's been a long time since you've seen her." I alisema "yeah; I remember her. I always wondered why she stopped coming over every few months after Paris was born." He alisema "I'm sure that she is very busy but; wewe will see her again someday!")
I alisema "hi; I want to see" while pointing at the camera. She showed me what the camera was filming and then I ran off. The door opened and dad walked inside. He looked at the camera and at Debbie. He asked "you threw away that B – O – T – T – L – E wewe found last night, right? I don't want AJ to find it. I'm not ready to go into war all over again!" Debbie alisema "yeah; I thought wewe told me they wewe through all of those away a long time ago." He alisema "I did; I have no idea where she found that one last night! I had to spend 15 dakika convincing her to give it to me!"
I came into the room and alisema "I want a drink please." He alisema "okay; I'll get wewe one." He went over to the refrigerator and took a juisi box out of it. He gave it to me and I threw it on the ground. He alisema "you're not getting what I know wewe want! It's that au nothing; understood?" I got mad and stormed off into the other room and he alisema "that's not going to get wewe anywhere and wewe know that." Debbie looked at him and asked "is she always this stubborn?" He alisema "this is nothing compared to most of her temper tantrums that she throws!" She alisema "I really don't know how wewe deal with that every single day. I wouldn't have the patience for it!" He alisema "its way worse when she knows that I want her to do something and she just 100% refuses to do it! That's the oppositional defiance disorder at its worst!
The video ended and dad alisema "that video brings back so many memories!" I rolled my eyes and alisema "oh gosh; please don't say anything embarrassing! Every time wewe say that wewe tell some embarrassing story to me about when I was little!" He alisema "right after Debbie was done filming that video…" I alisema "dad; if you're going to embarrass me please stop now!" He alisema "as I was saying; after she was done filming that video…” I alisema "seriously dad; why do wewe have to be so embarrassing all the time!" He alisema "I'm not trying to embarrass wewe but; I'm just having a hard time accepting that you're growing up." I alisema "yeah well; wewe need to accept it because there's nothing wewe can do about it! I'm not that two-year-old anymore!" He alisema "I think the only thing that needs to be accepted in the fact that you're scared and wewe don't want to admit it." I alisema "I don't know what you're talking about; I'm not scared at all!" He alisema "you're scared that at the end of this trial there is a chance that I might not come home. I know you're scared! You're not the only one; Grace is scared and so am I.” I alisema "okay dad; can wewe seriously leave my room now?" He alisema "fine but; wewe can't hide it forever! The longer wewe keep your feelings inside, the worse it will be in the long run."
February 10, 2005,
I can already tell that this trial is not going to be good on dad's health. He physically drained and all he does is sleep when he gets home. I can honestly say that I've never seen him like this in my entire life. I'm worried that if his trial lasts as long as he thinks it's going to; he is not going to be in the best shape kwa then.
It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon and dad walked through the door dressed in a suit and tie. He sat down on the kitanda and he just looked so sad. I walked up to him and asked "are wewe okay dad?" He didn't answer me as tears filled his eyes. I hugged him and alisema "it'll be fine! wewe have to try and stay optimistic about things because that's all wewe really can do." He alisema "I know; I just didn't want it to come to all this!" I alisema "I know that this is hard for wewe and I'm going to do my best to be well-behaved while wewe are going to all of this! I can't make any promises though because wewe know how I am!" That made him laugh and he alisema "yeah; I have a feeling that won't last very long!"
Grace came into the room and hugged dad. Dad alisema "AJ; I promise that I will be the best father that I can possibly be; even with all this going on! Don't worry… I'm not checking out as your father. There is one thing that I would like of wewe guys though. Grace asked "what's that Michael?" He alisema "the sekunde I walked through that door every day, we make a habit of not talking about the trial. It's easier on me that way! I alisema "that's fine with me! I don't like talking about it either, it's depressing." He alisema "the only time the three of us will talk about the trial beyond this point is if there is a bad outcome… I doubt and hope that there won't be a bad outcome."
February 16, 2005
Today is the start of the weekend so; dad doesn't have court for a few days. I went upstairs to get something out of my room and when I looked at my Jesse McCartney poster on my ukuta there was a mustache drawn on it. I ran downstairs and alisema "you're done for Prince!" Dad alisema "wait! What are wewe talking about?" Prince smiled and ran up to his room. I alisema "Prince drew all over my Jesse McCartney poster with a sharpie marker! He's really going to regret doing that in a few minutes!" Dad alisema "hey, just calm down; besides I'm not going to let wewe beat him up on my watch! That's not going to get wewe anywhere and wewe know that." I alisema "oh I see how it is! You're just going to let him get away with drawing on my poster!" He alisema "no; I didn't say that at all! I'll make him buy wewe a new one with money from his own piggy bank." I alisema "he deserves worse than that though!" Dad alisema "stop saying stuff like that! He's your brother and wewe need to be nice to him!"
I ran up to my room and dad followed me. I went to slam the door and he stopped it with his foot. I ripped the poster off my ukuta and sat down on the edge of my bed. He sat down inayofuata to me and alisema "I'm not leaving here until wewe calm down. Ever since the trial started; wewe have been having outbursts. I know exactly what's wrong and wewe do too but; you're in denial about it!" I alisema "I'm not in denial about anything!" He alisema "yes wewe are! You're uchungu, chungu and angry because you're scared! wewe need to talk about it because the longer wewe keep your feelings inside the worse it will be when wewe finally let them out." I alisema "I'm not scared of anything! Will wewe please leave me alone now! He alisema "this isn't about the poster at all; wewe just want to make it seem like it is!"
After about 20 dakika of waiting for me to talk to him, dad alisema as he threw his hands up in the air feeling defeated "fine if wewe don't want to talk to me; then don't! I'm here if wewe need me but; I'm done trying for now." He left my room and I stood in the doorway listening to a conversation between him and Grace from downstairs. Dad alisema "I don't know what else to do! I know all Alanna needs to do is cry! I don't know if she's specifically mad at me au mad at this whole situation in the first place. She won't talk to me about anything. I can tell kwa the look in her eyes that she is absolutely terrified of what's going to happen to me at the end of this trial." Grace asked "have wewe thought about where the children would end up if wewe went to prison?" He alisema "well; Blanket, Paris, and Prince would live with my mother. I haven't talked to her about the situation with AJ because honestly I don't think she can handle Alanna's ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder!" Grace alisema "if I can't handle her there's no way your elderly mother is going to be able to! I mean wewe yourself can barely deal with her!" He alisema "look at how red she turned and that was just because Prince colored on her poster! I'm worried that as AJ gets older it's going to get physical one of these times! He alisema "you know that I would never hurt her. I don't care if she hurts me but; when she's that angry it's hard to calm her down before the situation escalates!" Grace alisema "I just hope that it never reaches that point!"
March 1, 2005,
I was in the jikoni of our rental nyumbani in Los Angeles and dad had just put my brothers and sister to bed. I alisema as I put dishes in the sink "I wish that the Jesse McCartney tickets were not sold out when wewe looked at them when wewe got nyumbani today! Are wewe sure all of the tickets are sold out?" He alisema "I promise you; ALL the tickets for the Beautiful Soul tour are gone! You're just going to have to wait until he goes on tour when the inayofuata CD comes out. I'm sorry; I really did try to get them for you. Since I had to go to court today, I had Grace go online the sekunde the tickets went on sale but; kwa the time she filled out the shipping address for the tickets they were all sold out." I alisema "well; at least wewe tried! I hope it doesn't take Jesse too long to come out with a new album."
Dad got up from his chair and walked over to hug me. I alisema "I'm going to go listen to my Jesse McCartney CD before I lie down and watch TV until I fall asleep." He alisema as I walked up the stairs "I'm sorry AJ… I know how bad wewe wanted those tickets!" I alisema as I shut my bedroom door "it's fine dad; I'm not mad at you. The inayofuata tour will definitely be worth the wait!" When dad had told me that he wasn’t able to get any tickets I was crushed inside! I knew it wasn't his fault and that I couldn't act upset because I didn't want to make him feel bad. I guess I'll just have to settle for listening to the CD and staring at my poster for a while.
March 9, 2005,
Dad walked through the door, after another siku in court and ended up right in the center of an argument between Grace and me. I shouted "I didn't do it so; I shouldn't be on punishment for it!" Grace alisema "yes wewe did do it; I saw you." Dad asked confused "what's going on?" Grace alisema "she was hiding video games in her room so Prince couldn't play them. When I caught her taking them out of her dresser, she alisema that the games weren't even in the cases and when I looked in them every single game was in its case. Not only did she hide the games from Prince; but she also lied right to my face!" Dad looked at me and alisema "you know that one of the things that I just can't tolerate in this house is lying! Go up to your room. No Xbox for a week starting today."
I ran up the stairs and slammed my door. I opened the door back up and yelled down the stairs "you guys are ridiculous! All I did was lie and I can't use the Xbox for a whole week!” Dad walked up to my room and shut the door. He asked with a serious look on his face "do wewe want to make it two weeks with no Xbox?" I alisema "I don't really care at this point!" He alisema "alright; then I'll change it to a mwezi if wewe don't care." I alisema while in shock "I didn't agree to a whole month; I agreed to two weeks without it!" He alisema "that's not how it works! wewe don't get to pick and choose your punishment. wewe better stop talking back to me because I'll punish wewe from using the computer and watching TV!"
I didn't say a word as he left the room and he alisema "lose the attitude; neither Grace nor I deserve to hear that!" He shut the door and I turned my TV on. I whispered to myself "they both overreact way too much!" Even though deep down I knew I deserved to be in trouble!" Nine times out of ten I deserve it; whether au not I want to believe it!
March 15, 2005,
Today is my 11th birthday and dad is still at the courthouse but; alisema he would be nyumbani in about 20 minutes. I was downstairs doing my schoolwork and was about to walk down the hallway when Grace alisema "no; wewe can go down there until your dad gets home." I looked at her confused and went back to the jikoni to sit at the table.
Dad opened the door and up ran to me. He gave me a hug and alisema "happy birthday!" I alisema "thank you" and I put my vitabu away on the bookshelf. He alisema "come on; let's all watch a movie together in the living room!" The two of us walked into the living room and he shielded my eyes. I asked "why are wewe covering my eyes?" He moved his hands out of the way and I couldn't believe my eyes. Standing in front of me was a life-size cardboard cutout of Jesse McCartney. I shrieked and alisema "oh my gosh; for a sekunde I thought that was really him; not a cardboard cutout!" Everyone started laughing and dad alisema "sit down; I have something else for you!" I sat down on the couch; leaving a space inayofuata to me for dad to sit down. He passed me a big box and alisema "go ahead and open it!" Whatever was in the box weighed a lot! There must have been a whole roll of tape used on that box. I asked while they all laughed at me struggling to open the box "did wewe really have to use this much tape on it dad!"
I finally got the box open and the first thing I saw was two rolled up pieces of paper. I took them out and unraveled them. One of them was a new copy of the poster that Prince had drawn on and the other one was a different one of Jesse McCartney that was exactly the same size as the blue one. I alisema "thank you" and dad alisema "keep going; there's a whole bunch of stuff in there for you!" The inayofuata thing I took out was 11 teen magazines like Tiger Beat and Bop. Dad alisema "one magazine for each mwaka you've been alive! I've been collecting them for about five months now.” One of the bodyguards named Will alisema "I've been the one to go buy those magazines and I can't even begin to tell wewe about some of those awkward looks I get being a grown man buying boy band magazines. It actually makes the cashiers laugh!" We all laughed and I started pulling out something else from the box. I grabbed two Jesse McCartney T-shirts and alisema "I'm going to wear these all the time!" One of the shirts alisema "Jesse McCartney: beautiful soul tour 2005." Dad alisema "since I couldn't get wewe the tickets; I figured I should buy wewe the tour T-shirt to try and make up for it!" I alisema "at least I can pretend that I got to go to the tamasha when I wear this."
I hugged everyone and thanked them for the gifts. Dad alisema "I was so bummed when I couldn't buy wewe the regular tickets to the tamasha because they sold-out so fast!" I alisema "that's all right; I know wewe tried." Dad alisema "I wasn't able to get wewe the tickets wewe wanted but; I hope what's inside this envelope will at least make waiting for the inayofuata tour a little easier." I looked at him confused as he passed me the envelope. I looked inside and there was a folded piece of paper. I took it out and opened it up and dad alisema "read the part that I highlighted." I read it out loud "Jesse McCartney VIP experience package." I didn't understand what it was and alisema "oh that's cool; wewe got me another package of Jesse McCartney stuff that's coming in mail." Dad laughed and asked "you don't know what that is?" I alisema "yeah; it says right here that it's another Jesse McCartney package." He laughed even harder as he looked at Grace and alisema "she really doesn't know what it is!" I alisema "alright; what's going on? What's so funny? What is this piece of paper?" Grace alisema while gasping for air because she was laughing so hard "its tickets to a Jesse McCartney concert!" My mouth dropped and dad alisema "the seats are in the front row!" I was speechless and then he alisema "there's one zaidi tiny detail that I forgot to mention." I asked "what else could there possibly be?" Blanket, Prince, Paris, and Grace covered their ears. Dad alisema "guess what!" I alisema "what?" He alisema "you're going to meet Jesse McCartney at the concert!!!"
I think the entire family was expecting me to let out an ear piercing scream but; what I did inayofuata shocked everyone including me. I started crying uncontrollably and shaking. Once dad realized that I was crying; not screaming, he asked "what's wrong? Why are wewe crying?" I alisema "I'm so happy! I never thought I'd actually get to meet Jesse!" He smiled and hugged me. He looked like he was about to cry because he had never seen me so happy in my life!" Grace removed her hands from her ears and alisema "I didn't see that reaction coming at all! wewe made your tough tomboy cry tears of joy Michael!" Dad alisema "I'm glad wewe like the tickets that much! Are they better in the regular tickets that wewe originally wanted?" I alisema in between sobs "so much better! Thank wewe so much dad!" He alisema as his voice broke from trying to hold back tears "you're welcome! You've got to stop crying though because you're going to make me cry! I knew wewe wanted the normal tickets badly but; never in 1 million years would I have thought that wewe would cry because wewe are so happy!"
After I composed myself; I asked "who's going to take me to the concert?" Grace alisema "I will be if your dad has court that siku but; if he doesn't he is going to take you." Dad alisema "now that you've stopped crying I have to tell wewe this. wewe better be on your best behavior between now and the siku of the tamasha because if wewe really do something that I don't like… I'm going to sell those tickets faster than wewe can say Jesse McCartney! Do wewe understand that I'm not messing around when I say that? I'm hundred percent serious too! I guarantee wewe that there is another girl out there that would upendo to meet Jesse also!" I alisema "I promise you; I'll be a whole different kid until after the concert! I don't want to lose the tickets! wewe saw how much they mean to me!" He hugged me and I alisema "I'm going to go upstairs and put my two big posters on the walls in my room! Then I'm going to take all the posters out of the magazines wewe got me and put those ones up also!" As I headed for the stairs; dad alisema "don't forget to bring your Jesse cardboard cutout and other stuff upstairs with you." I walked over and grabbed the cutout. I alisema "you're going to have to help me carry the T-shirts and magazines to my room because my hands are kind of full!" Dad tossed the two T-shirts, two big posters, and 11 magazines on my kitanda with a brand-new roll of tape and a pair of scissors. He shut the door behind him as he left and I pressed play on my "Jesse McCartney: beautiful soul" CD that was in my CD player. The first track "beautiful soul" started and I moved my cardboard cutout to a corner of my bedroom. Out of all the posters I got there was a total of 23 Jesse McCartney posters that I now have up on the walls of my bedroom! I think it's so funny when dad walks kwa my room and he gets startled kwa my cardboard cutout of Jesse because it really looks like he's standing in my room! This is kwa far the best birthday I've never had… It's going to be hard for dad to juu this one!
May 14, 2005,
I was chasing Prince around the house and dad walked through the door. Dad alisema "AJ; I need wewe to empty the dishwasher please." I alisema "I don't want to." He alisema "I wasn't asking you; I'm telling wewe to please empty the dishwasher for me." I grabbed the Xbox controller from Prince and dad alisema "I know wewe heard me AJ." I jumped over the back of the kitanda and switched the batteries out of the controller. Dad looked at me and alisema "remember what I alisema about the Jesse McCartney tickets! wewe better do what I told wewe to do au I'm going to take them away from you!" I got a worried look on my face as I ran over to the dishwasher and started taking dishes out of it. He alisema "that's what I thought!!"
After I was done unloading the dishwasher, dad alisema "thank you; wewe need to go outside and take your bicycle and songesha it out of the way because it's laying in the driveway and I don't want to have to buy wewe a new one. Someone could easily run it over!" I was about to say something when he raised his eyebrows and alisema "don't forget about the Jesse McCartney concert." I immediately ran outside and moved my bicycle out of the way. I came back inside and Grace alisema "I think that's the first time that AJ has done something without putting up a fight!"
I went upstairs to my room and about 20 dakika later dad came in. He alisema as he sat down on the edge of my kitanda "I just wanted to let wewe know that on June 15, the jury in my court case will decide whether they think I'm innocent au guilty." I alisema "I hope they come to their senses; it's obvious that Gavin is lying and I will be really mad if wewe get sent to jail because of him!" He alisema "I know; wewe just have to think as positively as possible and hope for the best." I alisema "alright; I upendo wewe dad, I'm going to go to kitanda now." He alisema "I upendo wewe zaidi and I'll see wewe tomorrow afternoon when I get home." He kissed my forehead and shut off the light as he passed me the remote to my TV.
June 15, 2005,
Today's the siku that we find out if dad is going to prison au not. Grace put a Disney movie on in Blanket's bedroom to occupy my siblings. Grace and I went into the living room and put it on the channel that will be announcing the verdict on dad's case. It seemed like it took forever to get to the point where the jury had come to their decision. Finally; a woman walked outside the courthouse and alisema "we the jury in the above entitled case find the defendant, Michael Joseph Jackson…" I whispered to myself "come on; lady hurry up!" The woman alisema "not guilty on all accounts!" Grace hugged me and I alisema "he's coming home!"
10 dakika later, I heard the front door open and dad walked through it. I turned around, jumped over the back of the couch, and literally jumped into his arms. The both of us just started crying and he didn't even care that he was carrying me. I must've been heavy for him but; he didn't even notice. I alisema "don't ever scare me like that again!" All the emotions that I had been holding back for the entire trial just poured out right then and there! He wiped the tears off of my face and put me down on the counter top. He alisema "trust me; I'm not going to let anything like that happen again!" Blanket, Prince, and Paris came out into the living room to see what was going on. Dad hugged all three of them and blanket asked "why were wewe guys crying?" Dad alisema "never mind that; let's go watch a movie!"
While I was getting ready for bed; dad walked into my room and alisema "you must be excited for this weekend!" I looked at him confused and asked "why? What's this weekend?" He alisema "you forgot… It's the Jesse McCartney concert!" I alisema "oh yeah; so wewe have your disguise that you're going to wear when wewe take me to the concert?" He alisema "I'm just going to wear a really dark sweatshirt and big sunglasses with a pair of faded jeans… No one will suspect that I would wear something like that!"
June 17, 2005,
I rushed to put on one of my Jesse McCartney shirts and dad and I ran out to the car. I had spiked my short blonde hair were some gel and dad sat in the drivers kiti, kiti cha of the Rolls-Royce. This was one of the few times that my dad had driven us himself, instead of bringing a bodyguard along to the tamasha because he didn't want to blow his disguise. I could barely contain my excitement as we pulled up to the tamasha arena. Dad passed me a VIP lanyard and I put it around my neck. He put his on and we got out of the car.
"
We gave one of the staff members our tickets and he alisema "all VIP concertgoers need to line up over there. There is a guide that will take wewe where wewe need to be." We walked over and I was surprised that there was only a small group of mashabiki that would also be meeting Jesse. Then the guy brought us to a big room and we waited for Jesse to onyesha up.
Jesse walked into the room about 40 feet away from the crowd of fans. I placed myself at the end of the line. When he finally got to me he whispered "hi Michael; it's nice to see wewe again!" Jesse looked down at me and alisema "you must be AJ!" I stuttered and alisema "hi Jesse, I upendo you!" Jessie alisema "your dad told me that wewe have a bunch posters of me in your room!" I alisema "yeah; every time I see a magazine with wewe on the cover I buy it! I upendo watching wewe on "summerland" that's my inayopendelewa show." He passed me a poster he signed and alisema "that's for you!" I alisema "thanks; I upendo it!" He alisema "of course; anything for my number one fan. The security guards are telling me that I have to go get ready for the onyesha now; I hope wewe enjoy it!" Dad alisema "wait one second; I've got to take a picture of the two together before wewe leave!" Jessie alisema "you can hug me if wewe want to!" I hugged him and alisema goodbye after dad the picture.
Dad and I made it to our front row seats just as they started rolling the introduction video. The Jumbotron read "get ready… 10, 9, scream, 8, 7, I can't hear you, 6, 5, it's time for, 4, 3, 2, 1… Jesse McCartney!" Jesse came on the stage and sang each song from his album. Then Jesse brought a girl that was in a wheelchair on stage and sang "take your sweet time" to her. That was dad's inayopendelewa part of the concert, just knowing that there is still a lot of watu mashuhuri out there that care about helping those in need as much is he does. My inayopendelewa part of the tamasha was definitely getting to meet Jesse. This is the best siku of my life so far. I will never forget this day! Thank wewe so much dad only
January 30, 2005,
Tomorrow, the people versus Michael Jackson criminal trial begins and I am the only one out of us kids that knows what is going on. Dad had made me promise him that I wouldn't tell Prince, Paris, and Blanket what's going on because he doesn't want to scare them. It's really hard on me keeping such a big secret because underneath my fearless personality; I'm really scared! I do a pretty good job of hiding it though.
We are back in Los Angeles and are staying in a temporary rental house until the trial is over. I went down the hallway and into the living room. I sat down and turned on my Game Boy. Dad came into the room with Prince, Paris, and Blanket following him. I alisema "when he wewe guys doing?" He alisema "nothing much" and sat down inayofuata to me on the couch. Prince sat down on the other side of me and asked "what are wewe playing?" I alisema "Pokémon Ruby" and turned the power off. Dad asked "are wewe sure that wewe don't have anything on your mind AJ?" I alisema as I went up to my room "yes dad; for the millionth time I'm fine!" He alisema "okay; I just wanted to make sure that you're okay with everything that's going on."
I shut the door and lay down on my bed. I flipped through the TV channels and change the channel to Nickelodeon. I took a deep breath and alisema to myself "I can't believe everything that's gone on in this past mwaka and it's all because of stupidity!" I opened up my dresser drawer and pulled out a picha album of pictures. Most of them taken a few months before Prince was born. As I flipped through the pages; I smiled at pictures of dad and I when I was just a few months away from turning three years old. I could hear Prince talking with Grace on the other side of my door and then I heard dad say "bye children, I'll see wewe in about four hours!"
He knocked on my door and asked "can I come in and spend the time with wewe for a while?" I alisema "yeah sure." He walked in and sat down on the bed. He dropped a big box in front of me and alisema "look what I found!" I looked inside and it was filled to the very juu in old VHS tapes. I asked "what do wewe have all of these for?" He alisema "it's a whole bunch of nyumbani sinema from when wewe were little and I thought wewe and I could watch them together. It might help get your mind off of things!" I was reluctant and he alisema "just watch a few at first… I'm telling wewe that it will make wewe feel better. Don't try to tell me that wewe aren't stressed out because I know wewe are! I always know when wewe are!" I asked "how did wewe know?" He alisema "I just know when my baby isn't doing well. It's part of being a dad." I rolled my eyes and alisema "dad; I'm almost 11 years old, I'm not a baby anymore!" He alisema "you may be getting older but you'll always be my baby!"
He put a videotape in the VCR and pressed the play button.
Video one:
Dated at the bottom of the screen: January, 8, 1996
We were in the living room at Neverland ranch and I was sitting on dad's lap. He started imba "champion" kwa Queen. He would sing one lyric and I would sing the next. That went on for about five zaidi dakika before I got off his lap and started playing with the toy kinanda that was in the room. He zoomed the camera in on my face and alisema "you want to be just like just like me when wewe grow up, don't you?" I alisema "yes!"
(Dad paused the video and alisema "even back then wewe knew what wewe want it to be!" I alisema "I still don't see the point in watching this. If anything it's making me zaidi depressed! He alisema "just give me the benefit of the doubt please! That's all I ask." He switched videotapes and pressed play again as I rolled my eyes.)
Video two:
Dated at the bottom of the screen: February, 2, 1997
We were in a hotel and a woman behind the camera alisema "hi AJ!"
(I paused the video and asked dad "who's that holding the camera? I can tell kwa the voice that isn't Grace." He alisema "that Debbie. Do wewe remember her? It's been a long time since you've seen her." I alisema "yeah; I remember her. I always wondered why she stopped coming over every few months after Paris was born." He alisema "I'm sure that she is very busy but; wewe will see her again someday!")
I alisema "hi; I want to see" while pointing at the camera. She showed me what the camera was filming and then I ran off. The door opened and dad walked inside. He looked at the camera and at Debbie. He asked "you threw away that B – O – T – T – L – E wewe found last night, right? I don't want AJ to find it. I'm not ready to go into war all over again!" Debbie alisema "yeah; I thought wewe told me they wewe through all of those away a long time ago." He alisema "I did; I have no idea where she found that one last night! I had to spend 15 dakika convincing her to give it to me!"
I came into the room and alisema "I want a drink please." He alisema "okay; I'll get wewe one." He went over to the refrigerator and took a juisi box out of it. He gave it to me and I threw it on the ground. He alisema "you're not getting what I know wewe want! It's that au nothing; understood?" I got mad and stormed off into the other room and he alisema "that's not going to get wewe anywhere and wewe know that." Debbie looked at him and asked "is she always this stubborn?" He alisema "this is nothing compared to most of her temper tantrums that she throws!" She alisema "I really don't know how wewe deal with that every single day. I wouldn't have the patience for it!" He alisema "its way worse when she knows that I want her to do something and she just 100% refuses to do it! That's the oppositional defiance disorder at its worst!
The video ended and dad alisema "that video brings back so many memories!" I rolled my eyes and alisema "oh gosh; please don't say anything embarrassing! Every time wewe say that wewe tell some embarrassing story to me about when I was little!" He alisema "right after Debbie was done filming that video…" I alisema "dad; if you're going to embarrass me please stop now!" He alisema "as I was saying; after she was done filming that video…” I alisema "seriously dad; why do wewe have to be so embarrassing all the time!" He alisema "I'm not trying to embarrass wewe but; I'm just having a hard time accepting that you're growing up." I alisema "yeah well; wewe need to accept it because there's nothing wewe can do about it! I'm not that two-year-old anymore!" He alisema "I think the only thing that needs to be accepted in the fact that you're scared and wewe don't want to admit it." I alisema "I don't know what you're talking about; I'm not scared at all!" He alisema "you're scared that at the end of this trial there is a chance that I might not come home. I know you're scared! You're not the only one; Grace is scared and so am I.” I alisema "okay dad; can wewe seriously leave my room now?" He alisema "fine but; wewe can't hide it forever! The longer wewe keep your feelings inside, the worse it will be in the long run."
February 10, 2005,
I can already tell that this trial is not going to be good on dad's health. He physically drained and all he does is sleep when he gets home. I can honestly say that I've never seen him like this in my entire life. I'm worried that if his trial lasts as long as he thinks it's going to; he is not going to be in the best shape kwa then.
It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon and dad walked through the door dressed in a suit and tie. He sat down on the kitanda and he just looked so sad. I walked up to him and asked "are wewe okay dad?" He didn't answer me as tears filled his eyes. I hugged him and alisema "it'll be fine! wewe have to try and stay optimistic about things because that's all wewe really can do." He alisema "I know; I just didn't want it to come to all this!" I alisema "I know that this is hard for wewe and I'm going to do my best to be well-behaved while wewe are going to all of this! I can't make any promises though because wewe know how I am!" That made him laugh and he alisema "yeah; I have a feeling that won't last very long!"
Grace came into the room and hugged dad. Dad alisema "AJ; I promise that I will be the best father that I can possibly be; even with all this going on! Don't worry… I'm not checking out as your father. There is one thing that I would like of wewe guys though. Grace asked "what's that Michael?" He alisema "the sekunde I walked through that door every day, we make a habit of not talking about the trial. It's easier on me that way! I alisema "that's fine with me! I don't like talking about it either, it's depressing." He alisema "the only time the three of us will talk about the trial beyond this point is if there is a bad outcome… I doubt and hope that there won't be a bad outcome."
February 16, 2005
Today is the start of the weekend so; dad doesn't have court for a few days. I went upstairs to get something out of my room and when I looked at my Jesse McCartney poster on my ukuta there was a mustache drawn on it. I ran downstairs and alisema "you're done for Prince!" Dad alisema "wait! What are wewe talking about?" Prince smiled and ran up to his room. I alisema "Prince drew all over my Jesse McCartney poster with a sharpie marker! He's really going to regret doing that in a few minutes!" Dad alisema "hey, just calm down; besides I'm not going to let wewe beat him up on my watch! That's not going to get wewe anywhere and wewe know that." I alisema "oh I see how it is! You're just going to let him get away with drawing on my poster!" He alisema "no; I didn't say that at all! I'll make him buy wewe a new one with money from his own piggy bank." I alisema "he deserves worse than that though!" Dad alisema "stop saying stuff like that! He's your brother and wewe need to be nice to him!"
I ran up to my room and dad followed me. I went to slam the door and he stopped it with his foot. I ripped the poster off my ukuta and sat down on the edge of my bed. He sat down inayofuata to me and alisema "I'm not leaving here until wewe calm down. Ever since the trial started; wewe have been having outbursts. I know exactly what's wrong and wewe do too but; you're in denial about it!" I alisema "I'm not in denial about anything!" He alisema "yes wewe are! You're uchungu, chungu and angry because you're scared! wewe need to talk about it because the longer wewe keep your feelings inside the worse it will be when wewe finally let them out." I alisema "I'm not scared of anything! Will wewe please leave me alone now! He alisema "this isn't about the poster at all; wewe just want to make it seem like it is!"
After about 20 dakika of waiting for me to talk to him, dad alisema as he threw his hands up in the air feeling defeated "fine if wewe don't want to talk to me; then don't! I'm here if wewe need me but; I'm done trying for now." He left my room and I stood in the doorway listening to a conversation between him and Grace from downstairs. Dad alisema "I don't know what else to do! I know all Alanna needs to do is cry! I don't know if she's specifically mad at me au mad at this whole situation in the first place. She won't talk to me about anything. I can tell kwa the look in her eyes that she is absolutely terrified of what's going to happen to me at the end of this trial." Grace asked "have wewe thought about where the children would end up if wewe went to prison?" He alisema "well; Blanket, Paris, and Prince would live with my mother. I haven't talked to her about the situation with AJ because honestly I don't think she can handle Alanna's ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder!" Grace alisema "if I can't handle her there's no way your elderly mother is going to be able to! I mean wewe yourself can barely deal with her!" He alisema "look at how red she turned and that was just because Prince colored on her poster! I'm worried that as AJ gets older it's going to get physical one of these times! He alisema "you know that I would never hurt her. I don't care if she hurts me but; when she's that angry it's hard to calm her down before the situation escalates!" Grace alisema "I just hope that it never reaches that point!"
March 1, 2005,
I was in the jikoni of our rental nyumbani in Los Angeles and dad had just put my brothers and sister to bed. I alisema as I put dishes in the sink "I wish that the Jesse McCartney tickets were not sold out when wewe looked at them when wewe got nyumbani today! Are wewe sure all of the tickets are sold out?" He alisema "I promise you; ALL the tickets for the Beautiful Soul tour are gone! You're just going to have to wait until he goes on tour when the inayofuata CD comes out. I'm sorry; I really did try to get them for you. Since I had to go to court today, I had Grace go online the sekunde the tickets went on sale but; kwa the time she filled out the shipping address for the tickets they were all sold out." I alisema "well; at least wewe tried! I hope it doesn't take Jesse too long to come out with a new album."
Dad got up from his chair and walked over to hug me. I alisema "I'm going to go listen to my Jesse McCartney CD before I lie down and watch TV until I fall asleep." He alisema as I walked up the stairs "I'm sorry AJ… I know how bad wewe wanted those tickets!" I alisema as I shut my bedroom door "it's fine dad; I'm not mad at you. The inayofuata tour will definitely be worth the wait!" When dad had told me that he wasn’t able to get any tickets I was crushed inside! I knew it wasn't his fault and that I couldn't act upset because I didn't want to make him feel bad. I guess I'll just have to settle for listening to the CD and staring at my poster for a while.
March 9, 2005,
Dad walked through the door, after another siku in court and ended up right in the center of an argument between Grace and me. I shouted "I didn't do it so; I shouldn't be on punishment for it!" Grace alisema "yes wewe did do it; I saw you." Dad asked confused "what's going on?" Grace alisema "she was hiding video games in her room so Prince couldn't play them. When I caught her taking them out of her dresser, she alisema that the games weren't even in the cases and when I looked in them every single game was in its case. Not only did she hide the games from Prince; but she also lied right to my face!" Dad looked at me and alisema "you know that one of the things that I just can't tolerate in this house is lying! Go up to your room. No Xbox for a week starting today."
I ran up the stairs and slammed my door. I opened the door back up and yelled down the stairs "you guys are ridiculous! All I did was lie and I can't use the Xbox for a whole week!” Dad walked up to my room and shut the door. He asked with a serious look on his face "do wewe want to make it two weeks with no Xbox?" I alisema "I don't really care at this point!" He alisema "alright; then I'll change it to a mwezi if wewe don't care." I alisema while in shock "I didn't agree to a whole month; I agreed to two weeks without it!" He alisema "that's not how it works! wewe don't get to pick and choose your punishment. wewe better stop talking back to me because I'll punish wewe from using the computer and watching TV!"
I didn't say a word as he left the room and he alisema "lose the attitude; neither Grace nor I deserve to hear that!" He shut the door and I turned my TV on. I whispered to myself "they both overreact way too much!" Even though deep down I knew I deserved to be in trouble!" Nine times out of ten I deserve it; whether au not I want to believe it!
March 15, 2005,
Today is my 11th birthday and dad is still at the courthouse but; alisema he would be nyumbani in about 20 minutes. I was downstairs doing my schoolwork and was about to walk down the hallway when Grace alisema "no; wewe can go down there until your dad gets home." I looked at her confused and went back to the jikoni to sit at the table.
Dad opened the door and up ran to me. He gave me a hug and alisema "happy birthday!" I alisema "thank you" and I put my vitabu away on the bookshelf. He alisema "come on; let's all watch a movie together in the living room!" The two of us walked into the living room and he shielded my eyes. I asked "why are wewe covering my eyes?" He moved his hands out of the way and I couldn't believe my eyes. Standing in front of me was a life-size cardboard cutout of Jesse McCartney. I shrieked and alisema "oh my gosh; for a sekunde I thought that was really him; not a cardboard cutout!" Everyone started laughing and dad alisema "sit down; I have something else for you!" I sat down on the couch; leaving a space inayofuata to me for dad to sit down. He passed me a big box and alisema "go ahead and open it!" Whatever was in the box weighed a lot! There must have been a whole roll of tape used on that box. I asked while they all laughed at me struggling to open the box "did wewe really have to use this much tape on it dad!"
I finally got the box open and the first thing I saw was two rolled up pieces of paper. I took them out and unraveled them. One of them was a new copy of the poster that Prince had drawn on and the other one was a different one of Jesse McCartney that was exactly the same size as the blue one. I alisema "thank you" and dad alisema "keep going; there's a whole bunch of stuff in there for you!" The inayofuata thing I took out was 11 teen magazines like Tiger Beat and Bop. Dad alisema "one magazine for each mwaka you've been alive! I've been collecting them for about five months now.” One of the bodyguards named Will alisema "I've been the one to go buy those magazines and I can't even begin to tell wewe about some of those awkward looks I get being a grown man buying boy band magazines. It actually makes the cashiers laugh!" We all laughed and I started pulling out something else from the box. I grabbed two Jesse McCartney T-shirts and alisema "I'm going to wear these all the time!" One of the shirts alisema "Jesse McCartney: beautiful soul tour 2005." Dad alisema "since I couldn't get wewe the tickets; I figured I should buy wewe the tour T-shirt to try and make up for it!" I alisema "at least I can pretend that I got to go to the tamasha when I wear this."
I hugged everyone and thanked them for the gifts. Dad alisema "I was so bummed when I couldn't buy wewe the regular tickets to the tamasha because they sold-out so fast!" I alisema "that's all right; I know wewe tried." Dad alisema "I wasn't able to get wewe the tickets wewe wanted but; I hope what's inside this envelope will at least make waiting for the inayofuata tour a little easier." I looked at him confused as he passed me the envelope. I looked inside and there was a folded piece of paper. I took it out and opened it up and dad alisema "read the part that I highlighted." I read it out loud "Jesse McCartney VIP experience package." I didn't understand what it was and alisema "oh that's cool; wewe got me another package of Jesse McCartney stuff that's coming in mail." Dad laughed and asked "you don't know what that is?" I alisema "yeah; it says right here that it's another Jesse McCartney package." He laughed even harder as he looked at Grace and alisema "she really doesn't know what it is!" I alisema "alright; what's going on? What's so funny? What is this piece of paper?" Grace alisema while gasping for air because she was laughing so hard "its tickets to a Jesse McCartney concert!" My mouth dropped and dad alisema "the seats are in the front row!" I was speechless and then he alisema "there's one zaidi tiny detail that I forgot to mention." I asked "what else could there possibly be?" Blanket, Prince, Paris, and Grace covered their ears. Dad alisema "guess what!" I alisema "what?" He alisema "you're going to meet Jesse McCartney at the concert!!!"
I think the entire family was expecting me to let out an ear piercing scream but; what I did inayofuata shocked everyone including me. I started crying uncontrollably and shaking. Once dad realized that I was crying; not screaming, he asked "what's wrong? Why are wewe crying?" I alisema "I'm so happy! I never thought I'd actually get to meet Jesse!" He smiled and hugged me. He looked like he was about to cry because he had never seen me so happy in my life!" Grace removed her hands from her ears and alisema "I didn't see that reaction coming at all! wewe made your tough tomboy cry tears of joy Michael!" Dad alisema "I'm glad wewe like the tickets that much! Are they better in the regular tickets that wewe originally wanted?" I alisema in between sobs "so much better! Thank wewe so much dad!" He alisema as his voice broke from trying to hold back tears "you're welcome! You've got to stop crying though because you're going to make me cry! I knew wewe wanted the normal tickets badly but; never in 1 million years would I have thought that wewe would cry because wewe are so happy!"
After I composed myself; I asked "who's going to take me to the concert?" Grace alisema "I will be if your dad has court that siku but; if he doesn't he is going to take you." Dad alisema "now that you've stopped crying I have to tell wewe this. wewe better be on your best behavior between now and the siku of the tamasha because if wewe really do something that I don't like… I'm going to sell those tickets faster than wewe can say Jesse McCartney! Do wewe understand that I'm not messing around when I say that? I'm hundred percent serious too! I guarantee wewe that there is another girl out there that would upendo to meet Jesse also!" I alisema "I promise you; I'll be a whole different kid until after the concert! I don't want to lose the tickets! wewe saw how much they mean to me!" He hugged me and I alisema "I'm going to go upstairs and put my two big posters on the walls in my room! Then I'm going to take all the posters out of the magazines wewe got me and put those ones up also!" As I headed for the stairs; dad alisema "don't forget to bring your Jesse cardboard cutout and other stuff upstairs with you." I walked over and grabbed the cutout. I alisema "you're going to have to help me carry the T-shirts and magazines to my room because my hands are kind of full!" Dad tossed the two T-shirts, two big posters, and 11 magazines on my kitanda with a brand-new roll of tape and a pair of scissors. He shut the door behind him as he left and I pressed play on my "Jesse McCartney: beautiful soul" CD that was in my CD player. The first track "beautiful soul" started and I moved my cardboard cutout to a corner of my bedroom. Out of all the posters I got there was a total of 23 Jesse McCartney posters that I now have up on the walls of my bedroom! I think it's so funny when dad walks kwa my room and he gets startled kwa my cardboard cutout of Jesse because it really looks like he's standing in my room! This is kwa far the best birthday I've never had… It's going to be hard for dad to juu this one!
May 14, 2005,
I was chasing Prince around the house and dad walked through the door. Dad alisema "AJ; I need wewe to empty the dishwasher please." I alisema "I don't want to." He alisema "I wasn't asking you; I'm telling wewe to please empty the dishwasher for me." I grabbed the Xbox controller from Prince and dad alisema "I know wewe heard me AJ." I jumped over the back of the kitanda and switched the batteries out of the controller. Dad looked at me and alisema "remember what I alisema about the Jesse McCartney tickets! wewe better do what I told wewe to do au I'm going to take them away from you!" I got a worried look on my face as I ran over to the dishwasher and started taking dishes out of it. He alisema "that's what I thought!!"
After I was done unloading the dishwasher, dad alisema "thank you; wewe need to go outside and take your bicycle and songesha it out of the way because it's laying in the driveway and I don't want to have to buy wewe a new one. Someone could easily run it over!" I was about to say something when he raised his eyebrows and alisema "don't forget about the Jesse McCartney concert." I immediately ran outside and moved my bicycle out of the way. I came back inside and Grace alisema "I think that's the first time that AJ has done something without putting up a fight!"
I went upstairs to my room and about 20 dakika later dad came in. He alisema as he sat down on the edge of my kitanda "I just wanted to let wewe know that on June 15, the jury in my court case will decide whether they think I'm innocent au guilty." I alisema "I hope they come to their senses; it's obvious that Gavin is lying and I will be really mad if wewe get sent to jail because of him!" He alisema "I know; wewe just have to think as positively as possible and hope for the best." I alisema "alright; I upendo wewe dad, I'm going to go to kitanda now." He alisema "I upendo wewe zaidi and I'll see wewe tomorrow afternoon when I get home." He kissed my forehead and shut off the light as he passed me the remote to my TV.
June 15, 2005,
Today's the siku that we find out if dad is going to prison au not. Grace put a Disney movie on in Blanket's bedroom to occupy my siblings. Grace and I went into the living room and put it on the channel that will be announcing the verdict on dad's case. It seemed like it took forever to get to the point where the jury had come to their decision. Finally; a woman walked outside the courthouse and alisema "we the jury in the above entitled case find the defendant, Michael Joseph Jackson…" I whispered to myself "come on; lady hurry up!" The woman alisema "not guilty on all accounts!" Grace hugged me and I alisema "he's coming home!"
10 dakika later, I heard the front door open and dad walked through it. I turned around, jumped over the back of the couch, and literally jumped into his arms. The both of us just started crying and he didn't even care that he was carrying me. I must've been heavy for him but; he didn't even notice. I alisema "don't ever scare me like that again!" All the emotions that I had been holding back for the entire trial just poured out right then and there! He wiped the tears off of my face and put me down on the counter top. He alisema "trust me; I'm not going to let anything like that happen again!" Blanket, Prince, and Paris came out into the living room to see what was going on. Dad hugged all three of them and blanket asked "why were wewe guys crying?" Dad alisema "never mind that; let's go watch a movie!"
While I was getting ready for bed; dad walked into my room and alisema "you must be excited for this weekend!" I looked at him confused and asked "why? What's this weekend?" He alisema "you forgot… It's the Jesse McCartney concert!" I alisema "oh yeah; so wewe have your disguise that you're going to wear when wewe take me to the concert?" He alisema "I'm just going to wear a really dark sweatshirt and big sunglasses with a pair of faded jeans… No one will suspect that I would wear something like that!"
June 17, 2005,
I rushed to put on one of my Jesse McCartney shirts and dad and I ran out to the car. I had spiked my short blonde hair were some gel and dad sat in the drivers kiti, kiti cha of the Rolls-Royce. This was one of the few times that my dad had driven us himself, instead of bringing a bodyguard along to the tamasha because he didn't want to blow his disguise. I could barely contain my excitement as we pulled up to the tamasha arena. Dad passed me a VIP lanyard and I put it around my neck. He put his on and we got out of the car.
"
We gave one of the staff members our tickets and he alisema "all VIP concertgoers need to line up over there. There is a guide that will take wewe where wewe need to be." We walked over and I was surprised that there was only a small group of mashabiki that would also be meeting Jesse. Then the guy brought us to a big room and we waited for Jesse to onyesha up.
Jesse walked into the room about 40 feet away from the crowd of fans. I placed myself at the end of the line. When he finally got to me he whispered "hi Michael; it's nice to see wewe again!" Jesse looked down at me and alisema "you must be AJ!" I stuttered and alisema "hi Jesse, I upendo you!" Jessie alisema "your dad told me that wewe have a bunch posters of me in your room!" I alisema "yeah; every time I see a magazine with wewe on the cover I buy it! I upendo watching wewe on "summerland" that's my inayopendelewa show." He passed me a poster he signed and alisema "that's for you!" I alisema "thanks; I upendo it!" He alisema "of course; anything for my number one fan. The security guards are telling me that I have to go get ready for the onyesha now; I hope wewe enjoy it!" Dad alisema "wait one second; I've got to take a picture of the two together before wewe leave!" Jessie alisema "you can hug me if wewe want to!" I hugged him and alisema goodbye after dad the picture.
Dad and I made it to our front row seats just as they started rolling the introduction video. The Jumbotron read "get ready… 10, 9, scream, 8, 7, I can't hear you, 6, 5, it's time for, 4, 3, 2, 1… Jesse McCartney!" Jesse came on the stage and sang each song from his album. Then Jesse brought a girl that was in a wheelchair on stage and sang "take your sweet time" to her. That was dad's inayopendelewa part of the concert, just knowing that there is still a lot of watu mashuhuri out there that care about helping those in need as much is he does. My inayopendelewa part of the tamasha was definitely getting to meet Jesse. This is the best siku of my life so far. I will never forget this day! Thank wewe so much dad only