One Direction GQ interview! JLS have their own range of condoms. Would wewe create your own? Louis: We’re not going to go down that road.. Harry: Though we are all for salama sex. Louis: We’re all about femidoms. That’s the future. That’s an exclusive right there! Zayn: Why should we have to carry them? [laughs] Do wewe get chatted up a lot on tour?

Liam: Honestly, because we’re taken from the venue to the hotel and whatever else wewe don’t really see much in between. We don’t really go out, but this tour will be different because we’re all 18 now.. Niall: maduka makubwa sweep! So this tour will be a bit zaidi Mötley Crüe? [cue blank expressions from One Direction so GQ.com explains who Mötley Crüe are..

..with particular reference to their candid rock confessional The Dirt] Niall: I can’t wait for that! Can we do one? Liam: A diary of naughtiness? Harry: Ours would be zaidi like The Virgin Diaries. Liam: Porn.. without the illustrations. Louis: Just porn! Liam: This interview’s gone horribly wrong.

GQ.com: Did wewe have a good time at GQ Men Of The Year?
Louis: One of the best nights we’ve had this year, wasn’t it?
Niall: Just being in the same room as Bono was great. Stephen Fry’s speech was incredible as well.
Harry: Bill Nighy looked sick.
Liam: When Johnny Depp popped out I couldn’t believe it.

wewe already have your own action figures what other merchandise do wewe aspire to?
Liam: Can we get waxworks at Madame Tussauds? We’ve never thought about that.
Harry: We’re doing Transformers. Louis transforms into a car. Like a Porsche au something..
Louis: We’re doing women’s lingerie as well.

What’s the most important item on your rider?
Harry: People put stuff in our room, but we don’t go there and tell them what we need. Basically, if wewe can get a cup of chai au a bottle of water it’s fine.
Liam: We get sweets just because we’re kids.

We noticed mashabiki keep bringing wewe carrots..
Louis: In week one of the X Factor, just to be a little bit quirky, I decided to say that I like girls who eat carrots. Ever since I’ve had lots and lots and lots of carrots.
Zayn: That’s why he’s very tanned.
Louis: And why I’m also very good at seeing in the dark.

What’s the strangest gift you’ve got from a fan?
Louis: Sanitary towels stuck to the window of the car.
Zayn: They’d put their Twitter names on it.

Is that a good tactic to get One Direction to follow wewe on Twitter?
Louis: We didn’t actually follow them because it was taken away so quickly.
Niall: For some reason I didn’t want to touch them…

It does seem a bit.. unsanitary.
Louis: I like what wewe did there!
[One Direction give GQ.com a impromptu round of applause. We feel like Oscar Wilde.]
Liam: Save that in the memory bank.

Can wewe recommend a good book?
Niall: One Direction: Dare to Dream.
Louis: James Corden’s new autobiography [May I Have Your Attention Please?].
Liam: Russell Brand’s My Booky Wook.
Zayn: This is going to make me sound like a geek, but I read a book called On A Wing and A Prayer. I think it was about World War I.
Niall: Michael Buble’s Onstage, Offstage.
Liam: The script of An Inspector Calls. That’s the only one I’ve ever read.
Harry: You’ve only ever read one book in your life?
Liam: Yes.
Niall: Me too. It was called: How To Kill A Mocking Bird.
Liam: Wasn’t it just called To Kill A Mocking Bird?
Harry: It’s confusing because you’re 200 pages in and the bird still hasn’t died.

What muziki do wewe upendo that would surprise people?
Liam: Bing Crosby.
Louis: Bombay Bicycle Club.
Liam: Two Door Cinema Club. Daniel O’Donnell. I’m just coming up with bila mpangilio words now. Two maziwa Bottles and an Egg!

We understand that wewe all own monogrammed full-size babygro-style ‘onesies’?
Louis: These boys have stopped wearing them but I have loads of onesies at home. I know they don’t necessarily look sick but they’re so comfy.
Zayn: They’re good for when you’re chilled out at home. wewe can’t always look tip-top.
Liam: I bet wewe sit in one at home.

Harry: We’re all adults here. We’ve all seen our share of..
Liam: No, wewe haven’t! You’re still 17! Shut up!
Louis: I find the whole porn thing quite..
Liam: Derogatory?
Niall: Objectifying?
Harry: I think it’s derogatory.
Liam: It can be a bad influence on youngsters..
Louis: ..but sometimes it’s great.
Harry: Sometimes it’s amazing!
Liam: You’re 17, shut up! Louis, wewe brought this up! We’ve brought this upon ourselves.
Harry: This is going to be a great read.