Oh god.. Oh god...
I grew up with this movie.. As a kid I thought, this wasn't "that" bad... BOOOY was I wrong..
Early on we get Seans death kwa papa attack.. Well, a shaky camera IMPLYING a papa attack.. All while his screams are drowned kwa the krisimasi singers.. I know this cause they switch back to the singers it at least 12 fucking times in the whole sequence..
I swear to god, this movie is just depressing as hell.. Not scary.. And Ellen, Martins wife believes the papa was WAITING for Sean.. It came for him because of what Martin did to its buddies..
(Dr. Elkins: Sharks don't take things personally, Mr. Brody.)
I could go on and on about that.. But that's only ONE of the many problems.. Like Michael running mid conversation down a beach..
So Ellen doesn't want anyone anywhere near the beach, pwani ever again... Why would they EVER go the beach, pwani after the other films!?.
She says it killed Sean.. And Martin died from fear..
Martin. Died.. From fear... MARTIN!!
wewe know, the guy who blows up the first after shoving a gas tank into it’s mouth. “Smile wewe son of a BITCH!".. And friggin electrocutes the second.. After luring it and saying "All right, wewe big bastard! Come On! I've got something for ya' now! That's it! Attaboy, come one! Right over here! Open wide OPEN WIDE! SAY AAH!”… Only scene from JAW 2, that makes it worth watching..
Than again.. This actually makes sense when wewe think about.. Espically after Quint’s death.. But still lame..
And why the fuck do they never fucking MOVE!? This place is a clear danger zone.. Why do the body’s still go to the beach.. wewe think they’d learn kwa now..
So the family FINALLY head to the Bohamas.. But the papa followed them..
CHRIS STUCKMANN: The Shark.. Followed them... From New York.. To the Bohamas.
So, appearently Ellen has some kind of psychoic connection with this thing. When it's nearby she literary bursts up like a deer being spotted.. It's hilarious.
She also starts a romance with Michael Cane.. Cause nobody ever remembers the characters name.
So after the papa attacks the whole family. Including the little girl.
So Ellen steals Michael's mashua and hunts down the shark... UNARMED!!
So Michael and his friend go after Ellen. On Cane's plane, and the papa attacks Cane.. Which only seems to mildly annoy him.
He later appears unharmed. Not even a lousy scatch.. au a fucking wet t-shirt!
So michael's friend has some knd of science thing that drives the papa crazy. But Jake (yes that's his name) jumps in -I mean, falls into the Sharks mouth. And assumably dies. So Michael uses that science thing to make the papa angry.. It shows this by.. ROARING!!
Sharks don't have fucking vocal cords!
In the end. Ellen slams the boats front into the shark. Which causes it to literary EXPLODE!! And than using the same image from Jaws 1. And she having all these events she was "never present for", including Martins "Smile wewe son of a BITCH!".
Reminding me, I could be watching the good one..
Not this.. shit!.. THIS FUCKING SHIT!!
Oh, and Jake lives.. And he's even cracking jokes.. wewe know, as we ALL would after being nearly eaten kwa a giant great white..
And that's how it ends..
So yeah.. wewe can watch fo a few unintended laughs.. But otherwise. Lets pretend this never existed.. Like the producers are doing about the third...