#1:
Chris/Ghostface: So anyways, I was saying, what's your favorito! scary movie?
Sam (Chris' fiancée): Well, the scariest is certainly Dragonball Evolution.
Chris/Ghostface: wewe EVER MENTION THAT FILM AGAIN, I'LL CUT YOUR THROAT, wewe LITTLE BITCH!
[...]
(Sam hangs up, believing this all to be a dumb joke)
Chris/Ghostface: That girl made me think of Dragonball Evolution. SHE'S GOING TO DIE!!!
#2:
"So we're watching the movie and things are happening and WHAT THE FUCK IS MICHAEL CAINE DOING IN THIS MOVIE?!"
#3:
"Oh thanks for the stupid ball, Grandpa. Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. Hey, can wewe tell me about this girl thing? I don't know. Can wewe give me some condoms? I need some condoms, okay, Grandpa? I really wanna fuck Chi-Chi. Is that okay? I just need some condoms. Fuck this dumb dragon ball. Sorry! I just wanna go fuck. Is that all right with you?"
#4:
Chris's reaction about how movie goku has to find all the dragon balls before the eclipse occurs.
Chris: What does that fucking have to do with anything?!
#5:
Chris: If I came back from, like, a store au something, and I found cop cars outside the house, I guarantee that the first thing out of my mouth would not be: (deadpan) "Whoa. What is going on?"
#6:
"Hey, hon, remember at the beginning of the mwaka when I alisema I was going to try and see as many films as I could regardless of how crappy they looked? Yeah, can wewe go back in time and kill me?"
#7:
"The best part of this movie is the first ten dakika where wewe see some funny cat video pulled off of YouTube. It's the best part of the movie! Everything else is total SHIT!!!"
#8:
"I wouldn't even call this film Aliens vs. Predator. más like Shadows vs. Silhouettes...because wewe can't see A DAMN FUCKING THING!"
#9:
Chris: (as monotone as possible, after guzzling down wine) Welcome to my review of The Emoji Movie. (Turns his head, camera shifts) I have proof. (raises ticket, slowly crumbles it up, turns head back around) The Emoji Movie is about the "meh" emoji and how he has other expressions besides "meh". And... today... I went and saw it. And... it... SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED!
#10:
"They have to get to Dropbox, did wewe hear that come of my mouth? It came out of my mouth... (cringes) Dropbox is... an important plot point... in this FUCKING MOVIE!!"
#11:
Chris: After that we actually get a flashback. TO THE SCENE WE JUST SAW!!
#12:
Chris!Kid: I wanna be like him! hujambo mommy, can I jiunge the mpira wa kikapu team? 'Cause look at that guy, he's so cool!
Chris!Mom: You're five years old, shut the fuck up, kid.
Chris!Kid: Hey! wewe can't say those words to me! I wanna be like the cool guys!
Chris!Mom: Yeah well, you've got no talent.
Chris!Kid: Well that's okay, 'cause my sinema make their budget back!
Chris!Mom: Why are wewe saying wewe make movies? You're five years old!
Chris!Kid: Shut up mommy, I'm a directuuurrr—
#14:
WASN'T THAT JUST BALLS OUT AWESOME?!
#15:
"And when they get the cat, when they bring her home.. they just.. Let her free.. Your suppose to onyesha her around, tell her what's what, and than let her loose.. But they just.. Let her loose.. And are actually shocked that Kevin Spacey, as this cat, took a piss on the carpet.. And they don't even feed it, like, they feed it the inayofuata day, like the forgot oh, right, your a cat, wewe need chakula and water.. And they put the food, right inayofuata to the litter box.. Like, right inayofuata it… WHAT THE FUCK!!.. wewe don't put the litter box right kwa the food, 'cause when the cat does this (makes digging motions) when she's taking a shit, it's going to get all in her chakula and water! So fuck stupid!! What the fuck happened with this movie?! I hate it! I hate this movie! And that's just one logical problem and that's just because I'm a cat owner and I upendo cats, and what the fuck?!"
#16:
"If wewe got a really good director of photography, and wewe went out to the street, and wewe found a pile of panya shit, he could probably light that very well and perhaps shoot it with an interesting angle. But it's still panya shit."
#17;
"Hey, wewe know that really interesting and original script we got in today?...Yeah, throw that out, we're gonna make Sex Tape."
Chris/Ghostface: So anyways, I was saying, what's your favorito! scary movie?
Sam (Chris' fiancée): Well, the scariest is certainly Dragonball Evolution.
Chris/Ghostface: wewe EVER MENTION THAT FILM AGAIN, I'LL CUT YOUR THROAT, wewe LITTLE BITCH!
[...]
(Sam hangs up, believing this all to be a dumb joke)
Chris/Ghostface: That girl made me think of Dragonball Evolution. SHE'S GOING TO DIE!!!
#2:
"So we're watching the movie and things are happening and WHAT THE FUCK IS MICHAEL CAINE DOING IN THIS MOVIE?!"
#3:
"Oh thanks for the stupid ball, Grandpa. Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. Hey, can wewe tell me about this girl thing? I don't know. Can wewe give me some condoms? I need some condoms, okay, Grandpa? I really wanna fuck Chi-Chi. Is that okay? I just need some condoms. Fuck this dumb dragon ball. Sorry! I just wanna go fuck. Is that all right with you?"
#4:
Chris's reaction about how movie goku has to find all the dragon balls before the eclipse occurs.
Chris: What does that fucking have to do with anything?!
#5:
Chris: If I came back from, like, a store au something, and I found cop cars outside the house, I guarantee that the first thing out of my mouth would not be: (deadpan) "Whoa. What is going on?"
#6:
"Hey, hon, remember at the beginning of the mwaka when I alisema I was going to try and see as many films as I could regardless of how crappy they looked? Yeah, can wewe go back in time and kill me?"
#7:
"The best part of this movie is the first ten dakika where wewe see some funny cat video pulled off of YouTube. It's the best part of the movie! Everything else is total SHIT!!!"
#8:
"I wouldn't even call this film Aliens vs. Predator. más like Shadows vs. Silhouettes...because wewe can't see A DAMN FUCKING THING!"
#9:
Chris: (as monotone as possible, after guzzling down wine) Welcome to my review of The Emoji Movie. (Turns his head, camera shifts) I have proof. (raises ticket, slowly crumbles it up, turns head back around) The Emoji Movie is about the "meh" emoji and how he has other expressions besides "meh". And... today... I went and saw it. And... it... SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED!
#10:
"They have to get to Dropbox, did wewe hear that come of my mouth? It came out of my mouth... (cringes) Dropbox is... an important plot point... in this FUCKING MOVIE!!"
#11:
Chris: After that we actually get a flashback. TO THE SCENE WE JUST SAW!!
#12:
Chris!Kid: I wanna be like him! hujambo mommy, can I jiunge the mpira wa kikapu team? 'Cause look at that guy, he's so cool!
Chris!Mom: You're five years old, shut the fuck up, kid.
Chris!Kid: Hey! wewe can't say those words to me! I wanna be like the cool guys!
Chris!Mom: Yeah well, you've got no talent.
Chris!Kid: Well that's okay, 'cause my sinema make their budget back!
Chris!Mom: Why are wewe saying wewe make movies? You're five years old!
Chris!Kid: Shut up mommy, I'm a directuuurrr—
#14:
WASN'T THAT JUST BALLS OUT AWESOME?!
#15:
"And when they get the cat, when they bring her home.. they just.. Let her free.. Your suppose to onyesha her around, tell her what's what, and than let her loose.. But they just.. Let her loose.. And are actually shocked that Kevin Spacey, as this cat, took a piss on the carpet.. And they don't even feed it, like, they feed it the inayofuata day, like the forgot oh, right, your a cat, wewe need chakula and water.. And they put the food, right inayofuata to the litter box.. Like, right inayofuata it… WHAT THE FUCK!!.. wewe don't put the litter box right kwa the food, 'cause when the cat does this (makes digging motions) when she's taking a shit, it's going to get all in her chakula and water! So fuck stupid!! What the fuck happened with this movie?! I hate it! I hate this movie! And that's just one logical problem and that's just because I'm a cat owner and I upendo cats, and what the fuck?!"
#16:
"If wewe got a really good director of photography, and wewe went out to the street, and wewe found a pile of panya shit, he could probably light that very well and perhaps shoot it with an interesting angle. But it's still panya shit."
#17;
"Hey, wewe know that really interesting and original script we got in today?...Yeah, throw that out, we're gonna make Sex Tape."