bila mpangilio Club
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posted by cute20k
1. Dial a bila mpangilio number and confuse the person who majibu kwa saying things like;
"Why did wewe call me?", "How's Billy Bob?", "Thank's for last night! (make kissy noises in phone", "I'm sorry to hear about your loss (hang up immediately)", "What happened to your mother is horrible! I'm so sorry she had to leave us on that note!", etc.

2. Look up bila mpangilio statements in foreign languages and recite the statements to those who speak the language.

3. Post a bila mpangilio makala like this.

4. At walmart au somewhere similar, go up to an obese woman, au a man for extra affect, and wish them good luck with their upcoming child while staring at their stomach in a serious tone.

5. Go sit in your front yard and wave to the people walking bye. Greet them with something like, "Hey Sally, how's the kids?"

6. Text everyone wewe know something like, "Happy international talk-like-a-viking-day!"

7. Write a comic book including yourself staring as a superhero along with your Marafiki as your sidekick au other superheros and make your arch nemisis some one wewe deeply despise.

8. Flirt with perverts on the web. (Best times are around 9-11 am in my time, in the south eastern area of the united states, sorry I don't know time zones!)

9. (girls, au cross-dressers....) Blind fold your Marafiki and yourself and give each other blind makeovers. (results may vary)

10. (girls au kuvuka, msalaba dressers..) First you'll need a half full/half empty au completely empty perfume au body mist bottle. Add smelly things and strange liquids while trying to maintain a believeable color and offer the original fragrance to either a friend as a joke au to an enemy.
1. Change the lyrics to a maarufu song to hilarious bila mpangilio lyrics.

12. Find a poster of a celeb. wewe hate au a picture of an enemy and use markers/cheap makeup to paint them into your point of view towards them.

13. Drive a riding lawnmower down the mitaani, mtaa casually.

14. Carry a kitanda down the mitaani, mtaa and see how long it takes until someone calls the police.

15. Try some of the Candy in the medicine cabinet.

16. Tell everyone how much wewe upendo them, including strangers.

17. (aimed at guys) Undress and meet me in the back with the jack at the juke box ;) (jk)

18. Take your pants off and run around your neighborhood screaming "MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!"

19. Chat with strangers on the internet! That seems to be what most of us do.

20. Try a stage slide in shorts.

21. Complain to bila mpangilio strangers about a bruise on your buttox.

22. Give your mother a moyo attack and tell her your pregnant. (especially affective for guys but aimed at girls)

23. Shake up a soda can (while the hobos not looking) and politely offer the cold drink to a hobo seemingly obliviously.

24. Try to make your own soda. (ex. For machungwa, chungwa soda add machungwa, chungwa chakula coloring au machungwa, chungwa juisi to sprite) Now offer your creation to someone.
25. (girls... au cross-dressers) Hang upside down from a mti and give your friend a makeover.

26.Go streaking through town.

27. Go skinny dipping.

28. Write cuss words on the side walk with chalk in a neighborhood with small children.

29. Try playing baseball with tomatoes.

30. Go around town getting bila mpangilio people to sign your t-shirt.

31. Have a free hug day.

32. Have a cake/pie fight.

33. Ask for band name suggestions at a gay bar.(I've done this before. Hilarious outcomes.) *

34. Play midnight subway gari game (run from subway gari to subway gari before the doors close.)

35. Throw a themed party (ex. football bros and cheerleading hoes)

36. Water gun drive by.

37. Have a picnic on a roof!
38. Flour Bombing- it's really cheap and easy...
Buy a load of cheap tissues and flour.
Open a tissue up and put about a handful of flour inside.
Then screw the juu of the tissue up so that it is sealed, but not too tight.
Make as many of these as wewe like and mgawanyiko, baidisha them out evenly between your friends.
Find a large field au garden, put on some old clothes and go crazy throwing them at eachother (it's even better at night!)
Same rules apply as in paintballing!

39. Racing in shopping carts is major fun.

40. Push your friend in a baby stroller (let go) down the steepest kilima in your neighborhood (A 1st aid kit might come in handy.)

41.Take ketchup packets from McDonalds and leave them under car tires in a parking lot.

45. Do the same with eggs and rotten tomatoes.

46. Sit your younger brother/sister/cousin/something (If wewe don't have these subsitutions may include a close friend who's good at being annoying) on a kinyesi in wewe front yard and try to auction them off.

47. Leave a hamburger on juu of someone's car and wait in a car nearby and watch their reaction..

48. Tell some little kids your having an Easter Egg Hunt au something ( But don't hide anything!!) And watch as they look and look.

49.Jump Trucking (jump on the back of a truck/van and see where it takes you)
50. WalMart au Super Store Frogging(basically means wewe plan to sneak a sleepover, they stay open for 24 hours so hide and wait til everyones gone)

51. T-P someone's house

52. Cow tipping!!

53. Wait until its dark and when a neighbor au family comes home. Hide in the bushes and as they walk by, spray them with something like silly string au washable spray paint.

54. Go chakula Sampling (like trick au treating, instead of door to door wewe go store to store and collect bila mpangilio chakula samples--the mall chakula court is a good place to start. At the end of the day, dump all your collectibles on a plate and have lunch/dinner together)

55. Mute Dialogue a Movie au a TV onyesha (bring down the sound au mute it and make up what they're saying lol)

56. Night time Glow PaintBall shooting/Water Balloon Fighting (fill guns with glow in the dark paint au fill water balloons and make a game of it at night...Remember the zaidi wewe get hit the easier it is to find wewe and target wewe again. Play til wewe run out)

57. Ride Railing of an escalator (run up a down escalator, run down an up escalator...Warning: the inexperienced WILL get hurt---or thrown out lol)

58. inayofuata time wewe go eat fast chakula go thru the drive thru without a car and demand service!

59. Fast chakula Hopping. Grab Mcdonalds fries, Burger King Whoppers, Wendy's Frosty, Arby's mozzarella Sticks, KFC nuggets, Subway drink (or switch it around, then sit down outside a fancy restaurant and have a nice but cheap meal and do some people watching especially as they come out of the restaurant with empty wallets)
60. Do some karaoke with Marafiki au better yet go caroling hot hits door to door (if they complain say you're observing a religious holiday, it's even funnier to say after wewe finished imba Baby Got Back. Make sure to ask for any requests and try to beatbox even if you're terrible at it)

61. When the phone rings and its a sells call, say you're not buying but then try to sell them the competitors product.

62. Call a pizza place. Tell them you're new and town and your neighbors asked wewe to order pizza for a party but since you're new round here you're not really sure what this pizza thing is and ask them to explain it to you. When they say "Bread with meat and cheese on it." Ask them something like "What kind of bread? Like a sandwich? With meat? Well, what kind of meat? Couldn't I just put some turkey & cheese on a sandwich?" For best outcomes, call a place where it is against the rules for an employee to hang up on a customer who calls. (In my town there's a place called "Hungry Howie's where these rules apply. My brother's friend is expert at this kind of stuff and did this --He made the call last almost an hour!

62. Eat something that is bad for you, then bathe in pepto-bismal.

63. Tie yourself to the back of a car then jump off while its moving and have someone videotape wewe getting extremely bad road-rash at the speeds of 50 to 70mph...

64. Run around town and lick every shops window .

65. Bring a wireless microphone into town and sing beside someone playing a guitar, gitaa etc.

66. Sit on your roof and throw water baloons at pedestrians.

67. Follow bila mpangilio people around and pretend wewe know them kwa trying to make conversation.

68. Run around in your underwear with a wand and a harry potter outfit and yell spells at people.
69. Go to Wal-Mart and when the announcer comes on Say this Its those voices again!!! Scream that in an isle!!

70. Go into a bila mpangilio store with a lot of people and screamI WON THE LOTTERY!!!

71.When wewe are in class lightly bob your head to a light tune and then think of a really heavy metal tune and just whip out the air guitar, gitaa and everything! Thrash your head around too!!!

72. Get whipped cream in a bottle and spray randoms!!

73. Have a hugging contest!

74. Try on old people clothes clothes at the mall and pakia them onto your fanpop/myspace/facebook au another account!

75. Knock and run on peoples houses(teaches, mates, old people)

76. Put karanga siagi on the handle of bila mpangilio cars

77. follow a bila mpangilio car nyumbani to mess with them

78. fast chakula football (have someone run through and grab your bag of chakula as the people are handing it to you;; wewe get another bag of chakula free)

79. dress up as the oppostie sex and go into public.

80. hide behind things at the mall and throw eggs/water balloons at people walking kwa

81. Get a whole basket of food, wait till its all checked out, and say wewe forgot your wallet

82. drive through the mcdonalds drive-thru backwards

83. Get kicked out of wal-mart84. Rent golfcarts and race your Marafiki on them

85. Honk going through a neighborhood early in the morning au late at night and wake people up.

86. onyesha up at the wrong house, pretend its your Marafiki house (that you've never been to) and just go right in and pretend everythings normal.

87. Rearrange your entire house before your parents come nyumbani

88.get a bald cap, go to school and pretend like wewe shaved your head.

89. Walk in public with your pants off casually

90. Climb a mti and drop eggs on cars.

91. Mess with the scale at a doctor's office so everyone thinks they're really fat.


93. Video yourself doing a silly dance to a song then watch it after and laugh.

94. Text every contact saying your pregnant/getting married/diagnosed with autism/etc.

95. Black mail your teacher.

96.Pile up all your stuffed toys in the middle of a room then jump in them.

97. Open your window and yell out of it, "You'll never take me alive coppers!"

98. Type in 'Things to do when you're bored' on youtube.
99. On the computer, make a fake advertisement for a Gardener and put it out in the porch. Later, find out if your parents think it is real!

100. Put a sign up outside your house saying 'Brother/siter for sale'

101. Draw a banana.

102. Slap yourself until wewe get hurt.

103. Pretend to look around your room as if it has just turned into Narnia.

104. try to balance as many spoons on your face as wewe can.

105. Pretend wewe are running away from yourself.

106. Try to break a CD (one that wewe don't use anymore).

107. Make a mixture of all the liquids in your bathroom then put it in a bottle and name it (your name)'s secret bath lotion.

108. Post a video onto Youtube of wewe doing the most bila mpangilio things ever.

109. Walk around your room without walking on the floor.

110. Make a sale of the most bila mpangilio things ever outside your house.

111. orodha all the swear words wewe know and mail the note to a bila mpangilio adress.

112. Make up a video called,''What to do when you're bored
113.You grab a stuff animal(has to be small) and wewe run up and the side walk yelling pussy come back. wewe get some crazy looks and its really funny.

114. Go do something that would make the world a little bit better- Protest for chickens who like to kuvuka, msalaba the road's questioned authorities.

115. Sit on your roof with your friends, and if someone gives wewe a weird look from the street, yell "We are waiting to board the mothership!"
116. Play Sweet & sour, wamekula with some friends. Stand on a mitaani, mtaa corner and wave at every car that passes. If they wave back au smile, yell "Sweet." If they ignore wewe au give wewe a dirty look, yell "SOUR!" and chase them as long as wewe would like.

117. Go to Wal-Mart and just sit in the middle of an isle with your friends. See how long it takes for someone to make wewe move.

118. Go to a store like target and play phone tag (if wewe have a picture cell phone) --- like walk through the store and the game is to try to get pics of your Marafiki w/o them seeing wewe and w/o them taking pictures of you!

119. Go teepeeing go through a drive thru and order bila mpangilio **** and mess with the pe

120. Stay a couple nights in a hotle with about 20 people in the same room (got kicked out.

121. Go to a store and pretend your blind.

123. Dress up like Santa & go to walmart & wish people a merry Christmas! (no matter if it's krisimasi au not!)

124. Run really fast and slide on a carpet then count how many rug burns wewe get
125. Find a number wewe like (preferably 47) and become obsessed with it.
Don’t worry; I’ve listed some interesting examples of ‘obsessive behaviour’ to start wewe off:
Buy all the t-shirts and items of clothing wewe can with that number on it, or, if that fails, go to a t-shirt printers and get some made. If wewe prefer, there is always the option of buying an age badge of your number from any good card/gift shop. If they have sold out of your number, make your badge out of paper plates and cocktail sticks.
Every time wewe spot your number (whether on your own au in public) point to it and scream “Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!” as loud as wewe can.
When wewe go out nightclubbing, steal a girl friend’s eyeliner pencil and draw that number on your forehead. (Don’t use your own pencil, if wewe have one – such extensive use will shorten the life of wewe eye-liner for sure.) People may stare at wewe – don’t be alarmed if this happens. They are simply amazed kwa how cool wewe look.
Get the DJs of any pubs wewe visit (don’t bother with club DJs – they won’t take wewe seriously) to announce your preferred number over the PA system as often as wewe can. Don’t be disheartened if continuous harassment of the DJ gets wewe thrown out of your local – remember the power of your number, and have faith that the pub landlord will come round eventually.
Make an occasion of Halloween. Get a pumpkin, carve out the shape of your sacred number, and take it with wewe when wewe go out. Remember, wewe can’t throw away the carved out pumpkin, boga number! Best keep it in your freezer for all eternity so it’s always there to protect wewe from evil.
Sometimes a nonsensical word, for instance ‘Toyspens’, can be used in conjunction with your chosen number for added effect. However, be very careful when deciding on your word au wewe may end up accidentally summoning the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse again.
If someone asks wewe “Why??” laugh hysterically and then ignore them for a few days. They’ll soon realise their mistake.

126. Get a group of Marafiki and climb into the window in a store and pretend to be manicans kwa standing as still as possible and posing. See how many people wewe can fool.

127. Hang out on someone's roof and talk.

128. CLIFF JUMPING! wewe ALWAYS WALK AWAY WITH A CUT au SOMETHING! ITS A GREAT TIME BRING A VIDEO CAMERA129. Throw on some Mexican wrestling masks and sit in the trees drinking scotch...and scare the hell out of early morning joggers.

130. well, wewe know those people who get their deer heads mounted? Anyway, take it & ride around in the car with it. Occasionally stick it's head out the window sometimes.

131. Go around during an election season collecting the signs for one candidate and making note of what house we took it from, then go and switch those signs with people who were promoting the other candidate.

132. Try slamming a revolving door.
added by blaukat
Source: Li Wei / bbc.co.uk
added by Rodz
Source: photobucket
added by ay3
Source: my Google skillz
posted by gwendiamond
Jan: I went to the sinema with
Feb: I married
Mar: I washed clothes with
Apr: I had chajio, chakula cha jioni with
May:I dated
Jun: I went to school with
Jul: I ran a marathon with
Aug: I was partners in a science project with
Sep: I watched TV with
Oct: I was in a movie with
Nov: I switched lives with
Dec: I'm obsessed with

1: A monkey
2: Logan Lerman
3: Gale (from The Hunger Games)
4: Annabeth (from Percy Jackson)
5: A banana
6: Hermione (from Harry Potter)
7: Brussel Sprouts
8: Trent (from Total Drama Island)
9: Johnny Depp
10: Rick Riordan
11: Justin Bieber
12: Zero (from Vampire Knight)
13: Bella (from Twilight)
14: Lisa (from The...
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posted by nmdis
Dream it Out Loud

How do wewe speak in silence?
Why do wewe sleep when you're awake?
If we just cut the tie lines, then we can simply sail away.
Pack up your things. Write it all down.
You'll soon be accustomed to the sound.

Dream it out loud.
Dream it out loud.
Dream it out loud.

I want to paint in colors.
Leaving the land of black and white.
And if we do go back there, we'll see it in a different light.
Ready to go. Open the door.
Just like the rain falls from the cloud.

Dream it out loud.
Dream it out loud.
Dream it out loud.

It's a better day.
We're on our way.
If there's anything we can't remember.
Who's to say it's not all just a dream.

Don't have to think about it.
Just like a river it will flow.
We waited to long without it.
If we just get up now and go.
Open your eyes and look around.
You'll be surprised what wewe have found.

Dream it out loud. (x 10)
(I'm dreaming. Keep on dreaming.) (x10)
italics=dreams

regular=normal

you=enjoy

(Mituna’s POV)
Sollux and I walked down the hall, different blood types splattered everywhere. “What the hell ith going on here?” Sollux asked with frustration and curiosity in his voice. “I’ll be motherfuckin’ tellin’ wewe what’s all up and going on here” A voice had called out from behind us. Sollux and I stopped dead in our tracks, turning our heads slowly. There Gamzee stood, indigo blood pooling out of where it’s looks like he’s been cut, klabu in hand, walking slowly towards us.”Damn it Gamzee, what the hell hath gotten into...
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posted by batgirl910
I’m a lesbian so i must have a crush on every girl i see.?

I have alot of guy Marafiki so i must be fucking every single one of them.?

I smile alot, so i must have the perfect life.?

I listen to reggae, so I must be a stoner.?

My opinion matters, so I must be a bitch.?

I’m comfortable with my body, so I get around?

I’m Marafiki with a lot of guys, so I’ve must have hooked up with all of them.?

I like to help out, so I must be a suck up.?

I’m black, so I must be ghetto.?

I’m black, so I must be stupid.?

I’m Mexican, so I must be low class.?

I’m bisexual, so I must get around.?

I’m straight...
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posted by prussiaducky
1. PAY ATTENTION! Even though paying attention is hard and focus is laying else where, paying attention is a huge part and connects to all fields of school. Homework, chemsha bongo and tests, participation, and notes all depend on how much wewe pay attention. Sleep and eating breakfast usually helps your focus :)

2. BEHAVE AND PARTICIPATE! Keep your eyes glued on the concept au teacher, and don't be influenced to stray else where. Just raise your had if wewe know the answer, au ask an educated question. Other than that, BE QUIET!

3. HOMEWORK! this is the one of the fundamentals of getting an easy...
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posted by FlufflyHands
Pick what mwezi wewe were born on...
Jan- I shot...
Feb- I stabbed...
Mar: I disco danced with...
Apr: I sniffed...
May: I ran with...
Jun: I licked...
Jul: I ate...
Aug: I sat inayofuata to...
Sep: I farted inayofuata to...
Oct: I have a screenshot of...
Nov: I grabbed...
Dec: I spit on...

Pick what siku wewe were born on...
01: my girlfriend
02: my boyfriend
03: a nurse
04: Napoleon Dynamite
05: my crush
06: the gummy bears
07: an IPhone
08: a llama
09: a sandwich
10: a hobo
11: a gay guy
12: ET
13: Peter Pan
13: A T-Rex
14: a kitten
15: a puppy
16: a monkey
17: a cow
18: a Mexican
19: a sumo wrestler
20: a red-head
21: a polar bear
22: The...
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posted by tokidoki123
[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits inayofuata Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have wewe tried inaonyesha him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like wewe - very homosexually.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - samaki Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...
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posted by eslisle4254
My name is Chris
I am three
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I cant do a wrong
I cant speak at all
Or else im locked up
All siku long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks arent nyumbani
When my mommy does come nyumbani
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Chariles bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the ukuta
I try to hide
From his evil eyes...
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posted by Tamar20
Have wewe ever wanted to annoy someone so bad that they want to kill you? Then this makala is right for you! Hahaha. wewe know I've tried most of them and it does work. :P

1. Use potty humor. Announce to them that wewe have to go to the bathroom, and that wewe think that they should go too, as they have been holding it in for quite a while. When they do go to the bathroom, call out to them things like: "Are wewe doing okay in there?". To make it even zaidi annoying, if there are other people in the bathroom, proudly announce to them: "My friend is in there," pointing at the bathroom stall. When you...
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1.You abuse our upendo wewe lose it.
2.When we find the right guy we upendo him and NEVER want to lose him.
3.Our upendo is a privlige NOT a right.
4.Our hearts are delicate items, so when we do give them to the guy we upendo be careful with it.
5.Drinking will NOT impress us in any way shape au form.
6.Guys wewe should respect our feelings.
7.In our relationship with wewe (the guy) We have dominance to.
8.We're as good at listening as we are at talking.
9.When it comes to the guy we truly upendo we will devote A LOT of our time to only you.
10.When wewe (the guy we love) break our hearts, you've pretty much killed us until we heal.
posted by ilovetech29
1."My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
2."Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
3."Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
4."Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
5."Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a mti and misplaced his hip."
6."John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
7."Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
8."Megan...
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Just kusoma some of the Terminator nukuu through again... and actually found a hint on what happened between Arnold and the maid. Enjoy my version!


Maid: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nice night for a walk.
Maid #2: Wash siku tomorrow? Nothing clean, right?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nothing clean. Right.
Maid: Hey, I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Your clothes... give them to me, now.
Maid: Fuck you, asshole!
Arnold nods.


I know there are a lot of people making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger since he admitted to his wife that he's not only a cheater but a liar as well. wewe might get annoyed kwa it and think "Oh poor Arnie". But honestly? This guy just ASKED for it. It takes a big jerk to have a child with another woman, an even bigger one to keep it a secret for 14 years and the biggest one to only reveal it to his wife after he quit his job so there'd be no damage to his position.
posted by happyfreak
A friend of mine has another friend that is addicted to meth. She found this and gave it to her friend. She then gave me a copy because she alisema it was sad and cared enough to let me know what meth is and does.

This poem was written kwa a young Indiana girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to Meth. She wrote this while in jail. As wewe will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her...
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posted by nessienjake
ABC's of ex girlfriends
A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for wewe wewe twit she was only after your money and could have aliyopewa a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating...
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added by myau
added by fatoshleo
Source: @fatoshleo
added by xxXsk8trXxx