Here wewe go Hulis :) I guess 3 chapters in one week it's kinda of a record :P Thanks to my offcial editors as usual: @Belle and @rrennie. You're too sweet ladies and a pleasure to talk to.
Enjoy and...have faith today ;)
PS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER XD
..................................................
Previously on December/December:
Lisa slowed down and waited for him to catch up with her, a suspicious smile creeping on her lips “Wait a minute…there’s no way he did wewe this little favour without anything in return…” she narrowed her eyes knowingly and crossed her arms over her chest “what did wewe promise him?”
This couldn’t get any further embarrassing. Now he knew it. This was the bottom. He scratched the back his neck, blushing a little “Ehm….a tour of the set for his daughter, plus witnessing some shooting of the inayofuata episode…ehm…PLUS…autographs and photos…”
Another broad, soft smile lit up Lisa’s face, puzzling him. She dropped her head down, as if she was chuckling to herself “You really are full of surprises tonight…”
“Am I?”
“And I meant that as compliment…” she alisema with a sigh staring ahead of herself.
She stuffed her hands into her pockets, almost hopping towards the entrance, as he realized he had probably forgotten breathing for five sekunde already.
Powerful things these carpe-diem strategies.
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December/December - Chapter X
9 February 2010
The East Observation Terrace was very quiet tonight. There were a few free-standing telescopes set up for the visitors and just a young couple with their 8-year-old kid plus two old men, in their 60s, most probably scholars observing the sky and chatting quietly about constellations.
It was a fantastic night to rake the sky but Lisa’s eyes were completely enraptured kwa the boundless, city-lights landscape meeting the dark, floodlit skyline of LA, as far as the eye could see. She kept quiet, leaning over on the terrace, speechless. wewe could see the whole city from up there, the entire, vast area of Los Angeles shimmering in front of you, expanding in a mesmerizing web of orthogonal lines that looked like they were converging radially towards the horizon. Here and there, a few skyscrapers towered above the other buildings, their lights sparkling even brighter against the pitch-black darkness surrounding them. It was spectacular and there was such an utter silence, such a tremendous peace, that it almost sounded unnatural and beautifully surreal, at the same time.
Hugh was peering at her sideways, with a tiny, little smile of pure joy dancing on his face, which slowly started to reach all the way up to his eyes, as he was realizing he had unexpectedly hit the mark this time. He leaned over inayofuata to her, folding his hands, and lifted his head up staring at the starry sky above them, waiting for her to speak first. He wanted to let her enjoy this unusual moment of surreal quiet without intruding it with some stupid, idle chatter, just because he was too eager to speak with her and know what was going on inside her mysterious, fascinating mind.
Funny. They had spent weeks, maybe months, barely talking to each other, both too stunned kwa everything that had happened to them in such a short period of time to be able to connect anymore. He had missed so much about her life, stubbornly busy as he had been in trying to block her memory out. And she hardly knew what was going on in his own at the moment, although he hardly had any right to demand for her to get involved au onyesha any interest. However - even if it sounded naïve even to him – now, that they had just started to get close to each other once again, now that he had remembered what was like hearing her thoughts au just watching her laugh and smile at him, like she had done tonight, it was like he was in withdrawal already.
He averted his eyes from the sky looking at the city. It really was a breathtaking view.
“It’s almost unnatural, isn’t it?” Lisa alisema in a whisper, as if she was trying not to break the peace of the moment too “it looks so quiet from up here, so peaceful…like nothing were going on down there, except from the lights sparkling everywhere, doesn’t it?” She asked turning her head and smiling blissfully at him.
Hugh smiled her back, but barely turned his head, keeping his eyes mostly fixed on the skyline. They were too close. He didn’t feel strong enough for that, not with this view, not with these warm, suffused lights bathing her face like that, not with her eyes glittering at him like this…and he didn’t want to ruin everything. Not once more.
“It does.” he answered sighing “it’s a remarkable sight, I must admit”
“And wewe used to say wewe didn’t like LA…huh?” Lisa alisema teasingly, pushing him lightly with her shoulder.
He paused, weighting his inayofuata words. He couldn’t be completely honest. It wouldn’t have been fair. Not now and not like this, manipulating her into dealing with her feelings, whatever they were – if there were still some - after having had the luck to guess right for once; but maybe he could always let her gently know he was sorry.
“Apparently” he went on “this city holds a secret, enduring charm I hadn’t been able to appreciate thoroughly along the years”.
Lisa stared at him, pursing her lips with a little scowl on her face, not sure about the meaning she was supposed to attach to his words. She pointed her eyes at the sky, pensive and worried, but Hugh this time sensed her bewilderment instantly and thought he might have already alisema too much. Maybe it was time for him to return her the favour: go and rescue her from whatever kind of embarrassment she was finding herself into right now, as she had publically done with him so many times that he could barely recall them all. It was his turn to lose the tension and let her breathe, so to speak.
“You know…reminds me of London”
Lisa turned her face to look at him once again, with an interested and zaidi relaxed expression on her face already.
“Really? Is there something like this there? I mean an Observatory?”
He smiled, turning to support his weight on his elbows “Not exactly...I mean there might be, but I have never been. No, I meant the silence. It’s the same kind of surreal peace wewe feel descending upon wewe when wewe are inside the cabins on the London Eye”.
Lisa was now resting her face on one hand and she was intently listening to him already, clearly trying to picture it all in her mind, so he started to depict that for her, moving his hands in the air as if he was trying to draw an imaginary painting of it.
“You know, wewe stare down at the brightly-lit landscape of the City and there’s the Thames winding like a snake among this crazy, fascinating jumble of ancient and modern buildings. And there are all these blue, yellow, red and green lights glittering all over and the whole city looks like it has fallen asleep under your feet…” he alisema nodding with an unconscious hint of sadness in his voice; last time he had been there Rebecca wasn’t even 7 yet. It felt like a lifetime ago. He lifted his eyes up meeting Lisa’s. A shiny lock of wavy, dark hair was covering one of her eyes and he just felt this urge to brush that away. And so with a sweet, wary movement he absentmindedly reached for it “…it’s a pretty gorgeous sight, wewe know”.
Lisa tensed a little, as she saw his hand approaching, but then she relaxed when he moved that cautiously away, although the tension that little gesture had provoked in her, didn’t leave her system too soon. Nevertheless, she sensed like a sudden wave of melancholy had descended upon him. She turned too, mirroring his pose”
“You miss it?”
“What?” he asked slightly puzzled.
“London, I mean”
“Oh, the City? No…not really. Not anymore anyway” and as he alisema that he realized that that was the plain truth. He didn’t miss London anymore, at least not in the way he had during the first years he had worked in LA, feeling Lost and depressed. Although the problem certainly hadn’t been homesickness as he had thought in first place.
Lisa’s eyes were carefully scrutinizing his face, trying to figure out, against her better judgment, what might have suddenly clouded his mood. But she couldn’t help herself: there was just something unbearably heartbreaking for her in spotting that dark wingu floating above him and in not knowing how to blow it away.
“When was the last time wewe went?” she asked, still half-wondering why she was pushing to know things she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to hear yet. Hugh looked at her and she saw a little surprise in his eyes.
He was having the impression she had just read his mind au something.
“1999. Rebecca wasn’t even 7 yet. Charlie was 11 already, and Bill…” he chuckled to himself at the memory “…Bill was the one who actually insisted to death for me to brought him there - wewe know it was his I-want-to-be-a-photographer phase”
He paused scratching his jaw, explaining to her “you see…we had just bought him one of those advanced toy-cameras…one of those with which wewe apparently can also do coffee au use as a time-machine device to go back and forth from one dimension to another…I don’t know…ask him.” He joked dismissively, arching his eyebrows and making her laugh wholeheartedly. And as Hugh saw she was still absorbed in his tale and waiting for him to go on, Lisa on her behalf was unexpectedly realizing that a little smile of pure tenderness remained stamped on her face curling her lips up.
“And so…” he continued, giving a little amused cough “…I brought them all with me. Jo couldn’t come ‘cause she had to work…” he added without thinking, suddenly hoping he hadn’t upset Lisa kwa mentioning her; but, incredibly, she was still listening to him, with the most reassuring, comfortable look of sincere interest on her face.
“Was it a nice day?” she asked.
He smiled blissfully “Yes it was, actually. Although…” he laughed once again “Bill was the one having the real fun, photographing every angle of the city with his faithful camera. I was the one who had to deal with Charlie who wouldn’t stop complaining all day, ‘cause he’d rather stay nyumbani playing video-games…” he rolled his eyes knowingly at this memory “…whereas ‘Becca, who hadn’t been as thrilled as her brother at first, then…she just couldn’t stop dancing inside that cabin, kibanda and kept asking for me to watch her dancing in the air, as she liked to say, ‘cause wewe know…” he explained gesturing “…the London Eye cabins have those glassy walls…so it feels like you’re fluctuating in the air, somehow. At least to a child of course…and just… well, she was happy, I guess…”
He sighed without even realizing it and bit his lower lip. Good times. When everything looked still so simple that he didn’t have to make any real choice. When he had a life clearly heading in a certain, comfortable direction. Everything in its right place, where it was supposed to be: a wife, a family, a home, your job, your friends. Just going with the flow without wondering whether that was the life he had imagined for himself, whether that was the way he was supposed to feel: comfortably pleased but never entirely alive, as if nevertheless something was always missing. He wondered whether this was something he had always known deep down inside him, au an awareness that he had just recently acquired, like a sudden epiphany, that now was gradually casting a whole different light upon his life unravelling every tiny shady area of it, mwaka after year.
Meanwhile, the bright smile on Lisa’s face had slowly faded into an expression of deep sorrow and all of a sudden, as if she could read all his thoughts, a devastating sense of guilt was flooding her. How could she have been so selfish? So careless to never think of how hard it must have been on him leaving his children behind. In her mind, it had always just been about the three of them: him, Jo and her. Of course, she hadn’t had much time to think about it au think it through, anyway. It felt like it all had happened so fast between them - in spite of all the years they had clearly been dancing around each other – that she barely had the chance to consider anything zaidi than just her own point of view. Of course, she knew he had a family, but she had been so stubbornly busy in protecting herself that it never had occurred to her that - whatever the situation had been, was au would be between them - his children must have sensed something was very wrong all along.
Had she ever asked him about that? Really wondered what it was like for him when he flew nyumbani and had to deal with the burden of feeling unable to hold his family together, which knowing him was surely something he had blamed himself of for a long time?
Yeah, maybe it wasn’t supposed to be her concern after all. Maybe she wasn’t obliged to ask him anything about them. Maybe her only concern should be taking care of herself and moving on with her life, but…how could she ask for something like that and than expect au even just hope for them to be friends? Keeping him in her life while ignoring the fact that she knew his own was falling apart right now. It didn’t sound fair, did it? Did she really feel such little affection for him to pretend it didn’t matter to her? She knew the answer to this: she hadn’t just ever asked herself the right question.
Yeah, maybe it wasn’t all about him and she had made the right choice, but it surely wasn’t all about her either.
So, she pushed herself upright, asking him something she wouldn’t ever imagine herself to ask, but that in that moment came like the most natural question.
“You haven’t heard from them lately, have you?”
Hugh straightened up too, staring down at her “My kids?”
“Yeah…I mean, with all the…” she paused briefly, wondering whether she was allowed to bring the subject up au if she was ready for that. She wasn’t even sure they were still really separated. “…situation with wewe and Jo. They aren’t talking to wewe right now, are they?”
But she already knew the answer to this swali too. She could see it in his eyes, in the way they had suddenly darkened.
Hugh’s mouth hung open in mild astonishment: he wasn’t expecting her to be so straightforward about it. But on the other hand, having someone he might talk to about it, about his kids and all the mess he had put himself into with them, sounded like a huge relief. He just wondered whether it was fair to her.
Ultimately, he trusted that look of comforting encouragement that always came to him from her.
“No. Not really. It’s been weeks already…” he admitted lifting his head up, staring at the sky “I mean, I talked to Rebecca – even if she is younger, she sounds like the only one really ready to understand what’ s going on, I guess it must have something to do with the fact she is a woman.” He added laughing a nervous laugh “but…ehm…Charlie and Bill are quite furious at me, with the way I left the last time…”
“I am so sorry Hugh…” she alisema simply, unable to find zaidi meaningful words that conveyed how she felt.
“It’s ok, I mean…I can’t expect them to understand why their father moved temporarily abroad to shoot some bila mpangilio pilot and then….never came back, right?”
“It’s not your fault…”
“I know, I know…I just…” he didn’t know how to explain this “I just hope one day, they’ll see things the way I do, au that they’ll be able to…understand?! Maybe…” he laughs sympathetically at himself “…it’s funny…I want my kids to understand me and my choices when I am not even sure whether they were real choices in first place or…” he started spacing out the words mubling “…whether…I myself might explain…why I took them…or making sense out of me…when I…first…thought …” he looked at Lisa, spotting the rather puzzle expression on her face “…this is not making any sense, is it?” he asked frowning and already laughing at himself.
She laughed too, dropping her head down, genuinely amused at the way he always ended up fumbling with his words. The funny thing was she felt like she knew what he meant. And it always happened like this between them, in spite of everything they kept sharing this special bond au mind connection maybe – she wouldn’t be able to define it – and sometimes it was like there were just the two of them having these kind of private conversations in which no words which actually made a lot of sense were required.
“You know, it’s not very clear actually….BUT” she clarified laughing “I think I can incredibly find some twisted, convoluted truth in what wewe have just said. Whatever it was “she joked “like wewe want your kids to understand wewe and your choices when wewe yourself are not even able to make sense out of you either”
She kept on chuckling, unable to restrain herself, carrying him away contagiously, as she always was capable to do. And that was a real blessing for him, because laughing like that about the insanity of his life, right now, was like a most-needed release, giving him hope. As crazy as that might sound.
They both turned and carried on laughing silently for a while, just staring at the landscape, simply enjoying each other company zaidi than they were ready to admit to themselves.
Lisa was the one who talked first, once again. She lowered her eyes, slightly dangling her head down.
“Why did wewe bring me here?” she suddenly asked, “To impress me?” She turned her head and looked straight into his eyes waiting for an answer, looking fearless, as she always had been. au at least that was the way she appeared from the outside. To Hugh.
He pursed his lips, gathering his thoughts together.
“Not really. I mean…as I told you, it was purely coincidental. I hadn’t planned all of this. I just…” he struggled to find the right words “…I guess I just wanted to make something nice for you. Give wewe the fresh start wewe had asked me for. Rather than…WordBox.”
Lisa just kept quiet, listening to him, too overwhelmed and confused to say something.
“And, maybe telling you…” Hugh kept on “…probably in my usual, twisted, complicated way…” he said, mocking himself “…that I was sorry”
Lisa frowned a little “For what?”
Maybe it was because these were things he had always wanted to tell her, but had never found the courage au the right words to, au maybe it was just the air of the night going to his head, but for the first time, if felt like he knew exactly what to say.
“I’m sorry it’s been always about me. Not that I had ever realized that, to be honest, but…better later than never” he joked lifting his eyebrows. Lisa smiled warmly at him, tucking her lower lip beneath her teeth
“I’m sorry I screwed things up between us, ruining what we had, even before…we….you know” he knew what to say, but he was always English, after all.
Lisa shook her head firmly, shrugging.
“There were two of us playing that game…” she sighed, averting her eyes from him…thinking and realizing they both had made a huge mess out of it “You didn’t screw things up on your own…”
“I know, I know…but…I was the one who went for it, first”
“No, don’t do this…”
“Well, at least, I was the one who started it…” he alisema softly “for real. I mean…the one who made the move. You’ve got to give me credit for that…” he jokingly pushed her lightly with his shoulder “I just wanted wewe to hear that. I am sorry.” he alisema softly.
And then, she just rested her head against him, telling all her fears and worries to go to hell for a moment. Just enjoying that feeling of protection that being with him gave her and she had never felt with any other man in her life, before moving away knowing even too well that just one zaidi sekunde of that proximity would lead to another huge mess. And for him, that was like having savoured heaven before suddenly falling back into purgatory, without even knowing whether it had been real au just another dream.
She gathered herself together, turning with her whole body one zaidi time, pushing herself upright and supporting her weight on her hands, smiling tensely at him.
“Well…I guess now that everything’s been said, we can just really be Marafiki after all”.
Hugh looked at the sky for a brief moment, thinking. Then, taking a courage he didn’t know he had until that moment he bit his lower lip, nodded and just lied.
“We can”.
Enjoy and...have faith today ;)
PS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER XD
..................................................
Previously on December/December:
Lisa slowed down and waited for him to catch up with her, a suspicious smile creeping on her lips “Wait a minute…there’s no way he did wewe this little favour without anything in return…” she narrowed her eyes knowingly and crossed her arms over her chest “what did wewe promise him?”
This couldn’t get any further embarrassing. Now he knew it. This was the bottom. He scratched the back his neck, blushing a little “Ehm….a tour of the set for his daughter, plus witnessing some shooting of the inayofuata episode…ehm…PLUS…autographs and photos…”
Another broad, soft smile lit up Lisa’s face, puzzling him. She dropped her head down, as if she was chuckling to herself “You really are full of surprises tonight…”
“Am I?”
“And I meant that as compliment…” she alisema with a sigh staring ahead of herself.
She stuffed her hands into her pockets, almost hopping towards the entrance, as he realized he had probably forgotten breathing for five sekunde already.
Powerful things these carpe-diem strategies.
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December/December - Chapter X
9 February 2010
The East Observation Terrace was very quiet tonight. There were a few free-standing telescopes set up for the visitors and just a young couple with their 8-year-old kid plus two old men, in their 60s, most probably scholars observing the sky and chatting quietly about constellations.
It was a fantastic night to rake the sky but Lisa’s eyes were completely enraptured kwa the boundless, city-lights landscape meeting the dark, floodlit skyline of LA, as far as the eye could see. She kept quiet, leaning over on the terrace, speechless. wewe could see the whole city from up there, the entire, vast area of Los Angeles shimmering in front of you, expanding in a mesmerizing web of orthogonal lines that looked like they were converging radially towards the horizon. Here and there, a few skyscrapers towered above the other buildings, their lights sparkling even brighter against the pitch-black darkness surrounding them. It was spectacular and there was such an utter silence, such a tremendous peace, that it almost sounded unnatural and beautifully surreal, at the same time.
Hugh was peering at her sideways, with a tiny, little smile of pure joy dancing on his face, which slowly started to reach all the way up to his eyes, as he was realizing he had unexpectedly hit the mark this time. He leaned over inayofuata to her, folding his hands, and lifted his head up staring at the starry sky above them, waiting for her to speak first. He wanted to let her enjoy this unusual moment of surreal quiet without intruding it with some stupid, idle chatter, just because he was too eager to speak with her and know what was going on inside her mysterious, fascinating mind.
Funny. They had spent weeks, maybe months, barely talking to each other, both too stunned kwa everything that had happened to them in such a short period of time to be able to connect anymore. He had missed so much about her life, stubbornly busy as he had been in trying to block her memory out. And she hardly knew what was going on in his own at the moment, although he hardly had any right to demand for her to get involved au onyesha any interest. However - even if it sounded naïve even to him – now, that they had just started to get close to each other once again, now that he had remembered what was like hearing her thoughts au just watching her laugh and smile at him, like she had done tonight, it was like he was in withdrawal already.
He averted his eyes from the sky looking at the city. It really was a breathtaking view.
“It’s almost unnatural, isn’t it?” Lisa alisema in a whisper, as if she was trying not to break the peace of the moment too “it looks so quiet from up here, so peaceful…like nothing were going on down there, except from the lights sparkling everywhere, doesn’t it?” She asked turning her head and smiling blissfully at him.
Hugh smiled her back, but barely turned his head, keeping his eyes mostly fixed on the skyline. They were too close. He didn’t feel strong enough for that, not with this view, not with these warm, suffused lights bathing her face like that, not with her eyes glittering at him like this…and he didn’t want to ruin everything. Not once more.
“It does.” he answered sighing “it’s a remarkable sight, I must admit”
“And wewe used to say wewe didn’t like LA…huh?” Lisa alisema teasingly, pushing him lightly with her shoulder.
He paused, weighting his inayofuata words. He couldn’t be completely honest. It wouldn’t have been fair. Not now and not like this, manipulating her into dealing with her feelings, whatever they were – if there were still some - after having had the luck to guess right for once; but maybe he could always let her gently know he was sorry.
“Apparently” he went on “this city holds a secret, enduring charm I hadn’t been able to appreciate thoroughly along the years”.
Lisa stared at him, pursing her lips with a little scowl on her face, not sure about the meaning she was supposed to attach to his words. She pointed her eyes at the sky, pensive and worried, but Hugh this time sensed her bewilderment instantly and thought he might have already alisema too much. Maybe it was time for him to return her the favour: go and rescue her from whatever kind of embarrassment she was finding herself into right now, as she had publically done with him so many times that he could barely recall them all. It was his turn to lose the tension and let her breathe, so to speak.
“You know…reminds me of London”
Lisa turned her face to look at him once again, with an interested and zaidi relaxed expression on her face already.
“Really? Is there something like this there? I mean an Observatory?”
He smiled, turning to support his weight on his elbows “Not exactly...I mean there might be, but I have never been. No, I meant the silence. It’s the same kind of surreal peace wewe feel descending upon wewe when wewe are inside the cabins on the London Eye”.
Lisa was now resting her face on one hand and she was intently listening to him already, clearly trying to picture it all in her mind, so he started to depict that for her, moving his hands in the air as if he was trying to draw an imaginary painting of it.
“You know, wewe stare down at the brightly-lit landscape of the City and there’s the Thames winding like a snake among this crazy, fascinating jumble of ancient and modern buildings. And there are all these blue, yellow, red and green lights glittering all over and the whole city looks like it has fallen asleep under your feet…” he alisema nodding with an unconscious hint of sadness in his voice; last time he had been there Rebecca wasn’t even 7 yet. It felt like a lifetime ago. He lifted his eyes up meeting Lisa’s. A shiny lock of wavy, dark hair was covering one of her eyes and he just felt this urge to brush that away. And so with a sweet, wary movement he absentmindedly reached for it “…it’s a pretty gorgeous sight, wewe know”.
Lisa tensed a little, as she saw his hand approaching, but then she relaxed when he moved that cautiously away, although the tension that little gesture had provoked in her, didn’t leave her system too soon. Nevertheless, she sensed like a sudden wave of melancholy had descended upon him. She turned too, mirroring his pose”
“You miss it?”
“What?” he asked slightly puzzled.
“London, I mean”
“Oh, the City? No…not really. Not anymore anyway” and as he alisema that he realized that that was the plain truth. He didn’t miss London anymore, at least not in the way he had during the first years he had worked in LA, feeling Lost and depressed. Although the problem certainly hadn’t been homesickness as he had thought in first place.
Lisa’s eyes were carefully scrutinizing his face, trying to figure out, against her better judgment, what might have suddenly clouded his mood. But she couldn’t help herself: there was just something unbearably heartbreaking for her in spotting that dark wingu floating above him and in not knowing how to blow it away.
“When was the last time wewe went?” she asked, still half-wondering why she was pushing to know things she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to hear yet. Hugh looked at her and she saw a little surprise in his eyes.
He was having the impression she had just read his mind au something.
“1999. Rebecca wasn’t even 7 yet. Charlie was 11 already, and Bill…” he chuckled to himself at the memory “…Bill was the one who actually insisted to death for me to brought him there - wewe know it was his I-want-to-be-a-photographer phase”
He paused scratching his jaw, explaining to her “you see…we had just bought him one of those advanced toy-cameras…one of those with which wewe apparently can also do coffee au use as a time-machine device to go back and forth from one dimension to another…I don’t know…ask him.” He joked dismissively, arching his eyebrows and making her laugh wholeheartedly. And as Hugh saw she was still absorbed in his tale and waiting for him to go on, Lisa on her behalf was unexpectedly realizing that a little smile of pure tenderness remained stamped on her face curling her lips up.
“And so…” he continued, giving a little amused cough “…I brought them all with me. Jo couldn’t come ‘cause she had to work…” he added without thinking, suddenly hoping he hadn’t upset Lisa kwa mentioning her; but, incredibly, she was still listening to him, with the most reassuring, comfortable look of sincere interest on her face.
“Was it a nice day?” she asked.
He smiled blissfully “Yes it was, actually. Although…” he laughed once again “Bill was the one having the real fun, photographing every angle of the city with his faithful camera. I was the one who had to deal with Charlie who wouldn’t stop complaining all day, ‘cause he’d rather stay nyumbani playing video-games…” he rolled his eyes knowingly at this memory “…whereas ‘Becca, who hadn’t been as thrilled as her brother at first, then…she just couldn’t stop dancing inside that cabin, kibanda and kept asking for me to watch her dancing in the air, as she liked to say, ‘cause wewe know…” he explained gesturing “…the London Eye cabins have those glassy walls…so it feels like you’re fluctuating in the air, somehow. At least to a child of course…and just… well, she was happy, I guess…”
He sighed without even realizing it and bit his lower lip. Good times. When everything looked still so simple that he didn’t have to make any real choice. When he had a life clearly heading in a certain, comfortable direction. Everything in its right place, where it was supposed to be: a wife, a family, a home, your job, your friends. Just going with the flow without wondering whether that was the life he had imagined for himself, whether that was the way he was supposed to feel: comfortably pleased but never entirely alive, as if nevertheless something was always missing. He wondered whether this was something he had always known deep down inside him, au an awareness that he had just recently acquired, like a sudden epiphany, that now was gradually casting a whole different light upon his life unravelling every tiny shady area of it, mwaka after year.
Meanwhile, the bright smile on Lisa’s face had slowly faded into an expression of deep sorrow and all of a sudden, as if she could read all his thoughts, a devastating sense of guilt was flooding her. How could she have been so selfish? So careless to never think of how hard it must have been on him leaving his children behind. In her mind, it had always just been about the three of them: him, Jo and her. Of course, she hadn’t had much time to think about it au think it through, anyway. It felt like it all had happened so fast between them - in spite of all the years they had clearly been dancing around each other – that she barely had the chance to consider anything zaidi than just her own point of view. Of course, she knew he had a family, but she had been so stubbornly busy in protecting herself that it never had occurred to her that - whatever the situation had been, was au would be between them - his children must have sensed something was very wrong all along.
Had she ever asked him about that? Really wondered what it was like for him when he flew nyumbani and had to deal with the burden of feeling unable to hold his family together, which knowing him was surely something he had blamed himself of for a long time?
Yeah, maybe it wasn’t supposed to be her concern after all. Maybe she wasn’t obliged to ask him anything about them. Maybe her only concern should be taking care of herself and moving on with her life, but…how could she ask for something like that and than expect au even just hope for them to be friends? Keeping him in her life while ignoring the fact that she knew his own was falling apart right now. It didn’t sound fair, did it? Did she really feel such little affection for him to pretend it didn’t matter to her? She knew the answer to this: she hadn’t just ever asked herself the right question.
Yeah, maybe it wasn’t all about him and she had made the right choice, but it surely wasn’t all about her either.
So, she pushed herself upright, asking him something she wouldn’t ever imagine herself to ask, but that in that moment came like the most natural question.
“You haven’t heard from them lately, have you?”
Hugh straightened up too, staring down at her “My kids?”
“Yeah…I mean, with all the…” she paused briefly, wondering whether she was allowed to bring the subject up au if she was ready for that. She wasn’t even sure they were still really separated. “…situation with wewe and Jo. They aren’t talking to wewe right now, are they?”
But she already knew the answer to this swali too. She could see it in his eyes, in the way they had suddenly darkened.
Hugh’s mouth hung open in mild astonishment: he wasn’t expecting her to be so straightforward about it. But on the other hand, having someone he might talk to about it, about his kids and all the mess he had put himself into with them, sounded like a huge relief. He just wondered whether it was fair to her.
Ultimately, he trusted that look of comforting encouragement that always came to him from her.
“No. Not really. It’s been weeks already…” he admitted lifting his head up, staring at the sky “I mean, I talked to Rebecca – even if she is younger, she sounds like the only one really ready to understand what’ s going on, I guess it must have something to do with the fact she is a woman.” He added laughing a nervous laugh “but…ehm…Charlie and Bill are quite furious at me, with the way I left the last time…”
“I am so sorry Hugh…” she alisema simply, unable to find zaidi meaningful words that conveyed how she felt.
“It’s ok, I mean…I can’t expect them to understand why their father moved temporarily abroad to shoot some bila mpangilio pilot and then….never came back, right?”
“It’s not your fault…”
“I know, I know…I just…” he didn’t know how to explain this “I just hope one day, they’ll see things the way I do, au that they’ll be able to…understand?! Maybe…” he laughs sympathetically at himself “…it’s funny…I want my kids to understand me and my choices when I am not even sure whether they were real choices in first place or…” he started spacing out the words mubling “…whether…I myself might explain…why I took them…or making sense out of me…when I…first…thought …” he looked at Lisa, spotting the rather puzzle expression on her face “…this is not making any sense, is it?” he asked frowning and already laughing at himself.
She laughed too, dropping her head down, genuinely amused at the way he always ended up fumbling with his words. The funny thing was she felt like she knew what he meant. And it always happened like this between them, in spite of everything they kept sharing this special bond au mind connection maybe – she wouldn’t be able to define it – and sometimes it was like there were just the two of them having these kind of private conversations in which no words which actually made a lot of sense were required.
“You know, it’s not very clear actually….BUT” she clarified laughing “I think I can incredibly find some twisted, convoluted truth in what wewe have just said. Whatever it was “she joked “like wewe want your kids to understand wewe and your choices when wewe yourself are not even able to make sense out of you either”
She kept on chuckling, unable to restrain herself, carrying him away contagiously, as she always was capable to do. And that was a real blessing for him, because laughing like that about the insanity of his life, right now, was like a most-needed release, giving him hope. As crazy as that might sound.
They both turned and carried on laughing silently for a while, just staring at the landscape, simply enjoying each other company zaidi than they were ready to admit to themselves.
Lisa was the one who talked first, once again. She lowered her eyes, slightly dangling her head down.
“Why did wewe bring me here?” she suddenly asked, “To impress me?” She turned her head and looked straight into his eyes waiting for an answer, looking fearless, as she always had been. au at least that was the way she appeared from the outside. To Hugh.
He pursed his lips, gathering his thoughts together.
“Not really. I mean…as I told you, it was purely coincidental. I hadn’t planned all of this. I just…” he struggled to find the right words “…I guess I just wanted to make something nice for you. Give wewe the fresh start wewe had asked me for. Rather than…WordBox.”
Lisa just kept quiet, listening to him, too overwhelmed and confused to say something.
“And, maybe telling you…” Hugh kept on “…probably in my usual, twisted, complicated way…” he said, mocking himself “…that I was sorry”
Lisa frowned a little “For what?”
Maybe it was because these were things he had always wanted to tell her, but had never found the courage au the right words to, au maybe it was just the air of the night going to his head, but for the first time, if felt like he knew exactly what to say.
“I’m sorry it’s been always about me. Not that I had ever realized that, to be honest, but…better later than never” he joked lifting his eyebrows. Lisa smiled warmly at him, tucking her lower lip beneath her teeth
“I’m sorry I screwed things up between us, ruining what we had, even before…we….you know” he knew what to say, but he was always English, after all.
Lisa shook her head firmly, shrugging.
“There were two of us playing that game…” she sighed, averting her eyes from him…thinking and realizing they both had made a huge mess out of it “You didn’t screw things up on your own…”
“I know, I know…but…I was the one who went for it, first”
“No, don’t do this…”
“Well, at least, I was the one who started it…” he alisema softly “for real. I mean…the one who made the move. You’ve got to give me credit for that…” he jokingly pushed her lightly with his shoulder “I just wanted wewe to hear that. I am sorry.” he alisema softly.
And then, she just rested her head against him, telling all her fears and worries to go to hell for a moment. Just enjoying that feeling of protection that being with him gave her and she had never felt with any other man in her life, before moving away knowing even too well that just one zaidi sekunde of that proximity would lead to another huge mess. And for him, that was like having savoured heaven before suddenly falling back into purgatory, without even knowing whether it had been real au just another dream.
She gathered herself together, turning with her whole body one zaidi time, pushing herself upright and supporting her weight on her hands, smiling tensely at him.
“Well…I guess now that everything’s been said, we can just really be Marafiki after all”.
Hugh looked at the sky for a brief moment, thinking. Then, taking a courage he didn’t know he had until that moment he bit his lower lip, nodded and just lied.
“We can”.
Shore on Huddy au is this Huli? **SPOILER**
kwa now we're all familiar with that picha of House and Cuddy (Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein) cozying it up on the beach, taken earlier this summer, but House creator and executive producer David pwani says we shouldn't read too much into the image. "That picture was so deceptive. It's not going to be lovey-dovey, happily ever after," says Shore.
"I think the picture is taken between takes, of the two of them relaxing."
link zaidi From TVGuide[/url]
Does pwani knows something? xD
kwa now we're all familiar with that picha of House and Cuddy (Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein) cozying it up on the beach, taken earlier this summer, but House creator and executive producer David pwani says we shouldn't read too much into the image. "That picture was so deceptive. It's not going to be lovey-dovey, happily ever after," says Shore.
"I think the picture is taken between takes, of the two of them relaxing."
link zaidi From TVGuide[/url]
Does pwani knows something? xD