I remember waking up slung over Hagrid’s shoulder, and he was racing out of the shrieking shack and into Hogwarts. Everything was a blur.
    I wasn’t dead. That was my very last thought as I vomited and blacked out again.
    I had ruined Hagrid’s best shirt. No big deal.

    I felt like crap. Very honestly, I felt as though I had been forced through the digestive system, eaten down kwa acids, and out of someone’s anus. Like crap.
    So I lay in the hospital wing, bandages wrapped so tightly around my neck I couldn’t turn my head, as I slowly dozed in and out of sleep uncomfortably. I wasn’t dead. I should be dead.
    Yeah, I know. Oh, woe is me.
    Harry runs through the door and to my bedside. “Snape, you’re alive!”
    “You don’t say?”
    “Yeah, we bandaged wewe up and everything so now you’re alive. Oh, and Voldemort’s dead. And I was dead. And Dumbledore was talking a lot. And Voldemort looked like an ugly baby. And then I was alive. So Voldemort’s dead.”
    Whatever. “That’s wonderful.”
    “Oh, and… um… thank you.”
    “For what?”
    “Well…” Suddenly he gets quiet, which is new for him. “I saw… those images… of your memories…”
    Did I say I felt like crap? Make that diarrhea.
    “You… WHAT?”
    And he tells me the story of my life in two sentences: “Well, it’s weird that wewe loved my mum, but it’s worse for you. But I mean that in a good way, because wewe were brave, right?”
    For a moment I look at him. Then I grab him kwa the collar, pull him close until we’re practically nose to nose.
    “Listen.” I keep my breath even. “If wewe tell a single soul about any of this…”
    “Well, professor, that’s the thing…”
    Hermione grabs me into a death-gripped hug. “OMG wewe are so SWEET Prof!”
    “You are so hardcore, man.” And Ronald pats me on the back.
    “If wewe call a doe hardcore… It looked like Bambie…”
    At least diarrhea isn’t hugged.

    I had never in my life felt so loved. It was so suffocating.
    Harry checked in often, standing around the kitanda and awkwardly trying to start conversation.
    “So… about my mom…”
    “No.”
    “Wait, but, was she a good dueler, or…”
    “No.”
    “Is that the answer to the question?”
    “No.”
    “Oh.”
    And I finally got him to leave me alone. Then I had to deal with the family of gingers. All of them, giving me hugs, patting my back… Molly left me strange flowery get well cards. At one point, one of the twins ruffled my hair, at which I grabbed his wrist and threatened to break his arm in half.
    Hermione Granger left me chocolate, which I didn’t care for because it’s unhealthy and I don’t like contaminating my body with such substances that will destroy it.
    And the Lovegoods… Oh god… I woke up one morning with a daisy tucked behind my ear, a boquet of roses, and a can of misty spray to “disinfect the nargles.” I think my scream awoke the whole hospital ward.
    Professor Hagrid visited me on my last siku out. He ran in, grabbed my ribs, and squeezed me until my face turned blue, and started crying. “Professor Snape… you’re a good man… it’s going to be okay… I’ve got you.”
    “Hagrid, wewe can let go.”
    “Feel the love!”
    “I’m feeling the oxygen leave my body. Put me down.”
    He nearly throws me on my bed, and I have to keep myself from passing out.
    “Professor… after all these years?”
    “Yeah, yeah. I loved her. I’m sweet. Whatever.”
    “Professor,” and his face is astonished, “that’s a lot of emotion to hold in for so long. I mean… wewe didn’t tell no one. Not even me.”
    “Well… I told Dumbledore…”
    “Dumbledore’s a good man.”
    “Well, if wewe call using someone in their grief good.”
    “Sorry.”
    “Nah. I’m fine.” I’m trying to get him to leave as soon as possible.
    “Well,” and he grabs a chair, like he’s just settling down, “do wewe want to talk about it? Do wewe need anything? Tea, soda… something other than hospital food?”
    Oh, now he’s trying to play therapist. Just what I needed.
    “No, thank you, Professor Hagrid… I think now I just need quiet.”
    “Okay.”
    But he doesn’t leave. In fact, he sits there for the inayofuata two hours, just staring at me, as I try to get to sleep as quickly as possible. I guess, in the end, he gave me the quiet that I wanted. So I guess he’s trying to do the right thing.
    But, MAN, is he SLOW.

    So I’m out of the hospital wing after a week, thank god. My neck is still severely stiff and sore from the wound, but other than that I’m alright. That’s magical medicine for you.
    I go to the headmaster’s office, sit down in the giant leather chair, and take a breath, trying to recount how I got here.
    I had been nine when I first looked at Lily. I fell in upendo with her. I was an angsty teenager. She dumped me like school lunch when I was fifteen. I joined Voldemort at seventeen. Voldemort convinced me to work with adolescents…
    I found where my life screwed up.
    It was CHILDREN. I hate CHILDREN, for god’s sake.
    And speaking of those who just upendo children… Dumbledore’s portrait comes stumbling in, drunk as usual. He’s been hanging around that portrait of the monks for too long, that’s for sure.
    Then he notices me, and starts waving his bia bottle in the air, a crazed smile on his face. “Sev! hujambo Sev! Sev Snake!” He forgets my name when he’s intoxicated. And hungover.
    “What?”
    “Hey… what’cha doing?” He takes a dramatic note of the bandages still around my neck. “What’s that? Did wewe get a boo boo?”
    “Yeah. I got a snake bite.”
    “Aw, Sev got a boo boo. Hey! Phineas! Sev got a boo boo! And the nursey had to fix him up.” I don’t answer, and he looks a little hurt, but because all the other portraits are watching, he keeps at it. “Aw, I guess that… that’s all good… because Sev think she’s hot… with her red brown hair… and mlozi eyes…”
    “SEPENSPECTRA!”
    There went Dumbledore’s face, slashing in half against the paper. I don’t even feel bad. In fact, I get over, tear the picture in half with my own hands, and throw it out the window.
    Because I can.

    Not that I should.
    I had to abide kwa Hogwarts tradition and make sure every headmaster gets his portrait. Since I was the one who tore it up, I have to end up paying for it.
    And guess what? The painter wanted zaidi money than my freaking rent. I’m already poor. I guess Spinner’s End is going to have to do without water for a month.
    Anyway, I’m sitting at my dawati feeling, admittedly, very sorry for myself, when an owl comes in and makes everything worse. Firstly, it pecks at my hair until it gets some feed. Secondly, the letter says I have… jury duty? Excuse me?
    “You, Beloved Headmaster and Professor Severus Tobias Snape, have been ordered to court in the Ministry of Magic for the murder trial of Bellatrix Lestrange. Be there at five AM sharp.”
    Oh no.
    Oh no no no no no.
    Not HER.
---
    And not this early in the morning.
    First of all, the ministry has been chaotic ever since Harry infiltrated it last autumn. No one really knows who’s who anymore, so I got a really funny look before someone shouted, “Severus!” spewing saliva in my eardrum.
    I turn. “Hey Lucius.”
    “Hey. Are wewe going for Bellatrix to?”
    “Yeah… she’s frigging mad. I hope they give her the death penalty.”
    “Me to, man. And listen… about what happened with Draco.”
    “Don’t worry. He’s your kid. wewe had to help him.”
    “Yeah…” and he drifts off for a moment. “But about you… killing Dumbledore.”
    “What about it?”
    “Well…” and he bites his lip, and I know this isn’t going to be a good conversation. Luckily, being a triple agent for so long has enabled me to steer the flow of thought where I want it. “I’ve heard wewe and Dumbledore… that Dumbledore wanted… wewe to… kill.”
    “Well, yeah, but I’m not a murderer au anything. I did it because he told me to.”
    “Alright, but,” and he laughs, and I’m thinking, crap, “I’ve heard about… a lady.”
    “…What’d wewe hear?”
    “Oh… just about wewe and…. Um…. Lily Evans?”
    I made a vow to kill Harry right then.
    “What… her? No…”
    “Yeah… dude, you’re blushing.”
    “No I’m not.”
    “Yeah, wewe are.”
    “No, I’m not.”
    “Dude, your face is so red right now…”
    The elevator opens, and I don’t really understand why, but I punched Lucius in the face right then. Maybe it was all the stress going on in my life lately, and since tearing up Dumbledore’s portrait had a hefty cost, it didn’t give me a lot of satisfaction.
    But punching Lucius right in the nose? wewe bet.
    The only sad part is that I’m very scrawny. So it shouldn’t have surprised me a whole lot when Lucius tackled me and started slamming my face to the floor.
    “Cat fight?”
    We both look up—I check to see if a tooth is on the floor—and find Bellatrix Lestrange staring us down.
    Lucius gets up. “How did you…?”
    “Get out of that tiny little jail cell they put wewe in before trial? Easy. So very easy.” She has a crazed look in her eye, one that I had never seen before but had heard of before. It scared me a little. “Anyhow… wewe two need to learn to fight like men.”
    “What? Of course we…”
    “What?” She mocks me, “with Lucy pulling on your hair… and you’ve got your little nails clawing at his face… cat fight.” She spat on the floor, pretty close to my face. And she laughs.
    Then she walks close, pulls up Lucius’s chin with one finger, and says, “You both better be on your best behavior. I won’t ruin things for Cissy, but if something happens… and wewe mess up… because wewe saw that Weasley act in an estranged, monstrous way to me, right?”
    Lucius nods.
    “Right?”
    “Yes ma’am.”
    And she lets him go, only to come toward me. We’re nose to nose, and she grabs my shoulders, and this close up I see a large, bulging scar, coming out of the hairline and resting on the far side of the forehead.
    “With you, Snape, I make no promises. But be good.”
    “Yes ma’am.”
    “Good.” And she lets me go, which was good, because it felt like little claws had been digging into my sides. “I’m going to go back to that cage and act like I never left. wewe two will make sure I never go back to Azkaban again.” She smiles, “Catch wewe guys later.” And walks off.
    And I looked up at Malfoy, who had a quiver at his lips, and looking down at what was dripping off his pants, I saw why.
    Bellatrix had scared the pee out of him. A WHOLE LOT of pee.

    After a quick diaper change, Lucius accioed himself another pair of pants and walked into the courtroom. Of course, after our little fight, I wasn’t going to sit inayofuata to him, but with Bellatrix around, I didn’t really want to sit inayofuata to a total stranger.
    The only other person I knew was…
    “Snape!” Hagrid exclaims, patting my shoulder and nearly knocking me into the table.
    “Hello, Rubeus. Why are wewe here?”
    “Aw, a lot of people from the battle are here. But hey, at least I got some company.”
    I give a tight smile. “Right, Hagrid.” And sit. For the inayofuata half hour, Hagrid tries to start a conversation on giant spiders and their battles with three headed dogs, but I paid no attention whatsoever. My only thought was on making this trial go as swiftly as possible.
    I start picking out faces. Lucius was giving me a sneer—figures. Rumeus was uandishi something down on a napkin. Neville and Luna were sitting inayofuata to one another, muttering things, and he looked a bit uncomfortable.
    Then I find myself starting to think about Lily. What if she saw me here, right now, trying to defend a woman I knew was guilty? Would she despise it, au would she understand? My moyo catches in my throat, and I know the answer.
    I look up. Bellatrix is standing in the tiniest cage, and the judge comes in.
    Here, I believe, I should be giving details, but the only thing any reader should know—rather they be wizard, muggle, au squib—is that the Ministry of Magic has a screwed up court system. I’m paying attention a little, but then slowly drift off, thinking it best to be quiet, when I hear her call my name.
    “Severus Snape, wewe are ordered to stand and be questioned kwa the suspect.”
    By the suspect? What did I tell wewe about how screwed this place is?
    But I do so, and walk towards the cage, trying to stay as far away and avoiding eye contact. I think she’s going to scare me, and threaten me about how innocent she is, so I get prepared.
    I forgot wewe can never be prepared with Bellatrix.
    “Severus… don’t wewe remember last night?”
    “…What?”
    Tears wingu her eyes. “Severus… are wewe ashamed of me? Please remember.”
    “…WHAT?”
    “I told you… that they tested me for insanity… and wewe alisema wewe didn’t care…” Her mascara smears, “That you’ll upendo me… forever…”
    “EXCUSE ME?”
    Though the bars, she quickly snatches the edges of my cape. I think about just taking it off, and decide against it. If it’s not this cape, it’ll be something else.
    “Don’t wewe remember, Severus?”
    The judge stands. “Severus Snape has recently shown a series of memories to Harry Potter that may disqualify Mrs. Lestrange’s claim. Professor Snape, may wewe onyesha us some of these memories?”
    Normally that would be no. My life is mine. But in this case, I slowly grab my wand, take it to my temple, and see the glare in Bellatrix’s eyes.
    All of a sudden, she starts using some of the most advanced legitemency I had ever experienced. She was looking through my thoughts… and she was tapering with them. That fiery red haired, deep green eyed girl was changing… to curly, wild black hair and soft brown eyes…
    “STOP THAT.” I break eye contact with her. I notice the jury, who look all in shock. I go to the judge, “She was changing my memories.”
    He seems to consider it. “Really? She’s without a wand, and that kind of practice is so rare it’s unheard of.”
    “The dark lord must have taught it to her. Please…”
    “I highly doubt it. Just onyesha us your own memories and we’ll see.”
    But now I’m zaidi than a little frightened. Slowly, I tell him, “No. Please, just let me return to my kiti, kiti cha and gather myself, and I’ll be back up shortly, I just have to…”
    Bellatrix pulls at my cape with a grip like iron, and I walk over, closer and closer to the barred gates. I think I’m close enough that we could whisper without anyone else hearing, when she grabs me and kisses me.

    If we had been facing the jury, she wouldn’t have fooled anyone. Firstly, I was taken kwa surprise and had my eyes wide open, almost like they were going to burst out of their sockets. Secondly, I had my hands not on her, but at the bars, trying to release myself. Thirdly, I knew I was turning a pale green.
    But no one saw my side of it. They only saw Bellatrix, which meant I was officially screwed.

    The only thing wewe have to know about the rest of the trial was that they released her for insanity reasons, but not before making her my parasite.
    I was now Bellatrix’s legal guardian.
    Which meant I would take care of her. I would wake up in the morning with her in my house. We would eat together. I would take her to the hospital when she got sick. I would have to make sure she comes to Hogwarts during the school mwaka so I can keep a watch on her. I would have to make her a part of my life. Until one of us dies.
    After hearing this news, I fainted. Still unconscious, I vomited all over the floor.
    With her patting my head and crying.
    And with my head buried in my own body fluid, I cried with her, but for a different reason.

    “Why do wewe hate me?”
    “I don’t. I’m just not going back to Azkaban.”
    That was where that conversation ended. We slowly gather ourselves to Spinner’s End. “I never figured out,” she began again, loudly, “why wewe decided to live with such MUGGLES.”
    “I was born here. My father was a muggle.”
    “Oh, and wewe only have such good things to say about him, don’t you?”
    I don’t answer. We haven’t even reached my front door and she’s already irritating me. Slowly, however, we do, and I unlock it and, like a gentleman, keep it open for her. I don’t have to stoop to her level. I will remain curious, polite, intelligent… no matter what she does. The thought makes me smile.
    “Welcome in, roommate.”
    “Where’s dinner?”
    I sigh. “In the refrigerator. We’ve got a leftover sandwich, a slice of cheese pizza, and, hopefully, the yogurt’s not expired.”
    “Do wewe have any real food?”
    “I just told you.” She glares. I keep from laughing. “What, did wewe expect this to be like the Manor? Eating out every other day? The news is: you’re unemployed and too insane to work, and I’m already dead poor. Live with it.”
    A look of shock comes over her face. Good. Let her realize what she’s gotten herself into.
    I end of slicing the piece in half, and together, we sit on the far end of the creaky table, trying to look at the chakula besides each other.
    I let her finish her nightly routine, finish mine, and get ready for a good night’s sleep.
    She’s in my bed, giving me a stare. “What?”
    I consider telling her to songesha over. I also wonder if I could get in with her and cuddle, just to freak her out, just to grab her and breath on her and give realistic but fake snores on her face.
    “Let me get my pillow.”
    And with that, I sleep on the couch.

    When a man says he wakes up to an almost naked woman, that’s usually because he had a fine, fine night before. Of course, I had to be the exception.
    I sit up straight, soaking wet in ice water. Then I scoot back down. She’s dressed in nothing but a towel, with another covering up her dripping hair.
    “Severus, you’re water’s too cold!”
    “What the… wewe brat! What do wewe want me to…”
    Another bucket spills over me. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you? Turn it back to warm water!”
    “What the crap are wewe talking about?”
    “Don’t play with me!”
    “I’m not! Bella, I’ve only used ice water for everything. It’s cheaper and… how long were wewe just in the shower?”
    “A few minutes… and when it didn’t warm up… I went and ran the tub water to get back at you…”
    I think about that for a moment. That was a lot of water to fill up two buckets…”
    “Bellatrix… water is expensive. I almost had to give it up this month.”
    “Water’s not expensive, it’s just water.”
    “It’s expensive when it’s coming out of a faucet. Trust me. Now go… go take a three dakika shower.”
    “THREE MINUTES?”
    “Yeah. My maximum is two minutes, Bellatrix. I gave wewe another sixty sekunde because you’re a lady.” A pause, “Your welcome.”
    Maybe I was stooping to her level. But she could go further. She slapped me directly in the face, marched away, and slammed the bathroom door shut.
    I lie on the kitanda and go to sleep for another three minutes.

    I go to the nearest fast chakula restaurant and order the largest, beefiest, most mouthwatering hamburger I could think of, with a large order of salty French fries and a huge cup of Pepsi.
    I want to say Bellatrix got the kid’s meal. Of course, I only made the order double, and, with two bags of a good supper, I apparate back home.
    And find a big, fat, bearded homeless person.
    “BELLATRIX!”
    “What?”
    “What is he… WHO IS THIS?”
    “Oh. This is Bobby.”
    Bobby raises his hand. “Hey.”
    “WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?”
    “Don’t have a crap attack, Sev, he WAS just taking a nap.”
    “I… I sleep on that kitanda now.”
    “Yeah. So? Oo… wewe brought lunch.” She takes the chakula away from my hands, and gives one bag to Bobby, who digs in without hesitation.
    I look over. She’s eating with a horrible satisfied look on her face. I want to kill her and Bobby both.
    With a quick wave of the wand, I teleport Bobby off.
    “That was a muggle.”
    “I don’t care.”
    “They can suspend your magic for that!”
    “Hey. I’m Severus Snape. I’m headmaster of Hogwarts. I do a good job of protecting children nine and a half months each year. You, on the other hand, are Bellatrix Lestrange, an insane woman who murdered her own cousin and has gone far lengths to seduce her own brother in law.”
    “Lucius!”
    “Wasn’t complaining, was he, when wewe were rubbing his shoulders and convincing him to add zaidi rooms to his manor to accompany the death eaters?” I find myself sneering. “Who, exactly, do wewe think the ministry is going to trust?”
    She looks ready to fight back, but restrains herself.
    “Ha.” I begin to whisper, “You’re so crazy you’re not even allowed to carry a wand. All those unforgivable curses don’t do wewe much good now, do they?” Then, ever so softly, as soft as a spider’s steps on her carefully woven web, “You make me sick, wewe know that? I would kick wewe out as soon as I…”
    It happened again.
    I was dressed in oversized overalls, a woman’s blouse underneath, just eight years old, looking through the bushes and finding Bellatrix… and falling in love… and being too scared to say hello…
    “Legitimence!”
    Three, tiny girls playing… Bella must have been only five… and Tonks, the eldest, was bragging about going to Hogwarts… and Narcissa had begun to cry… and Bella had tried to sooth her younger sibling…
    “Enough.” She declared through gritted teeth.
    “I should say so myself. No zaidi homeless people. This isn’t a shelter.”
    I plopped myself on the kitanda and took a good nap, stomach rumbling for the burger it would never receive.

    It was a long, long summer, to say the least.
    But fast mbele to the siku right before school.
    I had awoken early, before Bellatrix, and tried to hurry myself into the shower. I came back out, got dressed, ate reheated pancakes (disgusting), and tried to sneak into my bedroom to pack up, leaving Bellatrix snoring on the bed.
    “Snape,”
    CRAP.
    She sits up. “Where are wewe going?”
    “…to Hogwarts. It’s the first siku for teachers.”
    “Yes… but you’re… headmaster.” Where was she going with this? “And you’re going like THAT?”
    “Well… yeah. Why not?”
    “Oh, god, Severus, no. No. We have got to fix this. Hold on.” She stands up, her silky summer pajamas inaonyesha off unattractive armpit hair. I crinkle my nose.
    “Alright, Snape, go… get back in your sleepwear. These robes smell.”
    I think about arguing, but instead go to the bathroom and do as I’m told. I hand my robes to her, and she gets right to work. She lays them out on the jikoni table, her wand working as an iron. “I wish wewe had house elves… it’s so much easier… now go take a five dakika shower.”
    “Bellatrix, I told you…”
    “Severus, go. Your hair needs wewe right now. It’s starting to look like pieces of a dirty mop on your head. Do it a favor and use shampoo… twice.”
    “What? No. Why twice?”
    “Do wewe WANT me to take your head in that sink and do it for you?”
    Heck no. “No, it’s alright. I’ll do it.” So I do, and come right out to find surprisingly warm, soft, inayofuata to new robes.
    “Your hair is still wet… hold on…” She takes her wand again, plows it through my hair once, and it’s dry. She gives a look of satisfaction. “That’s a little better… now go brush it.”
    I march to the bathroom, grab the brush in my hand, only to have it taken away from me. “You’re not holding it right.”
    “How am I not… AAG!” She plows it through roughly. “What was that for!?”
    “It’s the tangles, Severus. I swear to god, I don’t understand men… they grow out their hair and then they don’t take care of it.”
    “It’s just hair… GOD BELLA!”
    We slowly wrestle through the process, and once my hair looks like it’s fit for a woman, she smiles. “Alright… now let me smell your breath.”
    I do it without arguing.
    “Okay… brush your teeth. Then, I think we’ll be good.”
    Once we really are good, she gives the biggest look of happiness. “Don’t wewe feel better now that you’re all nice and clean?”
    “No.”
    “Ugh… yeah wewe do. Now go on. To Hogwarts!”
    “Bella… wewe know wewe have to come with me, right.”
    Her eyes open wide. Then she does something unexpected.
    She screams.
    “OH GOD I HAVE TO GET READY!!!”

    Maybe I didn’t look that different, but Bellatrix Lestrange was looking FINE.
    “How do I look? Is my hair too much? Too curly? I didn’t even have time to paint my nails!”
    “No… wewe look… good.”
    “Don’t lie. I guess it’ll have to do. Come on. Apparate me there.”
    “Okay…” So I grab her arm, the worst summer behind us, and transport to Hogwarts… my real home. All the headmaster portraits cheer us at our arrival.
    “Alright,” I can’t help smiling a little, “come on. The train arrives at four. The sorting will take at least another hour. It’s… ten already. We’re late.”
    “Late?”
    “Yes, very late. At this point, we need to check on how everything is doing. The house elves will be first.”
    Going all the way down the spiraling staircase, then down many more, we make our way into the ground level—then a little deeper—going into the kitchen.
    I do a quick roll call of all the elves, each but one in check…
    “Where is Winky?”
    “Right here, sir.” And I see her, crying, snot running out her nose. This was not good. “Sorry, Master Snape sir, but Winky… Winky cannot… not work this year, sir.”
    “Well… why not?”
    “Dobby, sir. Dobby is gone, sir. And Winky cannot work ever, Master Snape, sir.”
    “Well, why not?”
    “Because… Winky is…” She sucks the snot back up her nose, then grabs my leg, and starts bawling very loudly.
    I had no idea what to do. I slowly reach down, remove her from my leg, and softly pat her head. “Why can’t wewe work, Winky?”
    “Winky is… Winky is… Winky is pregnant sir.”
    Oh… ew. Gross. Elf babies are not cute. If you’ve seen one, wewe know what I’m talking about. Their just plain nasty. Plus, a pregnant elf meant a nonworking elf. Carrying a child puts such a strain on their tiny bodies, they can usually just barely songesha about after only two months. It takes about nine before the baby can be removed.
    So, when she told me, I wasn’t really that happy.
    But I knew she was crying for Dobby. So very slowly I pat her on the head again, hand her a box of tissues, and say, very carefully, “It’s okay. wewe can… wewe can stay at Hogwarts. We’ll take care of you. I mean… Madam Pomfrey will. And… and Dobby would be proud of you… and his child.”
    “Alright, Master Snape, sir. Winky has been…” she wipes the snot on her arm, “has been very honored to work for you, sir. And for Master Dumbledore too.”
    “Thank you. I’m… ur… happy to have you, Winky.”
    And I pat her on the head one last time before standing. I slowly walk out of the kitchen, Bellatrix to my side. I notice she has a guilty look on her face.
    “Severus…”
    “Yeah?”
    She shakes her head. “Nothing.”
    I didn’t ask, and she didn’t tell me. I already knew. Harry had told me all about it, while I was still helpless at the hospital wing, and about all the other adventures he’d had hunting for horcruxes.
    Bella would tell me herself, eventually. I just knew it.

    We step into the greenhouse room to check on… Professor Longbottom?
    He looks up, and gives a shy smile. “Hello, sir.”
    “Neville? What the devil are wewe doing here? wewe graduated.”
    “I know, but… Professor McGonagall… let me teach… and… uh…” He gives a lopsided grin, “she made Head of Gryffindor house, sir. She alisema I was brave.”
    Whatever. “Alright… just don’t… screw anything up. wewe have a lesson, right?”
    “Yes sir.” His smile fades, “…I’m going to teach them all about…”
    “Good. Carry on. And be on time for the sorting.”
    “Yes sir.” And he stares back at me. “And… sir… wewe live with Bellatrix now, right?”
    “Against my will, yes.”
    “Well… tell her… that I forgive her. If she’s really that crazy, and she can’t help it… then it’s okay.” He wipes his eyes on his sleeve.
    “I’ll do that, Longbottom. Carry on.”
    “Yes… Professor Snape.”
    I wasn’t his teacher anymore… but someone would correct him later. “Alright.” And I shut the greenhouse door.
    And Bellatrix looks really guilty now. “Longbottom forgives you.”
    “I heard.”
    “Did you, now?”
    With that, we take off for Hagrid’s hut.

    “No dragons, Hagrid.”
    “But, Snape, you’ve got to understand.”
    “No dragons, under no circumstances, will ever be allowed at Hogwarts ever again, ever. Okay Hagrid?”
    “Why not? Their gentle creatures…”
    “They spit moto and bite you.”
    Hagrid begins to change the subject. “Alright… but, listen… will wewe come for lunch? I’ve got some rock cakes in the oven. wewe can… wewe can bring Lestrange along.”
    Speaking of that… I had to find something to do with her. She couldn’t sit at the teacher’s meza, jedwali and eat, not in front of all the students…
    “Hagrid, can wewe do me a favor and babysit her for me?”
    “Hey!” She cries in the background.
    Hagrid leans back thoughtfully. “…You mean just keep her in the hut and… make sure she doesn’t get into any trouble?” Before I can answer, “Sure, no problem! She can’t use a wand, can she?” Before I open my mouth, “Nah, she won’t. I’ll bet she does though, huh? I used to, even after they broke mine. Sure, I’ll let her in. She can play with Fang and help me with lunch and help water my pumpkins and… and we can sit down and take a nap au read a story…”
    Bellatrix looks horrified.
    “Thank you, Rubeus. I appreciate it.”
    “You’re welcome, Severus. Anytime for a friend.”
    With Bellatrix squirming, I push her onto Hagrid’s chest, where he hugs the breath out of her and ruffles her hair. “Snape, don’t wewe dare do this to me. wewe get back here this instant and…”
    And I close the door and leave the lovebirds to it, smiling just a little.

    I can not. Go through. That door. Repeat: I. Can Not. Go through. That. Door.
    Rumeus was behind it.
    That blasted womanizer werewolf thing… beast… animal!
    Remembering my school years, I slowly open the door. “Lupin?”
    “Yeah. Oh, hey, Snape!”
    “Hey.” It comes through gritted teeth and flaring nostrils.
    “Well, yeah… pretty crazy now, that I’m working as Potions Master, right?”
    “Right. Bye.”
    And I slam the door.
    I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him with a burning passion that flares through my soul. Oh, how I hate him!
    I storm off, ready to find Minerva and be done with this whole ordeal.

    “Let him stay, Snape. He needs to support his new wife and child.”
    “Fine… oh, and that reminds me… we’ve got a pregnant house elf.”
    She sighs. “Well… what are wewe going to do?”
    “I told her she could stay and be taken care of kwa Madam Pompfrey.”
    “Alright… and what about… Lestrange?”
    “Professor Hagrid is taking care of her.”
    “Do wewe mean…?”
    “No, he’s not feeding her to his animals.”
    She smiles. “I can deal with that. Thank wewe for the update, Headmaster. Also… be sure to get along with both Lupin and Longbottom.”
    I sigh. “Fine. Whatever.” And walk out the door.
    Time for lunch with Hagrid.

    We’re all sitting around the table, stuffing our rock cakes with jelly, trying to make sure our teeth don’t fall out as we eat them, and listen to the sound of Fang’s groans as he sleeps.
    “Bellatrix,” Hagrid begins, a shy smile on his face, “has been telling me all about how she misses the good life. How she misses her make up, and fine dresses, and being able to be pampered.”
    “And pamper others.” She retaliates, “I always liked letting Cissy sit down and give her a makeover. The smile on her face was always… priceless!”
    “So, if wewe could go back to that Manor…”
    “No.” She frowns, “Narcissa… au Lucius… they don’t like me anymore. I don’t know why.”
    There’s a short pause. “Well, let me put it this way… if wewe could be rich again for, say, an hour, what would wewe do?”
    “I’d… I’d… I’d make myself pretty.”
    Hagrid gives an appreciative nod. “Snape, what would wewe do?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Don’t be unsociable. There’s got to be something.”
    “Well…” I think about it, “I’d go to Flourish and Blott’s and buy all the vitabu in the store. Then I could become so highly educated I might further myself into… the Minister of Magic, perhaps?”
    “Nerd.” Bellatrix mumbles.
    “Hey!”
    “He’s got his aspirations, you’ve got yours.” Hagrid cuts in. “Now… I think… I think I would hire a professional trainer for dragons… and maybe three headed dogs… and giant spiders.”
    Bellatrix laughs. I can’t hold back a smile.
    “What… why are wewe making fun of me?”
    “Hagrid,” I say, trying unsuccessfully to take a bite out of my rock cake, “I don’t think there’s anyone like that in the world. Giant spiders and dragons… it’s usually one au the other…”
    “I can dream, can’t I?”
    “Well…”
    Fang barks at random, and for some reason we all start laughing again. Maybe because of our rough summer, maybe because of the tension in my neck, but we all just started laughing. I know, it’s hard to make me laugh sometimes, but I just… felt like it.
    “Snape, I think your lunch break is over.”
    “Right… I have… last dakika paperwork.”
    “No, it’s alright, me and Bella still have to… brush Fang, I think.”
    Bellatrix rolls her eyes, putting on an act of boredom again.
    I head out the door, right as Bellatrix hollers, “Agh, it got slobber on me!” And Hagrid’s laughter.
    
    Oh, no.    
    Lupin was sitting right inayofuata to the headmaster’s chair.
    “Hagrid… just… grab your kiti, kiti cha and sit inayofuata to me, alright?”
    “Are wewe sure… it’s a good view at the end, isn’t it?”
    “No. No it’s not. Sit inayofuata to me. Please.”
    He must have heard the desperation in my voice, because he takes his huge, wooden chair and squeezes it between me and Lupin. Much better.
    “Are wewe excited about the new school year, Snape?”
    “Nah. I’ve got… a werewolf to deal with… and Neville… not to mention blasted Potter…”
    Hagrid blinks. “Snape?”
    “Yeah?”
    He blinks again. “Harry… he’s not… in school anymore. He dropped out seventh year… remember?”
    Did I… wait…?
    YES.
    The party is SO ON RIGHT NOW.
    The sorting is almost over. Harry is not at Gryffindor table. I’m done protecting him. He killed Voldemort. He’s moving on with his life. He’s not in mine anymore, except for the occasional krisimasi card. He’s done. He’s out.
    I have to remember to exhale.
    The sorting is finished. I look out into the stands. There’s no Potter, au Weasley, au Granger in sight. That’s because their finished. That’s because “Voldemort is dead!”
    They can’t hear me.
    “VOLDEMORT IS DEAD!”
    And they all begin to smile, and cheer, and clap. And I sit back down. “LET THE FEAST BEGIN!”
    And they all dig right in. It was going to be a good mwaka indeed.

End Of Part 1

    Hagrid, Bellatrix, and me were all gathered around the newest Potter. Not that I wanted to see it, but Hagrid had convinced me.
    James, a very chubby five mwaka old just learning to use hair gel, was staring at bemusement. “That’s my brother?”
    “Yep.” alisema Harry, a proud look on his face.
    “Well… he’s not very good looking, is he? He’s too… small.”
    Indeed, Albus Potter was very, very tiny. Already, scruffs of messy hair fell right over the edges of the hairline, destined to never be neatened. Ginny, unaware, licked her fingers and slicked the edges back, just a little.
    A nurse comes in. “How’s the little bugger doing?”
    “Wonderful.” Ginny smiles, and kisses Albus on the cheek. He bats his eyelashes.
    “Good… I’ve filled out a birth certificate… and I just want to know his name.”
    “Albus Potter.”
    “His full name.”
    Harry stops for a moment, then looks at his newborn. “Ginny… I came up with the first name… didn’t wewe say you’d come up with the second?”
    “No.” Her answer is short, and she suddenly gets a freaked out look on her face.
    “Well, I told wewe to…”
    “I know wewe did! Just… hold on.” She takes a breath, looks back at her baby, and then all around at us. “He was named after the great wizard Dumbledore, wasn’t he? So… he needs to be named after another great wizard…”
    “Or witch.” Ronald pipes in. Hermione smacks the back of his head.
    “A girl’s first name for his middle? He would be made fun of!”
    “Sorry! Sorry!” He cries, looking distraughtly at his own wife’s pregnant belly. “I was just… brainstorming…”
    “Well, come up with something,” the nurse says, “because he can’t leave the hospital without a full name.” She leaves.
    “Well, HELP ME!” Ginny cries, just softly enough not to wake her son.
    “Uh… let’s see…” Harry thinks, very quickly, of what to do… “He could be… he could be… He could be Albus James!”
    “His brother’s first name? Unoriginal. And if wewe say Albus Sirius, I swear to god, Harry…”
    “No, no… let’s see… Albus Rumeus?”
    “No, not another Maurderer…”
    “Albus… Albus Rubeus, then?” Hagrid grins.
    “…It doesn’t have a ring to it. Sorry, sweetie.” She gently smiles at Hagrid, then gives a stern look to Harry.
    “Alright… uh… Albus Evans? Albus… Albus Moody? Albus… Albus… Uh… Snape, help me out here.”
    I snort. “Name him after me, for all I care.” Harry looks up, very slowly, at me, and then his kid. “Hold on… Harry, I was being sarcastic.”
    “Albus Severus…” He whispers, boiling it over.
    “I like it.” Ginny says.
    “No. No wewe don’t. wewe hate it. It’s tacky.”
    “Albus Severus… Albus Severus Potter…. Albus S Potter… Albus Sev.”
    “No. I don’t agree to this.”
    “But I upendo it.”
    “Weasley, help me!”
    Ron shrugs. “It’s… tacky but… catchy, at the same time.” Hermione gives me a smile, and I know I’m doomed.
    “No. No. I forbid wewe to name this child after me. Twenty points from Gryffindor. Detention! I will legally change my name! A hundred points taken! wewe fail the school year!”
    Harry has got a big grin on his face. He gently picks up his boy, and rocks him, pats him on the head, kisses him, and says, “Do what wewe want. He’s Albus Severus.”
    James Sirius sits and rumbles his fingers through his hair, so little and so much like the men he was named after…
    “Potters and Snapes don’t go together, and wewe know it.” I say, very loudly.
    Harry just shrugs. “I know.” He pauses, “Do wewe want to hold him?”
    The swali shocks me. “Do I… what?” Hagrid places his hand on my shoulder. I think it over a little. “Fine, but only because we share a name.”
    Harry gives a sarcastic smile. Ginny makes a motion. “Hold our your hands like this, then.”
    I follow her instructions. Very, very slowly, and gently, Albus Severus comes into my arms. A tiny, tiny little baby, drool half out his mouth, bangs slightly protruding, and, suddenly noticing the movement, opens his eyes, which I immediately recognize as his grandmother’s… mlozi shaped, deep green and…
    And he cries. Very loudly. I almost drop him from surprise, but with good luck on my part keep him in place in my arms.
    Then he urinates. All over me.
    And then throws up a little on my robes.
    “Snape! I’m so sorry! I’m just…”
    “Get. The infant. Off me.” I restrain it through gritted teeth. Harry hurries the kid back into his arms, then to Ginny’s, where he is cradled and swiftly sung a lullaby, which does no good in softening his cries au making him sleepy.
    “Well… I think we’ll go for today.”
    “No, wewe can stay, it’s just…”
    “Harry…” I hold out my hand, “No. I’m done. It’s okay.”
    “We can change his name!”
    “No, no, I wouldn’t want to ruin your fun!” With that, I apparate back to Hogwarts, take off my robes—undershirt and black pants underneath—and collapse into my headmaster’s chair, and take a well-deserved nap on my part.

    “They didn’t change his name… me and Bella convinced them.”
    “Gee, thanks so much for your help.”
    “…Why are wewe so upset… it’s just a name…”
    I rub my forehead. “Hagrid,” I say slowly, “do wewe know why my parents named me Severus in the first place?”
    Hagrid stands silently.
    “Because when I got circumcised, my dad got the idea that a piece of me was ‘severed off.’”
    Hagrid wrinkles his nose. “Well… it’s still… just a name…”
    Finally I sigh. “I know. It’s just… Albus Severus Potter. Why do they… like me so much now? Don’t answer.”
    Hagrid sits, full of thought. “You loved Harry’s momma, and he feels like he has to… I don’t know… pay wewe back.”
    “What?”
    “Well… I mean… wewe hated him… but wewe helped him… and he never knew… he just thought wewe hated him… and he hated wewe back. Now he feels bad.”
    “Hagrid, I really doubt…”
    “Think about it for a moment.”
    I do, and it slowly begins to make zaidi sense. Crap. “How is naming this kid after me paying me back?”
    “It’s subconscious.”
    “Alright Hagrid. When did wewe learn so much on psychology?”
    He shrugs, then blushes, oblivious to my sarcasm and taking it all as a compliment. I don’t correct him. “It almost became Albus Rubeus Potter.”
    He would’ve liked that. I should’ve pushed it when I had the chance.
    “In any case, he’s still a Potter. When he gets into Hogwarts, he’s going to go through hell, shared name au not.”
    “I totally believe that.”
    “You think I’m bluffing?”
    Hagrid smiles, stands up, and makes his way out of my office. “Yes and no,” and leaves.
    I really hate majibu like that.

    It was the start of summer again. Good. I loved summer. Summer, summer, summer. One can never get enough of summer. No teachers… no students… just me, quietly kusoma a book, house elf Bubbles to attend to every need, chore, and snack that I desire.
    …Then there’s Bellatrix.
    “SNAAPE!”
    “What is it this time?”
    “Do wewe have lice?”
    “No.”
    “Well, I was looking on the pillow, and I found all these nasty bugs.”
    “I don’t use that pillow. They’re not mine. They must be yours.”
    “I don’t have lice. I checked in the mirror at least a million different times and couldn’t find a single one.”
    “But Bella… I see lice right now…”
    “What? No wewe don’t.”
    “Yeah… big, giant lice… and then…” My jaw drops, “Bella, wewe have a cockroach in your hair.”
    “I’m not falling for that one, Snape.”    
    “Go ahead. Just watch it creep and crawl on your head… laying eggs… probably mating there…”
    She squeals, runs to the bathroom, and once she realizes there’s no cockroach, screams. “SNAPE wewe BIG FAT LIAR!!!”
    I laugh.
    “Good one, Master Snape, sir.” Bubbles says, raising her hand slowly. I give her an awkward high five.
    “I know it was. That was awesome.”
    Winky sits inayofuata to the bathroom, waiting for her own master to come out. “Madam Lestrange, can Winky held in any way?”
    “No, Winky… no…” She comes storming out. “Actually, I think wewe could slit Snape’s throat while he’s sleeping.”
    Winky looks terrified. “Would that be one clean cut, au to make him suffer?”
    “Well…”
    “No,” Bubbles cuts in, “Bubbles should stay up all night, defending her own master… like a ninja…” She makes a hand motion. Yep, Bubbles has definitely got Dobby’s blood running through her… the blood of a crazy, awkward house elf, that’s for sure…
    “No, whatever. Leave him be.” She tells Winky, who looks relieved.
    “Thank you, Madam Lestrange, most gratefully.”
    “Yeah, yeah.” She wavers Winky away, then returns to the bedroom, which I still haven’t forgiven her for stealing.
    I go back to my reading. Eventually, Bubbles gets bored, and dusts the spotless books.
    Yep. Summer’s here, alright.

    I have been dreaming about my own life, and I don’t understand why.
    I’m three, and my farther is ranting about how much he hates wizards, and I end up crying, because I think he hates me, and then the ufagio my mother is using flies out of her hand and crashing out the window…
    I’m seven. I’m eating ice cream alone, overalls with no shati in the hot sun, and I’m scared to ask the other children if I can buy them one so they’ll eat with me, and I won’t be alone.
    I’m eleven. I’m riding the train to Hogwarts for the first time. I had met James and Sirius and was destined to hate them. I’m riding with a girl… and she’s telling me she kind of likes me…
    Then I’ll wake up, and I know it’s Lily, but in the dream her face is a blur, and it could be anybody’s, even though I know deep down it’s Lily.
    And I have trouble going back to sleep, so I just watched Bubbles clean the microwave.
    “Do wewe want help with that?”
    My voice surprises her. “Would Master want to help… au does he feel sorry for Bubbles?”
    “No. Master wants to help.”
    “Alright… I guess wewe can dry the dishes… and then stack them up. Bubbles has a hard time getting to the tall places.” And I stand inayofuata to her and help her, all through the rest of the night.
    And remind her not to tell a single soul in the morning.

    Neville and Luna got married. It surprised us all. Especially the fact that they were in T shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes, and that he had dragged her over, surprised her kwa proposing right in front of the church, and married her a few moments after.
    Kids these days.
    Now we’ve got Harry and Ginerva, Ronald and Hermione, and Neville and Luna, all cuddling and kissing and talking about how Potter’s children are “cute” au about the names for the Weasley’s new child, au about where the Longbottoms plan are going to move.
    “I guess we can songesha into my house… with my… grandmother. She’s… she’s getting really old… and needs to be taken care of now…” Neville blushes, like he’s ashamed.
    “Of course, sweetie. We’ll protect her from the Froogles. They just hate the elderly.”
    “…right.”
    “I believe Dumbledore had them a few years before he died… a tough old man… but I think he conquered them, about three months before he pushed the roses.”
    “I believe it’s the daises. Pushing the daises.”
    “That’s peculiar… I only saw roses on his grave…”
    “Well…” Ronald interjects, looking at me. This was not a good sign. “What about… wewe guys?”
    “What?”
    He points at me and Bellatrix. “What’s going on between wewe two?”
    “Are wewe stupid?” Bella beat me there.
    Ron looks defeated. “…I just…”
    “No. Yeah. Of course, I’m just all over this guy right now. I can’t stop staring at him and looking over him with lust and love.”
    “Well… I just…”
    “He’s not hot. I’m hot. I might be legally insane, but I can still get a guy to…”
    “Wait, hold on a moment.” I have to interrupt, “When was the last time wewe even went on a date?”
    Her breathing is forcibly calm. “I didn’t say I was… I just alisema I could…”
    “Yeah. We all believe that, Bella.”
    “What about you? The last time wewe had a date? Trick question! wewe never have.”
    “I have…”
    “Yeah, sorry, I forgot, I always saw wewe out with Lucius.”
    “THAT’S A LIE!”
    “Guys…” Harry tries to cut through, but I push him away.
    “I’m not a ‘guy,’ Potter, I’m your elder. wewe may be an adult now, but I’m still zaidi experienced and zaidi respected than you.”
    “Experienced at what, exactly?” Bella sneers, “You spent half your childhood chasing down a girl who didn’t even know wewe existed.”
    Then she smacks me, right in front of everybody.
    “I have to go.” I say, slowly, and apparate back to Spinner’s End, and lie on the couch, and bury my face in the pillows.
    It hurts to be me.

    Bubbles slowly pats my head. “Is Master Snape dead, sir?”
    I groan.
    “No, mother Winky, Master Snape is only asleep.”
    “I’m not asleep.”
    “Sorry, mother Winky, Master Snape is not asleep. What was Master doing, then?”
    “Feeling depressed.”
    “Could Bubbles make Master feel better? Happy?” She adds, hopefully.
    “No.” I hesitate. “You can… bring out some… firewhisky.”
    “Yes, Master!” Bubbles hops to it, and after a few moments she comes back, with a nice plastic cup and a tiny umbrella she found.
    “Thank you.” But I don’t drink it. Because I don’t drink. And I felt bad that she made it for me and I didn’t even want it anymore. So now it was just staring back at me, nice umbrella, bright red solo cup, and clear, bubbly firewhisky. So I take a polite sip, put it down, and try to forget about it.
    I look at the clock. It’s eleven at night. Where was Bellatrix?
    I quickly got my answer. She comes through the door, sits down at the living room, and stares at me. “Hey,” she says finally.
    I give a tight smile. “Hey.”
    “So… about this afternoon…”
    “It’s fine. It’s alright.”
    “Good. wewe know I can get a guy anytime I want, right?”
    “Right.”
    “And that wewe can’t get a girl, right?”
    I sigh. “Right.”
    “Good.” She goes to the bathroom, gets prepared, and then goes to her bedroom. I try to rest, but I know Bubbles is starting to clean the dishes again…

End Of Part 2

    I finally managed to grow a mustache. I have to say, I was very proud of it. It made me feel… manly. Even if Bellatrix alisema I looked gay. I felt manly. Macho. Hot. Sexylicious.
    Okay, maybe not sexylicious. But I was happy.
    Then I tried growing a goatee. Which was good too. Then I started growing my other hair way past my shoulders. Then I got a stubble. And a beard. And I stopped shaving my chest. And I grew my hair out more.
    Then I woke up one siku with Bubbles, slowly taking the scissors and snipping me away.
    “I’m sorry, Master Snape, but Bubbles thought wewe looked homeless and depressed.”
    “I’m not depressed, I’m just… HOMELESS?”
    “Yes. wewe started looking like a cat’s hair ball, sir, and Bubbles thought it was in Master’s best interest to trim it off and make Master look presentable.”
    She holds up a clump of my hair.
    At least she got the part beneath my knees. Maybe I had gotten a little carried away. Maybe some things just weren’t sexylicious.

     It was the first feast of the school year. I watch Lily Luna Potter come to the sorting. Both her brothers are watching hopefully, and both are very surprised to see the hat announce, almost immediately, “RAVENCLAW!”
    Oh, what a shocking twist. I bury my head on the meza, jedwali and try to sleep, missing the fur, manyoya on my face and happy for the hair just above my shoulders, the way Bellatrix alisema it ought to be.
    We all eat, and I start feeling really tired. So I end up pushing my chakula aside and watching everybody else. James was burying his face in everything… Albus was talking all about his summer, while Scorpius was politely nibbling at his food… and Lily looked away from me.
    I think about that last part. She was studying the teacher’s table, then saw me watching her, and had turned back to her food. That ought to onyesha her not to stare.
    Once everyone is finished, I go to the headmaster’s bedroom and sleep, glad to have a bed.

    All three Potters come to me the inayofuata morning, before classes even start.
    Albus pushes James in. James sneers at his brother, then looks, with mock politeness at me, and begins, “Hello, Professor Snape.”
    “Hello,” I reply, with an equal sarcastic tone.
    “Um… our mum sends her love… and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley… and… uh… Albus, what was that… thing?”
    Albus curls his lip, and refuses to hide his attitude. “Professor Hagrid is turning a hundred. Father wanted wewe to remember.”
    “I already did. Tell your father.”
    “And Lily… Lil…” James beckons, “You owe me five galleons if wewe don’t do it, Lily…”
    Slowly, Lily Luna comes out. She’s giving a deep, red blush, and her big brown eyes are full of fright.
    She opens her mouth. And runs away.
    I liked her already. “You two are dismissed.” I tell the boys. “Go to your classes.”
    “Yes, Professor Snape.” And they shove themselves out my door. I’m in for a long school year.

    I tell the class to turn to page 572, write some instructions on the chalkboard, and then make the mistake of sitting down.
    I grit my teeth and keep from screaming. I think a firework almost went up the wrong hole.
    “POTTER!!”
    He smirks.
    “Detention. Expulsion! I’ve… I’ve had it with you! I’ve… I’ve got it. You’re going to scrub every single floor, wall, ceiling, and cranny until the whole school is clean. Do wewe understand?”
    “Yes, Professor, I understand…”
    “Good. And I don’t want to hear another word from wewe for the rest of the year.”
    “But…”
    “Ten points from Gryffindor.”
    “Hey!”
    “Twenty.”
    “You can’t…”
    “Fifty. Want to keep going?”
    He finally quiets down, the meanest glare behind familiar, thick glasses.

    October thirtieth. The house elves were putting the finishing touches on the Great Hall, baking all too delicious sweets for the feast, carving the spookiest and merriest of pumpkins.
    What a siku for a hundredth birthday.
    His cake, a little bigger than my face, is outrageously small in his hands, and he blows out just one candle. “Thank wewe both. You’re the best Marafiki a half giant could ask for.”
    “Aw, Hagrid.” Bella says, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. I do the same.
    “Just give me a hug already!”
    And, with his large, terrifying grip, he begins to squeeze the air out of our lungs. I’m sure the jump to the ground would kill me.
    He finally puts us down, slices the cake in thirds, and we eat. I know that all is well.

    She was angry. “Severus, I just don’t understand why wewe have to be with Mulciber… Mulciber’s creepy…” And I’m smiling, because it had been a really long siku and she had alisema my name… she stands back. “You’re a mess. Here…” She takes my green and silver tie, undone around my neck, and quickly ties it for me… And her scarf is green and silver…
    And I woke up in sweat the inayofuata morning.

    It was coming to the end of December. I came back to Spinner’s end, and I found Winky, and her daughter Bubbles, with Winky lying on the kitanda and Bubbles crying.
    “Master, sir,” Winky alisema it slowly, “Mother Winky is unconscious.”
    “What? Why?”
    “Because she is asleep. She took a nap. And she became unconscious. Her moyo is beating and I can’t wake her up.”
    I stood back a moment. I should’ve known better. Two good Marafiki over the years… I didn’t want to think about it.
    Then Winky alisema it aloud. “I think my mommy’s dying.”
    And she surprised me, coming up and hugging my leg. I kneel down, pat her on the head, and think. She just buries her face in my robes. I don’t stop her.
    For a moment we just sit there, house elf and master, friend and friend, and Bubbles is crying and I’m thinking.
    I stand up, and tell her to take care of her mother, and apparate to Hogwarts. I was scared, and she was scared, but it would be alright, in the end, au so I hoped.

    Of course, I didn’t want to go to the krisimasi chajio, chakula cha jioni at the Burrow, but Hagrid looked like he was ready to drag me kwa my scarf if I didn’t. Of course, Bellatrix had to go along, because, in all honesty, I hadn’t told her about Winky, and I didn’t want her going to Spinner’s End to find out for herself.
    So, slowly, I knock on the door. The sound echoes across the piles of snow.
    Ronald opens the door, chokes down a tight smile, and says, “Greetings, former Professor and… former Mrs. Azkaban.”
    “RONALD!!! How RUDE!!! Accio husband!”
    He unwillingly flies back to Hermione’s rage. Taking the welcome, we allow ourselves into the door. Crookshanks growls and trots away, head held high. And, kwa surprise, two red heads tackle Hagrid, screaming, “Uncle Hagrid!” And, the strongest, tallest man I know has trouble removing these tiny kids off his feet, and he begins to attempt to kick his legs, and then to walk, but they’re clinging on. I was happy I was nobody’s uncle.
    Hermione walks in, dragging Ronald in kwa his ear. “Welcome! Oh, it’s lovely to have all of you. Well, wewe can go into the living room and make yourselves at home. Harry and Ginny are already here.”
    Wow. I already felt at home.
    We all squeeze into the couch, Rose squirming onto Hagrid’s lap, Hugo treacherously mounting his way onto the half giant’s shoulders. James is buried in the newest video game, Albus is doodling something, and Lily is inayofuata to her parents, looking shyly at her feet. Neville is in the middle of a story, and Luna is laughing hysterically. Ginny is listening to Neville intently, but Harry looks bored, ruffling his hair, a far off look in his eyes. I could not be further away from home.
    “Neville, I hear Lily’s been making good grades this year.”
    “Yeah. She’s… she’s really good at Herbology.”
    There’s a silence. Harry looks to me. “Well, how’s she doing in DADA?”
    “Good.”
    “Oh… Lily, what’s your inayopendelewa subject?”
    She opens her mouth, looks at Harry, and then closes her mouth.
    Harry blinks. “Sorry, sweetie, what was that?”
    She quivers, then she whispers, “Herbology.”
    “Alright. Professor Longbottom is a good teacher, isn’t he?”
    She just nods.
    “Dinner’s ready!” Hermione shouts, breaking an awkwardness, and we all get up and gather ourselves around the table. I notice Rumeus, Tonks, Teddy, Fred, George, and Percy. The meza, jedwali barely fits all of us.
    Hermione claps her hands, and the meza, jedwali fills with the most fantastic foods I only see in the feasts at Hogwarts, those few times each year. And we all begin to eat, and talk.
    And talk.
    “Percy, such a surprise to see wewe joined the joke shop!”
    “Me and Luna didn’t want children, we just didn’t.”
    “Teddy, how’s being half a werewolf for you?”
    “James, sit quiet and eat your greens!”
    “Rose is alright, but Hugo is ADHD plus, I tell you.”
    “Professor Snape?”
    “What?” I look over tiredly at Albus’s wide eyed face.
    “What was our grandma like?”
    In an instant, everyone is quiet. I’m not amused. “Ask someone else.”
    “I did. Professor Lupin says he didn’t know her that well, and father says she wasn’t around for too long before he could get to know her. Hagrid talked on and on about how great granddad was, but he couldn’t say anything for grandma. So I figured wewe would know.”
    “Albus…” Ginny says lightly, “that’s not a polite question.”
    “Why not?”
    “No, it’s alright Ginerva.” I say it slowly, surprising myself, “I can tell him. wewe see, your grandma…” and I begin to lose words. “Your grandma… it’s… well, what do wewe want to know?”
    “What was she like? What did she do? What kind of things did she say? Was she funny au not? Was she nice?”
    “Well…” I feel myself getting a little flustered. These were her grandchildren. And there were a lot of other people watching my answer. And I realize I hadn’t talked about her since that time with Dumbledore, long zamani now, where I had simply sworn my love.
    “The original Lily Eva… Lily Potter was…” The surname stings a little, “was… was always happy.” I realize I’m too tired to be snappy au mean. In fact, I just want to tell the truth, my truth, with my own words, just for once. So I keep talking. “She always had a smile on her face, and to her every siku was a good one. She never took her magic for granted, and always found it fascinating, from the biggest spell to the tiniest carving on her wand. And…” And I had been fascinated kwa that fact, that anyone could be so happy and loving in such a cold, cruel world.
    “She liked potions. I would never have liked potions had it been for her. She was the one to teach me things, until I finally learned a bit myself and taught her. And… and she was always a little quiet—not shy—and gentle in her words, and,” people were really staring, and I began to feel uncomfortable, but I realized I had kept this inside of me forever, and forever still, and I didn’t want to just take it to the grave, “but she was loud when she stood up for a bully. She couldn’t stand a bully.” I had the urge to bring up James. I resist it.
    “She wasn’t funny. Every joke she made was corny, au stale, au outdated, but she tried. And she was easy to make laugh. And… she was nice. She was nice, and polite, and… and I’m full, thank you.” I realize I have nearly half a turkey leg stuffed in my mouth, unconsciously eating for comfort, and it sickened me, because I felt like I was going to cry, and I wanted to yell au punish someone, but I had absolutely no reason to, so I put the turkey leg down, look at all the staring faces, and say quickly, “I have something to attend to at Hogwarts. Thank wewe for the meal.”
    And I apparate away, over into the headmaster’s office, but now all the portraits were staring at me, and I felt sick in my stomach, and bury my head on the dawati and for the sekunde time in my life grieve over Lily.
    Bellatrix and Hagrid soon come standing over me. They don’t say anything, they just sit and wait, because they understood.

    Christmas break passed. I managed to keep Bellatrix away from Spinner’s End. Consolation came through getting tipsy from eggnog with Hagrid. Bella gave me a new book and a Slytherin striped sweater (which would be stored in the back of my closet never to see daylight). I gave her a gift card to the mall, which gave her a grin, which did make me feel a little good.
    Then came New Year’s, which included carrying a drunk Bella to her bedroom as she sang, “It’s raining men… HALLELUJA IT’S RAAAAAAING MEN!” And her throwing up the inayofuata morning.
    Then, I woke up, and sat in bed, and remembered that it was my birthday.
    Then I remember paperwork, troublesome students, detentions I had ordered, an upset mother I had to meet, secret passageways I had to secure, and essays I had to grade. It was going to be another long day.

    It was almost over. I graded the last of my papers, sat in the chair, and closed my eyes. I wanted to take a nap. I suppose I did for a moment, because I was very startled when someone was knocking on my door.
    I answer to a Lily Luna Potter, shaking terribly, and holding up a small cake. It surprised me, for sure. “What are wewe doing?”
    “It’s… it’s your birthday, and…”
    “Who told wewe that?”
    She trembles so much it seems the cake will fall out of her hands, and her face is red and scrunched up, like she’s going to cry.
    “Well… come in.” I open the door a little wider, but the trembling doesn’t stop, she just stumbles in and puts the cake on my desk, then goes to the front student seat. I eye her, and she looks at her feet quickly. “What flavor is it?”
    “Lemon icing.”
    I slowly cut a slice, placing it on my desk, and cut another, and put it on the dawati she’s sitting at. She takes a breath. “Professor I think that what wewe alisema was brave and that you’re brave.” She takes another breath, her eyes wide, and stares at me.
    I stare back. “What? At the krisimasi dinner?”
    She nods.
    “You’ve got a twisted idea of brave.”
    We sit for a moment, and I take my first bite into the cake. It’s good and fluffy, and I thoroughly enjoy it. She stares at her slice.
    “Professor… when you… when wewe loved her…”
    And it’s thrown at me. The way she never looked at me. The way she was the juu of her class and ran out as soon as she could.
    “But if wewe hate me, why did wewe bring me cake?”
    “Professor… I… I think I upendo you.”
    Oh.
    OH. WAIT. HOLD ON NOW.