Another email.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the meza, jedwali with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the maziwa carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check au charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a televisheni set in her purse. "So, do wewe always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how wewe can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out kwa the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each others likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can wewe name your wife's favourite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He majibu that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few dakika later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought wewe were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the maziwa carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard, "barnyard" of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an makala to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men." The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man alisema to his wife one day, "I don't know how wewe can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so wewe would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because wewe get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and wewe should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, wewe should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, onyesha me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the juu of several pages, that it indeed says ......... "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at nyumbani and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the inayofuata day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The inayofuata morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper kwa the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the meza, jedwali with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the maziwa carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check au charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a televisheni set in her purse. "So, do wewe always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how wewe can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out kwa the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each others likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can wewe name your wife's favourite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He majibu that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few dakika later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought wewe were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the maziwa carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard, "barnyard" of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an makala to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men." The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man alisema to his wife one day, "I don't know how wewe can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so wewe would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because wewe get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and wewe should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, wewe should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, onyesha me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the juu of several pages, that it indeed says ......... "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at nyumbani and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the inayofuata day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The inayofuata morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper kwa the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
