Help me please....

Life for me has went even zaidi downstream than it already is. I really hate myself zaidi than anything else on this world. I would want to die each sekunde I am breathing. My best friend is annoyed kwa me because I told her each time I was sad which was almost every day. And I Lost the person who was the most precious one to me. I would have died for him and now he is treating me like shit. I know he has gone through a lot but I too have gone through a lot, he almost ripped my moyo out with that. Also my mother saw my hip. I am cutting myself on my hip, but I told her that I have stopped cutting myself. So now my mom is really angry at me and doesn't talk to me anymore.
All this has torn my moyo into pieces right now, everything goes wrong. I don't even know what to do anymore. I want to vanish. I'd rather feel nothing than this pain I feel right now. Oh please, I don't want to sound like an attention whore, but please please someone tell me what to do, I don't know anything anymore!!!