Emmett

-Edward bought Bella a small silver phone. The kinds everybody has when there's an emergency. I wonder what's so special about the small silver phone.

Bella holds small sliver phone kwa it's edge. Almost dropping it.

Bella: Euw. It's small. and silver. and it's a phone. Omg its a small silver phone!!

Edward: Silver is sexy. Would wewe prefer a green giant phone instead, Bella?

Bella: No. Not green. I hate green. Green is wet. Green is damp. Green is Forks. I hate Forks.

Edward: If wewe haven't come to Forks then wewe wouldn;t have met me, your sexy, gorgeous, perfect boyfriend who's also a vampire...

Edward and Carlisle in a hospital approx. 107 years ago. Edward dying in the bed. Carlisle walks over.
Carlisle: wewe ready?
Edward: For what?
Carlisle takes his wrist and bites him
Carlisle: For the wicked awesome parody!!
Edward yelps and pulls away
Edward: What the fuck! I thought wewe were a doctor!!
Carlisle frowns and bites him on the neck, Edward starts flinching in pain, and the screen goes blank. Twilight is born flashes across the screen followed kwa three days later. Edward waking up confused remembers being bitten and sees Carlisle standing over him, Edward frowns gets up, and hits Carlisle...