As his plane landed the knots were building up in his stomach. picha of past demons suddenly flooding his mind and enormous regrets that had been much easier dealt with thousands of miles away. He knew coming nyumbani would prove a difficult task and one he had many doubts about.

As he stepped off the plane he was shocked to find Wilson waiting for him there at the gate. He stood there for a moment looking at his friend. He noticed a cast on Wilson’s wrist. Dominica had told him that Wilson had gotten hurt that day. It had been several months so he wondered just how bad Wilson had gotten hurt. They maintained eye contact and held it as House made his way slowly toward Wilson.

Wilson was prepared for the usual sarcacism from House, but he was met with a completely different man.

“How did wewe know I was flying nyumbani today?”

"Dominica called me."

"You can't tell women anything."

House waited for Wilson to break the silence but he was not forthcoming with conversation.

“How is the wrist” House asked him?

It’s in a cast House. How do wewe think it is?

“I am sorry Wilson.” I wasn’t thinking ………..

“No wewe were thinking! wewe were thinking about the same thing wewe always think about!”
“You were thinking of yourself!” wewe are your highest priority!

“You’re right”, but I am trying to make some changes.

“I know House I have heard this speech before.” Why are wewe here? Why did wewe come back?

Apparently so wewe could meet me at the airport and yell at me.

“Don’t worry, the only thing I wanted to do was come and face wewe and tell wewe what a bastard wewe really are! It has nothing to do with your real father not claiming wewe either! "I want nothing to do with wewe House!”

They started to walk away but House stopped. He had come to face his wrongs and to amke peace.

Wilson! Wilson! Please wait! I am sorry. I know that doesn’t fix it but I am sorry. I have had time to deal with who I am and what I have done. I know I hav ebeen a jerk.
Wilson began to walk away.

Wilson!!.... wewe are family. The only one I have left.

“Then wewe don’t have any family House because I am done with you.”

Wilson please!

There is one thing House, “Cuddy left a letter and told me if I ever saw wewe again to give it to you.” He pulled the letter from his kanzu, koti and handed it to House.

Wilson I ……………………….
Wilson heard him but he kept walking.

“I am done with you.” Those words beat against his soul like a hammer. He had heard them before in the same tone with the same frustration and aggravation. He had heard them from “her.”

With an envelope in hand that held a letter from her he headed nyumbani and he had asked Dominica to give him the night alone. When he walked into the apartment he thought all the memories would be there waiting on him. They were but the ones that flooded his mind now were of her and them. He sat down and pulled the letter from his kanzu, koti and he slowly opened it wondering maybe if she had lined it with anthrax.

He began to read:

House,
wewe really are a self centered son of a ………… I can’t believe that wewe would have done this. Did wewe ever think about Rachel? She could have been in that dining room House. How could wewe have done this? I knew wewe were capable of hurting me but I never thought wewe would do anything like this. I never thought wewe would do anything that would endanger Rachel au me physically. I see I gave wewe too much credit.
wewe said,” give me another chance.”
“I can do better”, wewe said.
"I care about wewe and I care about Rachel."
Do wewe remember any of that?
wewe do anything to avoid pain and wewe pour your pain out on anyone stupid enough to care anything about you. For years I lied for you, I broke every rule that I put into play at that hospital because I believed in you. I gave wewe everything wewe son of a ...I hate wewe for this House.

He put the letter down for a moment and tried to find a way to take a breath. "She hated him." He deserved it but she had loved him in a way noone ever had.
He went to the closet and pulled out a tennis shoe that held the last friend he had in it. He pulled the bottle from the shoe and popped the cap. He would always be able to count on vicodin.
Then her words rang in his ear:
“You do anything to avoid pain.” Those words he remembered so well. She had been right all along. Everything he had done in their relationship had been to avoid anything that would have caused him to lose her. Every decision, no matter how bad was to avoid pain. He stared at the pills for a moment and he realized that Cuddy had been the most beautiful thing in his life and he had done all the damage he wanted to do their memories. He went to the sink and poured the vicodin out. He began pouring all the alcohol out too.

"As he went back to the meza, jedwali he picked the letter back up."
A few spaces down he saw the words:

“I also upendo you.” wewe were the siku I fell in upendo House. wewe were the most exasperating man I had ever met. wewe always thought wewe were right and most of the time wewe were. I remember all those years of your crazy antics and anyone else would have run away screaming but I just kept getting closer and closer to you.
I knew wewe though. I knew who wewe were on the inside. I knew wewe had been hurt and I also knew how warm and loving wewe were capable of being.
wewe were right when wewe alisema I gave wewe everything wewe wanted because one night wewe gave me everything I wanted.
wewe were my first and ultimately wewe were my last because nobody ever came close to inaonyesha me the upendo and affection that wewe did. Noone ever loved me the way wewe did. wewe were so tender and so passionate.
I remember how your hands felt sliding down my waist and lifting my blouse over my head and the way wewe looked at me sent waves of passion through me. wewe looked at me as if I were the most beautiful woman wewe had ever saw.

He paused for a moment", as he thought to himself, "you have always been the most beautiful woman I have ever known."
He comtinued reading.

I remember what your lips felt like as they claimed mine and when your body was pressed against mine. I remember the way wewe looked at me when wewe had taken every piece of clothes from me. I remember the groans that escaped your lips when wewe were inside me.
Because I remember those things I will always upendo you. wewe did make me better. But I didn’t make wewe better. I became your problem. wewe kept me at arms length distance with pills, alcohol, and lies. Anything to avoid what wewe thought would end in ultimate disaster.
The siku of my surgery wewe sent people in, hacked my schedule, paid for my test results. But wewe refused to go through it with me. Instead of doing eveything wewe could do to figure out what to do wewe hid and panicked because oyu were afraid of pain.
wewe thought wewe had to be miserable to be a good doctor and I would have gladly listened to wewe about any case. I wanted to be a part of your life and share your life but the only thing wewe shared with me of yourself was sex. I wanted "you." I loved "you."
House, "you are the most incredible man I have ever known", but I am not what wewe need.

I am still so mad at wewe and so hurt that wewe could put my life and Rachel’s in jeopardy. For that I could never trust wewe again. I can never do that to Rachel.
I am leaving to get a new start. I will drop all the charges. But all debts are paid in full and we are done. Everything I have done to hurt wewe au cause wewe pain is now "paid in full."We could have had it all but wewe couldn’t take a chance and ultimately I can’t take any zaidi chances on you.

Cuddy

As he held the letter tears began to pour from his eyes like rain. No vicodin, no alcohol, no pain numbing methods would be used. This time he would allow himself to feel the pain.