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I was making a plesant conversation with one of the people at the convention. Nervously I kept looking at the door I couldnt decide weather au not I wanted him to be there au if I was too guilty to look at him. His face was so beautiful I didnt know if I was worthy enough to look at it.
I felt my moyo beat spead up as he walked in the door. The guy that was talking to me just kept talking. I smiled to my self when i saw what he was wearing. I knew that House would find some way to be different. One thinkg I always liked about him. He looked like he stepped out of the Renasance, he looked like a monarch. Looking at his beautiful face I felt guilty he didnt even know. I didnt feel worthy of looking at such an honest face.
The guy that was talking to me asked me to dance. I thought maybe if I did it would help me get my mind off of House and maybe I could enjoy myself. I doubted it but it was worth a shot. If I could just get through this trip then maybe just maybe I will be able to get over him and maybe I will be able to get a life. Again I doubted it.
The whole time I danced with the man I kept looking over at House. How stupid was I to think that maybe I would be able to get my mind off of him? Every time I looked at him he held my stare for a few sekunde and then he would look away like if I looked in his eyes too long I would be looking at his soul. When the dance was over I decided to go get a drink of punch. I wasnt about to get drunk tonight. I walked to the meza, jedwali of chakula looking at the ground trying to avoid being seen kwa House. I found the ngumi, punch bowl and when I went to grab the ladle I felt my moyo beat pick up once again. I looked up, there was House trying to get ngumi, punch as well. I moved my hand as quickly as possible but the dakika I did I yearned for his touch, all I wanted was to feel his skin against mine. He opened his mouth to say something but I didnt want to hear it. I took off to the balcony where I could be alone to hopefully sort out my feelings, and mostly hoping that House wouldnt follow me.
"Hey...What's wrong?" Wilson came out worried about me. He was wearing kengele bottoms and had an afro.
"Nothing." I alisema trying to keep my voice from betraying me and inaonyesha my true feelings.
"Cuddy, don't give me that. I know wewe better."
"It's nothing." He came over and wrapped his arms around me.
"Cuddy, its ok wewe can tell me." with him there holding me so gently I wondered why i never really had a crush on Wilson.
"Well....I dont really know how to say it but if wewe didnt know I am dating Lucas....."I trailed off not sure that I could continue with what I was going to say.
"So why is that such a big deal? So wewe dating Lucas, why are wewe so upset?"
"Because I...I upendo House...."I started crying but tried to continue " but....but I dont want to...I don't want to think about him every minute...I dont want to be hopelessly in upendo with a man that never admits his feelings....but I am. I am in upendo with that man." I was way past the point of no return I knew that admitting it was the worst thing I could do because finally it was out there finally Wilson knew the truth. But it felt good for someone else to know how i feel. It made me feel good to share it with someone. I felt less alone.
Wilson was at loss for words but being such a great friend he tried to help me get through it.
"Cuddy, if we could choose who we loved it would much simler but less magical. The thing about upendo is its unconditional. The things wewe feel for him are genuine, and do wewe really want to hurt Lucas? Because wewe and I both know that wewe upendo House and I think Lucas knows it too." I was calming down Wilson huged me and then left me to think everything that had happend over.
Once I was calm enough I just stood there in the fall air enjoying the way the air felt on my skin. Suddenly my moyo started to beat faster. I knew instanly House was standing behind me. I spun around to face him.
"Cuddy, what's wrong? Why are wewe avoiding me?" He asked. Looking in his eyes I could tell he was genuinely worried about me. I could also tell that his shields were down. But I didnt know why, I just knew they were.
"Nothings wrong."I said.
"Cuddy...talk to me please...."
I opened my mouth to tell him about Lucas...to confess everything..but I couldnt I couldnt hurt him.
Then a familar beat started playing:
( link )(you might want to open in a new window it could mess wewe up if wewe dont) House grimaced when the panio started to play. I knew this brought up bad memories for him. This was the first song that he and I ever danced to. But it was also the song I had to hurt him. I had told him so many years zamani that I didnt care about him and that it was just a one night stand. That he didnt mean any thing to me. He put out his hand ripping me from my terriable memories. Instead of grabbing it I wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt his hands slide around my waist. I looked up into his eyes those crystal clear blue eyes. I was mesmerized my them. They were like a crystal clear lake. One that never seemed to end, one that I always wanted to look at. I slowly pulled him closer so that my head was resting on his shoulder. I no longer cared about Lucas all I cared about was how I felt about him.
There swaying on the balcony I wanted to just freez time. I wanted this moment to last forever. House was actually being human and I was finally getting my dream. There was on what ifs au anything else on my mind. The only this was House. Then I realized my blind tarehe a few years zamani was right, when I talk with him its like nothing else in the world was going on. It was true. So very true. When the song was over I was disappointed very disappointed, I didnt know when the inayofuata time I was going to get to see House being vulnerable. I liked that side of him.
I stood there for a few dakika just holding onto him. Never wanting to let go, never wanting to feel what it was like to have him slip from my arms. Then when I did pull away from him, he tilted up my chin and kissed me. The sensation of his lips on mine was like a million little cotton balls on my hand. He was gentle, his kisses were slow and soft. Way softer than I thought House could be.
"House?"I asked breaking the kiss. Not sure I wanted to do what I was about to do.
"Yes Cuddy." He answered sweetly.
"I am dating Lucas." I answered quietly.
He dropped me and took a step back.
"But I realiezed I upendo wewe and only you. Your my only love..Please dont be angry with me."
"Cuddy...how could wewe do this?"
At that moment Lucas walked in.
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So there is what I want to happen in that ep. I doubt it is but thats what I want. So if wewe guys really want me to I will continue only if wewe guys want. PLEASE tell me what wewe think! :)
